Some questions......

[Soverysad123]

For those of us that's A are over, I was wondering why the A ended, who ended it and are you pleased it ended.

 

Would you knowing what you know now have entered into an A.

 

Just wondering.

[Goodbye]

Would I have entered the A knowing what I know now? That he is a lying pig...heck no.

 

My R with exMM ended after he confessed a small portion of his lies. Actually, it ended shortly after that...I was blindsided initially and hurt like crazy. But, I did go NC.

[yogachic]

He started to fall in love and knew that me leaving my H any time soon was not going to happen. He ended it. I was a bit sad over it but knew it was for the best. Yes - I would have still entered it. The reason being that it did awaken some 'things' in me that I thought were gone.

[C00kie]

I ended it because I couldn't take the uncertainty, sadness, nervous wreck anymore. Unable to trust him and questioning his character. You can read my previous threads for some context.

 

I'm much better now, after ending the A. The first week was a nightmare, then it slowly started to get better. There's a lot to take in, constant wondering the whys and hows, confusion days, days where you cry and you wanna go back to his arms, days where you'll feel relieved, it's a full plate. You just have to be prepared for the emotional rollercoaster - this time, on your own - and accept it as a normal part of the process. You have to let it be, until it starts to fade. It will. Be patient and kind to yourself. Do things that you love. Days will start making sense again.

 

I would never ever would have entered an A if I knew what expected me. Never. Ever. No matter how much I loved the other person. Surely, each story has its particularities, but for the most part: not worth it. And it's just not right.

[MissTakes]

I ended it because I couldn't take the uncertainty, sadness, nervous wreck anymore. Unable to trust him and questioning his character. You can read my previous threads for some context.

 

I'm much better now, after ending the A. The first week was a nightmare, then it slowly started to get better. There's a lot to take in, constant wondering the whys and hows, confusion days, days where you cry and you wanna go back to his arms, days where you'll feel relieved, it's a full plate. You just have to be prepared for the emotional rollercoaster - this time, on your own - and accept it as a normal part of the process. You have to let it be, until it starts to fade. It will. Be patient and kind to yourself. Do things that you love. Days will start making sense again.

 

I would never ever would have entered an A if I knew what expected me. Never. Ever. No matter how much I loved the other person. Surely, each story has its particularities, but for the most part: not worth it. And it's just not right.

 

So on point, C00kie! I was in a similar place. My situation was a little bit different - I didn't know the whole story about him when it started, and it ended when I moved across the country. But even if I hadn't been moving, it would have had to end. NC will be hard at first, and you will feel like crap for a long time. Then one day, it will dawn on you: you are way too amazing of a person to be wasting your time on someone who isn't fully invested in being with you! From there on out, it gets easier. You laugh at him if he tries to contact you, because you know you can do so much better.

 

And you know what? You know that knot in the pit of your stomach, or lodged underneath your ribcage, that you're convinced is the overwhelming sensation of loving him? That's not what it is at all. In fact, it's a toxic ball of stress and anxiety that will only get bigger and more difficult to recognize for what it is over time. Start untying those knots now. Eventually you'll find a string to yank that pulls the whole thing loose. And when you finally can dispel it - WOW. What a rush!

 

You can do it! And we are all here for you.

[C00kie]

 

And you know what? You know that knot in the pit of your stomach, or lodged underneath your ribcage, that you're convinced is the overwhelming sensation of loving him? That's not what it is at all. In fact, it's a toxic ball of stress and anxiety that will only get bigger and more difficult to recognize for what it is over time.

 

Very good point. To this day, whenever he leaves me a message, even before reading it my heart races and I feel dizzy and that's not love - it's anxiety, it's anticipating and worrying - exactly the way you put it. Perfect. That was a great eye opener.

[Soverysad123]

Amazing replies and thought provoking and true.

 

We really ended all contact last week. Broke up 7 weeks ago but trying to do friends. He finally ended it, saying it was cause him to have a break down. He is unhappy at home but not leaving - I think ever but he says in five years.

 

We did say he maybe able to speak to me in 6 weeks and then changed that to 6 - 8 weeks time but he is not sure.

 

I know in my heart of hearts that him not being in my life is the right thing. But I miss him. It's hard to accept when he does not want to work on his marriage. I tried to get him to at least think about that. I would find it so much easier if the reason he wanted nothing to do with me any longer was because he wanted to fix his marriage. He hated the roller coaster of emotions and felt he could give me nothing and I had to much to lose.

 

Some days I just want to cry for the lose and others like today I am planning what to say in a text.

 

It's such an emotional mess. Trying to carry on and be normal and all of these emotions are happening and I can tell no one.

 

I think I really loved him and I know I just have to put it behind me and move forward. I have so much to be thankful for.

[DKT3]

Off topic slightly, but are you now going to make a go at your marriage, or will you continue to leave your husband in the dark and thinking that this is something HE can fix while you crave another man. Does your husband deserve a woman that loves him? He will not go looking as long as he hangs one here minus the truth. Don't use him as you fall back now the the affair is over.

[Soverysad123]

Off topic slightly, but are you now going to make a go at your marriage, or will you continue to leave your husband in the dark and thinking that this is something HE can fix while you crave another man. Does your husband deserve a woman that loves him? He will not go looking as long as he hangs one here minus the truth. Don't use him as you fall back now the the affair is over.

 

I am trying to work on my marriage. I am going to let myself get over the affaire as best I can. I am going to have some IC in a while and then MC. I am not telling my husband of the A although that secrete is never truly safe because it happened and of course my exMM could tell.

 

I am putting a lot of effort into my M at the moment, accepting I still have strong feeling for exMM but dealing with those.

 

I have done a terrible thing and I am paying the price. I do not wants children living without both parents as we do have a happy home. I have never wanted to leave my H.

 

I am happy for you to judge me but it does not change or help my situation. It is still the same.

[Summer Breeze]

We had a few ddays but they never truly ended the R. I finally ended the A. We had been away on vacation and came back more in love and so happy to have had the time away and done some serious relaxing. A few days later I realized I was to the point I wanted more from the R and from him. I told him I wanted all or nothing. He said he couldn't leave and I kissed him and walked away. It hurt but I knew I'd done the right thing for me.

 

I had never been in an A and if I hadn't slowly fallen in love with the man I wouldn't have had an A with him either. I'm not happy that's how we started our R but I don't do regrets and I've never regretted being with him.

 

I looked at it really differently to many in here. I lived my own life and fit him in where I could. I didn't drop things to go to him and I never stopped dating. I don't really remember many nights wondering what he was doing or being upset because I didn't normally have much down time. I managed to keep my power in the R and when I felt it slipping I ended it.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

For those of us that's A are over, I was wondering why the A ended, who ended it and are you pleased it ended.

 

Would you knowing what you know now have entered into an A.

 

Just wondering.

 

The entire thing blew like a nuclear bomb because the pastors decided to read our names before the congregation - so talk about shock, devastation and post traumatic stress for all parties. We tried to stay in limited contact for a few months, went no contact for about two months, then talked again for about a week, met for some unfinished business which turned into an awful idea, and then no contact (more on his part to start) for four years now.

 

I would absolutely not would do it again, knowing what I know now. It was a complete disaster and more pain and heartache than I care to ever experience again - for everyone.

[sunburned]

Emotionally, it was a prison term of solitary confinement so to say I'm elated it's over would be an understatement.

 

What she said!