Bleulemon Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 My ex and I have been apart for nearly 1.5 years now. I was the one who ended the relationship due to various reasons but mainly because I found out that he had brought a girl back to our apartment. I felt that he has no respect for me, my space and our relationship in general. He insisted that nothing happened, the girl just spent a night and that was it. I couldn't find the courage to believe him at that time and so I walked out and moved out overnight. For a month after our separation, he texts me everyday telling me how sorry he is and he would never do the same again. He admitted that he did it because he felt that I was distanced and we are no longer intimate. I can understand where he was coming from as we work in total different hours, and I was so focused on building my career I sort of neglected him. But though, I told him no. Over means it's over. I will not turn back. Since then, I never stopped missing him and I would dream of him at least once a week. And my dreams are always happy ones. Sort of making me realize what we could have been, if there were more communications in our relationship. Our "friendship" within these 1.5 years was rather cordial. I would wish him happy birthday, happy new year, or some greetings like that when there're some occasions. Lately, I miss him so so much. Much more than I normally would. I would day dream about us being together, being married and etc. I dropped him a text last week and he replied. We have normal conversations without mentioning the past at all. Then he asked me out for a cuppa. I rejected at that time and told him that I'm afraid it'll be awkward, and I don't think I am ready to see him yet (I have not seen him since the day I moved out). My family loves him and mom asked me to give us another chance when we first broke up. But I feel that there're a lot of issues to fix if we really want this to work. I am not sure if he is up for it or not too. Should I say yes to his invitation for a coffee and see how things go? Or should I just move on? Which, after all these times, is still very very hard to do. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Can you forgive him for what he did? Can you genuinely put it past you? If you can, then you owe it to yourself to make a better friendship with him and take it SLOWLY. There's a lot you want to work out but you and him have to be on the same level. Now be open with him about your intentions. You have to lay it all out on the table...and don't run back to it at one million miles an hour. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bleulemon Posted April 28, 2014 Author Share Posted April 28, 2014 I can put it behind me as I was at fault as well. I had time to do lots of thinking over these times. My friend told me to think it through as "there's a reason why you broke up with him." which made me take a step back. After all those times of me not contacting him, I caught myself checking my phone every 5 minutes now just to see if he texted me. Definitely NOT a good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 I can put it behind me as I was at fault as well. I had time to do lots of thinking over these times. My friend told me to think it through as "there's a reason why you broke up with him." which made me take a step back. After all those times of me not contacting him, I caught myself checking my phone every 5 minutes now just to see if he texted me. Definitely NOT a good sign. Reconcilliations are even harder than relationships without the seperation...there was a reason why you broke up. Absolutely. Does that reason exist anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bleulemon Posted April 29, 2014 Author Share Posted April 29, 2014 Does that reason exist anymore? I guess I will never know until we speak to each other and find out if our priorities are still the same. I can see that he'd changed over these months, I have too. However the changes I need to see are not the superficial ones. The changes I need are his daily habits. Habits which made me unable to live with him in the same apartment. Habits which drove me crazy. Eg: I was always the one who cleans the apartment, does the laundry, do the dishes, cook. He is someone who could use a cloth to wipe away spilled drinks and leave the cloth unwashed, in the sink for days. To me, these things translates into irresponsibility. How am I to build a home with this man? I don't think I have OCD as he claimed. I just want things to be clean and tidy, and comfortable. I cannot kick off that habit as I don't think its reasonable. However, I am overly sensitive at times and I am trying to change that. I always keep things to myself and not tell him things that I am unhappy with, then I will burst out in one go and we'd have a huge fight. I am much more vocal nowadays, but still need to work on my choice of words as I learn I could be a little sarcastic and cynical at times. I guess we'd have to sit down and have a discussion over these things if both of us decide to give it another go. Link to post Share on other sites
EuTuBrute Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 I say go meet up with him for coffee. I'm currently in the steps of reconciliation with my ex gf. We dated for 2.5 years. We spent a year apart. If you don't go, you'll forever wonder what could have been. You still dream of him, that tells me that the relationship was a good one, with real love involved. Everyone makes mistakes, dont let one mistake be fatal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bleulemon Posted April 30, 2014 Author Share Posted April 30, 2014 I think I will be going for the cup of coffee, for the next time he asks and see how things go. I guess if there's still chemistry then I will be able to tell right away. Yes it was a good relationship. Most part of it. Up till both of us kinda stop communicating with each other. That's when everything got screwed up. Link to post Share on other sites
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