On a break with my girlfriend *not a mutual decision* and truly

[km19]

 

 

On a break with my girlfriend (not a mutual decision) and truly confused

 

Hi there,

 

I have been reading this forum for the last couple days and would love to tell my story and hopefully get some feedback. I'm really sorry this is so long, but I really want to give you all a solid background so it can be seen from all viewpoints.

 

To give a brief background, me and my ex (god it's tough to say that) were together for about 5.5 years, in a span of 7 years. At this point, we are both 22, turning 23 this year. We dated in high-school, broke up, and then got back together in university. When we broke up in high-school, my best friend at the time jumped all over my ex and they got into a relationship extremely quickly. To be blunt, it devastated me because I lost two important people in my life.

 

As I said we got back together in university and were together for just over 4 years. It took a lot of forgiveness to get over what had happened between us, but I ultimately forgave her. We lived together in 3rd and 4th year and really learned a lot about each other. I would say we passed this "test" with flying colours and we both were truly upset when we moved back home. To this day essentially, we talk about missing seeing eachother every day and have discussed getting our own place. I officially graduated in 2013 (pretty much a year ago to the date) whereas she has officially finished all of her courses as of last week.

 

I quickly got a job out of university and have been working since June of last year. It was originally just a step as I had plans to go to law school. However, I'm not sure going back to school is the right decision for me. Now that she is just graduating, she is working back at the same summer job she's had for the prior 2 summers. However, she doesn't have a job secured that extends beyond this summer.

 

She is not a person who has many friends, or even any at all. However, I feel I'm in the same boat. At 22 years of age, I would certainly say we don't act like the typical 22 year old would. We're both not partiers, we don't enjoy going to clubs, or drinking all weekend. It's hard to really connect with people when you differ so drastically, especially when the majority are different. Regardless, I have a couple good friends in my life.

 

In August of last year, a coworker started trying to get closer to me. It got to the point where I asked her to stop acting a certain way, but I'd be lying if it didn't make me think for a bit. When I was around my ex I was acting "off", and she noticed it and called me out on it, rightfully so. I explained I wasn't really sure what was going through my head but I wanted a couple days to comprehend everything. My ex was extremely upset and she did call me and text me multiple times crying and asking what was going on. A few days later I went and saw her again and it truly removed any doubts I had in my head. My ex was a great girl, a girl who would do anything for me, and I wasn't going to throw it away. I would say from this point on until about the end of February/early March, our relationship was as strong as it had even been. We were having sex more, we saw each other more and I felt we just enjoyed eachother's company more.

 

Flash forward to the present. My ex is really into fitness, specifically biking and indoor spin classes. She was asked out by a guy after her spin class a few weeks ago. It was recently discovered that he is 32, divorced and has a daughter. I know what you are all thinking, 10 year age gap, its pretty significant. To be honest, I've seen the guy, he looks older than 22, but not 32. Long story short, my ex politely declined stating she has a boyfriend. She did feel guilty and confronted this guy afterwards trying to not make it awkward and to ensure that he didn't have to change anything with respect to his workout routine. Me and my ex talked about this, and I supported it. Just to note, I have gone to a couple of the spin classes with her since being asked. She talks to him and is friendly, nothing that made me uncomfortable.

 

About a week and a half ago my ex texted me saying that she is going to a bike store to look for road bikes (which she has expressed an interest in for the past few months). She did state that this guy who asked her out can get a discount at this store and re-assured me there is nothing going on and that they are just friends. I trust her and didn't make a huge deal out of it. To be truly honest, I want her to have friends, I truly do want that for her.

 

While this has been all going on, my ex and I's relationship has been a little bit rocky. Nothing major, no fights, just I personally felt a little unappreciated. However, things did actively change and she would spontaneously send me messages while I was at work, or surprise me after work with something she baked. We got back to this conversation around that time she went to the bike store with this guy. I just wanted to ensure that everything was still good with us, and that there was nothing going on. She said they are just friends and how it made her feel better that she could make friends and not just have me in her life. I was on board with this. As I mentioned earlier, I want her to have more friends, it is something I really want for her. That very same day she became quite short in some text messages so I gave her a call to see if everything was okay, which it apparently truly wasn't.

 

We met in person just at a parking lot and talked for quite some time. She expressed to me that she has felt like she has given up a lot for this relationship (ie friends) and that she needs to look out for herself right now. She further went on to say that because we have been together for so long, she doesn't know how to live her life just on her own, not rely on a boyfriend for happiness, and she feels she needs that before she commits to something long term. She expressed that she believes that I need this as well. She said she wants to go on a 30 day break with no contact. I expressed my opinion that I believe that this wasn't the right choice, but I wasn't going to convince her. She had made up her mind.

 

We texted for like a day after this happened. To sum it up, she stated that she needs to figure her out more, figure out what she is doing in her life and have experiences to truly commit to a "forever" with a relationship. She said she wants her partner to also have experiences as well to know that she makes them "forever happy". She ended it with saying that her ideal is to not make this a permanent goodbye at all, she just wants an opportunity to do her and me do me.

 

She recommended a 30 day no contact period, which I truly wasn't thrilled with. I attempted to explain that despite this being my only "real" relationship, I wouldn't be in it after this long if she didn't make me forever happy and that I want her to learn more about herself, but to do it as a couple so I could be there for her every step of the way supporting her. Again, there was no convincing her at this stage.

 

I'm trying to make sense of all this, how it could happen so suddenly and what is really motivating her. I have talked to some of my friends about it and have come to mixed opinions. Some say she isn't being fair just bailing on me when we could tackle this together as a couple. Others, mostly girls, see this as a cry for help. The last few messages she sent me did seem to scream "commitment issues" which I have never experienced with her before. As I said, I'm trying to make sense of all this and what I, and some of friends believe, is that with her just graduating and without a job secure past this summer, she is really concerned about determining what she wants to do with her life. Further, without a large pool of friends, I think she fears being left and having no one left. Which makes absolute perfect sense considering her mother is divorced, has very little friends and is described as "alone" by my ex herself. In fact, over our relationship, we have had to sacrifice time together so my ex could spend time with her mother. I gently brought this subject up when we talked in the parking lot, and I could tell I hit something. She didn't talk in great detail about it but I could tell by the look on her face and the brief things she did mention, that this was a legitimate concern for her.

 

So right now we are on day 5 of no contact. It really sucks because I think she is truly struggling with some real life issues as this is a big part in her life with just graduating from university. I hate not being there to support her. I get it she wants to figure things out, but I don't see why that has to come at the expense of me. I see this as a excellent opportunity to grow as a couple, which I mentioned to her.

 

I legitimately see a future with this girl. I could explain it with 100 adjectives saying how much I love her and how much she means to me. To keep it short and sweet, shes a fantastic girl who I feel extremely fortunate to have had.

 

I made a really bad mistake earlier, however. I went to login into my email and noticed her email saved as well (she has logged in on my computer before). I knew her password and saw she had sent an email to the guy who asked her out at the gym and she went to the bike store with. Hers wasn't ridiculous but they are having dinner tomorrow night. It's his response that killed me - "arms locked" and "cant wait to see you again".

 

This has really made my mind go 100 miles a minute and honestly made me think back to our first breakup when she and my best friend got into a relationship 2 weeks after we broke up. I'm really not sure how to feel right now. As I said, this break was not a mutual decision and now that I read this email, I'm even more confused. I know I shouldn't have done it as it has made things worse for me, but I don't know what this means for me and any hope of getting back together. I dont know if I can trust her given what she told me.

 

Im at the point where I'm doing my best to move on, but I obviously want closure. Im not sure if I should contact her or what. She has stuff at my house that I really just want to give back to her so it doesn't remind me.

 

I really do appreciate you all for reading and I apologize on the length. I look forward to hearing your responses and input.

[somecamel]

Dude, I had the same thing happen to me, she wants to break so she can either genuinely explore her feelings for the guy or to make it easier for her to break up with you.

