Myself, My husband, And his ex girlfriend.

[AsherMarie]

I have known my husband since 6th grade. We have been best friends ever since. While I was with the father of my two children, he was dating said father's ex girlfriend. We never had any issues, we got a long fine, we all hung out together.

 

When my relationship with my children's bio went downhill, I took a break from dating and hadn't talked to my now husband in quite some time. Out of no where, he contacts me telling me about his and the ex's break up, and saying he wants t hang out. we hang out, we date, we get married. (going on two years now)

 

Every holiday the ex calls. or trys to start something. I have told her, if he decides he wants to talk to her as a friend, that is fine, I won't make a fuss. Everything has been fine. Yesterday she somehow managed to find out where he works, and showed up at the end of his shift.

 

He comes home and tells me about it, and wasnt mad about seeing her, it was just he doesnt want her messing with his job, which is understandable since thats how he supports myself and the two children.

 

So I email her. I am polite and nice as always. I just told her, it was still fine if she and him talk, but to please not go to his work, because it could cause issues. She agreed and was totally fine, and then out of the blue sends me this:

 

"You don't treat him the best you can.

Or i wouldn't get messages like what you sent me.

You can do much more than what you do.

You have no job, no education, & he's providing for your kids (that aren't even his)

I've been you, with him taking care of me.

& I'm going to let you in on what Gerald taught me.

You've never had to take care of yourself, let alone financially provide for your children as well.

You've always had a parent or a man taking care of you, so you don't realize how difficult it is, let alone him taking care of ALL of you by himself.

You can't be good for anyone else until you can be good for yourself.

I'm not trying to down you, because like i said I've been exactly where you're at.

But i know Gerald & he needs more than just a wifey, he needs a woman.

One thats good for more than just having babies.

It took me losing him to realize this for myself.

you should get to a point in life where you are ABLE to take care of yourself & your children without anyones help, even though you don't HAVE to.

God forbid, anything happens to Gerald or you all broke up you'd be screwed.

Plus it does a lot for your self esteem (& your figure) to be a strong independent woman.

& the kids benefit from seeing how hard their mommy worked to take care of them & they'll respect that later in life."

 

Now, I have had jobs, and he asked I come back home and take care of the house and the kids because he can support us on his own, and he isn't good at being a homemaker. But before, in the very beginning of our marriage, he had said these things word for word. And she hasn't seen me in over two years, I don't know how she could know a thing about my figure.

 

At any rate, what I need to know is this.

1: Should I be angry with him for telling her these things about me?

2: Should I continue to allow their contact to continue.

 

I'm not sure how to feel about any of this. First I was beyond angry, then I was heart broken because I felt like he betrayed me. I just don't know how to feel or how to handle any of this.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I would need a SERIOUS WOOSAH moment on that one. You are better than me to even take a step back to reassess cause I would've LIT into her a$$!!!

 

Who the PHUK is she to tell you what you need to be doing in YOUR life and YOUR marriage??? He MARRIED you and ended things with her, but she feels the need to give YOU advice on YOUR husband and YOUR career and YOUR kids?? This pissed me off and it wasn't even addressed to me. I would show this to my husband and tell him this biatch needs to be removed from the pic entirely!!

 

*breathe*...okay, I need a moment... WOOSAAAAHHHH...

[Tayla]

welcome to the board. Feel free to read some other posts.

 

Love Kentucky! Its a beauftiful state!

[AsherMarie]

Well I am glad someone shares my first assessment of the situation, he and I plan to talk about it when he gets home from work, and I plan to show him the emails, as for her, I told her as nicely as I could manage that her opinion of myself and my marriage was not wanted nor needed and that she need not put her nose in others business, especially when they were engaged and didn't marry, and she cannot have children and doesn't have any in any way shape or form and thus knows nothing about raising them or being a part of a marriage.

 

Thank you so much for the input.

[AsherMarie]

welcome to the board. Feel free to read some other posts.

 

Love Kentucky! Its a beauftiful state!

 

 

Thank you very much, and I will. Yes it is.

[Raena]

Wait... she's the ex-girlfriend of both your children's father and your current husband? Yick!

