am I in the wrong? bf is shady

[Cadenza]

I wouldn't even explain yourself Hun, you don't owe him an explanation.

 

Simply say - so I saw your texts from R - it seems you are with the wrong girl. Have a nice life and never talk to me again.

 

Be strong, I know it's hard. But he's lucky you don't slap him. I would and I would give her a good slap too.

 

Some people don't know what they have until it's gone. Maybe he will learn, maybe he won't. But you have respect for yourself and you won't put up with being second on his list.

 

Well I sent:

"I need to get something off my chest. I saw your texts from Rachel. You seem to be with the wrong girl. Have a nice life and enjoy her handcuffs."

Ever since I sent it he's been blowing up my phone. So many calls and texts saying, "it's not what you think I promise you. Please pick up the phone."

What should I do?

[isisisweeping]

Well I sent:

"I need to get something off my chest. I saw your texts from Rachel. You seem to be with the wrong girl. Have a nice life and enjoy her handcuffs."

Ever since I sent it he's been blowing up my phone. So many calls and texts saying, "it's not what you think I promise you. Please pick up the phone."

What should I do?

 

It is what you think it is. He just didn't want to dump you because he likes you better than being alone.

Don't answer.

[mummyjonno]

Well I sent:

"I need to get something off my chest. I saw your texts from Rachel. You seem to be with the wrong girl. Have a nice life and enjoy her handcuffs."

Ever since I sent it he's been blowing up my phone. So many calls and texts saying, "it's not what you think I promise you. Please pick up the phone."

What should I do?

 

 

Turn your phone off honey. If your phone has the ability to block numbers I would block it.

 

Keep strong he's done wrong not you, remember that

[regine_phalange]

Well I sent:

"I need to get something off my chest. I saw your texts from Rachel. You seem to be with the wrong girl. Have a nice life and enjoy her handcuffs."

Ever since I sent it he's been blowing up my phone. So many calls and texts saying, "it's not what you think I promise you. Please pick up the phone."

What should I do?

 

You did the right thing, and you expressed yourself nicely. Don't make the mistake of listening and taking into account his "promises". It's hard, but it will be for the best. After some time you will be proud for removing yourself from this situation. You are a sweet girl and you deserve better.

[Frank2thepoint]

Well I sent:

"I need to get something off my chest. I saw your texts from Rachel. You seem to be with the wrong girl. Have a nice life and enjoy her handcuffs."

Ever since I sent it he's been blowing up my phone. So many calls and texts saying, "it's not what you think I promise you. Please pick up the phone."

What should I do?

 

Just turn off your phone. Go for a walk, do yoga, eat ice cream, or whatever to relax. Since you work with him, you'll see him there. Hopefully he will not make a scene, but that may be asking for too much. You will need to confront him in person, so take him to the side. Be sure to tell him from now on you will only deal with him professionally. He will try to weasel his way back, don't fall for it, stand your ground. Also, do not yell at him, do not curse him out, do not provoke him. Just be civil but firm.

[Cadenza]

Turn your phone off honey. If your phone has the ability to block numbers I would block it.

 

Keep strong he's done wrong not you, remember that

 

He just said: Alright listen you don't have to pick up the phone but you need to understand three things then. The first being I've known her for almost 10 years. The second being she lives hundreds of miles away. And the third part is she already has a boyfriend

 

 

I haven't said anything yet. I was thinking about sending:

1. I’m well aware of that.

2. I already know she lives far away.

3. I don’t give a **** if she has a boyfriend.

There are 3 things you need to understand.

1. When you’re in a relationship, its inappropriate to say the things you were saying to another freakin’ girl.

2. It’s quite obvious based on what you said, that you have feelings for her and that if she would give you the time of day you would break up with me for her (“your words”). Which is pretty pathetic knowing you would consider leaving someone who did care for you for someone who never gave you a chance in 10 years.

3. Lastly, I will never be second best to anybody. Based on your text messages, I obviously was second best to you. So screw you.

[mummyjonno]

He just said: Alright listen you don't have to pick up the phone but you need to understand three things then. The first being I've known her for almost 10 years. The second being she lives hundreds of miles away. And the third part is she already has a boyfriend

 

 

I haven't said anything yet. I was thinking about sending:

1. I’m well aware of that.

2. I already know she lives far away.

3. I don’t give a **** if she has a boyfriend.

There are 3 things you need to understand.

1. When you’re in a relationship, its inappropriate to say the things you were saying to another freakin’ girl.

2. It’s quite obvious based on what you said, that you have feelings for her and that if she would give you the time of day you would break up with me for her (“your words”). Which is pretty pathetic knowing you would consider leaving someone who did care for you for someone who never gave you a chance in 10 years.

3. Lastly, I will never be second best to anybody. Based on your text messages, I obviously was second best to you. So screw you.

 

 

 

Ah ha there are the lady balls!! Atta girl!!

 

Your (ex) boyfriend is stupid for attempting to defend himself. I

You can't defend the truth and it's some

Ugly truth.

 

I am High fiving you right now lady!

[regine_phalange]

He just said: Alright listen you don't have to pick up the phone but you need to understand three things then. The first being I've known her for almost 10 years. The second being she lives hundreds of miles away. And the third part is she already has a boyfriend

 

 

I haven't said anything yet. I was thinking about sending:

1. I’m well aware of that.

2. I already know she lives far away.

3. I don’t give a **** if she has a boyfriend.

There are 3 things you need to understand.

1. When you’re in a relationship, its inappropriate to say the things you were saying to another freakin’ girl.

2. It’s quite obvious based on what you said, that you have feelings for her and that if she would give you the time of day you would break up with me for her (“your words”). Which is pretty pathetic knowing you would consider leaving someone who did care for you for someone who never gave you a chance in 10 years.

3. Lastly, I will never be second best to anybody. Based on your text messages, I obviously was second best to you. So screw you.

 

If you send all these, you may give him a reason to keep inventing excuses and bombarding you. I would just tell him something like: "I understand these three things, and I still don't want anything to do with you. Dont call me and dont text me again. Goodbye". When you see him again, repeat the same small thing and then walk away.

[Frank2thepoint]

He just said: Alright listen you don't have to pick up the phone but you need to understand three things then. The first being I've known her for almost 10 years. The second being she lives hundreds of miles away. And the third part is she already has a boyfriend

 

 

I haven't said anything yet. I was thinking about sending:

1. I’m well aware of that.

2. I already know she lives far away.

3. I don’t give a **** if she has a boyfriend.

There are 3 things you need to understand.

1. When you’re in a relationship, its inappropriate to say the things you were saying to another freakin’ girl.

2. It’s quite obvious based on what you said, that you have feelings for her and that if she would give you the time of day you would break up with me for her (“your words”). Which is pretty pathetic knowing you would consider leaving someone who did care for you for someone who never gave you a chance in 10 years.

3. Lastly, I will never be second best to anybody. Based on your text messages, I obviously was second best to you. So screw you.

 

These are each very good responses, full of emotion. But it leaves it open for him to counter-argue, allowing him to keep the line of communication open, and chance to convince you to forgive him.

 

See below for a better response...

 

 

If you send all these, you may give him a reason to keep inventing excuses and bombarding you. I would just tell him something like: "I understand these three things, and I still don't want anything to do with you. Dont call me and dont text me again. Goodbye". When you see him again, repeat the same small thing and then walk away.

 

My dear insightful Scorpio came up with an excellent response. It is succinct, no room for counter-argument, and establishes your boundary. But to add my own flair, I would replace "Dont call me and dont text me again" with "Do not contact me again". This includes other modes of contact such as phone calls, letters, postcards, or smoke signals. At the end, to personalize it, you can add some emotion to it, such as "F*ck off".

[averytt10]

I think you should just talk to him about it. My girlfriend talked to me all the time, more than she did with her ex because he would not talk to her much. He got waaaay to jealous over it and it ended their already ruined relationship. Just bring it up to him and tell him u want to talk about it. If he reallt loves u he will tell u the truth. Trust is important in a relationship so talk to him. If u dont trust him with this girl talk to him about it. The longer u wait the less trust ull have and that probably wont end up well. I hope i was able to help.

[mummyjonno]

I think you should just talk to him about it. My girlfriend talked to me all the time, more than she did with her ex because he would not talk to her much. He got waaaay to jealous over it and it ended their already ruined relationship. Just bring it up to him and tell him u want to talk about it. If he reallt loves u he will tell u the truth. Trust is important in a relationship so talk to him. If u dont trust him with this girl talk to him about it. The longer u wait the less trust ull have and that probably wont end up well. I hope i was able to help.

 

 

Out of curiosity was your girlfriends ex jealous over you?

 

If he was and she's now your girlfriend... I think it was warranted.

 

Op - I hope you are okay (as ok as you can be) this morning x

[Cadenza]

Out of curiosity was your girlfriends ex jealous over you?

 

If he was and she's now your girlfriend... I think it was warranted.

 

Op - I hope you are okay (as ok as you can be) this morning x

 

He actually drove an hour to my house and sat out in the rain for hours in the dark until I came out to talk. He actually was close to tears and was surprisingly honest with everything. Apparently they met on an Xbox live game 10 years ago and they still talk. He said he'd answer anything and he was so sorry for not thinking and being stupid. He said out of everything I could have seen, I saw that conversation since he talks to her about me all the time (how he worries about me, stuff he plans with me, etc) I'm now even, more confused than ever..... He said all day he called people because he was freaking out and didn't know what to do, hurt his hand punching stuff, and endlessly started walking around the grocery pacing looking like a wacko (for some reason he goes to the grocery to think lol) .... He kept on saying he was sorry he hurt me and that he promised to never say **** like that again..... He said I will never be second best. I'm the person he cares for the most non his life and I come before anyone else... What do I do? I wanna be strong... But I still love him to pieces :/ I want to take him back.... But I don't know if I should....

