Three Years of Mixed Signals and Misunderstandings

[liplockshock]

Hey everyone! Firstly, forgive the length... its a bit of a long story.

 

I'm usually level-headed and logical about relationships, however the behavior of this man has thrown me for a loop.

 

In 2011, I met a man on Facebook through a mutual friend. He and I had commented on the same status update, and he messaged me to let me know that I had caught his eye. I was flattered and began chatting with him which was free-flowing and he grabbed my interest. We traded numbers and ended up making plans for coffee.

 

When we met up, I had intended for it to be a short "get my feet wet" sort of hangout. However what was supposed to be an hour long coffee date, turned into a six hour adventure and chat. He drove me home and before I even made it into the door, called and asked me out for dinner.

 

Dinner was equally exciting. We had amazing food and more amazing conversation, he revealed quite a bit about his personal life and we were getting to know each other on a deeper level. He continued to pursue me and ended up asking me over to his place the following weekend.

 

He lived out of town with his parents at the time, and they were going on a vacation that weekend. He revealed that they knew about me and the fact that I was invited over. We traded stories about our families and he showed me pictures of them, explaining about them in detail. He cooked me dinner, we drank, he taught me how to play video games, and we watched a musical in which we ended up dancing all over the living room together.

 

I spent the night, and we did end up having some wild sex, and cuddling together. The next morning we showered together, which ended up in more sex. He gave me a toothbrush to use, made me coffee, cooked breakfast. He had previous arrangements with friends that afternoon so he drove me home and we kissed each other goodbye. He text messaged me later that evening, and all seemed fine... or so I thought.

 

After that evening I didn't hear from him for an entire week. I text messaged him asking how he was and that I hoped everything was well. His reply was short and cold. In turn I did not reply.

 

A month later I was drunk, and messaged him (I know bad combo). I was angry and wanted to know what the hell happened. He revealed that he wasn't looking for anything serious and that he was sorry for hurting my feelings. I accepted this apology, but reminded him that he should've been straight from the beginning.

 

Later on that year I ended up in a two year relationship, and he deleted me off of Facebook. Shortly before the end of my relationship he messaged me complementing how I had changed my hair. We talked and he ended up asking me out for coffee, I respectfully declined and we agreed to keep in touch.

 

After my relationship ended, I received supportive messages from him. He listened to me when I needed it and offered advice. We ended up making arrangements to go out for drinks a couple of months later.

 

We ended up having an adventure again that night, and ended up at a small gathering with his closest friends. We all seemed to gel really well together. I had been drinking so I planned on taking a cab home. He insisted that I was more than welcome to crash at his place (he moved out by this time). We went back to his house and chatted late into the night, we watched a movie and ended up cuddling. While I had intended to sleep on the couch, we ended up sleeping together... again. We were cuddling to the extent that we became a human ball of yarn and chatted until the sun began to rise, and after sleeping for a couple of hours I began to get ready to go to work.

 

He asked me to take the day off and spend it with him, and while I was tempted I had a very important proposal to finish by the end of the day so sadly I declined. He bought me breakfast and coffee and drove me to work. A couple of days later I told him he couldn't deny the attraction and I wanted to know what his expectations were. He again fed me the same line. I was frustrated, and told him that it was obvious that we couldn't be 'just friends' and I wouldn't be a FWB (I believe it's disrespectful to yourself and the 'friend'). I wished him the best of luck. I explained that there was no hard feelings towards him, I just wouldn't accept that sort of behavior. I severed all contact with him.

 

Two months later he messaged me revealing he's ran into a mutual friend who knew about the situation. She was drunk, and tends to become aggressive. She made a scene and told him off for what he did regarding the situation, amongst other choice words. I apologized on her behalf, and told him that I didn't need others to fight on my behalf, if I had a problem I take care of it myself. He told me that she was right and apologized for his actions. I forgave but I never forgot.

 

Still months later I'm bothered by all of this. I still feel in my gut as though this chapter is yet to close. That it might be over... for now. My gut hasn't failed me so far. I'm asking for some insight, how I should proceed when/if he comes around again.

 

He's behavior with me has never been of someone who isn't interested. In fact its quite the opposite... I've had the one night stands, and FWB yeeeeears ago when I was younger and stupid. His behavior is much more intimate, and boyfriend-like.

 

They always say to judge someone on their actions and not their words... but there are too many mixed signals and I'm not nearly objective enough to sort through it myself... so I'm asking you for any insight, opinions and advice.

 

Thanks for your time, all responses are appreciated

[travelbug1996]

He saw it as casual because he didn't ask you to be his woman and you didn't say NO SEX BEFORE MONOGAMY. He didn't do anything wrong. You slept with him and because it was good you got an expectation that there would be a relationship. Uh NO.

 

Lesson learned. He only wanted sex and to play boyfriend for a short time. No call after sex?? And you slept with him again?? Please ignore him.