 

I'm sorry but this isn't good my friend, she's already been out with him before when you two were together.

 

It sucks but you will get through this.

 

Time for you to look after yourself now, find new friends and make some positive changes.

 

This will get worse before it's gets better though I'm afraid:(

[mantlefan]

Buddy,

 

So much of what you wrote were things she said or I thought or said in my own story.

 

It's tough to call my ex my ex, we were together 5 years. I am right with you with that.

 

I trusted her when she got close to one of my male friends. I didn't hardly think anything of it, even when she got a back rub from him. She dumped me a few weeks later.

 

I heard the "just friends" business from her about her this guy for months after the breakup, even though I found out later she went after him 2 weeks or less after dumping me. She also gave me some garbage about "right now it's just her, figuring things out" and she even told me for a couple months it's possible we'd get back together.

 

What was my mistake? I fought for her. Hard. Every creative bone in my body thought up romantic gifts to give her on occasion while (as I understood it) she was deciding if she wanted to give the relationship another try (when she was lying to me and going after my friend. My friend actually had the nerve to offer me advice on the breakup as he was thinking about giving in to her campaign).

 

So learn from my mistake. I fought the hardest fight of my life for someone who thought I wasn't even worth being honest to.

 

Walk away dude. I am not saying that in a "what I would do if I could imagine being in your shoes" type sense. I am saying that in a "I WAS in your shoes" sense, and this is what I would do if I could do it over. Come talk to us when you need to vent.

[Chi townD]

Dude? Really? She wanted this break to date this guy without any interference from you and with as little guilt as possible.

 

 

It's been 5 days of NC and she's already been on a date with this douche rocket and she's going on another one and it's been less than a week! So much for finding out how to "Live her life on her own"! Or need this time for herself before she commits to your relationship forever. Uh huh.....right.

 

 

Basically, she wanted this time to date and screw this guy and see if chemistry is there between them. If there is, guarantee you she'll want to make this break more permanent. And if she just has her fun, but doesn't see anything in the future with this dude, then she'll contact you. "Okay, Breaks over! I love you again!" And, apparently, you're not allow to get mad if you discover anything she did with this guy because, "It didn't count, we weren't together! We were on a break!" Don't you LOVE technicalities!!!

 

 

But, how is this fair to you? How does it feel being her back-up plan? Her second choice? Take up for sloppy seconds? You deserve better than that! Do NOT feel bad about discovering the truth of what this "break" is really about! Actually, its a great way to gage and make your own choice to make this break permanent for yourself! You can use that as motivation not to contact her and move on with your life.

 

 

You don't need to talk to her to get closure. The fact that she's been on two dates within a week of this "break" should give you all the closure you need. Remember, she's putting more value on this dude than you. She values this guy so much, that she's willing to throw you to the curb to date this guy.

 

 

Plus, I have a feeling that if things go well for her new relationship, I feel like the 30 days period will come and go without a call or anything from her. Remember, this is her choice; not yours. She made the choice to have you out of her life, so you give her exactly that. Block her on your Facebook, unfollow her from all of your social media. Ignore all of her texts and let all phonecalls go to voicemail. Hell, you can use this as an experiment. Block her on Facebook and see how long it takes before she even notices that she's blocked!

 

 

Personally, I think you're dodging a bullet. Obviously, she's not as committed to this relationship as you are and it's better to find out now rather than 10 years into a marriage with kids.

 

 

Time to heal from this and move on, dude. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but you deserve better.

[Trep]

Pretty clear she's using this break as a chance to see how things go with the other guy.

 

You're best bet is to probably just break up with her now. All you're doing is prolonging your own pain.

[Trep]

Dude? Really? She wanted this break to date this guy without any interference from you and with as little guilt as possible.

 

 

It's been 5 days of NC and she's already been on a date with this douche rocket and she's going on another one and it's been less than a week! So much for finding out how to "Live her life on her own"! Or need this time for herself before she commits to your relationship forever. Uh huh.....right.

