Why...

[BelleisSad]

Do ppl who have affairs have any sense of shame or guilt esp where children are involved ?

If so how do you justify it ?

How would you feel if your the one being cheated n had children if you'd not like it done to ur self why impose it on others ?

How do you Expect the child involved will view you - how can a deceitful person ever earn the love of a child they hurt ?

 

I have no sympathy for ppl who cheat iv never cheated if I was unhappy I ended the relationship if I liked them and they had a significant other I respected that and channeled my emotions positively n had self control along with self respect where do u get off thinking ur in any way justified in what your choosing to do to another human being in my eyes ppl who engage in this are of poor character and a form of evil - but evil non the less - that is my view !

 

I was cheated on and I'm very traumatised it's a long story with some very disturbing twits but I'm trying to understand .

[nais]

Do ppl who have affairs have any sense of shame or guilt esp where children are involved ?

If so how do you justify it ?

How would you feel if your the one being cheated n had children if you'd not like it done to ur self why impose it on others ?

How do you Expect the child involved will view you - how can a deceitful person ever earn the love of a child they hurt ?

 

I have no sympathy for ppl who cheat iv never cheated if I was unhappy I ended the relationship if I liked them and they had a significant other I respected that and channeled my emotions positively n had self control along with self respect where do u get off thinking ur in any way justified in what your choosing to do to another human being in my eyes ppl who engage in this are of poor character and a form of evil - but evil non the less - that is my view !

 

I was cheated on and I'm very traumatised it's a long story with some very disturbing twits but I'm trying to understand .

 

 

 

My tag says people see things as they are- no one knows each and every individuals situation to grasp why they do things. You do not like cheaters and most people find fault in why they do this. Who knows why that woman decided to cheat on her husband, he may be abusive and if she tried to leave he might follow and or kill. The man may have gotten involved with someone who does not do everything he needs so he looks for a safe means to do other. Then there might be the greedy who has to satisfy their need and as long as no one knows its ok.

 

 

If you have a cheater- then why stay is the question. Cant ask why when you can only ask why stay.

[stillafool]

Who knows why that woman decided to cheat on her husband, he may be abusive and

if she tried to leave he might follow and or kill.

If her husband is that abusive wouldn't she also be taking her life in her hands by cheating on him? People have been killed for cheating also.

 

 

The man may have gotten involved with someone who does not do everything he

needs so he looks for a safe means to do other. If he isn't happy he can

also leave and divorce. No excuse to cheat.

 

 

If you have a cheater- then why stay is the question. Cant ask why when you can

only ask why stay.

 

I certainly agree with the above. Why award a cheater by staying with them.

Edited April 25, 2014 by stillafool

[QuakerOats]

Do ppl who have affairs have any sense of shame or guilt esp where children are involved ?

If so how do you justify it ?

How would you feel if your the one being cheated n had children if you'd not like it done to ur self why impose it on others ?

How do you Expect the child involved will view you - how can a deceitful person ever earn the love of a child they hurt ?

 

I have no sympathy for ppl who cheat iv never cheated if I was unhappy I ended the relationship if I liked them and they had a significant other I respected that and channeled my emotions positively n had self control along with self respect where do u get off thinking ur in any way justified in what your choosing to do to another human being in my eyes ppl who engage in this are of poor character and a form of evil - but evil non the less - that is my view !

 

I was cheated on and I'm very traumatised it's a long story with some very disturbing twits but I'm trying to understand .

 

 

 

This is probably best in the Infidelity section so the Wayward Spouses can answer your questions?

[nais]

If her husband is that abusive wouldn't she also be taking her life in her hands by cheating on him? People have been killed for cheating also.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I certainly agree with the above. Why award a cheater by staying with them.

 

 

The abusive part- I had a BF who lived with me, was abusive. I took a chance and saw an old friend. He didn't find out but it gave me the strength to move on... why? I needed that small bit of support he was able to provide me. We talked for months and finally I had my last straw, and I allowed him to see me. In the end he is the one im with now and truth be told had he not been there I don't know where things would have gone.

 

 

Most answers are not Black and White- there are shades of grey. What is important is how the offended responds... do you stay or do you go. If you stay then find a means to deal or find out why. Maybe they are greedy and this is their means of having more, and in those instances it may be intolerable. My situation, im told he loves his wife and family, he does not want to leave. If she finds out and decides she does not want to stay it will be her decision. I do not interfere in their lives - if I do I do not hear of it. Each situation is unique

[DKT3]

Cheater can always come up with a ton of excuses and reasons why they cheated. Very few are ever internal.

 

selfishness prevents them from putting much thought into how any of it will impact those involved. They want what they want and how gets hurt isn't important enough to stop them.

[notserene]

Cheaters have to be able to justify cheating to themselves, so they come up with all kinds of reasons why what they are doing is okay or even a necessity.

 

They convince themselves that their spouse deserves it or that the spouse or marriage is deficient in some way. They don't believe that they will get caught. They tell themselves that their behavior isn't going to affect their children or other people in thier families.

 

The person they choose to cheat with comes up with a similar set of rationalizations and justifications for why the affair is OK.

