Mackenzie62 Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 For all the debates on porn - here's another perspective. I think guys who jack off to porn ruin relationships with women. It's ruined my relationship with my partner that's for sure. Here's the problem. I don't care what men do or look at in the privacy of their own homes (bathrooms/bedrooms) whatever. But I can tell you that it ruins a relationship when you're pecker is too soft to get hard because you spend too much time bopping your balony to porno. I've just ended my relationship with my partner because he spends too much time doing this instead of pleasuring me. When we make love he can't last, he doesn't ejaculate much and he can't stay hard. Why? He spends too much time jacking off to porno mags. It's ruined our relationship - I get no sexual gratification from him and I'm dumping him to find someone else who can "last" longer and perform. Why should I be with him when I can go back to using a vibrator or find a man who's not dependent on his porn and prefers the feel of a real woman and a real woman's body instead of a bottle of lubricant and a porno mag? So to all of you who think porn is fine and it's just a thing guys do let me tell you it DOES interfere with relationships and it sucks to be with a man who can't stay hard and keep it up because he's spent too much time with his hand on his pecker, in his bathroom with a magazine between his legs. Where are all the real men who want real sex with real women? I'm tired of duds in the bedroom - drop your porn and learn to have sex with a real women. I'd give anything to be with a man who prefers real sex. Are there any guys out there left who don't resort to porn? I'm dying to be with a man who enjoys real sex but I'm starting to wonder if it's just a figment of my memory and in order to please myself I need to go back to vibrators and naked firemen fantasies. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Ok. Sucks to be your ex. But "does" is different than "can". I think the latter is more accurate. Where are all the real men who want real sex with real women? *raises his hand* Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted February 5, 2005 Moderators Share Posted February 5, 2005 Mackenzie, The problem is not so much with porn. It's the constant, addictive usage of same that causes problems for women in relationships. If porn is used only as a means of gratification now and then, I can see how it would not be a problem. Example: Guy gets "horny," he feels the need to gratify himself and you're not around at the time ... then, would you not agree that him gratifying himself would not be such a big issue there? Sometimes, porn is used by males as a means to "get in the mood" with (or without) his partner. However, once he's excited, and his "engine is running" ... he rapidly would focus his attention on his mate. I could conceive of no immediate issue there. Also, there are times when you may both just be in different emotional places, where he is ready to go, and you are just too tired, or not in the mood ... hey, you're both human ... only understandable. Do you feel that him pleasuring himself would be a problem there? See, your problem, as I understand it, is that he is using the porn as an almost regular substitute for the real deal with you, even when you're more than willing to be intimate with him, and enjoy his attention. The porn issue is one of degrees, and definition. Is a naked woman porn or erotica, and is the depiction of a nude (artistic) as much of a problem as any porn out there? Moreover, how dependant a guy (or woman) is on these images for getting pleasure is the real issue. Any type of addiction is not good. But addictions can be broken. Most important of all is the question of whether or not you have discussed the issue with him thoroughly? Just some things to think about. PS: I guess I'm going to stand up and raise my hand on the "where are the men that prefer sex with a real woman" question. What passionate guy would not? Curt. Link to post Share on other sites
strzeznik Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 My boyfriend satisfies himself with porn, but he tells me all guys do, and if they say they don't then they're lying. I was unsettled about it at first, although not as much as I thought I would've been, as he prefers me over porn any day and that's all that matters. Porn is a quick fix when I'm not around, which is fairly often since we live far apart. I don't wholely approve of porn, but it really seems... "like a boy's thing". As long as I don't see it and he's more enthusiastic about the "real deal" with me, then I think its OK. Particularly since he'd probably do it anyway, with or without your approval. He just won't tell ya! Your guy, however, seems to enjoy porn more than you, and that is definitely bad. I agree though that the porn isn't to be blamed, its your guy. