Did he friendzone me or is he playing hard to get?

[ThatGirl213]

I need a bit of an insight on this issue I have...I apologize if this is too long.

 

I have known this guy (A) for about 5 years now. He is my best friend's brother. We started talking April last year just after I broke up with my first love (3 year relationship). I did have a crush on A before I met my ex. Anyway after about 4 months (August last year), I went out drinking to celebrate my graduation with A and his family. A kissed me and confessed that he has always liked me but never tried to tell me about it because I had a boyfriend. He always got my whereabouts from his sister etc. Basically he thought we would be great together if he did get a chance. But at that time, I was still very much in love with my ex and wasn't really ready to let go. But A and I spoke everyday and hung out a lot. My ex saw that I was getting too close to A and he asked me for another chance. I had always told A that if my ex did come clean and begged me for another chance, I would give it to him. So when my ex asked me, I told A that I was thinking about going back to my ex. That did hurt him but we continued to talk. I did not go back to my ex partly because I was already getting too attached to A and my ex is a cheater.

 

Now several months later, we still talk. I hang out with his family at their house a lot. When I do, we sleep on his bed together. I sleep on his arms almost all the time. We cuddle and make out as we fall asleep. We haven't had sex but he has gone down on me several times. I have gone down on him once (only because he doesn't like blowjobs). Two days ago, he told me we should stop kissing and going down on each other because he doesn't want any serious commitment right now and he wants to focus on building his career. He says maybe few years down the line, after he is done building his career, we could try something if each of us haven't met anyone else. He says he has been single for awhile and me coming into his life has only reminded him that he needs to focus on more important things than fooling around and getting his heart broken. I asked him if he met anyone new. He said no (I know this is true because he is a loner. Always at home on his laptop. He isn't the kind of guy who would have one girl on his bed while leading another one on - big on the 'karma is a bitch' thing). So I asked him if he wanted me to stop coming to his house. He said no, I can come whenever I want as I please. I can also cuddle with him, fall asleep on his arms and kiss him on the cheeks but we just shouldn't make out or go down on each other.

 

I am actually pretty attached to A. Quite comfortable lying down naked next to him (my ex is my only other sex partner so far) and I see myself being with him. I have trust issues because of my ex cheating on me but I am beginning to trust A. I don't know what I should do. Is he trying to punish me because I told him last year I was thinking going back to my ex? I would say we got a bit distant after that incident. Why would he say I can cuddle with him but can't kiss him on his lips? He also makes a great listener. I really enjoy his company especially falling asleep on his shoulder or legs as he does his stuff on his laptop (He is a programmer and huge gamer). He seems to have no problem with all that even after the talk.

 

I am falling for him hard but he is acting like he doesn't want me to get too attached or develop any stronger feelings for him. I also don't know if this is cause my ex and I have a lot of mutual friends and we do hang out. But A and I spoke about it and he doesn't seem to care as long as I don't cheat on him if we did get together. We did have this same talk about him wanting to focus on his career in January but we have gotten intimate before and after. I would say more, after the talk in January. He also doesn't talk to me much via text or whatsapp but if I needed a ear, he is always there.

 

I am really confused. I like this guy a lot. I do not want to just give up and leave him alone. P.s. I am 25 and he is 26 years old.

 

What do I do?

Edited April 27, 2014 by ThatGirl213

[eleve82]

Without really knowing his situation, I could hazard a few guesses. I think it is possible that he was hurt because of the earlier situation where you had considered going back to his ex. It is also very possible that he does indeed have an internal conflict where he wants to focus on building his career and believes that it would require sacrifices. Either way, he has reservations and these aren't necessarily because he feels less for you but simply because he isn't sure of himself. In my limited position of information, I generally think that men who are more confident about themselves (i.e. their ability to have both a career and relationship) and know what they want would not pull such a line on you. I would recommend giving him plenty of space (don't ask questions about where this would go) but carry on with seeing him as a friend. Let him be the one to change his mind about what kind of status he wants with you.

[melodicintention]

Girl, he's just wanting sex. Won't kiss you? Wow you are not being honest with yourself at all. Read what you wrote back to yourself as if someone else wrote it. He's super using you and you are just handing it over. I don't want to make you feel bad but you have to open you eyes.

 

At anytime in your life, if you have to question if a guy is into you, then he is not. If he were he would make it extremely clear. Guys don't let their dream girls just dangle out there to loose interest in him or for someone else to snag up.

 

Stop having sex with men with no commitment. Ya it's all fun now until you get your feelings caught up, and as a woman you cannot bang a guy and not get feelings for him. Won't happen. Stop doing it.

 

Move on from this guy. There is no other option unless you like making yourself suffer needlessly.

[ThatGirl213]

Thank you for your replies...

Just an update. So a few days ago this dude told me he met someone new. So now I know why. It hurts.