Fed up

[onthemend]

I have trying soo hard to remain strong with the break-up of my relationship but the fact still remains that I miss him. I miss talking to him walking,sleeping, driving etc... with him.

 

He sent me a txt last Friday to wish me luck with a job interview - i txted back to thank him. That was it I haven't heard from him since and I so want to. I am tempted to call him but I know I will be upset when we put the phones down.

 

I know that the friendship thing is still along way of as I am not ready to see him just as a friend.

 

I'm feeling miserable and totally pissed off today, strange some days are ok and what with Valentines Day on the horizon its just making it worse :-(

 

Anyway, thank God for LS, as in a weird way it reassures me that there are people out there in the same boat and can offer some way of coping.

 

Thanks All

[upsetnhurt]

On the mend,

 

You have my sympathies here. In a very similar situation where my ex and I have started exchanging emails. The problem is that the emails have no feeling in them whatsoever (very superficial). I get so upset (never show her that though) and fall back a bit with my emotions subsequently as I still feel for this girl (broke up due to her inability to let go of an ex). I have to tell you that maybe it is not so bad to not hear from him. You are not ready for just friendship just as I am not and the lack of feelings shown by our ex's will crush us. It is not their faults I tell myself since they are following the way they feel and unfortunately it happens to be the opposite to our feelings at the moment. Keep your head up and be strong. Go work out, shop, watch tv....anything although trust me I know it is difficult. Know that there are others like you and they are not calling too .

[upsetnhurt]

On the mend,

 

One more thing....I'm curious as to what you think you might say if you called him? Think about what it is that you are looking for. I am sure it is not a friend at the moment and the topics that you want to chat about will only push him further away. Likewise the topics he wants to talk about will only hurt you more. Live your life and make yourself the best person there is out there. In time, if he realizes his mistake he will be the first to call. Hopefully you will be far ahead and far removed from him. What caused the breakup by the way?

[onthemend]

Thanks for your input Sami and Upsetandhurt.

 

I have to say that something has happened today that has really thrown and upset me. He called.

 

I burbled on about how the interview went etc he then said the reason why he called was not only to find out how I was (which I don't believe) but also that he was sitting on his boat with someone who knew me. I live 2 hours drive away from him so this was intriguing. It turns out the women he was with was someone I employed about 12 years ago. She at the time (without me knowing) had slept with my ex husband.

 

She was employed by myself and business partner but proceeded to branch out by herself under cutting our prices. I was furious on both accounts and haven't spoken to her since, until today. She was at the time a very close friend and knew pretty much everything about me - and my ex!!

 

I am so upset by this. I know I should just forget it and get on with my life but the thought of both of them sitting there discussing me is nearly to much for me to bear.

 

Please advise again

[upsetnhurt]

On the mend,

 

I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he did not know this woman's relationship to you.........yet the fact that he would call really confuses me......You need to be strong and realize that this is a guy that you thought you had feelings for.....why On the Mend? Do you want someone who would disrespect in this way? That is how you need to approach this......Once again it is easy to say and harder to practice. I myself had a tough day thinking about my past relationship....stupid yet it permeates my mind sometimes. You sound nice and I hate to hear you are hurting yet tell yourself that he is the loser. Don't think too much about why he called cause that could confuse you....next time don't answer the phone or text (again harder to do than say) and let him realize that you are not waiting around for him.....you are a hot commodity .

[onthemend]

The problem is that I am 'a nice person' and now I have learnt't there has to be no more mrs nice guy!

 

I had a crap nights sleep and am determined to not let another human being carry on doing this to me.

 

The break up was caused by his inability to really commit himself. It was a joint descision (sort of) but I am still, stupidly, in love with him.

 

I hope you are doing ok upsetnhurt. As the old saying goes there are plenty more fish in the ocean and perhaps one day you and I might make a really good catch!

 

Thanks for your advice - I'm going to try and not think about it all day today.

[lynnered]

just a long poem that helps me..

after awhile by Veronica Shoffstall

after awhile ,you learn the subtle difference ,between holding a hand&chaining a soul,

and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning &company doesn't mean security&you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts.

and presents aren't promises ,&you begin to accept your defeats,with your head up &your eyes open,with the grace of a woman ,not the grief of a child.

and you learn to build all your roads on today,

because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans&futures have a way of falling down mid flight.

after awhile ,you learn

that even sunshine burns if you get to much,so you plant your own garden &decorate your own soul ,instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

and you learn that you really can endure ...

that you really are strong ,

and you really do have worth .

and you learn &learn ...

and with every goodbye you learn

[upsetnhurt]

On the mend,

 

I stupidly continue to make excuses for my ex as well since I feel lots of love for her too......yet I am snapping out of it day by day. I tend to think we think we are still in love for the wrong reasons......what you and I are in love with is the "romanticized" version of our former mates. It seems to me that I find it easier to focus on what went wrong with her and attempt to dream of a reconciliation rather than face the world again and find that special someone. In reality the people that we were with did not possess the qualities that we hold dear to our heart and if told upfront that they lacked them we never would have pursued a relationship. Chalk it up to a learning experience and realize that you are indeed a better person for it as you will never be as fragile and confused again. You can still be "Ms Nice Guy" for someone else, just be more willing to vocalize your disappointments and communicate. Don't let this loser of an ex change how you treat others cause you are indeed a great person as is. Remember, you did nothing wrong here, he is the loser in this instance and he will regret it I assure you....It is amazing how easy it is to be objective for someone else's problem yet not my own .