Will she ever put back on my ring? [update]

[Natsume21]

Tell me what you really think.

How will not talking to her increase the chance of a future reconciliation? That sounds to me more like giving up and acting disinterested, which will just push her away further.

 

 

^That's because you're thinking about romance from a logical standpoint. Tell me, are your feelings for her logical? Nope, cause if they were, you'd drop this chick. Your emotions are speaking, and if they are doing that to you, they are doing it to her too.

 

That's why you do things that appeal to her emotions.

 

For instance, there is another woman im talking to. She is playing around with the whole "fwb" thing but has a problem with me dating others.

 

I told her that if she's going to have guys she's hooking up with, im gonna go out and date others(I wasn't going to fall for the double standard)

 

I later made a compromise, but I've dropped hints here and there that I'm still seeing other women, and even if it's like 2 or 3...it's enough to make her still respect me.

 

Why? Even if chicks argue with you, if you are strong with them, they actually respect you cause they see you as this powerful man that won't let them get hurt. Money can't do that. But actions can.

 

You have to exhibits certain qualities that alpha males have, but not all of them.

 

Remember this, attraction is instinct based. There is no true, foolproof logic of how it works. It's just theories based on experience. But knowing this, you have to figure out ways to induce her attraction the same way she did with you.

 

With that being said, here's the tough part...you have to learn to kill your co-dependency issues. And trust me, that'll be REALLY hard.

 

You have to get to a point where you don't mind being there, but that it won't kill you if you don't get what you want.

 

This is a very attractive quality...giving off an idea that you don't need women. It'll set you apart from the thousands of guys trying to get in her pants. And that's a start.

 

Learn to do the opposite of what's logical in a relationship, and do what is best for you and your esteem.

 

And this chick ain't it.

 

--Natsume21

[jonsnuh]

I made her like this.

When we met, she was very, very vulnerable, eager to please, submissive and unsure of herself. Needed my assurance and validation that she was loved and cared about by someone. Now she is quite cocky and confident but she doesn't give me any credit in terms of building her up. Says she had it in her all along.

Still, my question is, why would she even have bothered to update me? If she doesn't want me thinking of her or want me to move on she shouldn't have written me and she knows me well enough to know that.

 

I want her back. I Do not care if she is bad for me. I want her back.

 

My ex was exactly like this. This is why I wondered if helping her was my downfall, and that I should have focused entirely on myself.

 

If there is any sort of resentment from her side, that was her way of giving you the finger.

 

Until you believe that you are good enough for her, which will take lots of work to remove those feelings of inadequacies that you exhibited in your letter... then you might have a chance for reconciliation.

 

You have no chance at this point. Weakness reeks.

[Sgt. Pepper]

After going NC on my end for three days, she wrote me today:

"Hey I was checking my email and saw you sent something but then it disappeared. You can text me if you like...."

"Mind you I am at work so please dot blow up my phone."

 

I said: "Well, I'm happy your test results came back benign. Hope your day is going well. As you've seen, I've given you room to breathe and think. But I think it'd be best if we Skype tonight, if you are up for it."

 

Her: "Not tonight. Later"

 

Me: " later today?"

 

Her: "No."

 

Me: "whenever you're ready. Hope the rest of the day goes well"

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

After going NC on my end for three days, she wrote me today:

"Hey I was checking my email and saw you sent something but then it disappeared. You can text me if you like...."

"Mind you I am at work so please dot blow up my phone."

 

I said: "Well, I'm happy your test results came back benign. Hope your day is going well. As you've seen, I've given you room to breathe and think. But I think it'd be best if we Skype tonight, if you are up for it."

 

Her: "Not tonight. Later"

 

Me: " later today?"

 

Her: "No."

 

Me: "whenever you're ready. Hope the rest of the day goes well"

 

Sigh....

 

Dude, you know what NC means right?! It means DONT TALK TO HER!

 

Not that you're the first, but you keep screwing it up. Hoenstly, you make yourself look worse. You need to step away and let this go. She is giving you signs of "I want to make sure you don't hate me, but I still don't want to be with you." At some point, you have to realize that her texting you doesnt mean she wants it back.

