I dont want to be jealous but cant stop

[RockGuy87]

So me and my gf have been dating for two months. Everything has been amazing so far. Things are so much easier with her than they have ever been in my two previous long term relationships. I already get feelings that I could start a family with this girl. Anyways, Theres this other guy. They dated a little bit, he lives out of town so they only occasionally saw each other. He has spent the night with her before me and her were even talking and she said they didnt have sex just kissed and stuff. I believe her because she told me this before me and her were dating and were just friends so she didnt really have a reason to lie.

 

Heres the think that gets me now though. They still text. Almost everyday. They will talk about each others days and say things like "sweet dreams" and other stuff along those lines. One thing that really bothered me is when he would ask her what she did that weekend she would list it all out and everyone she was with except me.

 

I've brought this up before and she said she has no feelings for him what so ever and that its just a friend and that she would just stop talking to him in general since it keeps being brought up and causing a problem. But since then she is still talking to him.

 

I dont want her to feel like she cant have guy friends but she never sees this guy and its not like he is around and in her life besides the texting. So why is it so hard for her to drop him? She told me that if she felt something for him then she wouldnt be with me and discussing our future together.

 

I also did see the other day when I was over to her house and she was on facebook she had sent him two pictures on facebook that I didnt see what they were. That stung pretty badly cause I see no need what so ever for her to be sending any kind of pictures.

 

I want it to stop and this is seriously the only hang up we have come across in our relationship but I just dont know what else to say or how to go forward.

[tiff1234]

In my opinion, you probably don't have much to worry about. I'm in a relationship and I have guys that sound equal to what he is to her. I absolutely have no feelings for anyone besides my boyfriend, but I still have people to text. It's just he act of texting someone and since the relationship is still new, it's nice to still text. Leaving you out when she talked about what she did with him sounds like she's still unsure about the relationship in a way, like she's scared to get too emotionally attached and you end up leaving so she doesn't want to say things to make him stop talking to her. It's not that she likes him or would even pursue him if you two broke up, but it's just kinda something to do. I feel that with time, she'll stop talking to him completely or even if you really pushed for it. I don't think you have anything to worry about. It's like keeping you options open, even if you know you're not even interested in the other options and wouldn't be even if you were single, so you don't become too clingy and scare away the guy you're dating. I'd still keep an eye out for anything too over the top flirty though but don't go so far as to actually snoop just yet. I know the "keeping options open" sounds bad, but it's not really the way it sounds. It's weird and dumb, but it's something alot of girls do until they feel completely secure.

[lolablue17]

I also think you have nothing to worry about. But it doesn't matter because you feel disturbed by their friendship and It's very understandable, due to the fact that they were intimate before you.

 

So you should just bring it up again. remind her she told you she will stop contact with him "since it keeps being brought up and causing a problem" (her words). So why doesn't she keep her word?

 

I think after a or 2 or 3 times you will raise the subject, she will eventually stop. Unless she will change her mind and start telling you that you are too controlling.

 

I'm just curious - If she insists continue talking to him no matter what, will you dump her?

[tlegend]

I would give my advice, but I don't think you want to hear it.

 

 

Someone who is truly into you will match their actions along with their words.

 

When she tells you she's going to stop texting him, but still does, it's because she didn't stop texting him.

 

When she tells him about her weekend activities but leaves you out of it, I'm sure you can imagine WHY she left you out of her activities. She doesn't want to make the other guy jealous, but she certainly doesn't mind making you jealous. (You've addressed this apparently, right?)

 

I would suggest treading carefully. Texting other people is fine. But when those texts turn into whispers of sweet nothings....and not wanting to discontinue that relationship even though it IS disrespectful...

 

My gut tells me she isn't into you as much as you are into her.

 

Be careful.

 

My 2 cents.

[crederer]

Yes this is a problem. She said she'd stop and hasn't. Why is that? I could right half an essay on this but I think this is pretty obvious lying going on.

 

Take it from a guy who has been in the exact same shoes as you except I found it out much later in the relationship.

 

Then she forgets her phone on your table christmas morning and her phone blows up with texts from the guy expressing his love and her telling him she misses his him.

 

It's sketchy as hell, man.

[anna121]

For me, two months would simply be too early to consider any relationship serious enough to start weeding people out of my life.

 

The bigger problem is that she has given you inconsistent responses.

 

You're going to have to decide if this is a deal-breaker, now or in the future, and act accordingly.

[giblesp]

So me and my gf have been dating for two months. Everything has been amazing so far. Things are so much easier with her than they have ever been in my two previous long term relationships. I already get feelings that I could start a family with this girl. Anyways, Theres this other guy. They dated a little bit, he lives out of town so they only occasionally saw each other. He has spent the night with her before me and her were even talking and she said they didnt have sex just kissed and stuff. I believe her because she told me this before me and her were dating and were just friends so she didnt really have a reason to lie.

 

Heres the think that gets me now though. They still text. Almost everyday. They will talk about each others days and say things like "sweet dreams" and other stuff along those lines. One thing that really bothered me is when he would ask her what she did that weekend she would list it all out and everyone she was with except me.

 

I've brought this up before and she said she has no feelings for him what so ever and that its just a friend and that she would just stop talking to him in general since it keeps being brought up and causing a problem. But since then she is still talking to him.

 

I dont want her to feel like she cant have guy friends but she never sees this guy and its not like he is around and in her life besides the texting. So why is it so hard for her to drop him? She told me that if she felt something for him then she wouldnt be with me and discussing our future together.

 

I also did see the other day when I was over to her house and she was on facebook she had sent him two pictures on facebook that I didnt see what they were. That stung pretty badly cause I see no need what so ever for her to be sending any kind of pictures.

 

I want it to stop and this is seriously the only hang up we have come across in our relationship but I just dont know what else to say or how to go forward.

 

She wants him around, all she'd have to do is say, 'I was with my bf last weekend. We had a great time.' If he was just a friend, it wouldn't matter.

 

Could mean she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, could mean she likes him more than a friend. Neither is good but the latter will mean she's not for you.

 

To save the connection with you, she needs to be honest with you. Its early days, be prepared to pull out and move on. Get an honest reply by asking her firmly but gently, what is the situation with this man.

If you get a clear and comfortable answer, and she makes an effort to sort it out in the very near future, then you might have a strong relationship in the making.

 

If there's still a continuing issue, then call it a day.