 

 

Basically, she wanted this time to date and screw this guy and see if chemistry is there between them. If there is, guarantee you she'll want to make this break more permanent. And if she just has her fun, but doesn't see anything in the future with this dude, then she'll contact you. "Okay, Breaks over! I love you again!" And, apparently, you're not allow to get mad if you discover anything she did with this guy because, "It didn't count, we weren't together! We were on a break!" Don't you LOVE technicalities!!!

 

 

But, how is this fair to you? How does it feel being her back-up plan? Her second choice? Take up for sloppy seconds? You deserve better than that! Do NOT feel bad about discovering the truth of what this "break" is really about! Actually, its a great way to gage and make your own choice to make this break permanent for yourself! You can use that as motivation not to contact her and move on with your life.

 

 

You don't need to talk to her to get closure. The fact that she's been on two dates within a week of this "break" should give you all the closure you need. Remember, she's putting more value on this dude than you. She values this guy so much, that she's willing to throw you to the curb to date this guy.

 

 

Plus, I have a feeling that if things go well for her new relationship, I feel like the 30 days period will come and go without a call or anything from her. Remember, this is her choice; not yours. She made the choice to have you out of her life, so you give her exactly that. Block her on your Facebook, unfollow her from all of your social media. Ignore all of her texts and let all phonecalls go to voicemail. Hell, you can use this as an experiment. Block her on Facebook and see how long it takes before she even notices that she's blocked!

 

 

Personally, I think you're dodging a bullet. Obviously, she's not as committed to this relationship as you are and it's better to find out now rather than 10 years into a marriage with kids.

 

 

Time to heal from this and move on, dude. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but you deserve better.

 

I love you Chi.

[Chi townD]

I love you Chi.

 

 

 

Awww... Thanks.

 

 

And another thing to the OP, you stated she has stuff at your place. Box it up and either mail it to her or get a mutual friend to drop it off, you do not do this. Avoid her at all costs. If she texts you about it, IGNORE IT!!! Take a deep breath and post here instead of answering her.

[km19]

Thanks to all of you who took the time to reply.

 

You're all right. I had these thoughts in my head but maybe I was refusing to believe them. I have concluded that it's over. I know the real intention of the break, I just wish she would have told me straight up. She lied and lied and lied some more. Before we broke up and when we talked about this guy, she said things that "I'm not 17 anymore. I've matured since our first time together".

 

It just makes me lose respect for her completely. And I know I'll never trust her again. I'm 100% committed to the NC. I'm not inclined to talk to her at all right now. I've realized that I don't miss her. I miss the idea of her and the things I associate with her. But that's not who she is. I know I deserve better. And I'm moving on. It's a process and won't happen overnight, but I accept reality and am doing the right thing.

 

Thanks again everyone for your time and support. It's great to have such an awesome supporting cast.

[Elias33]

Don't even have to read, bad idea, don't put up with it.

[Chi townD]

I'm glad you've opened your eyes to what's really going on here. And I like your motivation with NC. But, I'm gonna tell you now. NC is hard. I mean REALLY hard at first. but, you need to stick with it and I promise you it will get better.

 

 

Right now, you're angry. And you have every right to be. But, tomorrow you could be sad and wanting answers. You're going to go on a rollercoaster of emotions. That's normal; it's going to happen. So, continue to post here and vent, talk, scream, ask questions. People will be here for you. We want to know how you're progressing.

 

 

The first time she tries to contact you is going to be the toughest. After how long you two have been dating, it would feel unnatural NOT to respond. But, you have to hang in there. Stop and post about it here instead. You may start to feel like an asshat for not answering her. Dude, you are not the bad guy here. You told her several times you didn't want this, but she insisted. Therefore, you're giving her exactly what she asked for. You are no longer her boyfriend, therefore, you are no longer obligated to respond to anything she sends you.

[malin819]

I'm glad you've opened your eyes to what's really going on here. And I like your motivation with NC. But, I'm gonna tell you now. NC is hard. I mean REALLY hard at first. but, you need to stick with it and I promise you it will get better.

