elseaacych Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Something I've seen a lot on this forum: "S/he went back to her ex within a week." "S/he was still talking to his/her ex! And they went back to her!" All I can say is: "Wow", and just wonder how that dynamic works. I want to hear your experiences, have you ever tried to get back with your ex while they were with someone else? Did it work? (Did you regret it?) Have you ever had an ex get back with one of their exes while they were with you? Did you see it coming? Did you know they were talking with them behind your back? Obviously, exes are exes for a reason, and NC is the best way to go to get over past relationships, but what's your experience with situations like this? Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I haven't been in that situation, but I'm not sure I'd want someone back who went back to their ex straight after me. Kind of doesn't make you feel special, why should you fight for someone who wants to take their pick of people? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 My ex of 4 years had an ex that he remained friends with. When we first started dating this didn't sit too well with me, but with time I came to accept and trust that maybe it's possible to be friends with an ex. It's not like they talked every day, just on facebook here and there. 2 months after my ex left me - where did he end up? Across the country dating his ex again. The 4 years we shared were great, he seemed really invested in us, we did everything together. I don't think he had thoughts of going back to his ex, until a few weeks before he left me, almost a way for him to find some familiarity from his past and a way to avoid having to do what he claimed he was doing... "Figure himself out" It hurts, but at the same time deep down I don't think they will last... That could just be my wishful thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Normally when someone dumps you they wont come back. I haven't found it hard to get someone interested again but then I've moved on. We miss what we can't have. Sometimes they come back but almost every time they only come back for a week or two realizing nothing has changed. And I think even if the person changes completely the next day. It's to easy to read. You did it for me and not for yourself= you value me more then yourself. Nah i say let go and if you wanna get back together then wait a few months/ a year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 My sister was in a relationship with a guy who was separated from his wife. He was very confused and still spoke to his wife a lot - he was at least honest (he wanted an open relationship with both women) and my sister didn't want anything like that. The last she heard, he went back to his wife who took him back. Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 (edited) I'm with someone else and ex is with someone else. Broke up over a year ago, he rebounded right away and I moved on to someone new months later. We were deeply in love and the relationship ended mostly due to distance and a lot of hurtful actions as a result of that. We were both depressed after the breakup and both of our new partners knew about our struggles to overcome it. After full NC, we got back in touch some months ago... we talk daily, he wants a second chance, I don't think I do... I couldn't leave my wonderful boyfriend. None of our partners know we are in touch. My experience so far has had mixed results, in one hand I was happy to talk to him again and sort out a lot of things that were haunting me all this time... it gave me peace, it allowed me to understand him more, it also helped me see him without the rose-colored glasses and realize he was never right for me. The strong chemistry we used to have however, is still there and is something no other partner can compare to so it's hard to talk to him and immediately interact with my boyfriend and have this sensation that something will always be missing... it makes me regret having let him back in... but how to kick him out of my life again?. Also, despite him being the dumper and me the most damaged one after the break-up, he's the one having the toughest time understanding we may not happen again and that I'm with someone else now... he cries, get jealous... I wish it didn't hurt him but sometimes I feel a bit of satisfaction for that. In short, it's confusing and so emotionally complex to just say this is wrong and this is right, and someone's always hurt... Edited April 28, 2014 by lop98 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author elseaacych Posted April 29, 2014 Author Share Posted April 29, 2014 That's really interesting, Lop. It sounds like your ex got back in touch with you, having some dumper's remorse. What do you think your BF would find out you were talking to your ex? Have you considered letting him know about it? Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 I have considered it but I know he wouldn't react well and with a good reason. It would also make him insecure and he really has nothing to worry about. It makes me feel awful to keep this from him and definitely makes me question my morals but my ex was my best friend prior to dating, we were friends for 10 years, it never felt right to have him out of my life... it was absolutely necessary while I healed but it also hurt more than just keeping in touch. He wants a second chance though and he insists on it every time we talk so in a way I know it's sadly just a matter of time before he can't handle this anymore and I lose him again, this time for good. Link to post Share on other sites
johnson_j Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 I've been dumped by 3 girls who went back to their exes, and I've taken exes back twice (although I didn't dump anyone to do so). #1 - I was the rebound. She dropped me, went back to ex, he dumped her again, she wound up trying to reignite things with me but I was done. Still friends today. #2 - I was the rebound (ouch hurts to write that but it's true). Distance came between us and she wound up dumping me to explore if they could work things out. He wasn't interested once he found out I was out of the picture (surprise, surprise) so she begged/pleaded with me to give her another chance, which I did, only two months later to find out she was still confused about him or me. So I dumped her. She's never recovered from it all best I know. #3 - Recent - similar situation as #2. Outcome uncertain. Personally I will always ask now whether girls have any contact with ex's and steer clear of those who do. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 My ex of 4 years had an ex that he remained friends with. When we first started dating this didn't sit too well with me, but with time I came to accept and trust that maybe it's possible to be friends with an ex. It's not like they talked every day, just on facebook here and there. 2 months after my ex left me - where did he end up? Across the country dating his ex again. The 4 years we shared were great, he seemed really invested in us, we did everything together. I don't think he had thoughts of going back to his ex, until a few weeks before he left me, almost a way for him to find some familiarity from his past and a way to avoid having to do what he claimed he was doing... "Figure himself out" It hurts, but at the same time deep down I don't think they will last... That could just be my wishful thinking. On the other hand, I think this should show people who are wondering about a second chance with their ex that you just never know what will happen down the line. You were with this guy for 4 years. So 4+ years later, someone else got their second chance again. Sorry for your story, but just looking at it from another way. People should move on and maybe years later, who knows... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted May 5, 2014 Share Posted May 5, 2014 On the other hand, I think this should show people who are wondering about a second chance with their ex that you just never know what will happen down the line. You were with this guy for 4 years. So 4+ years later, someone else got their second chance again. Sorry for your story, but just looking at it from another way. People should move on and maybe years later, who knows... Thats actually a very valid point. However sucks for STM206. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts