Does this Other Woman like me

[Dodd31]

Long story here that I am going to try to keep as short as possible. I am a 31 year old guy coming up on 3 years together with my girlfriend. Almost the last year and a half I have slowly come to the realization that I am unhappy. I've thought a lot over the past year about ending it, for both our sakes, but I'm still in it at the moment. She's a great girl but I'm afraid the spark is just totally gone between us. We both dance around admitting that, but it's the truth and we both know it.

 

I have been in school the past two years, and have been crushing really hard on a girl in class. Never ever making my feelings known, because she has been in a relationship and, obviously so have I.

 

This past weekend was graduation and the whole class hits downtown. Flashforward to 2 in the morning, after admittedly way too much to drink we go from exchanging long glances, to holding hands, to feeling each other under the table, to sticking around until all of classmates have left and making out for well over an hour. Over the course of this time I find out she has left her boyfriend a month ago. She knows I have a girlfriend and keeps saying how what we're doing is wrong and we should stop and then turning around and grabbing my dick while pulling me in for another kiss. After the bar I attempt to walk her home, which turns into us stopping every 2 feet and making out hard. She keeps telling me through all of this how "it's obvious I have liked you all year long/I can't believe you didn't know" lots of stuff like that. All told we spend over 2 hours kissing, dry humping, talking dirty, she's asking me to take her back to her place but I am starting to sober up and realizing that I need to be home to my own GF before the sun comes up.

 

The next day I wake up frankly not feeling as terrible as I thought I was going to. I've never cheated on my GF but because of our deteriorating situation, and because this girl is just so goddamn awesome I'm feeling like I might finally be working up the courage to end it. Anyways she texts me saying she is "so sorry" and how she "feels terrible" as her last bf cheated on her and she knows how it feels. She does say she "really liked me" in the message, but makes an effort to blame the alcohol for what happened. Which is fine, I understand. She is a 100% classy, respectable girl who is probably not used to making out with other guys boyfriends. I'm sure she legitimately does feel terrible on some level.

 

My question to you guys is how much of what happened between us was actually the booze talking? Like I realize we've all done and said things while drunk that we wouldn't normally do, but doesn't the fact that it went on for SO LONG kinda cancel that out? Hehe, maybe just wishful thinking on my part I don't know.

 

I do think I am going to leave my GF but I guess I would just like to know if myself and this girl may have a future. I don't want to ask her that as I'm afraid it would freak her out. Did she really like me all year long or was this just a thing a wasted girl did for fun?

[Dodd31]

She kept saying to me the night before "we should stop..because you love your girlfriend, right?" looking at me waiting for me to answer. And I'd sheepishly say "yeah" and we'd keep making out. This literally happened like over 10 times hahaha. I'm trying to decipher girl code but I'm trying to think why she kept asking me that. Any help would be fantastic.

[KathyM]

I think she was trying to get you to admit that you were no longer that invested in your relationship with your girlfriend, and would be open to dating her instead. Your actions gave her that message, even if your words did not.

[Dodd31]

Thanks. I really hope that's it because I really do like her.

 

Honestly I'm just thrown because the tone of her texts has been soo apologetic/"i feel terrible/i drank too much". I guess I wish she'd just throw me a bone here and say "but i'm actually interested while i'm sober" but I guess that's asking for too much.

 

I would write it off as a drunk thing she did, but it just lasted so long, right? Like you get what I'm saying here with the length of time this went on that night? Usually these drunk things will just be like a kiss or maybe two before one party smartens up, right?

[Dodd31]

I was trying to subtly indicate that I'd like to hang out again, not necessarily to set up a date as I don't want it to be an ongoing affair thing, just to gauge whether she'd be interested down the road in hanging out like when I've ended it with my gf.

 

And she basically says "we should all go out(as a class again) for drinks some afternoon but no late night shooter bars or tequila allowed"..I know this means something but goddmanit if I can't figure out what haha.

[HappyLove]

Your poor gf. Yea this new chick is sooooo classy. I think you two deserve each other.

[Dodd31]

 

C'mon now. There is a lot more to the story of me and my GF than I am letting on here. Essentially I am 95% she cheated on my more than once in the past year with an ex of hers. I can't prove it, and she won't admit it so here I sit. And even if she didn't physically cheat I am 100% she thinks about it often. Even still, I don't hate her for it, we are roommates as opposed to lovers at the moment sadly.

[2sunny]

If you want to leave your GF- I think you will/should.

 

Since you want to explore what may happen with the new gal - I think it's only right to end it - but be honest with her - tell her you've been messing around with someone new.

 

Your GF deserves your truth.

[Dodd31]

would prefer to keep the focus of my existing gf thanks

[Versacehottie]

Thanks. I really hope that's it because I really do like her.

 

Honestly I'm just thrown because the tone of her texts has been soo apologetic/"i feel terrible/i drank too much". I guess I wish she'd just throw me a bone here and say "but i'm actually interested while i'm sober" but I guess that's asking for too much.

 

I would write it off as a drunk thing she did, but it just lasted so long, right? Like you get what I'm saying here with the length of time this went on that night? Usually these drunk things will just be like a kiss or maybe two before one party smartens up, right?