 

Trust me, don't respond to those.

[Sgt. Pepper]

Sigh....

 

Dude, you know what NC means right?! It means DONT TALK TO HER!

 

Not that you're the first, but you keep screwing it up. Hoenstly, you make yourself look worse. You need to step away and let this go. She is giving you signs of "I want to make sure you don't hate me, but I still don't want to be with you." At some point, you have to realize that her texting you doesnt mean she wants it back.

 

Trust me, don't respond to those.

 

Why would she care if I hate her or not?

She knows where I stand, what I want. Why contact me if she's not at least a tiny bit open to that?

Like if you and I were countries at war, and i made clear I wanted such and such precise terms for there to be peace, and made clear I wasn't going to budge on those terms, would there be any point to reaching out to me? If you know that contacting me will make me think you've budged? She knows me well enough to know any contact from her I would take as a good sign.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Why would she care if I hate her or not?

She knows where I stand, what I want. Why contact me if she's not at least a tiny bit open to that?

Like if you and I were countries at war, and i made clear I wanted such and such precise terms for there to be peace, and made clear I wasn't going to budge on those terms, would there be any point to reaching out to me? If you know that contacting me will make me think you've budged? She knows me well enough to know any contact from her I would take as a good sign.

 

Because its human nature to wanted to NOT be hated. Some people dont give a s*** people think of them. Some do.

 

Because some text you doesnt mean "good signs"or anything like that, contrary to what you might think. It might be considered a breadcrumb or whatever, but it wasnt anything to respond to.

 

I promise she knows how to you feel. She feels bad probably, but again, not enough to come back with you. Again, the chances are SO small, but the only way that happens is if you disappear.

[mtnbiker3000]

You are being a doormat. She has zero respect for you. This is getting painful to follow. You are making every mistake in the book. Over and over.

 

You are receiving fantastic advice and just sh*tting all over it. It's quite disrespectful to those of us who take the time and energy to answer you. You're obviously going to drive this into the ground, so just get it over with and quit asking for advice as you clearly don't listen...

[Sgt. Pepper]

Fine, I will listen to any advice short of give up forever or find another girl. Tell me what I can do to improve the chances of a reconciliation in the future.

 

What do I do if she texts me tomorrow?

What do I do if she skypes me tomorrow?

If the answer is to ignore her, how long do I do that without seeming like I've given up?

It's not that I have a low self esteem, or a lack of respect for he or that I feel I can't get other women. I do respect her, I have a healthy ego, I can get others, I simply have no understanding of female psychology and I am utterly unable to play the game. I think very logically, wear my heart on my sleeve and I am emotionally reactive. I do not understand women or the point of the game and it is beyond my comprehension.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Fine, I will listen to any advice short of give up forever or find another girl. Tell me what I can do to improve the chances of a reconciliation in the future.

 

What do I do if she texts me tomorrow?

What do I do if she skypes me tomorrow?

If the answer is to ignore her, how long do I do that without seeming like I've given up?

It's not that I have a low self esteem, or a lack of respect for he or that I feel I can't get other women. I do respect her, I have a healthy ego, I can get others, I simply have no understanding of female psychology and I am utterly unable to play the game. I think very logically, wear my heart on my sleeve and I am emotionally reactive. I do not understand women or the point of the game and it is beyond my comprehension.

 

Dude.....I'm sorry but there is honestly NOTHING you can do. There is not really a chance she comes back. There is no "game" its just moving on. You have to. You keep clinging on to these false hopes, you'll continue to keep running circles in your own head.

 

Only SHE can choose to be with you again. Only YOU can make yourself happy. There is a large chance she doesnt come back. You have to understand that. Keep talking to her, and that snowball chance in hell turns into water.

 

Move on man.

[mtnbiker3000]

You really think you don't suffer from low self-esteem? You are displaying behaviors of someone with the lowest self-esteem I have ever seen. Ego has nothing to do with self-esteem. They are pretty much opposites. For example, I suffer from LSE and have a huge ego. It's a dangerous combo...