 

 

Right now, you're angry. And you have every right to be. But, tomorrow you could be sad and wanting answers. You're going to go on a rollercoaster of emotions. That's normal; it's going to happen. So, continue to post here and vent, talk, scream, ask questions. People will be here for you. We want to know how you're progressing.

 

 

The first time she tries to contact you is going to be the toughest. After how long you two have been dating, it would feel unnatural NOT to respond. But, you have to hang in there. Stop and post about it here instead. You may start to feel like an asshat for not answering her. Dude, you are not the bad guy here. You told her several times you didn't want this, but she insisted. Therefore, you're giving her exactly what she asked for. You are no longer her boyfriend, therefore, you are no longer obligated to respond to anything she sends you.

 

The truth has been spoken

 

I can relate to everything he is saying

[km19]

Thanks again for all this support. It truly is awesome that people who I've never met are here to support me. Cheers to you all!

 

Today has been a pretty good day to be honest. I had a bunch of work passwords for various programs that had her name in them that I had to change. It wasn't depressing or made me sad. Just another way of getting all reminders of her out of my life.

 

I will say my biggest fear is this. She suggested 30 days NC. I in no way shape or form am inclined to break NC. Having said that, I do fear that if the 30 days comes and goes and I don't hear from her, it will almost perpetuate a relapse per se. I have something I typed out this morning just saved in a note on my phone that was honestly done for my own therapeutic reasons. And it does have a section where I say I don't want any more contact from her and to not respond to this message

 

Is this normal? Would you recommend I keep this message to myself, or send her a message in order to protect myself down the line?

 

I want to reinforce that this isn't a ploy to break NC. I truly have no inspiration to get communication going again. To be frank, I'm pissed at the situation and I want to avoid it. I just want to protect myself. Maybe this fear will pass as we get closer to the 30 days, it's certainly possible. But it's definitely a big thing going on in my head.

Edited April 28, 2014 by km19

[somecamel]

Thanks again for all this support. It truly is awesome that people who I've never met are here to support me. Cheers to you all!

 

Today has been a pretty good day to be honest. I had a bunch of work passwords for various programs that had her name in them that I had to change. It wasn't depressing or made me sad. Just another way of getting all reminders of her out of my life.

 

I will say my biggest fear is this. She suggested 30 days NC. I in no way shape or form am inclined to break NC. Having said that, I do fear that if the 30 days comes and goes and I don't hear from her, it will almost perpetuate a relapse per se. I have something I typed out this morning just saved in a note on my phone that was honestly done for my own therapeutic reasons. And it does have a section where I say I don't want any more contact from her and to not respond to this message

 

Is this normal? Would you recommend I keep this message to myself, or send her a message in order to protect myself down the line?

 

I want to reinforce that this isn't a ploy to break NC. I truly have no inspiration to get communication going again. To be frank, I'm pissed at the situation and I want to avoid it. I just want to protect myself. Maybe this fear will pass as we get closer to the 30 days, it's certainly possible. But it's definitely a big thing going on in my head.

 

 

You're in the anger stage at the moment, you will have lots of waves of varying other emotions for at least the next 6 months.

 

Delete the message, delete everything.

 

I went through something very similar, please read my story and see all the ups and down I went through, it was horrible, but I'm still here and every day is better.

 

Be strong and stay strong:)

[lolablue17]

Yes I think she wanted to date him and made the break. (While reserving you on STBY if it doesn't work with him). It was her decision, not yours so you don't have much to do here.

 

BUT!!!! you still have a chance to enter NC phase with a better mood. Give your EGO a little boost and have the last upper hand. (I know it sounds superficial but it can help you).

 

Call her immediately and tell her that when she said "a break" you took it as a break without seeing others in that period. due to that understanding you agreed to wait and let her time to think.

 

Since she is going on a date with another guy (it doesn't matter how you found out), You take it as a Breach of agreement and you dont want her anymore in your life. She misled you with smooth words and it's unforgivable.

