KaliLove Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 . He hasn't filed yet because of money, but his wife has a boyfriend now too. They aren't together. They've both moved on. He obviously cheated on both me and the other woman. But he doesn't want her. He hates her now. A lot. So he hates her..so he will move on to the next one. You're his back up option. Why is that good enough for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 I honestly think there is zero chance. I'm sorry. He's still married. He moved on to you. Then he moved on to someone else. I think this man is a predator and I don't think he will ever change. Thanks for the honesty. I guess I just have myself convinced that he just made bad decisions because he was sad about being separated from his kids. He was trying to fill his time. I just really don't want to believe that this is who he is. I want to believe he is a good guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 So he hates her..so he will move on to the next one. You're his back up option. Why is that good enough for you? Then why has he been fighting so hard for the last 4 months to convince me to try again? He could be out starting a relationship with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 I know you don't want to believe it, but that doesn't make it not true. He's not a good guy. He's a selfish guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 Thanks for the honesty. I guess I just have myself convinced that he just made bad decisions because he was sad about being separated from his kids. He was trying to fill his time. I just really don't want to believe that this is who he is. I want to believe he is a good guy. I want to believe that my favorite football team will win the Super Bowl every year, but that doesn't mean it will happen. Live in the realm of reality, not some fantasy you have created in your own brain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 Then why has he been fighting so hard for the last 4 months to convince me to try again? He could be out starting a relationship with someone else. Because he likes the chase. Once he has you he'll go chase someone else down the rabbit hole. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 I want to believe that my favorite football team will win the Super Bowl every year, but that doesn't mean it will happen. Live in the realm of reality, not some fantasy you have created in your own brain. I'm sorry to inform you, but MY favorite football team will be winning the Super Bowl for the next 20-30 years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 . He hasn't filed yet because of money, but his wife has a boyfriend now too. They aren't together. They've both moved on. He obviously cheated on both me and the other woman. But he doesn't want her. He hates her now. A lot. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I'd be VERY worried if my bf talked about how much he hates an ex. That's a lot of feelings still there. He hates her because she won't be with him... 9 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 ImSuchAFool, be your own football team. Get your Foot and kick this guy in the Balls. (not literally, of course) I'm cheering for your team! Don't let history repeat itself. You deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I'd be VERY worried if my bf talked about how much he hates an ex. That's a lot of feelings still there. He hates her because she won't be with him... He hates her because she told me and his wife about everything and then she created a blog about it. She posted most of the proof, and she refuses to take it down. That's why he hates her. He definitely doesn't still have feelings for her. Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 I know what it's like to want to believe one thing when the reality is quite different. I know what it's like for someone to have such a strong hold over us that we end up doing things we wouldn't want for ourselves because of this "lure." I think many of us do. Many of us would go back to someone who treated us poorly, cheated on us, etc. because this attraction/connection/whatever it is we feel is stronger than the respect we have for ourselves. I hope that the respect you have for yourself overrides the call of this guy's siren song. He's like the Pied Piper of Hamelin, attracting all of the rats in the area with his music, only to lure them away and make them drown. If you follow the music, you will drown as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 He hates her because she told me and his wife about everything and then she created a blog about it. She posted most of the proof, and she refuses to take it down. That's why he hates her. He definitely doesn't still have feelings for her. oh she called out the fact that he is a cheating liar. poor guy. must be hard for him to face the truth, as if he isn't the reason all of that happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 ImSuchAFool, be your own football team. Get your Foot and kick this guy in the Balls. (not literally, of course) I'm cheering for your team! Don't let history repeat itself. You deserve better! Thank you. You guys have definitely made me think about things In a different way. It's good to get the opinions of someone outside my circle of friends and family. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 He hates her because she told me and his wife about everything and then she created a blog about it. She posted most of the proof, and she refuses to take it down. That's why he hates her. He definitely doesn't still have feelings for her. Hate is a feeling. If his wife has a new boyfriend..why does she care who he's been banging? Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 I understand what it's like to wish the person you love was different. I wish my ex didn't have BPD and NPD. But I can't wish the problems away and neither can you. You can fool yourself into thinking they don't exist, but you cannot wish them away. You can be strong. You can walk away. You know deep down that it's the right thing to do or you wouldn't be asking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 Hate is a feeling. If his wife has a new boyfriend..why does she care who he's been banging? True, but how can one realistically NOT hate someone for making that blog. I don't think anyone would feel indifference towards something like that. To me, his hate towards her about that means nothing. His wife doesn't care. But the other woman didn't know that when she contacted her. That's why I don't think he cheated on his wife. Although I knew he was separated when I got involved with him, the other woman thought he was divorced. She went nuts when she found out about him still being married and also found out about me. She hasn't gotten off the crazy train yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 True, but how can one realistically NOT hate someone for making that blog. I don't think anyone would feel indifference towards something like that. To me, his hate towards her about that means nothing. His wife doesn't care. But the other woman didn't know that when she contacted her. That's why I don't think he cheated on his wife. Although I knew he was separated when I got involved with him, the other woman thought he was divorced. She went nuts when she found out about him still being married and also found out about me. She hasn't gotten off the crazy train yet. I can't believe you are taking up for a guy because he feels persecuted by his wife exposing him for being a cheater. Here's a hint -- be a decent human being and don't cheat on people! You are trying so hard to make the mental gymnastics work here that it just makes me sad. