ScaredAlien2 Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 Just wanted to drop in and say I've been there exactly. Although I'm a guy and she want married. But regardless, very similar. I took my girl back after cheating 2 times, each with a different promise. I thought she genuinely changed once, I thought she was fighting for us the other time. All ended in more hurt. I was willing to try again because I felt it was worth it to try again, that 'never felt this connection with anyone' before type feeling. For me I was just told what I wanted to hear and it always ended the same. Just know the risk going in. I thought I was willing to look past the bad, for all the good I saw. But in the end the bad outweighed the good and everyone on LS was right. You will do what's in your heart in the end, advice here helps, but seldom is listened too. I just wanted to share my point of view and hope it helps. It only led to more pain for me, yes it was awesome for a week or month after we got back together, but she always left for her ex. You deserve someone to love you unconditionally and that doesn't make you feel like you have to prove your worth or put you through pain. Anyways i don't know your full situation, I only read the first page, but I wish you luck, keep us posted on your decision and progress. I'm a big believer in following your heart. If you have to find out the hard way again so be it, if you chose not to then stay strong! Be concrete in your decision. That was one of mistakes, I always felt inside it wasn't right but I was blinded by love. In the end it will be a learning experience and I truly hope it works out for you and your right. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 Am I the only one happy for his wife that she's going to divorce such a person? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 Just a few short lines....so many red flags. I've numbered them for easy reference. [3] Married men claiming their wives have a bf and that this supposed fact excuses his alleycat behavior are a cliche. It may not be true (red flag: lies, fabricated stupid excuses), and if it is, then it just hardens the view of him as someone with a long history and experience of cheating from all angles. [5] What evidence do you have that his wife views their marriage as being as meaningless as he does? And again, even if she does, this is supposed to reassure you and/or excuse him how? [8] He hates the OOW. Reason? Any? A good reason? I doubt it. Probably she finally got sick of him and told him to go stuff it. [9] How well deserved is this extreme hatred towards his former (???) sex partner? What did she do exactly that merits this? Is her behavior worse than his?. To answer 3 and 5. I've met the wife and boyfriend. Their marriage is over. Neither thinks the other is cheating on them. They are fine with each having other relationships. They are broke. That's why they haven't filed. To answer 8 and 9. He hates her because she told me and the wife. But mostly because of the blog she's written. It she's personal messages, and uses both his real name and mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 I know you believe he really loves you. You can test that love. Tell him you'll continue the relationship, but without sex until you're married. His response will tell you everything you need to know about his "real love" for you. We haven't had sex for months. And he's been fine with it. According to you, this means he's a changed man, right? So, maybe I'm not so crazy taking him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 I read the first post, and I'm not bothering to read the subsequent 5 pages. Do you really think that you're some magical person that's going to make him do a complete 180 and be a prince? No. He's a piece of s.hit. You can't even form a future with this person, he's legally bound to someone else!!! Do you want marriage? Kids? If you do, you're not gonna get it here, and honestly, thank God. Lets for one second say that you did go back to him, he did get his divorce finalized, and he never saw his OW again. Do you really think after all that's gone on here, that you're going to have some life-long amazing relationship with him? No. When s.hit goes bad, as it WILL in long term relationships/marriages, he will resort back to his old behavior. He will cheat, he will lie, he will be a sneak. That's who he IS! When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!!!! We don't want kids together. We are both 44. We both already have 3 kids each from our previous marriages. The other woman is 35. She doesn't have kids yet, although she told me when we spoke that she wanted them. And yes, I think if someone realizes their mistake, realizes how much they hurt the other person, has true remorse and really loves the other person, I do think a happy ending is possible. I think mature adults work through problems, and communication is key. We've become really good at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 I've learned in my short time on earth that not everyone knows or wants to be happy. They are self-destructive should they ever find it. The OP falls into this category. This isn't true. I want nothing more than to be happy. Him and I have lots of mutual friends. Some have known him from childhood, and say this isn't like him at all. I do know he cheated on his wife (he told me this), but their marriage was over years ago, and she also cheated. They only stayed together for the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 Just wanted to drop in and say I've been there exactly. Although I'm a guy and she want married. But regardless, very similar. I took my girl back after cheating 2 times, each with a different promise. I thought she genuinely changed once, I thought she was fighting for us the other time. All ended in more hurt. I was willing to try again because I felt it was worth it to try again, that 'never felt this connection with anyone' before type feeling. For me I was just told what I wanted to hear and it always ended the same. Just know the risk going in. I thought I was willing to look past the bad, for all the good I saw. But in the end the bad outweighed the good and everyone on LS was right. You will do what's in your heart in the end, advice here helps, but seldom is listened too. I just wanted to share my point of view and hope it helps. It only led to more pain for me, yes it was awesome for a week or month after we got back together, but she always left for her ex. You deserve someone to love you unconditionally and that doesn't make you feel like you have to prove your worth or put you through pain. Anyways i don't know your full situation, I only read the first page, but I wish you luck, keep us posted on your decision and progress. I'm a big believer in following your heart. If you have to find out the hard way again so be it, if you chose not to then stay strong! Be concrete in your decision. That was one of mistakes, I always felt inside it wasn't right but I was blinded by love. In the end it will be a learning experience and I truly hope it works out for you and your right. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and thank you so much for your support and encouraging words. I understand why everyone here thinks I'm a idiot. But I have to listen to my gut and my heart. He has been nothing but patient and persistent these last few months while I've worked through things. He's answered every question I've had and let me work through things in my own time. I know this man loves me. He made a mistake. We are all only human. Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I'm so sorry that happened to you, and thank you so much for your support and encouraging words. I understand why everyone here thinks I'm a idiot. But I have to listen to my gut and my heart. He has been nothing but patient and persistent these last few months while I've worked through things. He's answered every question I've had and let me work through things in my own time. I know this man loves me. He made a mistake. We are all only human. With all due respect, are you really listening to your gut? You've been on the defensive the entire thread and your username is "I'm such a fool". Are you suggesting that you legitimately think, deep down inside, that you are doing the right thing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 With all due respect, are you really listening to your gut? You've been on the defensive the entire thread and your username is "I'm such a fool". Are you suggesting that you legitimately think, deep down inside, that you are doing the right thing? I'm honestly not 100% sure. That is why I posted here. But I am 100% sure that if I don't try again with this man, then I will always regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 This isn't true. I want nothing more than to be happy. Him and I have lots of mutual friends. Some have known him from childhood, and say this isn't like him at all. I do know he cheated on his wife (he told me this), but their marriage was over years ago, and she also cheated. They only stayed together for the kids. So he cheated on his wife before now? Is this the same woman he is married to now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 So he cheated on his wife before now? Is this the same woman he is married to now? Yes it is the same one (its the only time hes been married). They got married after their second child was born. They separated briefly in 2009, but then they slept together and she became pregnant. They tried to work it out after that, but they were never really happy. He always says he shouldn't have married her. And he says she was also sleeping with other people at that time. I guess it was more like an open marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Jeezum phukin petes. Just go back to him!! NO ONE here is gonna tell you that some broke, lying, habitually cheating married man TRULY loves you and encourage or reassure you that he is worth giving another chance. Keep telling yourself that if the other woman hadn't been so disgusted and washed her hands of him and posted the blog for the world to see, that he wouldn't still be chasing her too. If that's what you need to tell yourself, then by gawd, have at it! YOU NOR HE seem to have a flippin CLUE what REAL love is so maybe you deserve each other. Good luck! This story will FOR SURE have a happy ending. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 Jeezum phukin petes. Just go back to him!! NO ONE here is gonna tell you that some broke, lying, habitually cheating married man TRULY loves you and encourage or reassure you that he is worth giving another chance. Keep telling yourself that if the other woman hadn't been so disgusted and washed her hands of him and posted the blog for the world to see, that he wouldn't still be chasing her too. If that's what you need to tell yourself, then by gawd, have at it! YOU NOR HE seem to have a flippin CLUE what REAL love is so maybe you deserve each other. Good luck! This story will FOR SURE have a happy ending. Thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Ugh, this man just keeps getting better and better. Jesus Christ OP, do you really have such little respect for yourself?? Are you in therapy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Things must be really bleak if this is where you are in life at age forty-four. Even a married teenager can moonlight as a janitor for a single week to afford a divorce. I hope for the sake of your three kids that you get your act together and behave as an adult. Why are you even here wasting our time? Nothing we say is going to make a difference for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 I'm honestly not 100% sure. That is why I posted here. But I am 100% sure that if I don't try again with this man, then I will always regret it. I thought if I didn't put everything I had into trying to get my ex back, I would regret it. I guess there is a little solace in knowing that I at least tried. But knowing what I know now, it wasn't worth it to try to get her back. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Things must be really bleak if this is where you are in life at age forty-four. Even a married teenager can moonlight as a janitor for a single week to afford a divorce. I hope for the sake of your three kids that you get your act together and behave as an adult. Why are you even here wasting our time? Nothing we say is going to make a difference for you. Wooooaaaaaah...where did she say she was 44 with 3 kids? How did I miss that??? I thought she was some dumb 22 year old! That makes things so so so much worse!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 It's incredibly sad and not a situation to make light of. She *might* figure things out. But not from us and only when she has been walked all over long enough. These sort of life lessons are better suited for younger people because kids aren't usually thrown into the mix/learn their model of the world from insanely dysfunctional and twisted mommy. Such a waste... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 What would you say if one of your children was in a relationship similar to your relationship with this man? This is a horrible example to set for your kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 It's incredibly sad and not a situation to make light of. She *might* figure things out. But not from us and only when she has been walked all over long enough. These sort of life lessons are better suited for younger people because kids aren't usually thrown into the mix/learn their model of the world from insanely dysfunctional and twisted mommy. Such a waste... Who is laughing? I think the whole thing is a travesty. She's setting such a poor example for her children. Those poor kids must be so screwed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 It's incredibly sad and not a situation to make light of. She *might* figure things out. But not from us and only when she has been walked all over long enough. These sort of life lessons are better suited for younger people because kids aren't usually thrown into the mix/learn their model of the world from insanely dysfunctional and twisted mommy. Such a waste... Please don't judge my parenting ability. I'm a really good mom. The kids are fine. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Yes it is the same one (its the only time hes been married). They got married after their second child was born. They separated briefly in 2009, but then they slept together and she became pregnant. They tried to work it out after that, but they were never really happy. He always says he shouldn't have married her. And he says she was also sleeping with other people at that time. I guess it was more like an open marriage. Would this be the kind of marriage you would want? I think that's what you need to consider. You can spin his circumstance any way you want, but the picture you just painted is not what I would want for you or anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Please don't judge my parenting ability. I'm a really good mom. The kids are fine. What would you tell them if they were going after a sleaze ball like the one you're pining for? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 What would you tell them if they were going after a sleaze ball like the one you're pining for? Well I don't think he is one. I think he just had the worst year of his life and made terrible, hurtful decisions. The kids have no idea any of it happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImSuchAFool Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 Would this be the kind of marriage you would want? I think that's what you need to consider. You can spin his circumstance any way you want, but the picture you just painted is not what I would want for you or anyone. NO, but I would never agree to it either. Link to post Share on other sites
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