fluffhead Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 Apologize about the LONG post. The title basically sums it up. My ex broke up with me a little less than 6 months ago. Prior to our last encounter, since breaking up we've only seen each other 1 time and have spoken, mostly via text or IM on a handful of occasions. Our breakup was never really given a reason other than this doesn't feel right at the moment, to which I've theorized as to why it came to be. Both her and I were in tough situations with our careers, each of us wanting to push further along only to continuously be dragged down...leading both of us to a state of misery (which neither could get the other out of because we were both miserable). Going hand in hand with that, our relationship was getting to a point of stagnation, as we were both preoccupied with other things, mainly surrounding work for me, and she had her sister's wedding to plan, work, etc. Having said that, we both have clearly left it open to the point where neither of us have removed each other from our lives completely on purpose. Fast forward to after we break up. She got the job she wanted, I got the job I wanted. Both of which happened quite quickly post the breakup, so both of us now have about 4 months of experience in our new roles under our belts. Anyhow, I receive a random email from her about 3 weeks ago (after not speaking for about a month) saying that she was listening to a band I introduced her to and it made her think of me, and for me to reach out to touch base. Long story short, we decided to get together to catch up on a Sunday. The night prior was a mutual friend's birthday, so we ultimately decided that that would be a better venue for us to hang out. That night I got extremely sick and was unable to attend. Put that together with the following week, I received VERY unfortunate news about my grandmother, who was given only a short amount of time to live. With that said, I obviously dropped whatever I was doing and went to visit with her. I let my ex know that I've dealing with a ton of things lately and that I apologize but this comes first, but I definitely do want to see her. Fast forward another week and its another one of our mutual friend's birthdays. We both make it to this event and as I walk in the nerves kick into high gear. It was at a pretty crowded bar, so I immediately walk over to my friends in one of the least crowded areas and start to talk (making sure I look handsome and happy, etc). My ex and her friend walk over about 5 minutes later and we say our hellos. My friends walk away with her friends and before you know it, its my ex and I chit chatting like old times. She was very touchy-feely and was noticeably happy to see me (couldn't stop smiling, was very inquisitive about my life post breakup), whereas I was trying to play it cool. About 10 minutes into the conversation, I finished my drink (she still had a full glass) and I said I had to go get a new one (insinuating that I wanted the conversation to end). Without hesitation, she responded that she'd walk over with me. At that point, I started wondering if she was "coming around" at all. Her friends decided to walk back over and tell her that they need to leave to get to dinner on time. Exit ex-gf. Less than 24 hours after seeing her, my grandmother passed away. I didn't inform my ex of her passing, but she did know that she was very ill. The funeral was this past week and it truly made me realize again just how much I miss my ex. Not because I'm in a delicate state, but because I saw how happy my grandfather was with my grandmother (through pictures) and it truly brought back a rush of memories with my ex. This all boils down to my question/point/whatever you want to call it. I, by definition, am a man that clings to his pride. It takes a lot to put myself out there, which is the current internal battle I'm going through at the moment. My ex was very clearly excited to see me, made the biggest attempt, to date, of us meeting back up, and practically needed her friends to rip her away from me at our last gathering. Also, keep in mind that now both times we've met up since the breakup, she pursued it (I have never once asked her to get together since breaking up). I want to test the waters and see if she wants to hang out in a more 1 on 1 type of situation, however, I don't want to put myself TOO out there to get bruised by her coming back with a "but we just saw each other" type of comment. Any thoughts here? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 Do nothing and let her continue to make the moves. I'm afraid you are kind of overreacting to what she was saying. It sounds like a catchup between old friends -- I think you are getting a little too far ahead of yourself. It's nice she was friendly, but that's all it was -- friendly. You can't afford to jump to conclusions, take it for what it was (a friendly catchup between two people who used to date) and that's all. If it was meant to be anything more she'll make it abundantly clear in the future. And certainly don't pursue; she dumped, it's on her to pursue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fluffhead Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 Do nothing and let her continue to make the moves. I'm afraid you are kind of overreacting to what she was saying. It sounds like a catchup between old friends -- I think you are getting a little too far ahead of yourself. It's nice she was friendly, but that's all it was -- friendly. You can't afford to jump to conclusions, take it for what it was (a friendly catchup between two people who used to date) and that's all. If it was meant to be anything more she'll make it abundantly clear in the future. And certainly don't pursue; she dumped, it's on her to pursue. It's tough to continue to let her "make all the moves," but I have to agree with you on that one. The only thing that keeps coming up is that everyone I keep talking to (in general, not regarding this) tells me it's always on the guy, regardless of the situation, to push things ahead. That's why I've been starting to think that I should say something. In terms of overreacting, I have to disagree with you on that one. I've known this girl for the better part of a decade, having dated for the last 1.5 years of that decade, and have had the "friendly catch up" conversations numerous times. It was different this time. Too touchy feeley, too happy, too "into" the conversation for it to just be us catching up as friends. For example, the whole drink thing, with her wanting to come over to the bar with me...that would never have happened if she just wanted to catch up as friends...she was clearly looking for any reason to stick by my side and continue to talk. Obviously I'm biased, but that's truly what I witnessed. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 It's tough to continue to let her "make all the moves," but I have to agree with you on that one. The only thing that keeps coming up is that everyone I keep talking to (in general, not regarding this) tells me it's always on the guy, regardless of the situation, to push things ahead. That's why I've been starting to think that I should say something. In terms of overreacting, I have to disagree with you on that one. I've known this girl for the better part of a decade, having dated for the last 1.5 years of that decade, and have had the "friendly catch up" conversations numerous times. It was different this time. Too touchy feeley, too happy, too "into" the conversation for it to just be us catching up as friends. For example, the whole drink thing, with her wanting to come over to the bar with me...that would never have happened if she just wanted to catch up as friends...she was clearly looking for any reason to stick by my side and continue to talk. Obviously I'm biased, but that's truly what I witnessed. That's the thing, you are biased and you can't afford to be. If your bias is correct, she'll make it clear in time to the point where bias is unnecessary -- that anyone can see it. And obviously you aren't 100 percent sure, if you were you wouldn't be on here asking for advice on it. But from an outside perspective, her wanting to follow you to the bar to talk further isn't that big of a deal. Definitely not something you should go "all-in" on. You can't afford to clumsily charge ahead like a bull in a china shop right now. I can tell you are still pretty high-strung when it comes to this. You have to let her come to you naturally. Either way, stop trying to read into her motives and let them manifest naturally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 That's the thing, you are biased and you can't afford to be. You can't afford to clumsily charge ahead like a bull in a china shop right now. I can tell you are still pretty high-strung when it comes to this. Either way, stop trying to read into her motives and let them manifest naturally. Simon's points are spot on. You can't force decision...well not unless you're DeCaprio in the movie Inception. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts