He is a friend, .... but what do you think about this?

[clynn]

We met almost a year ago over email through mutual friends. He moved to my city from somewhere else and so I helped him find a place to live here. This was all over email. Then we met after he was settled in for a bit and became pretty quick friends.

 

He joined my fun-softball game once a week. And the first time we went out just the 2 of us he referred to it as a "date" and flirted heavily. I actually responded with laughter because I was so surprised, I didn't think it was a date at all. And I was dating someone else at the time, unbenownst to my new friend, albeit casually, but I simply wasn't thinking about him as a potential bf.

 

He hit on me at this time, gave me a few back rubs and tried to coax me into more and though I was enjoying myself I didn't go for it then. Two reasons: 1) Too much other stuff going on and 2) not wanting to rush into physical stuff.

 

Then we hung out more socially over the summer. Soon enough I started developing deeper feelings for him. I think I started to clam up though once I felt that way. He would visit me spontaneiously, leave cute messages and flirt like crazy. But I also felt that he was distancing himself. Besides, he tends to have other "girl / friends" -- yet says he isn't "dating" anybody.

 

Also, he works out of town frequently so I get frustrated with having his company for a while and then nothing, especially not knowing the status of anything. He is also extremely passionate and dedicated to his work. I believe in the work he does.

 

One night he came to my place, which is a little bit out of town and so we made plans for a "sleepover". It was a great night, we talked until the wee hours and even shared a bed. BUT ---- no kissing or anything else, a little very mild touching and cuddling. I would have been open to it. He wasn't making the moves like he did at the beginning. I initiated a little contact (neck rub that sort of thing) , as I thought I should this time round. But we didn't take it any further and no talking about "us" at all.

 

This was a few months ago. Then he left town again and I heard nothing while he was away. We reconnected when he came back and in the meantime I started dating someone, which I told him I was (he asked me if I had had any dates).

 

Now I'm no longer dating that other person.

 

He and I currently have opposing and extremely busy schedules (we are both passionate and hard workers).

 

We still talk. He calls me for big events in his life. He continues to be in adn out of town quite a bit adn I don't see this changing.

 

Regardless, I'd like to know if this could have "more than friend" potential.

 

And how to make that leap now?

 

Is it possible?

[Tiger-Lily]

This sounds like you should keep things on a friendship level.

 

Don't fantasize about the situation and play it safe. Don't get too heavy about your feelings at this point in the game. It seems as if he was 'testing' you, to see if you would be physically intimate with him, but you stood your ground.

 

Be involved in interesting extracurricular activities if you have too. Don't lose your cool about him. Get over it.

 

Don't hang around hoping he will be your boyfriend. If he wants to be serious, he will not toy with you.

[clynn]

Thanks for the feedback.

 

Nice always to see what someone else thinks.

 

My uncertainty lay in the situation because he initially was the pursuer and my friends / coworkers would say, "He likes you" "He is behaving interested in you. "

I would say "Oh no we're just friends" as that was all I was interested in.

 

But at that time I wasn't interested romantically. That developed for me later.

 

I wondered if I put him off and lost my opportunity or if I just needed to bring it up now.

 

But your feedback is important - nice to have third party opinion!!!

 

Thanks a lot!

 

I won't stress about it, I don't usually. I just think about it occasionally.

 

 

Thanks!

[Spirit]

Hi clynn,

 

Yes, I believe that he would be interested to taking your relationship with him to the next level... that is if you're interested and let him know that. I interpret the "distancing himself" just as his tactic to give you more time to "wonder" about him. He continues to communicate well... BUT has he continued to express his curiousity about you, outside expressing his physical attraction to you? This action would be the dealbreaker for me.

 

So yes... if you initiate a meeting (even for a coffee) with him, I'll even believe that he'll make himself available to you. But please do know what his intentions with you -- physical only, or seeking a lifelong partner, etc. -- are.

[clynn]

Well, we used to spend more time together doing stuff. Our schedules permitted it better and now I work all days and he works all nights, both of us 6 days a week plus.

 

Anyhow, he called me a few times recently to chat and he suggested lunch next week, he can meet me at work.

 

Then today he called and asked me to go shopping with him.

 

I think I'll go.

 

I'm pretty tired though.

[clynn]

Well I didn't go out with him today.

 

We talked for a while on the phone and connected well.

 

He told me had bought a new suit (for a friend's wedding about a month ago).... and that we should come up with an occasion for us to go out so he can wear it and we'll both dress up.

 

Hmmmm.

 

We will go for lunch or something this week.

[Sunny3715]

It sounds to me like there is VERY good potential here!!!!

[clynn]

Aaaack.

 

Its been a while since I've seen this guy. I knew that he was working on a project rather intently so the deadline was today adn bingo he has phoned me up to go out. Turns out we both coincidentally had in mind the same activity for the evening, solo, so instead we're going together.

 

Hmmm, to make moves and go forward or no?

 

And how?

 

Yikes!!!!!

[SuperFantastico]

Well i think you guys are geting into the friend zone very soon. So i'd maybe find

out if he's still interested or not. But maybe its different for girls. They seem to have all the power when it comes to if a relationship is gonna happen or not.

 

I think he might have been distancing himself because he believes you are not interested. I mean he tried his best and you didnt go for it. How much longer do you want the guy to keep trying.

 

Same thing happened with me and my friend. Years later after the fact she started

to kinda get more flirty with me(which she tended to do just before she got a boyfriend?! ) But this time was a bit different. It was alot more sexually charged. I didnt bother going for it though because i tried for so many years without any luck, i felt it pointless to try any further. Perhaps i could have gotten with her. But the whole girl body language thing is lost on me. Especially with her. I mean crossing you legs twards me tells me nothing.

 

Figure out what you want and then take the necessary course of action. No vague mixed message crap.

[clynn]

We went out last nite. It had been a little while since we'd last seen each other. We had a wonderful time. The same general flirting but nothing too heavy duty. Cuz it had been a while it was more playing catch up with each other's lives.

 

When we said good bye he gave me a long long hug, said some nice things and we were on our way.

 

Arrggggh.

 

Now he is out of town again for a few weeks.

 

Also, he is in quite a different place with his career than he was a year ago, and he is extremely busy and experiencing success. Keeps him v. busy, lots of deadlines and out of town a fair bit also. The distancing also has to do with these practical considerations I believe. Solely? I dunno.

 

Also, interesting talking about your situation w/your friend. I did end up dating someone last winter for a while, partly because my friend and I got to a certain point of closeness, and then, there he was out of town again and I hear nothing from him and I wonder if I was just imagining that we were developing something? So, in the meantime, someone else crossed my path and I decided to go with it since I decided to accept the situation with my friend as pointless.

 

Last night he offered up that he will give me updates, send me emails while he is away. I told him I'd like that.