 

Here's girl decipher as i see it (girl as well): she is waiting for you to "throw HER the bone" and say that YOU are actually interested when sober and did not see it as a mistake. After all, you are the one still in a relationship and she is not. She is absolutely into you. Classic.

[Chocolat]

Long story here that I am going to try to keep as short as possible. I am a 31 year old guy coming up on 3 years together with my girlfriend. Almost the last year and a half I have slowly come to the realization that I am unhappy. I've thought a lot over the past year about ending it, for both our sakes, but I'm still in it at the moment. She's a great girl but I'm afraid the spark is just totally gone between us. We both dance around admitting that, but it's the truth and we both know it.

 

Since it is so obvious to you both, then have a conversation and end it.

 

This past weekend was graduation and the whole class hits downtown. Flashforward to 2 in the morning, after admittedly way too much to drink we go from exchanging long glances, to holding hands, to feeling each other under the table, to sticking around until all of classmates have left and making out for well over an hour. Over the course of this time I find out she has left her boyfriend a month ago. She knows I have a girlfriend and keeps saying how what we're doing is wrong and we should stop and then turning around and grabbing my dick while pulling me in for another kiss. After the bar I attempt to walk her home, which turns into us stopping every 2 feet and making out hard. She keeps telling me through all of this how "it's obvious I have liked you all year long/I can't believe you didn't know" lots of stuff like that. All told we spend over 2 hours kissing, dry humping, talking dirty, she's asking me to take her back to her place but I am starting to sober up and realizing that I need to be home to my own GF before the sun comes up.

 

The next day I wake up frankly not feeling as terrible as I thought I was going to. I've never cheated on my GF but because of our deteriorating situation, and because this girl is just so goddamn awesome I'm feeling like I might finally be working up the courage to end it. Anyways she texts me saying she is "so sorry" and how she "feels terrible" as her last bf cheated on her and she knows how it feels. She does say she "really liked me" in the message, but makes an effort to blame the alcohol for what happened. Which is fine, I understand. She is a 100% classy, respectable girl who is probably not used to making out with other guys boyfriends. I'm sure she legitimately does feel terrible on some level.

 

Oh yeah, this screams of "100%, classy, respectable girl." And you're a match.

 

My question to you guys is how much of what happened between us was actually the booze talking? Like I realize we've all done and said things while drunk that we wouldn't normally do, but doesn't the fact that it went on for SO LONG kinda cancel that out? Hehe, maybe just wishful thinking on my part I don't know.

 

I do think I am going to leave my GF but I guess I would just like to know if myself and this girl may have a future. I don't want to ask her that as I'm afraid it would freak her out. Did she really like me all year long or was this just a thing a wasted girl did for fun?

 

Man up and leave your gf without the safety net of this other girl. Because that's what this is really about, right? If the new girl is into you, then you'll leave but, if she isn't, then why not stick around with a sure thing, right?

 

would prefer to keep the focus of my existing gf thanks

 

I bet. :sick:

[Gottabestrong]

would prefer to keep the focus of my existing gf thanks

 

Than you should not have mentioned that you have one. I think some people will be morally opposed to giving you advice on how to gauge another girl's interest in you while being in a relationship with someone else. Me being one of them.

[ExpatInItaly]

What are you hanging on to your girlfriend for? Let her go. If you're sure she's cheated on you in the past, and now you've cheated on her, what's the point in continuing any longer? The relationship is dead in the water. Part ways and then explore options with this other woman. Until then, do not engage her in any more flirting.

[shinealight]

So you are having an affair with this girl and now she has fallen for you. And now is basically wanting you to dump your'e girlfriend so you can ask her out properly.

 

If you do not want to be with your'e girlfriend then tell her the truth instead of leading her on. And the girl who you are having an affair with do you want to be with her? You can't just be with two people at the same time it never works trust me.

 

You need to decide who you want to be with before it all ends badly.

[Dodd31]

Jeez a lot of sanctimonious people on here. I wasn't aware people here would be so black and white with everything. As I said, the story of me and my gf is a long story, for a separate thread perhaps. I only included it as a detail because I feel it's pretty important to the dynamics of this specific situation.

[Dodd31]

Here's girl decipher as i see it (girl as well): she is waiting for you to "throw HER the bone" and say that YOU are actually interested when sober and did not see it as a mistake. After all, you are the one still in a relationship and she is not. She is absolutely into you. Classic.

 

I honestly appreciate your feedback helping me piece this together, thanks.

 

I get what you're saying here except for the fact that I already tried to let her know over the course of a few texts that I didn't think it was a mistake. t texted her the next day saying that I thought it was a good thing. I said felt a little bad "but i liked it, and wanted it to happen when it was happening as I've had a crush on you for the past two years".

She said she: "had a few too many and really liked you too!." (That's all word for word there)

 

Her usage of liked me as in past tense is what's really throwing me off here. Like maybe I'm overthinking this but if she just said "I really like you too!" that would totally clear it up, you know what I mean? Arrrgh! I would love to know although I feel the best move is to play it cool right now.

[mrs rubble]

If I were the "100% classy gal". I'd have nothing to do with you ever again, because you've proven already yourself to me to be a cheater.