 

Now, for the advice... again....

 

I, and others have already explained how this works. Women can smell desperation a mile away. They are NOT attracted to that. They ARE attracted to strength and confidence. A man with a plan. Currently, you have no plan.

 

There is a theory known as 'push / pull'. The more you try to pull her to you, the more she will push you away.

 

I suggest you let her know, TONIGHT, that you really need some time to work on your own issues and that it would be best to do this on your own without contact with her. So, you probably won't be talking to her for a while (don't specify a time). Then go NC. Straight up NC!! 100% NC. No texting, skyping, cyber stalking. Nothing. Zero!!! She will try to lure you back to contact. She will say you are being a jerk. Unfair. Immature. Etc... Avoid this. 100%. I know you think this will make her lose interest in you. Give up on you. Quit you. Well, if it does, then it wasn't meant to be in the first place. And why would you want someone like that anyway? Someone who would give up on you when you state you need time to fix yourself. To better yourself.

 

Then, do just that. Work on your issues. You have issues...

-Low self-esteem (oh yes you do have LSE!!!)

-Co-dependence

-Boundaries

-Your wants and needs

 

Please read the book: 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'. This will be a huge help in your understanding and recovery of what you are currently experiencing!!

 

If you don't work on this now, not only will you lose this girl forever, but you will also repeat this cycle again and again!!!

Edited May 26, 2014 by mtnbiker3000

[KaliLove]

Here's my advice, since you absolutely refuse to give up on a girl who's clearly not even remotely interested in getting back together and who is, without a doubt and probably literally as I type this, having sex with another guy..and you also refuse to try to make any changes to yourself or heal from this break up.

 

Prepare yourself for a lonely, permanently single, and sexless life.

[hoping2heal]

Fine, I will listen to any advice short of give up forever or find another girl. Tell me what I can do to improve the chances of a reconciliation in the future.

 

What do I do if she texts me tomorrow?

What do I do if she skypes me tomorrow?

If the answer is to ignore her, how long do I do that without seeming like I've given up?

It's not that I have a low self esteem, or a lack of respect for he or that I feel I can't get other women. I do respect her, I have a healthy ego, I can get others, I simply have no understanding of female psychology and I am utterly unable to play the game. I think very logically, wear my heart on my sleeve and I am emotionally reactive. I do not understand women or the point of the game and it is beyond my comprehension.

 

Here's the problem, you want to know how you can manipulate her back into being your girlfriend. But, manipulation only works when you have some kind of leverage, something someone wants... this girl doesn't want you, so ignoring her and game playing aren't going to get her back. I have told you before, throw money at her. It's about the only thing thus far that has worked to get her to spend time placating you.

 

You can't possibly believe you don't have a self-esteem problem. No one lets themselves be used and tries to buy affection when they have a healthy self-esteem.

[Sgt. Pepper]

I gave her the money not so much out of a lack of self esteem, more that I wanted to spoil her, and be selfless. I thought maybe by me puttin her first she would realize I'm a good man under my flaws. I am broke now, and she knows it.

She saw I had $50 left, and one night, she went and used my credit card to buy herself $48 pair of shoes. She claimed not to even remember making the purchase, that it was midnight shopping and she didn't even remember doing it. I was fine with her doing it as we were together at the time but the fact that she did it without asking bothered me a tad.

 

I never did this with any previous girlfriend. No previous girl had my credit card info or access to my bank acccount.

 

Something which should be taken into account is:

When I met her, I was on 3mg a day of Xanax, therapeutic for severe anxiety, compulsive behavior and obsessive thinking. On Xanax I felt like myself as I had been prior to the onset of my psychological issues.

 

We met in June.

In November, I began to withdraw from Xanax for her sake. She wanted me to and so did I. I came off at 0.5mg a month.