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 It also could be the simple fact that the orgasms we give ourselves are more intense and goal driven than the ones we have with our partners. With masturbation - it is a focused touching in exactly the way we like, with no consideration for anything else other than our own orgasm. There's no obligation to the other partner, no having to do anything but give ourselves the intense personal orgasms that our partners cannot give to us. Why? Because no one knows their own bodies/selves/rhythms better than themselves. It can become addictive - it is the ultimate pleasure with the least amount of work or romantic/physical obligation to another person. Porn is just the visual stimulation that allows this to happen. So, blame the porn? Nope. Blame your partner for not striking a better balance between self sexual pleasure and your mutual sexual pleasure as a couple. Is it a problem with porn and masturbation if your man/woman wanks to porn so often that they can't/don't want to perform with you? No, it is a problem with your partner refusing to understand or accommodate for your mutual needs as a couple. This can happen in cases of addiction, or cases where there are problems in the relationship that aren't being addressed. Is it the substances fault that we become addicted? Is it the substances fault that we lie to ourselves and our partner? Is it our substances fault when it supplants normal function in relationships? No. So don't attack the substance (porn), go for what leads him to it at your expense and at the expense of your sexual health as a couple. Link to post Share on other sites
CurvyGurl Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Sounds like more of an addictive personality than a problem with porn. If it wasn't porn it would be something else. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 "Why should I be with him when I can go back to using a vibrator" Ahh, this add to the discussion. Which is worse, looking at porn (just pictures) or playing with an artificial penis (an actual object)? Link to post Share on other sites
JackieVerne Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 You need to dump him and move on - find a guy who'd rather please you than jack off. You sound like a healthy woman who wants real sex - what more could a man ask for? You just got a dud - if he's hooked on porn let him have at it - he obviously will live a lonely life with just him his hand, lubricant and a porn mag. When he's old and still single and asking himself why he's alone maybe then he'll get a clue. Time for you to move on and find a real man who wants real sex. He's out there! Just keep looking. I've known men who never look at porn because they're into hunting or fishing and doing more constructive things with their lives. They are happily married and have healthy relationships with their wives. So not all men are into porn - they obviously have better things to do with their free time! Good luck - sorry you've endured such awful sex with your partner. That's a bummer and maybe until you find Mr. Right you should indulge in your vibrator and naked firemen - why the hell not? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 PLEASE. I think guys who jack off to porn ruin relationships with women. It's ruined my relationship with my partner that's for sure. Yep, so since it ruined your relationship, that means it's bad for EVERYONE. That's ridiculous. A little egocentric. All you girls complain about guys not wanting to please you but I'm willing to bet my life savings that there have been NUMEROUS times where you've used the "I'm not in the mood" line or "I have a headache" or "Not tonight." So a guy's gotta wait for YOU to be ready to go? That's even more egocentric. Sure, some guys are way too into porn, but if it's just a release thing when you aren't around, that's not going to completely detract from his sex drive and if you think otherwise, you don't know men whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
Proto Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin PLEASE. Yep, so since it ruined your relationship, that means it's bad for EVERYONE. That's ridiculous. A little egocentric. All you girls complain about guys not wanting to please you but I'm willing to bet my life savings that there have been NUMEROUS times where you've used the "I'm not in the mood" line or "I have a headache" or "Not tonight." So a guy's gotta wait for YOU to be ready to go? That's even more egocentric. Sure, some guys are way too into porn, but if it's just a release thing when you aren't around, that's not going to completely detract from his sex drive and if you think otherwise, you don't know men whatsoever. DAMN! This guy is GOOD! Anyways, if your man is looking at porn instead of being intimate with you, then yeah I think that's a problem and just not cool. But if that's not the case and he's just a very sexual person who looks at porn, but always puts his woman as first priority and she's pissed at that? Then it's really about the woman's desire to control....nothing else. I guess it's difficult for me to understand such logic since me AND my girl look at porn...together too! Link to post Share on other sites
mymojo Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Originally posted by Curt Mackenzie, Sometimes, porn is used by males as a means to "get in the mood" with (or without) his partner. However, once he's excited, and his "engine is running" ... he rapidly would focus his attention on his mate. I could conceive of no immediate issue there. Curt. Sorry but I would have a problem with this, if a guy needs to view porn in order to "get his engine running" to face the prospect of sex with me,I'd really prefer that he didn't bother, I can't think of anything more humilating than this. At best it means the guy is providing me with obligatory,mercy sex, at worst he's simply using me as a stand in for a kleenex, both prospects immediately kill my libedo entirely. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 "Sorry but I would have a problem with this, if a guy needs to view porn in order to "get his engine running" to face the prospect of sex with me,I'd really prefer that he didn't bother, I can't think of anything more humilating than this. At best it means the guy is providing me with obligatory,mercy sex, at worst he's simply using me as a stand in for a kleenex, both prospects immediately kill my libedo entirely." but it's okay for you to play with a plastic penis that vibrates? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 If I were having sex with my partner daily (and I'd like to be able to) I wouldn't masturbate at ALL. Wouldn't need a vibrator. Nothing. Just him. Link to post Share on other sites
