Should I seek divorce? (Updated)

[xyzisnotme]

Yeah I have to agree, I don't think 2Sunny was saying anything mean or even boundary crossing. No one knows what you are doing so if you are doing that or more then just state it.

 

Why don't you do individual counseling? If you have insurance it should be covered and you don't need your wife to participate in that for you to.

 

You can't control the actions of others just your own. Trying to turn over every rock will usually, just based on statistics, result in some sort of return on investment.

 

Regardless of what you need to do for your marriage, you have to focus on yourself and helping yourself before you can either invest more in the marriage or divorce. As unhappy as you are with it, there are pluses and nice security bubble right now that is going to allow you more flexibility to focus on your needs right now.

 

Go to counseling, work on you, an then see what you need to do with your wife. Just being able to conquer your demons and showing that you are actively investing in life may change your wife's viewpoint of you or change yours towards your wife. Either way it is a healthy state of mind for you both.

 

Wishing you the best.

 

Thanks. Yes, I am going for counseling with my wife and without my wife sometimes. I absolutely have to work on myself.

I do feel 2Sunny was crossing the line. She was making it sound like I was not doing enough. I know where conversations that start like this end up. People accusing me of not caring or trying enough when in fact I have. It's best to nip it in the bud before a whole long ugly thread starts. I have been through this before.

[beach]

It's going to take change, change from you. What can you change?

[xyzisnotme]

I really freaked out tonight and told my teenager I was divorcing his mom. I feel so bad. I probably scared him for life. I made it sound like my wife was cheating when I didn't mean to make it sound that way. My kid covered her/his ears. I'm a jerk. I believe my dw is having an emotional affair not physical. But who the hell knows. She's been lying to me. I really need to get my act together.

[xyzisnotme]

Please help me take the steps to divorce my dw.

I have not worked in years and I am financially dependent on her.

I really need to know the steps to end this joke called a marriage. I will not allow myself to be treated so poorly anymore. I believe there is an emotional affair going on at best. At worst my dw has LIED to me for months about something. It may seem small what she lied about. But to me it's a BIG thing since she swore time and time again about it. I'm done! I need my respect back.

So what steps do I take? Thanks for any help.

[xyzisnotme]

My wife lied to me and we are supposed to be people of faith. She swore on the bible. UNREAL! I don't know what to believe now. I will never trust her again!!!

[Arieswoman]

xyzisnotme,

I am sorry you are in this situation.

 

Could you say a bit more about why you are not working, are you ill or disabled?

 

What makes you suspect an EA?

 

Could you say more about what she lied about.

 

I am sure people here would like to help you but more information is needed first.

 

It would also help if you could say what country you are in. In UK there are various benefits/aids available to people who are unable to work.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, you've got me curious.

 

What'd she lie about.

 

And I thought that swearing an oath on the bible was actually against Christ's teachings.

[dreamingoftigers]

You sound pretty frustrated.

 

But depending on the context etc, perhaps one day you will be moved to forgive her?

[Priv]

Lied about what? everybody lies... Unless very serious you should let it go. Or are you conveniently forgetting the dozens of little lies and half truths you told your wife over the last few years.

[xyzisnotme]

xyzisnotme,

I am sorry you are in this situation.

 

Could you say a bit more about why you are not working, are you ill or disabled?

 

What makes you suspect an EA?

 

Could you say more about what she lied about.

 

I am sure people here would like to help you but more information is needed first.

 

It would also help if you could say what country you are in. In UK there are various benefits/aids available to people who are unable to work.

 

Thanks Arieswoman. I am in USA.

I can't keep a job or get hired. I am getting check out why. I have skills but I am older. She admitted she has a EA with him. It's probably not that big. I am guilty more serious transgressions in years past. Not that it's an excuse but I was dying for touch something she hardly gave me. I had to beg for it all in my marriage. She lied about getting a txt from her B. It would not have been a big deal. It's just that she lied to my face about it. There is more but I don't want to get too in-depth. Luvy Duy songs being sent back and forth.... saying i love you.. She has never said these things to me. I am very lonely and dismissed.... no more.

[Elle1975]

Find a job. Any job. That's step #1.

 

If you don't have any education, and your english is limited, pursue one. They have ESL classes (English second language). I should know, English isn't my mother tongue. Anyway, that would be step #2.

[Arieswoman]

Hello xyzisnotme,

you said;-

 

I can't keep a job or get hired. I am getting check out why. I have skills but I am older.

 

you need to address this now

 

I don't know what is available in USA but in UK there are a whole load of classes/courses/seminars/workshops etc etc to help people back into employment. Age is not a barrier.

 

You need to explore why you can't get/keep a job. It is maybe to do with you or maybe not. You need to work at finding out what you can offer to the workplace and make yourself employable.

 

Is your first language English ? If your first language isn't English then you may need some more help.

 

Please keep posting, as there are some smart people on this forum who live in USA who may be able to help you better than I can.

 

Good luck

[xyzisnotme]

Hello xyzisnotme,

you said;-

 

 

 

you need to address this now

 

I don't know what is available in USA but in UK there are a whole load of classes/courses/seminars/workshops etc etc to help people back into employment. Age is not a barrier.

 

You need to explore why you can't get/keep a job. It is maybe to do with you or maybe not. You need to work at finding out what you can offer to the workplace and make yourself employable.

 

Is your first language English ? If your first language isn't English then you may need some more help.

 

Please keep posting, as there are some smart people on this forum who live in USA who may be able to help you better than I can.

 

Good luck

 

Thanks. I am addressing it now. Yes, English is my first language. I write much better usually.

[evanescentworld]

.....

I don't know what is available in USA but in UK there are a whole load of classes/courses/seminars/workshops etc etc to help people back into employment.

Please forgive me for the contradiction, but this is terribly misleading, Arieswoman.

Many courses are not free, and are not subsidised. Besides, finding a course and doing what you want to do, is almost impossible.

I have two definite career options, but neither educational course, leading to accredited qualifications (although I am already very able to do both jobs!) is funded, or has available grants. College courses have no grants available, and no easy loan options, although courses can be paid for over a period of time, if you're unemployed the cost is still immensely prohibitive.

The 'Workshop' I attended was aimed at - if I may say so - the 'socially disadvantaged, and under-educated' person. I have a Degree in English, and can speak three other languages. My CV is exemplary, and my written communication, about as perfect as needs be. I was advised to 'dumb down' both my CV and application letters because prospective employers would probably find them intimidating and too literate to consider.

I was speechless....

 

Age is not a barrier.

Don't you believe it.

 

While it is illegal to discriminate against someone on the basis of their age, in three telephone interviews, I was asked my age.

If you tell them, you immediately shoot yourself in the foot (Too old, not good for company image) if you don't reveal your age, and jokingly put the question aside, they view you as uncooperative and that you have somethting to hide. So you're in a lose-lose situation.

Yes, it's illegal. What are you going to do, and how are you gonna prove it anyway?

[xyzisnotme]

Hello xyzisnotme,

you said;-

 

 

 

you need to address this now

 

I don't know what is available in USA but in UK there are a whole load of classes/courses/seminars/workshops etc etc to help people back into employment. Age is not a barrier.

 

You need to explore why you can't get/keep a job. It is maybe to do with you or maybe not. You need to work at finding out what you can offer to the workplace and make yourself employable.

 

Is your first language English ? If your first language isn't English then you may need some more help.

 

Please keep posting, as there are some smart people on this forum who live in USA who may be able to help you better than I can.

 

Good luck

 

Hi. I did end up getting a new full time job. But it only lasted a little over 6 months. Back to the drawing board.