My ex husband is dating a 20 year old

[RightThere]

One being, should I put my foot down and not allow him to take out my kids if she will be joining.

 

Don't do anything there. Your daughter isn't in any mortal danger. I'd say at 15 she's probably much smarter than you realize and she probably sees her dad for how he's acting.

 

Two, am I over the hill now? Is 20 where it's at or is he just a pig?

 

No, 20 is not where it's at. He's an idiot because he's found someone with no life experience. Considering your daughter and his GF could have been at the same school at the same time and he sees no issue with that, reflects on his character.

 

Not sure if pig is the right word. More of a douche.

[Misadventure]

Thank you for taking to the time to write your views. I am happy someone out there understands where I am coming from. I never imagined my marriage wold turn out to be such a cliche' . Yet here I am trying to make it seem as if I

have everything under control all the time. Some days. I feel like I am drowning here! It would be easy for me to just give into my wants and do as I please like my ex is doing. Every choice I make will affect my children and that's how I live my life. The situation is uncomfortable for my daughter, and she feels annoyed to have to share her time with him. The men here who wrote those naive responses I can imagine don't have children or are doing something similar.

 

I think sometimes people don't ask themselves why they answer in the way they answer...

 

It's really basic...

 

Do men watch p0rn of women their age or is it generally alot younger? How many times do they really TRULY objectify women much younger...

 

Just be honest about it... Doesn't mean that every man wants to have a relationship with a 20 yr old but their mind wanders there for sure on a nice hot tub moment where they play the pizza delivery man for her college dorm party lol.

 

You asked if you should put your foot down about the 20 yr old and 15 yr old being around her? JMO but no.. the reason why is because your daughter needs to see her Dad for who he is being. She is not 7 and he is choosing to bring her around the daughter.

 

That could be for a multitude of reasons: He wants to brag because it will get back to you and everyone else etc friends..he is weaning his ego... he is delusional that this is the relationship of meaning that he has always wanted on an intellectual and sexual level (feel free to hurl and laugh)...or probably the most common reason.. just because he can.

 

I can tell you it probably won't last long. Unless she is a recently escaped Amish 20 yr old or does daily Bible study...she is probably about going out, concerts, drinking, hanging and chillin with friends, money and how to get it, and just having fun... and having a suga daddy... In fact, she could be fulfilling her daddy issues too. Bottom line, this isn't going to go anywhere... but the more your show attention to it especially in front of him or that it will get back to him, the more he will smile and latch on to the 20 yr old ornament. Pay as much attention to it as you would a small pimple on your azz... tap it lightly, smile and ignore and then next thing you know, you never knew it was ever there even if it lingers for a moment.

[Biscous]

You sound a bit bitter because you've come to the reality that men can date down and still be desirable at many ages, meanwhile women's value depreciates as they age.

 

Typically in the US it is women who initiate divorce and benefit the most. At least men can take solace in the fact that their dating window is much longer than a woman's.

[Michelle ma Belle]

You sound a bit bitter because you've come to the reality that men can date down and still be desirable at many ages, meanwhile women's value depreciates as they age.

 

Typically in the US it is women who initiate divorce and benefit the most. At least men can take solace in the fact that their dating window is much longer than a woman's.

 

Are you kidding me???? Utterly ridiculous.

 

I'm 45 and have never been chased by men (of ALL ages) more than since my divorce 5 years ago.

 

Women get better with age and it takes a REAL man to recognize that.

[Michelle ma Belle]

For the OP, I think it's about time you forget about your wakadoo of a ex hubby and get back out there and snag YOURSELF a hot young cub to enjoy

[snappytomcat]

just let it run it course,cause chances are it wont last.

and when I was 16 my dad had a 21 year old girlfriend,and I felt like we were both competing for my dads attention,and it did gross me out,but I think it was an ego thing,especially my dad being a big macho Mexican guy,he loved showing off his trophy girlfriend.

but one thing my mom never did was talk crap about her,even when I would tell my mom shes a gold digger,its gross,mom told me to talk to my dad about it,not her,and she also said don't worry it wont last,and she was right

[Biscous]

Are you kidding me???? Utterly ridiculous.

 

I'm 45 and have never been chased by men (of ALL ages) more than since my divorce 5 years ago.

 

Women get better with age and it takes a REAL man to recognize that.

 

Of course there are outliers and I love the sophistication in an older woman who are responsible in their decisions.

 

But on average women in their younger ages tend to 'do better' than their male counterparts until their 30s and 40s.

 

The idea of men loving cougars is moreso something generated by the feminist movement. You telling me that a REAL man loves an older woman more than their younger counterpart is the same thing that is pushed in the media about how REAL men loving curves on women and bashing women who work out and are not overweight.

