How can I stop being anxious?

[IDK123]

My day starts off fine. I have a fresh mind and there are no intrusive, self-destructive thoughts. But, as the day goes on I start over-thinking things and analysing situations too much and I eventually just turn into an anxious, self-doubting mess.

It's like anxious thoughts start consuming me and there's nothing I can do to stop them. I find myself hating people more and more, and I am constantly judging and scrutinizing everyone around me, because I feel that people are always judging and scrutinizing me. I know where this all stems from, but I have no way of controlling it.

I grew up in a very abusive family. My mother had borderline/narcissistic personality disorders and my father was bipolar. My mother was verbally and emotionally abusive, saying things like "I hope you die" "You're the devil" "I never wanted another son." My father would beat me until I was 15 and I was too big for him to beat me, but he would still be verbally and emotionally abusive. I had 2 other siblings who were treated better than me. I was always treated like a 2nd class citizen by my family. My siblings also used to beat me and were verbally abusive to me. Sometimes they would beat me and my mother would stand by watching, with a disgusted look on her face that said "you deserve it".

I was also bullied a lot in High School.

 

As a result of all this, I have a general distrust and hatred towards people that I can't shake off. I just feel like there are 2 sides to people and that behind the outer 'mask' that people exude, there is always a nasty side. I feel like people will hurt me at any chance they get. I've distanced myself from all my 'friends' who weren't really friends but just people I hung onto because I needed some sort of human contact.

 

I've done a lot of soul searching over the past year or so, and I understand things about myself that I was not-so-blissfully ignorant of before. I am more self-aware and I have managed to acknowledge and understand the putrid, self-hatred that used to consume me. I just don't know how to get rid of these terrible thoughts. I am extremely socially awkward and avoid almost ANY social interaction with ANYONE. I rarely talk to people unless I absolutely need to. I just can't be myself with people. As soon as I'm in public I turn into another person.

 

I'm at a point in my life where I just want this to stop. I feel like my life is passing me by while I'm sitting idly doing nothing. I've never had a girlfriend nor have I had sex, and I'm 22. I've had lots of girls show interest, but my inability to talk just stifles any chance at finding a relationship. More than this, though, I just feel like I'm not worthy and "why would a girl ever want me?"

 

What can I do to change the way I think of myself?

[learning_slowly]

Some of my family were negative.

It is infectious.

 

Start to try and see the good in others, and see what you do that is already positive. And then try to improve upon it.

 

Exercise is an easy win here.

 

Smile whenever you have a bad thought. They will disappear easier.

[Summerrose2013]

Please try meditation, it take a bit of perserverence but really is brilliant for calming aniexty and helping you sleep.

it has kept me going through some very very stressfull times.

See if you have a centre near you, or order some CDs etc.

[amaysngrace]

Marijuana

[mea_M]

Hi! Anxeity is no fun. But you can get past it. A lot of times distraction works. If you find yourself having a scary thought replace that thought with a positive one and get busy.. Just put you're mind to something else. Anxiety is like feeding a plant. The more you feed it the more it grows. We don't want to feed anxiety because then it just grows bigger and bigger. Let it starve! Also meditation really helps. Good luck.

 

Mea :-)

[SoonMyFriend]

I combat my anxiety by doing the following things:

 

-Yoga & exercise

-Keep a daily entry log of three happy things that happen to me each day. When I feel down/anxious/upset, I go back to this list and it enables me to see how many positive things are in my life every single day

-Keep a worry log. If I start getting nagging fears, I write them down. It helps to let it go. I also go back and write the outcome of those fears. (i.e. - will that guy I like ask me out on a date? Answer: no, and I got over it).

-Stay social with my friends

-Avoid triggers (I have a problem with Googling health problems which feeds my fears that I have undiagnosed terminal illnesses)

-Talk to people when I feel overwhelmed

-See a psychologist

 

Good luck

[SpiralOut]

Here are some things I do that help

 

- working through a self-esteem help book (this helps with identifying and changing thought patterns)

- come to LS for support

- write in my journal

- do yoga

- meditate, pray (healing stones help with this)

- talk to a therapist every now and then

 

It is not easy to trust people again. Since you have been abused and bullied, it may take time to find safe people to talk to. Until you get your confidence up, you will unfortunately be a target for those who are looking to knock someone down. I say that because I wish someone would have told me that. I remember being really shocked when I came across someone rude. But don't let that stop you. Good people do exist and if you get out there often enough, you will eventually find them.

 

You made a good first step in getting rid of your bad friends. You can find nice people more easily when you don't have bad apples hanging around you.

 

Learning to be assertive may help with your anxiety too. I don't know about anyone else, but for me my social anxiety was due to my inability to deal with rude, mean people. I just had no clue of how to deal with them effectively. Learning how to do that (and I'm still learning!) has helped tremendously.

Edited May 3, 2014 by SpiralOut

[almond]

Please see a professional to help you work through this - this is by far your best option at this point.

 

I am sorry to hear of your struggles.

[sarbunoemi]

First of all, congratulate yourself for being self-aware, for acknowledging your negative feelings and also for searching the roots for all of this. And also, you got rid of negative people.

Second, try to not analyze - if you "feel" a negative thought passes by, don't let the thought control you. You can accept it and acknowledge it as a negative thought but in the end, let it go and move on. DO NOT try to unify with it.

Third, practice self-love. It's not that hard to do so. When you wake up in the morning, list 1 thing you are thankful for (e.g.: I am thankful for having two arms or a roof over my head) and then tell yourself: "I am proud of myself, I love myself" etc.

Fake it until you make it.

Forth, make new hobbies. It's a huge confidence booster.

Fifth, meet new people. Who knows, you might meet the right person for you and even your new best friend. Don't give up.

Sixth, if your parents abuse you emotionally, communicate with them: "I feel very bad when you talk to me like that/in a negative way."

Seventh, be kind even to your enemies. It's the hardest but I promise you, you will feel much better doing this. If someone calls you "stupid" you ignore him/her. Most people wants to see your reaction so they can continue doing so in the nest future, so ignore them. If they want your help, help them (if it's convenient for you too).

Side note: it will take very much time to change your perspective but you do this for your own happiness. You are young so you will have time getting a girlfriend.