At the time I was living at my uncles house. He broke me down psychologically and always had me walking on eggshells, as he hated her from day one and did what he could to limit contact and plant doubt in my mind. As I came down off the Xanax, all my buried insecurities were pushed to a head by his emotional abuse, and I became suggestible to the doubt he was planting in my mind. As the Xanax level declined further and further I acted more and more insecure toward her and I became more and more obsessed and attached to her. While on Xanax I loved her but had a healthy level of detachment from her.

 

She doesn't grasp that a lot of our problems were caused by the psychological side effects of Xanax withdrawal. That when we were first together I was not insecure to her or obsessive. She doesn't have the understanding to appreciate what I have been going through.

 

When not on Xanax, or at a low dose, my mind moves at a million miles per hour and I am filled with depression, negative thinking, low self esteem, I fix on one subject and obsess over it and feel a compulsive need to go to that subject. When on Xanax, I don't even care about this situation. I want it to be better, and miss her, and regret how I acted, but I know I'm a handsome guy and can get others.

 

I've been dancing between 0.5mg and 2mg of Xanax everyday. When you see me acting desperate, pathetic, obsessif, when I wrote that long letter, that's me off Xanax basically. When I tell you I feel confident, that I don't have a low self esteem, etc, that's me on it.

[BC1980]

I gave her the money not so much out of a lack of self esteem, more that I wanted to spoil her, and be selfless. I thought maybe by me puttin her first she would realize I'm a good man under my flaws. I am broke now, and she knows it.

She saw I had $50 left, and one night, she went and used my credit card to buy herself $48 pair of shoes. She claimed not to even remember making the purchase, that it was midnight shopping and she didn't even remember doing it. I was fine with her doing it as we were together at the time but the fact that she did it without asking bothered me a tad.

 

I never did this with any previous girlfriend. No previous girl had my credit card info or access to my bank acccount.

 

Something which should be taken into account is:

When I met her, I was on 3mg a day of Xanax, therapeutic for severe anxiety, compulsive behavior and obsessive thinking. On Xanax I felt like myself as I had been prior to the onset of my psychological issues.

 

We met in June.

In November, I began to withdraw from Xanax for her sake. She wanted me to and so did I. I came off at 0.5mg a month.

At the time I was living at my uncles house. He broke me down psychologically and always had me walking on eggshells, as he hated her from day one and did what he could to limit contact and plant doubt in my mind. As I came down off the Xanax, all my buried insecurities were pushed to a head by his emotional abuse, and I became suggestible to the doubt he was planting in my mind. As the Xanax level declined further and further I acted more and more insecure toward her and I became more and more obsessed and attached to her. While on Xanax I loved her but had a healthy level of detachment from her.

 

She doesn't grasp that a lot of our problems were caused by the psychological side effects of Xanax withdrawal. That when we were first together I was not insecure to her or obsessive. She doesn't have the understanding to appreciate what I have been going through.

 

When not on Xanax, or at a low dose, my mind moves at a million miles per hour and I am filled with depression, negative thinking, low self esteem, I fix on one subject and obsess over it and feel a compulsive need to go to that subject. When on Xanax, I don't even care about this situation. I want it to be better, and miss her, and regret how I acted, but I know I'm a handsome guy and can get others.

 

I've been dancing between 0.5mg and 2mg of Xanax everyday. When you see me acting desperate, pathetic, obsessif, when I wrote that long letter, that's me off Xanax basically. When I tell you I feel confident, that I don't have a low self esteem, etc, that's me on it.

 

If you need the Xanax, then take it. You stopped taking it because of her, but she has no right to tell you to do that. It's your call. That was your first big mistake-- stopping Xanax because she wanted you to. When you come into a relationship, you have to accept people as they are. You don't try to change people into something else.

[Natsume21]

I gave her the money not so much out of a lack of self esteem, more that I wanted to spoil her, and be selfless. I thought maybe by me puttin her first she would realize I'm a good man under my flaws. I am broke now, and she knows it.

