Fiancé "almost" cheated on me at beginning of our relationship

[Getthruit]

Newbie here trying to navigate my feelings.

 

Found an email from when my fiancé and I had been dating for a few months that he made an appointment for a "girlfriend experience" with an escort. Saw the original form he filled out with his information and then an email trail between them. She asked him to send vetting information via email (driver's license, work ID) because he didn't have any references with other "ladies". He made the appointment on a Monday, sent vetting information on Wednesday and then sent it again on Friday because she had apparently not responded the first time (Thursday was Thanksgiving so I'm sure she was very busy). The appointment was for noon on that Monday. This was 17 months ago.

 

I confronted him on it, getting confirmation only after I told him what I knew. He admitted to making the appointment, admitted to sending the information but told me he didn't ultimately go.

 

He had looked into it when he was single and had received an email from her that she was going to be in town (how convenient... A traveling tramp) during that time and made the appointment (about an hour after leaving my house btw). Based on subsequent conversations of me asking "why" he has stated he doesn't know why. That it was an experience that he was interested in but that when he really thought about it he decided not to go through with it because of me. Do I believe him? Sometimes.

 

What kills me is that we were in such an amazing place in our lives at that time. He was planning to introduce me to his daughter which was a HUGE deal, we had recently said "I love you"'s for the first time and we were already talking in an abstract way about the future. Makes me feel like all that was a complete lie.

 

I never found any other incriminating emails or information after I knew about the escort but before I confronted him on it so that does make me feel a little bit better I guess.

 

So I'm wondering... From those of you out there who have cheated or thought about cheating with escorts.... What motivates you to do this when you have a loving, attractive committed woman waiting for you at home?

 

I've thought about it long and hard. The fact is that I want him, I love him and I still want to marry him. The hurt is still there but going away a bit. Just still having trouble with the "why".

[dichotomy]

Why does anyone cheat - escorts or regular partner? Escorts can be a pure sexual thing - no strings - perhaps less feelings of guilt when there is an emotional or committed partner?

 

You had been together only a few months and just said the "i love you" when he sent the email request? Had he been single and/or not sexual for a while before you ? Perhaps he wanted something usual or wild before settling down?

 

I am not minimizing this ....you were sexually involved and "I love you" was exchanged so this was not great..but it appears he did cancel it. I suppose you could ask for a copy of his bank records form that month if you want proof.

[Eggplant]

He's shady. Don't marry him.