 

Tell her you are breaking up with her right now! Tell her you feel like arranging yourself a quick date for tonight or maybe going to a pickup bar tonight! And then hangup.

 

That's it! Finito la comedia!!

 

I think it's better to end it that way. because now you have some feeling of power and initiative. It's better than waiting 30 days like a frightened mouse!

Edited April 28, 2014 by lolablue17

[Chi townD]

I read your follow up post and you mentioned the 30 days period about three or four times. One thing you have to realize is that there IS NO 30 day period.

 

 

The day she said "take a break" translates into "breaking up". So, don't kid yourself. The day she went on a "break" to date someone else, is the day your relationship ended.

 

 

So, when you had an epiphany and realized she left you to date someone else is the day you started to walk down your own path. It started that day. And you know what? You might meet someone new walking down this new path. Someone that wants to be with you because there's no other place in the world she'd rather be. Your Ex wanted to be with someone else and she made damn sure that was going to happen whether you liked it or not.

 

 

There is no 30 day period, you just revoked it.

[FredJones80]

The problem with the 30 day period as well is it doesn't allow you to move on, you think to yourself, "This is ****, but great, I've got 30 days to enjoy, then we will get back together"

 

I had a week, enjoyed it, even though I knew what was coming... fooled myself it was going to be ok.... and it came, BAM, pain!

[km19]

I read your follow up post and you mentioned the 30 days period about three or four times. One thing you have to realize is that there IS NO 30 day period.

 

 

The day she said "take a break" translates into "breaking up". So, don't kid yourself. The day she went on a "break" to date someone else, is the day your relationship ended.

 

 

So, when you had an epiphany and realized she left you to date someone else is the day you started to walk down your own path. It started that day. And you know what? You might meet someone new walking down this new path. Someone that wants to be with you because there's no other place in the world she'd rather be. Your Ex wanted to be with someone else and she made damn sure that was going to happen whether you liked it or not.

 

 

There is no 30 day period, you just revoked it.

 

Totally get it. The 30 day period never existed, it was simply a tool for her to get rid of me ASAP.

 

But regardless it was established and while I understand it's real significance, it was still put out there and exists in my head. Maybe it's me wanting her to realize what she has lost, maybe it's me wanting to get the final edge and have power, but it's a concern that it will effect me strongly. And if i tell her that we are over for good, it removes that possible negative effect.

[somecamel]

Totally get it. The 30 day period never existed, it was simply a tool for her to get rid of me ASAP.

 

But regardless it was established and while I understand it's real significance, it was still put out there and exists in my head. Maybe it's me wanting her to realize what she has lost, maybe it's me wanting to get the final edge and have power, but it's a concern that it will effect me strongly. And if i tell her that we are over for good, it removes that possible negative effect.

 

I went on a 30 day break with my ex of 7 years, it was her idea. I lasted 15 days and ended it with her. She is ****ing with you dude, respect yourself and end it and go strict nc, you'll heal a lot quicker.

[DKT3]

KM, what you need to do is end it for good. She has a pattern, this will continue throughout any relationship you have with her.

 

However, you need to tell her. Be firm, tell her (don't ask and be confident) that you know she is hanging out with bike guy and he is the reason she wanted the break. Let her know that after this conversation you no longer have any interest in having any kind of relationship with her or even talking to her again. Then end the conversation.

 

Now be ready, she will fight you on this because she wants you there as her back up plan. Once she is feeling that she is losing control she will put on a full court press trying to convince you she will change. All the while staying in contact with bike guy.

 

There are red flags all over this gal. Tell her you know what's going on, you no longer what any part in it or her and run like hell. Nothing but pain and hell in a future with her.

[km19]

I sent her the final message today. It was clear, concise and extremely well thought out. I didn't attack her or resort to name calling. It just reflected reality.

 

I told her I could never trust her after she lied to my face multiple times while feeding me bs statements in an attempt to keep me as an option in her back pocket. I told her I didn't want a reply and stated I don't want any future contact at all.

 

So there it is. It's officially over and it truly feels liberating.

