Boyfriend Works Overnights

[jamie019]

My live-in boyfriend is a retail manager. Every four years he is required to do a full year of overnight shifts. He ends in June and will go to day turn, two of the days he will be working till 9 pm.

 

I haven't been able to get used to his shift at all. I've been stressed out for a good while because I can't sleep and I feel lonely on days when I'm off. I'm a teacher.

 

I had caught a robbery act as a teen when I was home alone, so it's something I'll never be able to get used to. My boyfriend doesn't understand and thinks it's something that I will become better at, but it's been 10 months of this & I'm still the same off.

 

We've been arguing a lot lately because I tell him that it won't work for me, and he starts having doubts. He'll throw at me "What if we have children, are you going to run to your mom's with the kids every night?!"

 

 

He's stated that he's comfortable with where he's at in his job and doesn't want to be promoted any time soon, so "overnights will inevitably be in our future again".

 

I just feel angry because I don't know if what I'm feeling is understandable. He suffers from lack of sleep and a social life, but I struggle from not sleeping and dealing with him being in a crappy mood on his days off from not sleeping during the day.

 

I just would like some input on how I should present my feelings to him to make him understand. I truthfully feel like our relationship is on the line because I'm not up for another round of overnights.

[Eivuwan]

Night shifts are hard on relationships, but feeling bad while being alone is your problem. Your boyfriend can't be your everything. When he's away you should preoccupy yourself with other friends and activities. Being afraid while you are alone at night is just something you need to get over. I understand that you have some anxiety from a previous robbery, but most adults are able to spend nights alone. You can't expect others to cater to this unreasonable need. Maybe you can get an alarm system to help you feel safer.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

Sounds to me like he's busting his ass at work and you're busting his ass at home.

 

I have sympathy with you unhappiness. But your anxiety (being home alone) and loneliness (can't sleep) are your psychological problems, and are not his fault.

 

You want him to change his job. To what? You want him to change but you don't have any solution for him other than to insist he works days forever, when he has a job which may require he works nights.

 

I am sorry OP, because you are unhappy. Perhaps you must part. But you will find these problems travel with you.