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Cannot tell if he is disinterested or just cautious?!


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Hi guys

I hope someone can give me an insight into this guy's behaviour as it's beginning to actually get me down! Any help would be great as I'm going to just try and move on if there's very little hope, but I really do like him!

 

I've had a crush on a guy I'm in a play with (amateur theatre, so kind of a social/hobby thing) since he joined the cast a month ago, and we have been chatting over drinks with the rest of the cast after rehearsals at least twice a week. I'm quite naturally flirty but have been attracted to him since the beginning and as I noticed him looking at me quite a lot, I was quick to start talking to him and we seem to mutually enjoy talking whenever we are all at drinks. He is 29, I am 26 and he seems a fairly reserved, quite "straight" and very British type of guy and I would never have expected him to lay his cards on the table and make a move quickly, but now I am wondering if he has any interest in me at all.

 

- He is very quick to contradict me/tease me on things I say, though he once said that he just enjoys arguing. Only once did it annoy me and he realised, and apologised very quickly sensing he had gone too far.

 

- To arrange a group meetup, I told him to give me his number (possibly too forward?!) but he did so readily. He has never texted me randomly but on the couple of occasions I have texted him after drinks etc (just something mildly flirty) he replies very quickly. He has had my number for about 3 weeks now.

 

- We walked home together for 30 mins after a very late night cast drinking session the other night and we teasingly argued quite a lot and there seemed to be a fair bit of sexual tension, but he didn't kiss me or initiate anything else even though it felt like something could easily have happened. I drunkenly texted him something alluding to this after we parted ways and he texted back and we flirted a little, but nothing was overt and he indirectly rebuffed me saying "see you at rehearsal tomorrow." Maybe he's not a ONS-type, maybe he sensed it could complicate our rehearsals...

 

- The night after this, he didn't speak to me much and spent all his time befriending and talking to a guy who he knows I dislike (dated a long time ago and was not well-treated, and I don't talk to that guy myself).

 

He isn't the most gorgeous or alpha guy, but I find him really attractive for whatever reason, and I am an attractive, well educated (same university as him) and confident woman. Other guys within this group flirt with me quite overtly though I am not interested in them. I am wondering whether he is just not interested for whatever reason (has never texted me/kind of rebuffed me/befriending my disliked ex and not speaking to me as much), or is reluctant to make a move because of the group dynamic and the fact we rehearse together 3-4x a week and it could be awkward. Does that kind of thing matter to an interested guy?!

 

Thankyou!

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Have you just asked him if he's got a girlfriend? That would explain all of his behavior. Yes, even taken men will flirt a little by text. He has had enough opportunity to make a move. I bet he's taken. But that's good because if it's true, then he's taken AND faithful, so if they ever break up, at least you know he's a good one.

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i have never asked outright if he had a gf, but he has mentioned being single and has had opportunity to say he had a gf in the context of group conversations about some things... so I know he hasn't! Though maybe seeing someone else I guess.. But he always stays out with us super late a couple of times a week and a gf has never come up.

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"I am wondering whether he is just not interested for whatever reason (has never texted me/kind of rebuffed me/befriending my disliked ex and not speaking to me as much), or is reluctant to make a move because of the group dynamic and the fact we rehearse together 3-4x a week and it could be awkward. Does that kind of thing matter to an interested guy?!"

 

 

No it does not matter.

He is interested in you so let things occur naturally.

What's the rush?

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