CaliBabe Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 That is some major willpower from your end. You stuck to it. You should be very proud of yourself, that says alot about your character. Leave her be. She will one day (most likely when she is breaking up with other dude) contact you. On that day, let her feel the pain you have been going through. Don't respond if/when she contacts. You seem like a wonderful guy, it will be very hard to just forget you. You will have your day, until then keep your head held high and be proud of yourself. We all at LS are proud of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 Thanks CaliBabe. I actually have two posts (this one included) of yours saved to my phone that I can look at in times of need. Seriously, thank you so much 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Yeah dude. when you came here, you posted all of your problems. Now, we would love to see you apply what you've learned and start posting your successes so we can celebrate with you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 Yeah dude. when you came here, you posted all of your problems. Now, we would love to see you apply what you've learned and start posting your successes so we can celebrate with you! Will do, pal. I had a "date" on Saturday, maybe that's a success? It's strictly casual at this point as I'm not nearly ready to commit and I was quite open with this. Believe it or not, I actually met her on a golf course so we have a lot in common. Get my confidence back in order. I'm so out of it in terms of dating! Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Well done KM you're a better man than I. My relationship wasn't nearly as long and I royally made an ass of myself trying to get her back. NC only 6 days now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) Well it happened. She texted me. Trying to remove guilt. That's it Edit - and just in case you were all wondering, no I'm not responding. What she sent me was a massive slap in the face Edited June 3, 2014 by km19 Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 This really is a new test for me. I've felt like iv done well up to this point and is hate to negate all this progress. I'm not gonna quote what she said but here are the cliffs: - she felt an overwhelming urge to reach out because she misses me and thinks of me and how I am - she still maintains that "this" (I don't even know what that means) is supposed to be good for us. That we need to experience things in our 20s independently - she prioritized me over everything because she loves me that much and I'm that important to her. And along the way she lost herself and is still trying to figure herself out. - she references my doubts I had last summer and says things changed after that - again states we both need this. - she misses her best friend and everything that comes along with that (this right here is how I know she just wants to remove guilt) - if I ever needed anything, she would be there without no hesitation It was an effing long message filled with breadcrumb after breadcrumb after breadcrumb. It really just pisses me off. Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 This really is a new test for me. I've felt like iv done well up to this point and is hate to negate all this progress. I'm not gonna quote what she said but here are the cliffs: - she felt an overwhelming urge to reach out because she misses me and thinks of me and how I am - she still maintains that "this" (I don't even know what that means) is supposed to be good for us. That we need to experience things in our 20s independently - she prioritized me over everything because she loves me that much and I'm that important to her. And along the way she lost herself and is still trying to figure herself out. - she references my doubts I had last summer and says things changed after that - again states we both need this. - she misses her best friend and everything that comes along with that (this right here is how I know she just wants to remove guilt) - if I ever needed anything, she would be there without no hesitation It was an effing long message filled with breadcrumb after breadcrumb after breadcrumb. It really just pisses me off. Have you deleted the text message yet? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 This really is a new test for me. I've felt like iv done well up to this point and is hate to negate all this progress. I'm not gonna quote what she said but here are the cliffs: - she felt an overwhelming urge to reach out because she misses me and thinks of me and how I am - she still maintains that "this" (I don't even know what that means) is supposed to be good for us. That we need to experience things in our 20s independently - she prioritized me over everything because she loves me that much and I'm that important to her. And along the way she lost herself and is still trying to figure herself out. - she references my doubts I had last summer and says things changed after that - again states we both need this. - she misses her best friend and everything that comes along with that (this right here is how I know she just wants to remove guilt) - if I ever needed anything, she would be there without no hesitation It was an effing long message filled with breadcrumb after breadcrumb after breadcrumb. It really just pisses me off. I like how she says "We need this" "We" dont need a damn thing lol. What she needs is a good kick of reality. Good work not saying anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 @ somecamel - yes the message has been deleted. To be honest, I could have kept it, it wouldn't have made a difference. I won't forgot what the essence of what she said and I know her number by heart. Even though I deleted her as a contact, the second the message came up i knew it was her. @ ConfusedHumanBeing - My ex and I totally differ in our perceptions of this situation. I still maintain the position that none of this was necessary. If she decided to mention any of this to me prior to all this going down, I know I would have convinced her that this was something that we could have tackled together. But that's the issue, the communication was non-existent. For some reason she feels she needs to do whatever this is on her own. It really is a shame. Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Alright. Rant time. That message she sent me was an insult. There was no remorse, no second thought, no apology, no consideration. It was a light-hearted attempt to remove her guilt. Magnified by trying to convince me that this "break" was for my benefit too. I was happy where I was at, I was truly committed to our relationship. Sure we're young, but I was happy, and that's all I look for in a relationship. But regardless if she wanted this break, she lied about her intentions, which I called her out on when I sent her the message 5 weeks ago to leave me alone. She tried to use our age as an excuse as if we should just drop it all, screw all the progress and development that was made because we're young. Why the hell get into a relationship before a certain age then? It's bull$hit. All of it is. I'm infuriated at that message. I was making real good progress, now I feel as if I took a step back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Alright. Rant time. That message she sent me was an insult. There was no remorse, no second thought, no apology, no consideration. It was a light-hearted attempt to remove her guilt. Magnified by trying to convince me that this "break" was for my benefit too. I was happy where I was at, I was truly committed to our relationship. Sure we're young, but I was happy, and that's all I look for in a relationship. But regardless if she wanted this break, she lied about her intentions, which I called her out on when I sent her the message 5 weeks ago to leave me alone. She tried to use our age as an excuse as if we should just drop it all, screw all the progress and development that was made because we're young. Why the hell get into a relationship before a certain age then? It's bull$hit. All of it is. I'm infuriated at that message. I was making real good progress, now I feel as if I took a step back. Any contact is going to trigger the Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance process, the hope is you'll get through it a bit quicker this time. I'm glad you're angry, you should be and you might need to be if you are going to do this and let go. **** her dude, count yourself lucky you got out when you did. Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 You are doing good km19. Her message was all about her and what she "wants". What about what you want. Oh yeah, and she "loves you so much". Funny when I love someone so much I don't pull this crap on them. Just ignore her and carry on. If it is true that she "loves you so much", you ignoring her won't deter her from getting back with you what ever the costs. I guess bikerboy isn't all that huh? Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I'm really happy to hear you are sticking to your guns. Her message was 100% all about her. Its fine to feel anger about it...I felt the same thing when my ex tried to pull the same BS on me. They're looking for a way to justify their actions without giving the full truth...which ultimately means she isn't worth your time anymore. If she had something worthwhile to say she would have already. Keep moving forward! Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 There is something serious f'd up going on. I received a pin that she sent me via Pinterest. Essentially it's a quote aimed to be motivational and tells you to "breathe" and that "you will get through this" and ultimately your feelings won't get the best of you. I'm wondering if she thinks I'm just sitting at home in the corner crying all day. Messed up Link to post Share on other sites
shb Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 It's none of her business what you are doing, she made that choice. Every time you find yourself thinking about her punch yourself (wherever you choose) - soon enough you'll stop thinking about her! Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 It's none of her business what you are doing, she made that choice. Every time you find yourself thinking about her punch yourself (wherever you choose) - soon enough you'll stop thinking about her! Oh I'm with you, pal. What has gone down over the past 24 hours is simply self serving bull$hit. She sends me these stupid inspirational quotes 6 weeks after the BU? The guilt is finally getting to her. And you know what? I'm not giving her the time of day. Let her dwell and feel guilty. She should. Link to post Share on other sites
shb Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) I've got to say, I wish I'd handled mine how you did mate! All I can give you is a quick rundown of how it panned out, just to make sure you don't relapse: -She told me she needed 'time to think' after 5 1/2 years together (New Year's Eve 2013), engaged, the whole lot. Should have realised she was starting to mention a co-worker a little too much... -Like many people on here, I thought my situation was somehow different and kept believing. No contact for a few days, resistance would break and I'd agree to see her, we'd meet up, have a great night, I'd go home feeling like I was winning my way back. -The whole time she was biding her time to see if the other guy was serious (while getting me to waste money on her!) and keeping me in reserve. -After two months and a few one night stands (with other girls) I got sick of waiting and told her not to contact me again. Did the whole delete phone number and FB block spiel, started to finally move on. -I strongly advise you not to get involved with other girls beyond casual flings; I hurt a couple of really nice girls who didn't deserve it by letting them think I was after more than just a plaster for my confidence. -It gets to late April and I hear that she's been putting it about that she might have made a mistake, and it messed with my head for all of about ten minutes. -Fast-forward to today and word has it that she and the new guy are either having trouble or are no longer together, I don't even know. I meanwhile am pining for a new girl (a far better match than my ex ever was) who just ended our short 'relationship', partly because she knows I'm not fully committed, and partly because she isn't over her ex yet! She says she wants to try again soon, but just not right now (Major difference: she was completely honest about). If only we'd met a few months down the line... As for my ex, I couldn't give a to** whether she wants to get back together, but that doesn't mean I'm ready for anything serious yet. The moral of the story is to stick with the advice people give you - don't speak to her, see her, or think about her, and try and resist anything beyond really casual flings. Anything other than that before you and any new girls are ready and you will both get hurt - just focus on reaching goals that you wouldn't have time for with a g/f. You may feel like there is no hope and your emotions will be all over the place, but the old saying is true: time is the best healer. There is no escape from your thoughts - you just have to ride it out. You will find someone much better for you than your ex ever was but only if you are not bothered about trying. Hope that helps you stick to the straight and narrow! Edited June 4, 2014 by shb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shb Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Quick follow-up: Watching Swingers (a bunch of times) and Forgetting Sarah Marshall really helped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 You know what really pisses me off? It's painfully obvious that her contacting me was done for the sole reason of removing guilt. And she probably feels like she can go on her merry little way thinking "hey I reached out and sent him an inspirational quote. I did well". That really irks me. Big time. Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Funny, swingers is my all time favorite movie. Almost made my name on here doubledown. Been my favorite movie for 10 years... Never thought I'd be in Mikey's shoes. KM - f her! Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Just in case you were wondering, this is the quote she sent me today: "Breathe. You're going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you've survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They're painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you'll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass." Pure f'n trash Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Just in case you were wondering, this is the quote she sent me today: "Breathe. You're going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you've survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They're painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you'll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass." Pure f'n trash Wtf? Did you reply to her or is this just more drivel? Link to post Share on other sites
Author km19 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 Wtf? Did you reply to her or is this just more drivel? I haven't said a word to her and I won't. Hopefully my non-responses send her a message that I don't want to hear from her. But that quote she sent me is f'd up. Just trying to remove more guilt I suppose. Either way it's completely inappropriate coming from her. Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 I haven't said a word to her and I won't. Hopefully my non-responses send her a message that I don't want to hear from her. But that quote she sent me is f'd up. Just trying to remove more guilt I suppose. Either way it's completely inappropriate coming from her. Wow- this is the epitome of someone trying to off load their guilt. You're doing great btw:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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