Being honest about one's intentions kills interest in women?

[irc333]

 

In this situation, you should have said " no it's not a date, I thought we were just hanging out", or some similar crap. This would have her immediately wondering why you don't see her that way. The job's half done.

 

As I say, "Could've, would've, should've".

 

Meh, either way, the outcome would've been the same. Also, it's advice given in hindsight *shrug*.

[InnocentMan]

As I say, "Could've, would've, should've".

 

Meh, either way, the outcome would've been the same. Also, it's advice given in hindsight *shrug*.

 

How would the outcome have been the same? If you said it wasn't a date, then the "date" would've gone ahead as planned. If she's agreed to spend time with you on a one to one basis, then you have at least passed her very basic criteria. It's just another opportunity for you to show her that her lack of attraction to you needn't be an obstacle to anything happening.

 

Why do think women generally have a ****load of orbiters? It's because men know it works. It has a fairly low success rate, but it's high enough to be a valid tactic. The worst that can happen, is you make a new female friend, who then introduces you to her peers. It can snowball, and the odds are that you will eventually click with one of them.

Edited April 28, 2014 by InnocentMan

[irc333]

How would the outcome have been the same? If you said it wasn't a date, then the "date" would've gone ahead as planned. If she's agreed to spend time with you on a one to one basis, then you have at least passed her very basic criteria. It's just another opportunity for you to show her that her lack of attraction to you needn't be an obstacle to anything happening.

 

Oh, I "went along" with going out with a woman and NOT calling it a date only to really prolong the inevitable.

 

I think you may have missed my earlier post here. I have a female friend that had about 4 or 5 orbiters (yes, I was one of them) that went out with her in the guise of it "going out as friends"

 

Here's what would happen. They would come to a party together, only then he'd start calling her "honey" or "sweetie" in front of others. While she was talking to another man, he'd put his hand on the small of her back while they conversed.

 

She had to take these men aside and tell them to back off, that "I was never into you in that way".

 

So....there goes that theory. Been that disingenuous road before, don't plan on it again.

 

Why lie in order to be in her space? It's rather pathetic.

It can snowball, and the odds are that you will eventually click with one of them.

 

That's the problem, you are one of THOSE guys that think something will happen if you spend an inordinate amount of time with her.

 

I've been down that path in my younger adult, college age. Never again.

 

 

The worst that can happen, is you make a new female friend, who then introduces you to her peers.

 

Maybe...but sometimes single women aren't open to introducing you to their single friends, I had someone tell me that if she doesn't think you're worthy enough to date her, she'll be of the mind to think you're not worthy enough to date her friends.

 

Recently, a married, female friend I know, keeps trying to get me to a bar she bartends at all the time....she says, "There will be women there with boobies!!" as if that was kind of motivator. lol. I never did go, don't plan on it because it's one of those hole-in-the-wall bars (smoking allowed). Most of the women she knows, and she's told me, that they are looking for a man with money unfortunately. But that's a whole other forum topic.

Edited April 28, 2014 by irc333

[InnocentMan]

Oh, I "went along" with going out with a woman and NOT calling it a date only to really prolong the inevitable.

 

I think you may have missed my earlier post here. I have a female friend that had about 4 or 5 orbiters (yes, I was one of them) that went out with her in the guise of it "going out as friends"

 

Here's what would happen. They would come to a party together, only then he'd start calling her "honey" or "sweetie" in front of others. While she was talking to another man, he'd put his hand on the small of her back while they conversed.

 

She had to take these men aside and tell them to back off, that "I was never into you in that way".

 

So....there goes that theory. Been that disingenuous road before, don't plan on it again.

 

Why lie in order to be in her space? It's rather pathetic.

 

 

That's the problem, you are one of THOSE guys that think something will happen if you spend an inordinate amount of time with her.

 

I've been down that path in my younger adult, college age. Never again.

 

Don't blame the method because you don't possess the tools to pull it off. It doesn't work with every woman, and in every situation, but it does work. If you've tried it a few times and haven't got anywhere, then I would suggest you need to work on your post-friendzone game. The only way you get better at a game, is to play it.

 

There's little room for morality and honesty when it comes to the dating business. Having this utopian view of it, is putting you at a major disadvantage in an already overcrowded, competitive market. If a woman is rejecting you before you even get a first date with her, there's literally nothing to lose by going the friend zone route. She's basically giving you a second chance, that normally you wouldn't get.

 

The reason you don't have success with this, is because all the other dudes know what they're doing, and have probably done it their entire lives. Even the orbiter market is a tough gig, but at least the field is smaller.

[pteromom]

There's little room for morality and honesty when it comes to the dating business.

 

Depends on your goal. If your goal is casually date and have lots of sex with random women, than sure, use whatever tactics lead to success for you.

 

But if your goal is a LTR or marriage, it is ridiculous not to be honest. You'll just end up with someone who is incompatible with you since your relationship is based on lies.

 

To answer the OP, no, being honest about intentions doesn't kill interest. She wasn't into you, so she said no. If she had been into you, she would have said yes and would have been quite excited about it.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Did I actually kill interest by saying "Yes, I consider this a date". Perhaps that's what I've been doing wrong all this time, is being honest about my intentions?

 

You did not kill her interest by saying that it was a date. You were simply not attractive to that woman. And probably to many woman because on the basis of your posts, you come across as an annoying frustrated man who feels that women owe him a relationship. You won't get anywhere with that attitude.

 

Stop focusing on finding a partner right now. Even if you would find one you would not be happy. Try first to become happy on your own and build up some selfconfidence.

 

You and Somedude81 have the wrong attitude.

[irc333]

There's little room for morality and honesty when it comes to the dating business.

 

Perhaps the most saddest and foolish things ever said here.

 

You just pretty much outed yourself and the kind of person you really are on this message board. Good thing for anonymity.

 

You did not kill her interest by saying that it was a date. You were simply not attractive to that woman.

 

I knew that since I first posted, this is an event that happened long ago. I figured it out when she had to call me back to ask "if this was a date?" I was just making a point.

[InnocentMan]

Depends on your goal. If your goal is casually date and have lots of sex with random women, than sure, use whatever tactics lead to success for you.

 

But if your goal is a LTR or marriage, it is ridiculous not to be honest. You'll just end up with someone who is incompatible with you since your relationship is based on lies.

 

To answer the OP, no, being honest about intentions doesn't kill interest. She wasn't into you, so she said no. If she had been into you, she would have said yes and would have been quite excited about it.

 

It's hardly crime of the century if you don't put an exact label on your initial interactions with a female. I'm quite sure any future wife/partner wouldn't hold it against you if you weren't completely honourable in your intentions.

 

A lot of women don't even know what type of man they want, until you spell it out for them. If you just give up because a woman doesn't have an initial physical attraction to you, then your in for a lifetime of dating ugly women, and feeling pissed off most days.

[InnocentMan]

Perhaps the most saddest and foolish things ever said here.

 

You just pretty much outed yourself and the kind of person you really are on this message board. Good thing for anonymity.

 

 

 

 

Outed myself as what? Someone who is trying to help you? You're not obligated to take my advice on board, or even read what I write. Kinda wishing I hadn't bothered now.

 

Judging by the amount of trouble that you appear to have with woman, you must be doing something wrong. You can continue blaming women for all your troubles, or you can look at yourself. Doesn't bother me much either way.

[Imajerk17]

irc333, I'll ask you this again: How did your in-person interaction with this woman go?

 

I keep saying something like this in your threads and I will say it again. You hardly seem to be taking any responsibility for your lack of success with women. I am not saying that the women in your dating pool don't have issues. That you aren't talking about your in-person interaction with this girl, though, makes me think you aren't considering whether (a) you asked her out when she wasn't giving you any signs of interest, (b) you only had a "nice" friendly platonic conversation with her in person that didn't attract her. [if the previous sentence sounds too PUA-ish for you, realize that men are attracted to women primarily by their feminine looks and mannerisms, while women are attracted to men primarily by how we act and do.]

Edited April 28, 2014 by Imajerk17

[topaMAXX]

Coming on strong and being really flirty is much harder than it sounds.

 

I have this problem all the time where women misread my intentions. I am trying to be as flirty as I possibly can be but it's still not enough.

 

If this problem happens to a lot of guys, then the real issue seems to be that women are pretty dense. I have no idea why a woman would think that a man is just looking for friends when he wants to spend time alone with her.

 

The vast majority of single guys are not looking to make friends with women.

 

I generally have always had the opposite problem. Women think I'm interested in them when I'm just being friendly.

 

There have been times when I would go out with a girl as a friend and SHE misinterpreted it as a date.

[Joangel]

Plenty of women AND men like to play games out there. Why? Who knows, the thrill of the chase, boredom, getting a rise out of fooling another. I for one really hate games! I respect honesty. I would rather a man say he wants me just for sex than mess with my head and leave as soon as he gets some. I may say no to his offer, but at least we are on an equal playing field. As for this woman, forget her and try again. I know it must be hard for men having to always put themselves out there and get rejected but eventually someone will say yes.