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 I understand what it's like to wish the person you love was different. I wish my ex didn't have BPD and NPD. But I can't wish the problems away and neither can you. You can fool yourself into thinking they don't exist, but you cannot wish them away. You can be strong. You can walk away. You know deep down that it's the right thing to do or you wouldn't be asking. What is NPD? I know we have had serious issues. But I do think this might be possibly worth saving. I'm not trying to ignore the fact that there are problems. I'm trying to work through them Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 What is NPD? I know we have had serious issues. But I do think this might be possibly worth saving. I'm not trying to ignore the fact that there are problems. I'm trying to work through them Why the f--k are you working through problems? YOU WEREN'T THE ONE WHO CHEATED AND YOU WEREN'T THE ONE WHO CAUSED THE INITIAL BREAKUP! I mean, what the hell? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 I can't believe you are taking up for a guy because he feels persecuted by his wife exposing him for being a cheater. Here's a hint -- be a decent human being and don't cheat on people! You are trying so hard to make the mental gymnastics work here that it just makes me sad. The other woman started the blog, not the wife. I'm not defending him. But I don't think hating someone for posting personal information on the Internet for the world to see means that he still likes her since he's not indifferent towards her. I just don't think that's true. It's really not a normal thing to post a blog when you break up. I think she's the one who is wrong. Things should be worked through privately. I'm sorry I make you sad. I'm just trying to figure it all out. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 The other woman started the blog, not the wife. I'm not defending him. But I don't think hating someone for posting personal information on the Internet for the world to see means that he still likes her since he's not indifferent towards her. I just don't think that's true. It's really not a normal thing to post a blog when you break up. I think she's the one who is wrong. Things should be worked through privately. I'm sorry I make you sad. I'm just trying to figure it all out. Um, he's the one who's wrong for carrying on with multiple other people at the same time he was dating her. Could she have handled in differently, sure, BUT HE CAUSED THIS BY CHEATING ON HER! I'm just flabbergasted right now with what you are typing. It's like you are brainwashed. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 Um, he's the one who's wrong for carrying on with multiple other people at the same time he was dating her. Could she have handled in differently, sure, BUT HE CAUSED THIS BY CHEATING ON HER! I'm just flabbergasted right now with what you are typing. It's like you are brainwashed. I do realize all of this is a direct result of his choices and actions. But it doesn't make hers right. I'm really sorry I'm frustrating to you. I should probably log off for the night. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 I do realize all of this is a direct result of his choices and actions. But it doesn't make hers right. I'm really sorry I'm frustrating to you. I should probably log off for the night. You just need to start using your brain. Right now you are basically overlooking the drunk drive that just ran a red light and plowed into a family of four because you are too busy talking about the guy who went through the light going 40 in a 35. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 That's not very nice. I felt like a fool when I found out everything last fall. But that was 7 months ago. I dated him for another two months and ended it in December. So it's been 4 months now. He apologized a million times. Why not try again? It is true though. He cheated on you, you're a total doormat for wanting him back. I am 27 and have had long term relationships, I have been cheated on and I have read about relationships extensively for years now on this website. I am telling you that you ARE a fool for wanting to make it work with a cheater. Look, what sort of relationship do you want? Do you want a guy who is head over heels IN love with you? If so, ditch this cheater. When a man falls IN love, opposed to just "growing to love" a girl as a person, his world is turned upside down by just meeting her. Falling IN love is more rare than simply "growing to love" a girl he spends enough time with. Men that are genuinely IN love DO NOT CHEAT. Not unless they have personality disorders, in which case their ability to love is severely restricted. A man with a personality disorder can be IN love with you as much as is possible FOR HIM, and cheat. Sure. An emotionally and mentally healthy male DOES NOT cheat on a woman he is NUTS about, head over heels IN love with.... You do not sound like you have any self respect, if you respected yourself you would believe that you were WORTH more than a guy who cheats on you. If you think you are desirable and fantastic enough to attract a man who adores you and DOES NOT cheat on you, WHY opt to stay with a man who HAS cheated? WHY NOT go for a man who WILL NOT cheat on you!>! Do you really have no other options in dating? If you do, you would be a fool to pick the guy when there are SO MANY men who WOULD NEVER cheat on you. No, cheating doesn't just "happen"..... When a man is properly, truly in love. See, if YOUR connection with a man is THAT "earth shattering" and it is MUTUAL, not just from YOUR side, he DOES posses ENOUGH self control to avert sliding his penis into another woman. He just does. When a man is in love, he just has the self control to NOT accidently screw another woman unless he has some kind of personality disorder, or mental disorder. Emotionally health males don't cheat on women they are head over heels, crazy in love with. It just doesn't happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 We're in this together. Sometimes we get frustrated because, yes, it does seem like people get brainwashed by the hold others have on us sometimes (I've been brainwashed aplenty as well). So, we come and get outside perspectives to help us see (more) clearly. This is not about the other women involved or ascribing any blame on them. This is about YOU. He cheated for months and with different women. We don't want you to get hurt which is why we become upset that you're unwilling to remove the blinders you have on; with those on, you're going to take him back and get yourself hurt even more. I agree with Kali that you posted on here because you know deep down what the right thing to do is, but that you're just scared. But remember, many of the most worthwhile things in life are really scary. Doing something big (like NOT going back to him) that is completely self-loving and self-respecting is scary when we're so used to doing the opposite, but it's a huge deal. FINALLY standing up for ourselves when we've allowed someone else/others to walk all over us is a huge deal. Be a huge deal. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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