Kimberly56 Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 The men who replied to the original post seem a little defensive and testy. Wonder why? I agree I'd be turned off too if my guy spent too much time masturbating to porn instead of pleasing me. Maybe that's why there are so many drugs out there for men (Cialis, Viagara) because they can't keep it up due to too much jacking off! Ha ha. I think if the tables were turned and it was women using porn and spending more time with vibrators these men would be whining and complaining just as much as these women. If a man chooses to jack off to porn rather than put effort into satisfying his girlfriend then yea, he's got a problem - either with porn or himself. More and more women will be the ones doing the cheating because they're frustrated and unsatisfied and bored with their deadbeat partners who can't keep it up or perform. I think the men who are quick to defend porn are afraid of rejection from real women - therefore they hide in their bathrooms with their photos because if they come in two minutes no one complains. They are just lazy and don't want to put forth effort into a steamy sex session with a real woman - a quick hand job is easier. I'd say if a guy spends too much time whacking off to porn instead of pleasing you - get rid of him. You deserve to have a satisfying sexual relationship and there are plenty of horny guys out there who'd much rather make love to a woman instead of their hand. This guy could be obsessed with porn or addicted to it - whatever. Let him have it - who cares. Obviously he sucks in the bedroom so don't settle for bad sex or wait for him to change go find your Mr. Right - he's out there. In the meantime get your own porn and please yourself. A big hard vibrator and photos of Oliver Martinez can do wonders for a girl! Link to post Share on other sites
mymojo Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob "Sorry but I would have a problem with this, if a guy needs to view porn in order to "get his engine running" to face the prospect of sex with me,I'd really prefer that he didn't bother, I can't think of anything more humilating than this. At best it means the guy is providing me with obligatory,mercy sex, at worst he's simply using me as a stand in for a kleenex, both prospects immediately kill my libedo entirely." but it's okay for you to play with a plastic penis that vibrates? When I use a vibrator my husband doesn't have to act all happy to be basically a masterbation tool, why on earth would you expect a woman to act all pleased to be used as a cum dumpster cause hubby got himself hot and horny from viewing porn? Dance with the one that brung ya, if you got your erection sitting in the den drooling over your keyboard, get a box of kleenex and bring yourself to orgasm there too please. Link to post Share on other sites
Julie in Tx Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 It does sound like her guy spends too much time masturbating. If the sex is bad and he can't keep it up or last long then she has every right to complain. The guy can't please her because he wastes all his hard ons on porn. There is a problem here! I'd bail. Maybe this guy is insecure and really doesn't know how to please a woman. I think that's why alot of men use porn - they just don't get women or have a clue how to really please a woman. I was dating this guy who bragged about having done everything with alot of women - he was even with two women at the same time, yada yada...... he had the big stack of porn mags, etc. So I thought "Ok! A hot guy who's experienced and really will know how to please me and rock my world in bed!". This guy was the worst sex partner I ever had. He had no idea how to stimulate a clitoris or give oral sex - he was so boring and awful in bed I actually stopped and got dressed and said "It ain't working for me". Some of the best sex I've had has been with some of the sweetest most unselfish normal looking guys - who gave up porn in their 20's. The guy I date now said he has no need for porn because I satisfy him and he spent too many of his bachelor days masturbating - now that he's got me that's the last thing he wants to do. We have a great sex life and I think even if I bought him porn he wouldn't feel the need to look at it. That's how it's supposed to be and until guys stop getting their panties all in a knot and keep defending their porn - they're gonna be missing out on a healthy relationship. No woman wants a guy who jacks off to porn - it's as simple as that. It turns off alot of women and kills the relationship. I have nothing against porn I just think if men would really listen to women on here and respect their feelings their be alot less people complaining about it. I've noticed nowadays there are more and more movies and tv shows in which women cheat or have affairs - like "Unfaithful" and "Desperate Housewives" - the women are all looking for that connection with a man that they aren't getting with their partners. Doesn't men the guys are jacking off to porn - it just means men still don't get it. Women need pleasure - we get frustrated too. A vibrator is a great thing but I'd rather have a warm man instead of fantasies and naked firemen photos. Link to post Share on other sites
