I really miss my great friendship with her. Can I bring it back?

[Pablo1]

I was on holiday towards the end of last year, and a girl found me on the internet. She was staying a few doors down in a holiday apartment from me, but hadn't spoken face-to-face or anything, she just used to sit near me with her family at the resort's restaurant.

 

A couple of weeks later, she started talking to me, in a friendly way, talking about the holiday. It was great, we became really good friends and we were both happy, despite only speaking through video chat. If I'm honest the situation did seem strange but we got on really well, and it continued for months and months. She is 17, I'm towards the end of my 18th year.

 

For many months, she would speak to me day in and day out, and I would do the same. I asked her if she would like to meet one day in the future, she said she wanted time to think about it, as she lives around 2 hours away, so I gave her time to think about it.

 

I tried to be really good to her, as I sort of got interested in her, and she seemed to be doing the same to begin with, as she was always talking to me. She seemed to appreciate who I was and the support I gave her, so I kept waiting. However, I asked her again in a conversational tone, and she went really shy & didn't make eye contact, and suddenly started drifting away, and later said that she couldn't take it seriously, due to the distance, but I hope to be friends. She said it was nice to get to know me as well.

I sort of got a false sense of hope, because it seemed like she gained a strong interest in me, so I tried to bring her on.

 

2 months later, I asked her how she was in a friendly manner, but she didn't reply, and has gone very quiet across the internet. Now, I know she is younger than me, but I was quite confused and damaged by this, because the friendship has seemed to have disappeared, but I would like to bring it back. When I sent that message I was wondering if she thought I wanted to bring romance back into the equation, which I wasn't, I just wanted to see how she was doing.

 

Other local friends tell me to leave her to it but I really do miss the friendship side. You could argue that the situation is odd, but we were great friends despite not meeting in person, and it seems to have mixed up everything. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable about it, and don't want to move on with my life without solving this, because it feels like a missing piece to a jigsaw.

Perhaps I rushed her or she was afraid of reality. Would you recommend asking her if we can talk or still JUST be friends?

 

Thanks for your time!

[Pablo1]

OOPS! I aimed to post this in the Friendship section guys, apologies!

[ja123]

I think your feelings are romantic, not platonic; so, you'd better use your time and energy finding someone who can reciprocate.

[Pablo1]

I think your feelings are romantic, not platonic; so, you'd better use your time and energy finding someone who can reciprocate.

 

My feelings did become romantic to a certain extent, because she seemed to show that she wanted something romantic. However, now I want to be just friends, and nothing more. Could I talk to her about it?

[ja123]

You have nothing to lose by bringing up the subject with her.

[Pablo1]

You have nothing to lose by bringing up the subject with her.

 

I'm just wondering how I should start. My parents discourage the idea, but I don't know what to say, considering she ignored me last time. What do you think?

[ja123]

Just say, "Hey, it's been a while since we were last in touch. I was wondering how you've been and whether we could still correspond from time to time just a friends. It would be good to hear from you."

[Pablo1]

Just say, "Hey, it's been a while since we were last in touch. I was wondering how you've been and whether we could still correspond from time to time just a friends. It would be good to hear from you."

 

Thanks for your support. I just feel lost about the whole situation, whether she's hiding something or the fact that she felt pressured, given that I tried to wait as much as possible. I mean, you don't message someone everyday for the sake of it, do you? And that was what she was doing

[ja123]

You don't know exactly what's going on with her ... she could have a boyfriend by now.

 

 

But, I think you'll need to ask yourself why you care so much for someone who doesn't care so you.

 

 

In other words, why do you need her to validate you?

 

 

Whether she contacts you or not shouldn't be a reflection of your self-worth. It sure is sad, and sometimes confusing ... but the best way to handle this type of thing is to be proactive and surround yourself with people who care about you, too, and do things (build skills, learn something new, travel, etc.) that will increase good feelings inside yourself.

 

 

I think you should let her go, and move on; but, if you absolutely have to know "for sure", then you can try one last time to contact her. You will have your answer.

[Pablo1]

You don't know exactly what's going on with her ... she could have a boyfriend by now.

 

 

But, I think you'll need to ask yourself why you care so much for someone who doesn't care so you.

 

 

In other words, why do you need her to validate you?

 

 

Whether she contacts you or not shouldn't be a reflection of your self-worth. It sure is sad, and sometimes confusing ... but the best way to handle this type of thing is to be proactive and surround yourself with people who care about you, too, and do things (build skills, learn something new, travel, etc.) that will increase good feelings inside yourself.

 

 

I think you should let her go, and move on; but, if you absolutely have to know "for sure", then you can try one last time to contact her. You will have your answer.

 

I kinda have the feeling I scared her away, but I'm confused as to why she doesn't want to speak. She doesn't have a boyfriend from what I can see. She used to say comments that tried to hint she liked me, so it confused everything. I don't want to see her for real now, but I'd be pleased to find the key to the truth (if I can)

[ja123]

So, you could also ask the question: "I haven't heard from you lately? Is there a reason why? Did I do anything wrong?"

[Pablo1]

So, you could also ask the question: "I haven't heard from you lately? Is there a reason why? Did I do anything wrong?"

 

Yeah, I think I will. In my position, would you gladly move on? My target was to make her more mature & make her feel happy to talk to me, because she seemed to be down a lot to begin with, but not because of past relationships for example. It's frustrates me her parents don't see this

[ja123]

My target was to make her more mature & make her feel happy to talk to me ... It's frustrates me her parents don't see this

 

 

 

This isn't about you.

 

 

And it's not your job or business "to make" anyone do or feel anything.

 

 

This might be codependent or controlling.

 

 

Worry about your own life, and respect her enough to make the decisions she needs for her life.

 

 

You play cleanly from your side of the court only. Present whatever you're offering, and if it suits her then she'll take you up on it.

 

 

If not, let go and move on.

 

 

Don't force or manipulate.

[Pablo1]

This isn't about you.

 

 

And it's not your job or business "to make" anyone do or feel anything.

 

 

This might be codependent or controlling.

 

 

Worry about your own life, and respect her enough to make the decisions she needs for her life.

 

 

You play cleanly from your side of the court only. Present whatever you're offering, and if it suits her then she'll take you up on it.

 

 

If not, let go and move on.

 

 

Don't force or manipulate.

 

It's a difficult decision. The problem is, is that she is a little immature, as she's younger than myself, so she's a typical female teen who's emotions range from one to the next.

But then I think to myself, I was always a good person to her, so I should allow myself to talk. If she doesn't respond, then removal is my only option, as she evidently doesn't want to be friends

[Pablo1]

This isn't about you.

 

 

And it's not your job or business "to make" anyone do or feel anything.

 

 

This might be codependent or controlling.

 

 

Worry about your own life, and respect her enough to make the decisions she needs for her life.

 

 

You play cleanly from your side of the court only. Present whatever you're offering, and if it suits her then she'll take you up on it.

 

 

If not, let go and move on.

 

 

Don't force or manipulate.

 

Sent her a message similar to what you said as an example not so long ago, still hasn't replied & looks to be giving me the silent treatment. I think she has confused herself, shall I just remove her? I wish I could solve the problem, she's not clear with herself