[mummyjonno]

He actually drove an hour to my house and sat out in the rain for hours in the dark until I came out to talk. He actually was close to tears and was surprisingly honest with everything. Apparently they met on an Xbox live game 10 years ago and they still talk. He said he'd answer anything and he was so sorry for not thinking and being stupid. He said out of everything I could have seen, I saw that conversation since he talks to her about me all the time (how he worries about me, stuff he plans with me, etc) I'm now even, more confused than ever..... He said all day he called people because he was freaking out and didn't know what to do, hurt his hand punching stuff, and endlessly started walking around the grocery pacing looking like a wacko (for some reason he goes to the grocery to think lol) .... He kept on saying he was sorry he hurt me and that he promised to never say **** like that again..... He said I will never be second best. I'm the person he cares for the most non his life and I come before anyone else... What do I do? I wanna be strong... But I still love him to pieces :/ I want to take him back.... But I don't know if I should....

 

That's your call honey - but if I were you I wouldn't want that friend around anymore not through text nothing.

[Cadenza]

That's your call honey - but if I were you I wouldn't want that friend around anymore not through text nothing.

 

So tell him I'll consider it but if we do get back together then you can't talk to her anymore? I don't like being controlling.... But that probably is best or I can't trust him....

[regine_phalange]

Sure he makes you feel as if you are in control now. He wants you to feel as if he is in your mercy, and he wants to make you feel guilty about his "despair". He is a smart manipulator. If you take him back, he will see that his disrespect was not such a big deal for you. Sure, he may stop talking to this girl, but how do you know he won't disrespect you with another woman, or in other ways? He has this tendency, are you willing to accept it? Do you think you will be able to trust him?

[Betterthanthis13]

So tell him I'll consider it but if we do get back together then you can't talk to her anymore? I don't like being controlling.... But that probably is best or I can't trust him....

 

You already can't trust him, based on what just happened. Think about the answers to these questions: (I'm not saying ask him, I'm saying you think about this stuff before considering anything)

 

Did he know what he was doing was wrong when he was doing it? (Sorry, I'll answer this one-Yes, he knew, he's not stupid)

 

then WHY was he doing it? What are all the possible reasons he would be carrying on with 2 girls at one time?

 

Do any of these possible reasons indicate that he is good boyfriend material?

 

If you had known from the beginning he was going to be like this would you have gone out with him in the first place?

 

If you do take him back, what message are you sending him about his behavior?

 

Is he sorry he was doing the wrong thing, or is he sorry he got caught?

[mummyjonno]

So tell him I'll consider it but if we do get back together then you can't talk to her anymore? I don't like being controlling.... But that probably is best or I can't trust him....

 

That is what I would do. But until he proves it you are single.

 

That man of yours did some really really shadey s*it and he needs to prove to you that he deserves your trust and to rebuild it because quite frankly he trashed it.

 

This is only if you want to give him a shot.

 

If not I say tell him to piss off and go find someone else to lie too.

[Frank2thepoint]

He actually drove an hour to my house and sat out in the rain for hours in the dark until I came out to talk. He actually was close to tears and was surprisingly honest with everything. Apparently they met on an Xbox live game 10 years ago and they still talk. He said he'd answer anything and he was so sorry for not thinking and being stupid. He said out of everything I could have seen, I saw that conversation since he talks to her about me all the time (how he worries about me, stuff he plans with me, etc) I'm now even, more confused than ever..... He said all day he called people because he was freaking out and didn't know what to do, hurt his hand punching stuff, and endlessly started walking around the grocery pacing looking like a wacko (for some reason he goes to the grocery to think lol) .... He kept on saying he was sorry he hurt me and that he promised to never say **** like that again..... He said I will never be second best. I'm the person he cares for the most non his life and I come before anyone else... What do I do? I wanna be strong... But I still love him to pieces :/ I want to take him back.... But I don't know if I should....

 

Oh man, here comes the emotional rollercoaster and the manipulation.

 

What I just emphasized above, is where you f*cked up. Everything after that was downhill for you, because you let him talk, made you doubt your resolve.

 

Do you know how you can tell he is lying to you? His lips are moving.

 

 

So tell him I'll consider it but if we do get back together then you can't talk to her anymore? I don't like being controlling.... But that probably is best or I can't trust him....

 

And there goes your resolve. Really? Are you going to be that naive and throw away your self-respect?