PixiePie Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 UFC Kevin - you don't get it - she's complaining that sex with her man sucks because it's awful sex - he can't keep it up and comes too quick in bed. Uh....hellooooooo. He can't perform - obviously from too much porn and masturbating. Why can't you agree and say "Yea the guy's got a problem and it's probably from his reliance on porn and his hand - yes it does cause problems in relationships". It obviously ruined her relationship - she sounds turned off and disgusted with him. And no it's not bad for everyone but have you seen all the posts on here from women who get upset when they find out their guy is into porn and how it ends up affecting them? These women are turned off, resentful and disgusted. It's a blatant lack of respect towards a woman when it obviously is causing problems. Therefore the answer is simple - dump the porn freak - find a new guy who's horny and wants a real woman! Seems like an ongoing problem to me and if these guys respected their girlfriends/wives or whatever they'd gladly choose to get rid of the porn instead of defending it. A guy can live without porn - it ain't that difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 It depends, if you believe love is to be used as a manipulative rewards/punishment tool based on his actions, go ahead and dump him. If you believe that your love for him is true and unconditional (not based on his actions, but who he really is inside) and you are willing to work through this time with him, stick around. I don't know what else to tell you beyond that. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerC Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 I'd much rather please my girlfriend than masturbate to porn. I agree with the egocentric post. Link to post Share on other sites
drmyfault Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Ive recently been in a bad patch in my relationship, one which has lasted 2 years up to now, because i was questioning whether or not we were still in love. It felt as if our love had morphed in to some sort of routine, y'know, some sort of emotional dependency. All we ever seemed to do was kiss on arrival and departure and watch DVD's. It seemed like we were just best friends, like, we havent even done anything sexual in around 5 months and when I ask her about it she puts it down to losing her sex drive. It was beggining to feel like I was just hangin out with my friend every night. She felt different. She felt as if things were fine and didnt agree with going on a break, as I wanted to re-evaluate the situation after some time apart. She believes every 'break' ends up finishing the relationship. So, I decided that I had to mix up the relationship a little, y'know, to put the spark back. I tried and it did on some levels, so I thought that things were on their way to being back on track. Then two days ago I got hammered on vodka when out with my friends and ended up getting of with a girl I think is called gemma. Cut to today - I feel like ****. I've spoke to my girlfriend on the fone and she has no idea. I love her and I feel like a bastard for what Ive done- and rightly so- but i dnt know if I should tell her or not. Plus its like only a week away from her 18 BIRTHDAY AND VALENTINES DAY! Please, this is totally ****ing up my head, what should I do?! Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 drmy, This is one of the few instances where I'd say, what she don't know, won't hurt her. Keep it quiet. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Okay, yeah, your man had a problem with porn. He's addicted to it, plain and simple. Heck yeah I'd probably dump him but what you're talking about is a unusual problem. Most men are not wacking off to porn so much that they cannot please their partners. It's simply a release for them, and NOT REALLY ABOUT US. Why can't women get that?? I've been with men who looked at porn- I'm talking about accessing it on line or the occasional magazine- not STACKS of either. I don't have a problem with my man using it when I'm not around or when the urge strikes him to get some "Stress relief" I like to read erotica if I'm in the mood- would I like it if he told me not to do it if he wasn't around?? That's the key to me. I wouldn't like my man sitting cruising porn and then be like, "I'm hard- let's go to town" but most men are not doing that. Most men prefer to have a real, hot woman in their beds instead of a screen or a magazine. The only reason they do that usually is when the mood strikes them and you aren't around or you aren't interested. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 sorry, posted my last post in the wrong thread, must have had a couple of windows open at once. Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 If your man prefers porn to you then get a new man. Porn isn't the problem its your man. If I'm home alone and feel like running one out I'll look at some porn, but I would never choose that over having sex with a real person. You need to either get him to do some serious work on your relationship, like you both go to couples counseling or you need to go your separate ways and find yourself a man who prefers sex with a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 "If I'm home alone and feel like running one out..." Link to post Share on other sites
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