[snappytomcat]

Are you kidding me???? Utterly ridiculous.

 

I'm 45 and have never been chased by men (of ALL ages) more than since my divorce 5 years ago.

 

Women get better with age and it takes a REAL man to recognize that.

yup,my husband says im like a fine wine,i just keep getting better with age,and I still get hit on a lot im 43

[Biscous]

yup,my husband says im like a fine wine,i just keep getting better with age,and I still get hit on a lot im 43

 

A lot of beautiful women at 40+ and I would rather date a woman around my age to be honest, or within five years, rather than someone with such a large age gap.

 

But I was saying that women have youth, virility, and looks as their 'currency' to acquire a desirable man. Men have looks sure, but society does tend to show that older men are desirable, but it is influence, power, and status that helps men get a mate.

[Michelle ma Belle]

A lot of beautiful women at 40+ and I would rather date a woman around my age to be honest, or within five years, rather than someone with such a large age gap.

 

But I was saying that women have youth, virility, and looks as their 'currency' to acquire a desirable man. Men have looks sure, but society does tend to show that older men are desirable, but it is influence, power, and status that helps men get a mate.

 

That is debatable. Superficial. Shallow. In need of a good ego stroking whilst in the midst of a mid-life crisis, sure.

 

Do you not think women 40+ have the same or similar desirable currency like influence, power, status?

 

We may not have our youth but to suggest that we don't have our looks or virility is just plain ignorant.

[Biscous]

That is debatable. Superficial. Shallow. In need of a good ego stroking whilst in the midst of a mid-life crisis, sure.

 

Do you not think women 40+ have the same or similar desirable currency like influence, power, status?

 

We may not have our youth but to suggest that we don't have our looks or virility is just plain ignorant.

 

I don't think many men care about a woman acquiring a liberal arts degree when thinking about a mate tbh to answer your question. Nor do most men look at a woman's 'status' as something when looking for a mate.

 

Yes women in their 40s have their looks but we are comparing to 20 year olds.

[todreaminblue]

I read one of your posts jo, where you said that your husband has always been a bad judge of character, but he created a beautiful daughter with you and chose to create a daughter with you....so he cant be all bad can he?

 

 

I think you should get to know her and your daughter is old enough to make her own choices on what to believe is true and right behavior and she will whether you like it or not,hopefully she will know people for who they are worry about who she hangs around the majority of her time...her friends in other words.......

 

I am sorry it makes you uncomfortable, I think you should trust that you have bought your daughter up to be an understanding soul who recognizes differences and even if you dont particularly like the woman ...you are allowed your opinion....in my experience it s better to teach your daughter to conduct herself in a courteous and respectful manner regardless of what you feel for someone else......

 

 

 

 

I have done this with my three daughters and my ex and his affair partner..... my exes new partner at first was a bit narcy with my girls at the very beginning i feel out of awkwardness and guilt...... but their behaviour and demeanour has always been one of respect and respect for their dad......whether they like what he did or not..........my exes partner fell in love with them like everyone else does....... she cries when they have to go home...smilin...i dont respect her for what her part in knowing he had a family.......never will....but i do respect that she treats my daughters they way they treat her......it makes things a lot easier when it comes time they spend days or nights with their dad.....this woman who is with your ex is just young ....she might very well be a really nice person ...get to know her....give her a chance........deb

[Michelle ma Belle]

I don't think many men care about a woman acquiring a liberal arts degree when thinking about a mate tbh to answer your question. Nor do most men look at a woman's 'status' as something when looking for a mate.

 

Yes women in their 40s have their looks but we are comparing to 20 year olds.

 

I doubt there are many perky 20 year old girls who care what kind of degree or accolades a man has. It probably has more to do with looking for someone to take care of them.

 

As for the virility of 40+ women, clearly you haven't been with one. Women don't hit their sexual prime until their mid thirties. Apart from a tight youthful body, older women come with experience . They know what they want and aren't afraid to ask for it. From my conversations with men of all ages, that is a HUGE turn on.

[snappytomcat]

I doubt there are many perky 20 year old girls who care what kind of degree or accolades a man has. It probably has more to do with looking for someone to take care of them.

 

As for the virility of 40+ women, clearly you haven't been with one. Women don't hit their sexual prime until their mid thirties. Apart from a tight youthful body, older women come with experience . They know what they want and aren't afraid to ask for it. From my conversations with men of all ages, that is a HUGE turn on.

I love sex more at this age then I did in my 20s or 30s,i mean like 2-3 times a day 6-7 days a week,my husband loves it no complaints from him