screwed up story

[owenbradford]

This is a screwed up story, but I'm going to share it and see what kind of responses I get. About two years ago, I met someone on Ashley Madison. We were both married at the time. It was supposed to be an affair, but we really fell in love with each other. She's absolutely wonderful. She's smart and pretty. We have fun together doing all sorts of things. We share some similar values and the domains of our jobs overlap. By the way, we're both 40.

 

Her marriage ended before mine. Her husband moved out about a year ago, and their divorce was final about 6 months ago. I left my marriage in February and have started the divorce proceedings.

 

She was so in love with me. She would talk to her sister and tell her that I'm absolutely perfect--exactly what she wants in a man--except for I'm married. And that worked ok when we were both married. But then she became single, and I was still physically unavailable (i.e., still married), though she was (and is) the love of my life.

 

She found it hard to be in a relationship with a married man. And I didn't leave as soon as I should have. She didn't want to share me, but started to pull away romantically to protect herself because she didn't know if I'd ever leave.

 

In the meantime, our friendship continued to grow. We are best friends without a doubt. I also think we're more compatible from a long-term relationships perspective than anyone I've ever known.

 

But around the start of December, she and I were more or less just friends. She pulled away considerably. We talked every day, but we saw each other less and less. I missed her, and she said she missed me. And I think she did, but she couldn't bear the emotional part of our screwed up relationship.

 

She met someone else--someone who she knows objectively is not a good fit for her. She naturally kept that relationship from me until March--about a month after I left my wife and moved into a new place. Things were off between us, and eventually she told me she had been seeing someone though it was on and off and said it was over. But she also said she didn't love me the way she should, though she's certain that she's making the biggest mistake of her life by not pursuing our relationship. She said the chemistry was gone, but we both acknowledged feeling it the few times we really went out and had fun with each other.

 

I found out last Friday that her on again off again fling, which was meant to help her get over me, was over for good, and that she was heartbroken, because despite the incompatibility, she thinks she fell in love with him. I think, and she agrees, that she's the kind of woman who would probably fall in love with anyone whom she sleeps with enough times.

 

I've spent the last week as a her best friend helping her get over this guy that she was seeing and treated her ****ty. Last Saturday we went on a great date, and had a great time. During the week, she wanted to stay with me, as I was able to help her work through some of her hurt feelings. We've had sex once this week, which is not as good as it used to be but wasn't bad. We've only had the passionate sex we were used to once since I've been out, and we've only slept together three times.

 

At this point, she is heartbroken. She describes what she wants in a partner, and it's me, which she acknowledges, but she doesn't have that spark for me (or at least not consistently--it does emerge from time to time). What she'd like is to take things as they come and see what happens. She says she wants to continue spending time with me and that she isn't opposed to us having sex, but that she's not sure about the long-term future.

 

I don't know what to make of it. I'm not that upset about the replacement boyfriend--he's a loser, and I truly believe they're done, though he is stuck in her head. All of her friends and her sister think that she and I belong together. I think we belong together. I think she's in love with the passionate feeling that comes with new romance and worry that she'll never be satisfied.

 

So my question is this. What do I do? Do you think if I continue to hang out with her and if she can get this guy out of her that she'll fall back in love with me? I know it's not that simply, but we had an amazing connection before, but then again, she seems to feel those amazing connections more often than other people I know.

 

Is it possible that we can return to where we once were or is that a place that can never be revisited?

[Greenj30]

Yeah this is kinda ****ed up...