 

Essentially, cheaters have to turn the people that they are betraying into a kind of "other."

 

They lie to so many people but I think they mostly lie to themselves.

[Hope Shimmers]

Cheater can always come up with a ton of excuses and reasons why they cheated. Very few are ever internal.

 

selfishness prevents them from putting much thought into how any of it will impact those involved. They want what they want and how gets hurt isn't important enough to stop them.

 

Yes DKT3, we're all just horrible selfish beasts.

 

I hope you see this in your WW, DKT3, because I believe she is one of those who is selfish and NOT remorseful.

 

OP, not everyone who ends up in an A is a terrible person. Please consider individual situations. Some people were lied to and hurt very badly too. I am sorry you are hurting and for what you've gone through.

[Snipercatt]

If you have a cheater- then why stay is the question

 

im told he loves his wife and family, he does not want to leave.

 

Nais, by your own words you stay in relationship with a cheater. Why do you stay? I think posting your reasons for staying would be helpful to the original poster.

[Hope Shimmers]

Cheaters have to be able to justify cheating to themselves, so they come up with all kinds of reasons why what they are doing is okay or even a necessity.

 

They convince themselves that their spouse deserves it or that the spouse or marriage is deficient in some way. They don't believe that they will get caught. They tell themselves that their behavior isn't going to affect their children or other people in thier families.

 

The person they choose to cheat with comes up with a similar set of rationalizations and justifications for why the affair is OK.

 

Essentially, cheaters have to turn the people that they are betraying into a kind of "other."

 

They lie to so many people but I think they mostly lie to themselves.

 

Wow.... lots and lots of generalizations that apply to only some people.

[BelleisSad]

If her husband is that abusive wouldn't she also be taking her life in her hands by cheating on him? People have been killed for cheating also.

 

 

The abusive part- I had a BF who lived with me, was abusive. I took a chance and saw an old friend. He didn't find out but it gave me the strength to move on... why? I needed that small bit of support he was able to provide me. We talked for months and finally I had my last straw, and I allowed him to see me. In the end he is the one im with now and truth be told had he not been there I don't know where things would have gone.

 

 

Most answers are not Black and White- there are shades of grey. What is important is how the offended responds... do you stay or do you go. If you stay then find a means to deal or find out why. Maybe they are greedy and this is their means of having more, and in those instances it may be intolerable. My situation, im told he loves his wife and family, he does not want to leave. If she finds out and decides she does not want to stay it will be her decision. I do not interfere in their lives - if I do I do not hear of it. Each situation is unique

 

 

So bc ur abused it justifies ur deceit ?

 

Oh u don't " interfere " in her life by having an affair with her signify not other ok tell him to let his gf / wife know he is ****ing sum1 behind her back so she has freedom to choose let us know the concequness

[BelleisSad]

Cheaters have to be able to justify cheating to themselves, so they come up with all kinds of reasons why what they are doing is okay or even a necessity.

 

They convince themselves that their spouse deserves it or that the spouse or marriage is deficient in some way. They don't believe that they will get caught. They tell themselves that their behavior isn't going to affect their children or other people in thier families.

 

The person they choose to cheat with comes up with a similar set of rationalizations and justifications for why the affair is OK.

 

Essentially, cheaters have to turn the people that they are betraying into a kind of "other."

 

They lie to so many people but I think they mostly lie to themselves.

 

This is by far so honest I'm crying

[nais]

Nais, by your own words you stay in relationship with a cheater. Why do you stay? I think posting your reasons for staying would be helpful to the original poster.

 

 

To me- He is my best friend... am I being lied to? Maybe. I agreed to the position im in, if his wife did not agree she had an option to leave. I dislike where we are, as I have to sulk in the shadows.

Im the other woman, I have been longer than most. One day I may become tired or find someone else- that day has yet to come.

[nais]

 

 

So bc ur abused it justifies ur deceit ?

 

Oh u don't " interfere " in her life by having an affair with her signify not other ok tell him to let his gf / wife know he is ****ing sum1 behind her back so she has freedom to choose let us know the concequness

 

 

 

I was with him before I met the abuser- we remained in touch continued to remain best friends supporting whatever we were at the time. I left him for the abuser- I felt as some do in their 2-5 yr relationships as OW... I felt I deserved my own. In the end what mattered to me was being with someone who loved me. Perhaps you define love with rings and verbal commitments- well as you see those things do not always spell love. He has all reasons to leave me alone- he has not.

Your situation is unique to you- you were hurt. if im hurting a family I fail to see how. In the end she has it all.

[purplesorrow]

 

 

 

I was with him before I met the abuser- we remained in touch continued to remain best friends supporting whatever we were at the time. I left him for the abuser- I felt as some do in their 2-5 yr relationships as OW... I felt I deserved my own. In the end what mattered to me was being with someone who loved me. Perhaps you define love with rings and verbal commitments- well as you see those things do not always spell love. He has all reasons to leave me alone- he has not.

Your situation is unique to you- you were hurt. if im hurting a family I fail to see how. In the end she has it all.

