Really want to ask

[purplesorrow]

Thank you for all your replies

The great thing about forums are getting lots of opinions

Even the critical ones often provide food for thought

If I am honest, then yes a bit of me thinks 'when is his wife going to relax a bit so it is easier for us '.

And yes you can say what you like about that one, I am owning my own actions. Affairs happen for many reasons not all people in affairs are bad but everyone is entitled to come on forums and say their piece.

But I have considered what has been said and have decided to go for counselling to look at my own behaviour and ambivalence around my marriage

I am going to talk to my husband (gulp) if he wants to stay together as a family but pursue relationships that fulfil him and his needs as I do too. Then we need to work out how we do that while keeping home stable for daughters.

I guess my original question was because I wondered how long my Ap will continue in his marriage. Right or wrong it cannot be great to live like that

Though I don't understand his wife's stance, if I was her owould be trying to move on as surely she can see she is driving him away?

Are there any WSs out there who stayed at first and then left? How long did you try? Though I can see irony in that statement as my Ap is clearly not 100% committed, as we have continued.

These are very direct questions which I am sure will anger some... However this is public forum. If you just want to tell me how evil I am, you can, but I hope someone will give some honest answers too.

Oh yes and I have taken on board comments about long term plan not being fair to spouses and I am going to discuss this with Ap next week. I had been preoccupied with my thoughts about waiting and how it was for children, I hadn't thought about spouses.

 

I don't know how to do personal messages but Thankyou for offer snuggle

You don't understand her stance because you aren't in her position. You are getting all the great things she used to get from her husband while she is getting whatever is left. You can't see him the way she does. If he were truly remorseful, he would be working hard to remind her why she should stay, not the other way around. I don't think the people are 'bad', the affair is. And the only thing worse than the affair is false reconciliation. Why put her through that? What is he holding on to? He should free her if he doesn't really want her instead of planning on fooling her for another 10 years until he is ready to move on. His wife's reaction to him won't change unless he does. Life is precious and she is an adult and should get to make choices about her own.

I don't think you are an evil person but I do think you need a gut check. Is a 10 + year affair really realistic when some marriages aren't lasting that long?