She saw I had $50 left, and one night, she went and used my credit card to buy herself $48 pair of shoes. She claimed not to even remember making the purchase, that it was midnight shopping and she didn't even remember doing it. I was fine with her doing it as we were together at the time but the fact that she did it without asking bothered me a tad.

 

I never did this with any previous girlfriend. No previous girl had my credit card info or access to my bank acccount.

 

Something which should be taken into account is:

When I met her, I was on 3mg a day of Xanax, therapeutic for severe anxiety, compulsive behavior and obsessive thinking. On Xanax I felt like myself as I had been prior to the onset of my psychological issues.

 

We met in June.

In November, I began to withdraw from Xanax for her sake. She wanted me to and so did I. I came off at 0.5mg a month.

At the time I was living at my uncles house. He broke me down psychologically and always had me walking on eggshells, as he hated her from day one and did what he could to limit contact and plant doubt in my mind. As I came down off the Xanax, all my buried insecurities were pushed to a head by his emotional abuse, and I became suggestible to the doubt he was planting in my mind. As the Xanax level declined further and further I acted more and more insecure toward her and I became more and more obsessed and attached to her. While on Xanax I loved her but had a healthy level of detachment from her.

 

She doesn't grasp that a lot of our problems were caused by the psychological side effects of Xanax withdrawal. That when we were first together I was not insecure to her or obsessive. She doesn't have the understanding to appreciate what I have been going through.

 

When not on Xanax, or at a low dose, my mind moves at a million miles per hour and I am filled with depression, negative thinking, low self esteem, I fix on one subject and obsess over it and feel a compulsive need to go to that subject. When on Xanax, I don't even care about this situation. I want it to be better, and miss her, and regret how I acted, but I know I'm a handsome guy and can get others.

 

I've been dancing between 0.5mg and 2mg of Xanax everyday. When you see me acting desperate, pathetic, obsessif, when I wrote that long letter, that's me off Xanax basically. When I tell you I feel confident, that I don't have a low self esteem, etc, that's me on it.

 

I repeat, dude, you got money, well guess what? I'm broke...currently FLAT...flat broke. No money in the bank. And yet, the other day, I tried to back out of a date cause this girl wanted to be around me and finally meet me cause of that very reason. She didn't care. In fact, she was happy I was honest and being myself. I tried 3 times to back out of it, and she kept persisting...

 

You made the mistake of thinking spending money on her was going to make her fall in love with you. You think that dropping dimes is going to make a chick love you? Man, the best you'll get is sex, and sometimes not even that. The money was just a GATEWAY for an opportunity to see if she liked you. That's all it is.

 

^when a woman is persistent like that when a man has nothing material to give her, that is what REAL interest is all about. Because women aren't attracted to the things you give her, she's attracted to the way you make her feel. There's always someone richer, taller, more muscular, skinnier, and smarter than you. That's life. That doesn't mean you'll lose out on women. There's plenty to go around.

 

The Xanax? Do you honestly NEED it? Maybe you do but most people I know on Xanax are addicted to it. Pretty unhealthy stuff.

 

Work on your personality.

 

I do my best to try to be myself, and I'm naturally funny. Women LOVE a man that can make them laugh. Work on your personality. Work on your bank for YOURSELF, not a woman.

 

Bottom line, our words can only do so much, if you're not gonna let this go, then prepare for a lonely, sexless life dude. I'd suggest becoming a eunuch.

Edited May 26, 2014 by Natsume21

[mtnbiker3000]

You are in no condition to be in a relationship with anyone. You really need to work on yourself. A lot!!!

 

But that's a good thing!! Don't you want to get better? Stronger? More confident? Live a more complete life?

[BC1980]

You are in no condition to be in a relationship with anyone. You really need to work on yourself. A lot!!!

 

But that's a good thing!! Don't you want to get better? Stronger? More confident? Live a more complete life?

 

I second this. You really need to work on yourself. If you have anxiety and truly need the Xanax, take it. 3 mg is quite a large amount for one day, but there are people who live with chronic anxiety and are able to control it. It sounds like there is much more at work than anxiety, or maybe the anxiety is making it all worse? I don't know.