I respectfully disagree, she doesn't have it all. The laughs he gives you should be hers. The quiet moments between the two of you should be hers. All the phone calls, text and the list goes on should be hers.

[KaliLove]

 

 

 

I was with him before I met the abuser- we remained in touch continued to remain best friends supporting whatever we were at the time. I left him for the abuser- I felt as some do in their 2-5 yr relationships as OW... I felt I deserved my own. In the end what mattered to me was being with someone who loved me. Perhaps you define love with rings and verbal commitments- well as you see those things do not always spell love. He has all reasons to leave me alone- he has not.

Your situation is unique to you- you were hurt. if im hurting a family I fail to see how. In the end she has it all.

 

In the end she has a lying cheater for a husband. How is that having it all?

 

If they have kids, they have a lying cheater for a father. How is that having it all?

 

And in the end, all you have is a part time boyfriend who cares about nobody but himself, and you're helping him hurt his family.

 

None of you has anything.

[nais]

I respectfully disagree, she doesn't have it all. The laughs he gives you should be hers. The quiet moments between the two of you should be hers. All the phone calls, text and the list goes on should be hers.

 

 

 

 

 

He calls me, I answer. He asks for me, ill go. He needs me, im there. So... if those are her moments then she has more access than I do to attain them. Point is... someone was betrayed yet its suppose to be the OWs fault... no maam no sir it takes two and in this case three. The person I feel needs the confrontation is the male. Should I apologize for being the OW? Im not- its a learning curve.. ill ride it out.

[Snipercatt]

Nais, you talk about what you do with your cheater, but you haven't snswered why you stay with this cheater.

 

Why?

[nais]

Nais, you talk about what you do with your cheater, but you haven't snswered why you stay with this cheater.

 

Why?

 

thought I did- if that wasn't answer enough then I suppose I don't know- does I love him count?

[chelsea2011]

Who knows Belle. The only one who can answer that is your husband. Focus on asking him why and that he needs to man up and give you answers. That is where all of the answers are...with him.

[purplesorrow]

 

 

 

 

 

He calls me, I answer. He asks for me, ill go. He needs me, im there. So... if those are her moments then she has more access than I do to attain them. Point is... someone was betrayed yet its suppose to be the OWs fault... no maam no sir it takes two and in this case three. The person I feel needs the confrontation is the male. Should I apologize for being the OW? Im not- its a learning curve.. ill ride it out.

Where on earth did I blame you? Even with my situation, I have always said my WH was the home wrecker, his ow was just the tool he used. I merely disagreed with your opinion that she has it all. I didn't sign up for a marriage with a part time spouse, most don't. His ow said the same stuff about not doing anything wrong and hurting a family but didn't want me to expose her?

[nais]

Where on earth did I blame you? Even with my situation, I have always said my WH was the home wrecker, his ow was just the tool he used. I merely disagreed with your opinion that she has it all. I didn't sign up for a marriage with a part time spouse, most don't. His ow said the same stuff about not doing anything wrong and hurting a family but didn't want me to expose her?

 

 

 

Was not saying I was blaming you- was not general specific but general global.

[purplesorrow]

 

 

 

Was not saying I was blaming you- was not general specific but general global.

Why does his wife share the blame? I recall you mentioning her on another post.

[DKT3]

I don't think the OP was aiming this at OW/M, but at waywards.

 

As someone said a couple weeks ago the OW/M are like the get-a-way driver waiting outside for the bank robber. They aren't robbing the bank but they are far from innocent.

 

Nais, everyone in the affairs has a say except the BS. My exWW didn't ask me how I felt about her banging another guy. Her OM had a choice to get involved. He didn't do anything to me, yet indirectly he did. In the end she never wanted to be in a relationship with him she always wanteed to stay with me, but I hardly felt like I had it all. What I had was a woman who was only a shadow of what I thought she was and the only option I was given was to accept what she did and move on or not. I opted for not and divorced her.

[BelleisSad]

you have poor reasoning skills , your a narcissist and need psychological help for your emotionally dysfunctional .

what you said makes no sense , no logic .

 

 

if your not hurting anyone , walk up to his wife and children and look in there faces and eyes and tell them the truth of your relationship , tell her about the ''love'' you share , the sex you had , the money you spends on you the things he tells you about his wife .

 

 

your promiscuity , selfless and shameless whoreing is not her fault , you don't know her you know what a man who is happy having deceitful relationship is telling you.

 

I never married the person who abused n cheated on me so your assumption's about me are wrong .

 

 

I am hurt I was hurt I was abused physically and verbally i learned i feel pain and i empathy's i didn't go out to damage, destroy and harm others bc of my own pain i was brought up with a thing called ''MORALS '' and strength of character .

 

 

can you say to yourself n others ''what im doing is wrong '' ? ur so used to lying you even lie to yourself .

 

 

simply put ur a parasite .

 

 

if you wanted something of your own -GET UR OWN MAN

 

 

this woman has a family with this man he even told you he loves his family -- nothing you say no matter how unapologetic u are no matter anything takes away the harm your causing the only truth here is you don't care your not self sacrificing and good your simply a narcissist living in a world where you view yourself as some type of martyr when in reality you may as well be evilness itself .