Leaf Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Tonight was supposed to be a night with MM. I knew he was going out to dinner but said that he would meet me at a certain time. A few hours after we were supposed to get together he talked to me and said that there was a situation at his In-Laws, that an ambulance might have to come to the house for one of them. I was immediatly stricken with guilt. Before he hung up the phone he told me He would call me tomorrow. I tild him it was okay, that he didnt have to. He responded with "Don't start. I WILL call you tommorow, I miss you, kiss." When I got off the phone I burst into tears. All the guilt had rose up in me. How could I in any good conscience take anything from this poor girl who may lose a parent. The other night the parent had to go to the hospital as well. He stayed at home and spent the night on the phone with me.. for hours. How could he not go to the hospital with her? How can he call me at any point in such a devestating time and tell me how sorry he was and that he missed me, kissing me over the phone. BS must have been in hysterics, scared, crying, ect... I cant do this. This is wrong. So I wrote him a letter explaining how it would be best for him to focus on what he had there, that having a loved one ill is devestating and he needed to take care of that. I wished him other sentiments as well. I have been crying trying to send the letter. Trying to get the courage to give up something and someone I love so very deeply so as to no longer hurt BS. The guilt of knowing I slept with MM this morning is eating me up, knowing now her parent in gravely ill. Here is the twist. one of our friends made mention of MM tonight... he had been playing games tonight... how can this be possible if there was an emergency at home? Which is worse? The fact that he ignored me all night to play a stupid game and used a sick parent as an excuse? OR the fact that while there was an emergency at home, he was playing a stupid game? Who in hell is this man? I no longer know. With all he has put me through, I always thought he had a good heart and that he just made poor descisions. Now, I dont know. Maybe I am assuming a great deal about what exactly happened tonight. But bottom line, how can I keep doing this? and more importantly, how can I stop? Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 MM.....I say take everything with a grain of salt. Yes you love him, but dont you think that you owe it to yourself to also do things that make you happy? Let him play all the games he wants....but do what makes you happy. Surely he cannot be your whole world! Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Regardless of the fact that you're not sure which "story" is true.........the fact remains that he is LYING to you! I highly doubt if there was an "emergency" at the in laws he'd leave his wife's side in order to go play a game! And if in fact this is true why oh why would you want to continue with such an insensitive jerk?? --Love-- right?!?! Anyway he's blown you off twice now when you were suppossed to have plans...tonight he blew you off to PLAY A GAME....how important does that make you feel? Not only do you come 2nd to the wife but now you're coming after a GAME??? Please do not take this as a "personal attack" because by all means I don't know you nor am I judging you...I'm just stating that facts that YOU have stated here... I think it's good that you were being unselfish enough to end it with him for the "BS" (wife's) sake......but now maybe you should consider doing so for YOUR OWN GOOD! How can you not feel that you deserve better? Have you been so "bad" in life that you feel this is all your worth and all you deserve? Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 i know how you feel and sympathise greatly. i recently found out not only do i come after the family and work and football i also come after the mates, even when i have a very bad problem come up. barby is right that we must have severely low self esteem. however i know that i have reasons other than that that make me feel it is hard to move on. how about you, is there any reason why you dont feel as though you can move on and find someone/thing else to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaf Posted February 5, 2005 Author Share Posted February 5, 2005 I guess it is low self-esteem. But there are other reasons: Not wanting failure I guess, Knowing that if he would just get his head out of his ass that we'd be fine again like we were before all this crap. I dont know.. Its so damn frustrating. He sent me an email this morning.. saying he was going to the mall and that he would ttml... an email.. wow.. how special I felt *eye roll* I wrote him back saying that he was going to explain to me what happened last night. That 2 people told me that he was playing all night. He got pissy and told me to check the game stats, he sighed, then told me to have a good day. *sigh* I am sure I've pissed him off for having dared question him because the world revolves around him and how dare anyone question him. I dont even want to call him. I'm just "blah" over this right now. sick of being a side dish, tired of being an after thought, discusted I am in this position at all. Maybe I am addicted to him, I just cant let it go... He is like my drug of choice. I just cant say no. Someone here posted a while ago that their MM knew that he was the OWs weakness and he used it. I kinda feel that way too sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
KellyBean18 Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Originally posted by Leaf Tonight was supposed to be a night with MM. Here is the twist. one of our friends made mention of MM tonight... Gosh if I am wrong tell me please, but I thought MM meant Married Man... which means he is already untruthful to somone... and you are wondering if he is a liar ? Now I too have been with a MM, but I never tried to defend his character I was getting laid ... Thats it , plain and simple Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 yes of course they know it and of course they use it. they get pissed off when you complain about your end of the deal. they want it how they want it. the reason they are attracted in the first place is cos its a place they go when they wanna feel good without being hassled. its a place where they dont get nagged and they are adored. thats all they want, they dont want it to change, they dont want demands, they dont want to be nagged. if you start to become what they dont want they get p!ssed at you for not being what they want, they never think about what you want never, only about how best to keep you as what they want you. I KNOW!!!!!!LETS LEAVE THIS PLACE! Link to post Share on other sites
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