 

I know there are tough days ahead of me but I'm proud of myself for understanding what I deserve. I began to write a list of reasons why the breakup is good for me. Among the obvious reasons, I discovered something that never really crossed my mind. I have become notorious for avoiding negative things in my life and masking them with the happy feelings that I experienced with my ex. But this breakup has really made me aware of these important things going on in my life. I feel like I've been avoiding my idea of going to Law School and ignoring it by spending time with my ex which ultimately convinced me that things were going to be okay because of her. I've realized that it's time for me to take charge and tackle these issues personally.

Edited April 29, 2014 by km19

[CaliBabe]

I am very proud of you KM. You did the right thing. You are strong and know your worth and for that I give much respect. The right one will come along and what a lucky gal she will be.

[somecamel]

I sent her the final message today. It was clear, concise and extremely well thought out. I didn't attack her or resort to name calling. It just reflected reality.

 

I told her I could never trust her after she lied to my face multiple times while feeding me bs statements in an attempt to keep me as an option in her back pocket. I told her I didn't want a reply and stated I don't want any future contact at all.

 

So there it is. It's officially over and it truly feels liberating.

 

I know there are tough days ahead of me but I'm proud of myself for understanding what I deserve. I began to write a list of reasons why the breakup is good for me. Among the obvious reasons, I discovered something that never really crossed my mind. I have become notorious for avoiding negative things in my life and masking them with the happy feelings that I experienced with my ex. But this breakup has really made me aware of these important things going on in my life. I feel like I've been avoiding my idea of going to Law School and ignoring it by spending time with my ex which ultimately convinced me that things were going to be okay because of her. I've realized that it's time for me to take charge and tackle these issues personally.

 

Good for you, Keep us informed of her responses before you respond:)

 

You seem like a strong person but be aware of your weaknesses, If this is easy for you, you're either fooling yourself or you probably knew it was the end and had already checked out of the relationship.

 

I'm trying not to be overly negative but hope to maybe pre-empt you from going too deep in denial.

 

All of us here have either been through it or are going through it so check in and keep us informed.

[km19]

Thanks to both of you for the support! I feel extremely fortunate to have this forum to come to in a case of need or just as an avenue to take my mind off things.

 

I absolutely plan on remaining active on the forum throughout this entire process.

 

It has been easier than expected, I'm not going to lie. This isn't to say it hasn't been hard. I've been able to keep busy with work and catching up with friends. The hardest part for me right now is understanding that the I don't have the companionship, the relationship was that essentially going 7 years strong isn't there anymore. That companionship where you can just be you without even thinking twice. I know it's gone with her, but the dynamic of that companionship is fresh in my mind.

 

Thanks again to all. I can't stress it enough how awesome you all are!

[lolablue17]

Don't you worry for a second. You will find another companionship.

 

Remember - You're both very very young. So this break up is like someone took your whole life from you. You're not use to think\feel as an individual. And that's why the break up is good for you and for her. She used this bike guy as a lever to pull herself out.

 

But it's like you take from a baby his favorite pacifier. This pacifier makes him so happy and gives him confidence and security. When you take it from him he feels sad and insecure. But it's essential to his growth and development.

 

Same as you. You need to develope and that charming relationship has prevented you from having a real progress with your individuality and independency.

 

Of course there's the ego thing here. But you acted well by controlling the timing and by showing her that you dont need her anymore. You're on the right track. You'll be fine sooner than your think.

[km19]

Thanks for the kind words. I know I need to grow as an individual and I'm 100% committed to doing that. And in turn, that companionship will return in another form in my life.

 

Mornings are quite tough for me right now. I slept through the night for the first time since this all happened. But I still wake up every morning asking myself if this is all a dream. Coupled with the fact that my ex started her summer job in downtown Toronto this week, which is where i also work. We both take the train into work every day, at different times however. But we had planned to take certain trains in so we could commute together.

 

Any tips you all can send my way to cope with this issue? Unfortunately another method of commuting isn't attainable.

Edited April 30, 2014 by km19