 

How dare she stick her nose into your business. It's not like you reached out to her to get her advice. She just came out of nowhere running her mouth.

 

I'm with Smthn_like_Olivia.... this girl needs to be told, in no uncertain terms, where to put her advice. Stuff it where the sun don't shine buttercup!

 

You are a much better person than me because in your situation, I wouldn't have been cool with my husband trying to remain friends with his ex-gf at all. And... if he did share any personal information with her about you or your marriage I'd be VERY concerned. He needs to draw boundary lines with her that are very clear cut... as in... "stay out of our lives you nosy parker!"

 

I would imagine that's she probably feeling a bit annoyed that you dated and married two of her exes. I'd be slightly bothered by that too if I were her. Slightly... but surely not enough to send you a nasty gram telling you how to live your life.

[AsherMarie]

dating two of her exes wasn't on purpose, in fact I didn't want to date my husband at all, but he was convincing.

If I knew she was going to make my life hell for two years, I may have reconsidered.

[Raena]

dating two of her exes wasn't on purpose, in fact I didn't want to date my husband at all, but he was convincing.

If I knew she was going to make my life hell for two years, I may have reconsidered.

 

Yeah, hindsight is always 20/20. I'm sure it probably crossed your mind that she could be a pain the rear just simply because you knew that you were engaging in a relationship with ex number 2 of hers. No matter... he chose to be with you not her and she should stay out of it regardless.

[AsherMarie]

Yeah, hindsight is always 20/20. I'm sure it probably crossed your mind that she could be a pain the rear just simply because you knew that you were engaging in a relationship with ex number 2 of hers. No matter... he chose to be with you not her and she should stay out of it regardless.

 

kinda hard not to date people's exes in a small town especially when she's dated most of the guys I know. But yeah. Thanks for all your input on my situation. It was very helpful.

[ExpatInItaly]

No, she shouldn't have said the things she did, and yes, you have a right to be angry with him for telling her those things about you.

 

Where on earth are your husband's boundaries? Why on earth isn't he the one telling her mind her business and not contact him again? I completely understand your anger and why you wanted to email her, but ultimately your husband is the one who needs to tell her to shove it because heaven knows she is not going to listen to you. If he's not doing that, I would be very concerned indeed.

[VeronicaRoss]

All the politics of your relationships aside what she said was (mostly) very wise.

 

You need to be able to support your kids, that's true of every parent because that is what very likely could happen. He could become disabled, you could divorce, he could die. Your parents will probably need help from you at some point too. You can get some education, certification, training, something now that you're not working so you can pull weight financially soon. You'll be doing everyone a huge favor with the additional security.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

All the politics of your relationships aside what she said was (mostly) very wise.

 

You need to be able to support your kids, that's true of every parent because that is what very likely could happen. He could become disabled, you could divorce, he could die. Your parents will probably need help from you at some point too. You can get some education, certification, training, something now that you're not working so you can pull weight financially soon. You'll be doing everyone a huge favor with the additional security.

 

This is a discussion for her and her husband, not his ex or internet strangers to try and advise. Many mothers are stay at home moms, and sometimes its better financially when kids are young and daycare costs are astronomical. If HE feels she should be working or furthering her education, then he should sit down and discuss it with her and give her the support to do so. The fact that he discussed it with his ex and then she felt the need to relay it back to the OP was distasteful on so many levels. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership between a husband and wife, not husband, wife, and the ex girlfriend.

[VeronicaRoss]

This is a discussion for her and her husband, not his ex or internet strangers to try and advise. Many mothers are stay at home moms, and sometimes its better financially when kids are young and daycare costs are astronomical.

 

Attacking the OP for asking strangers on the internet (seriously, why are you here if that's an issue?) or me answering is kind of silly, no?

 

Every adult that has children can very well be solely responsible for them financially at any point in their lives, or the lifetime of their kids, or grandkid's. Why would you not be hard at work preparing or be prepared for that reality? Raising kids doesn't keep parents at home from that.

[harrybrown]

I do hope your H will go NC with his ex.

 

She is not good news and having her in your husband's life is not a good idea for your marriage.

 

She is way out of line.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Attacking the OP for asking strangers on the internet (seriously, why are you here if that's an issue?) or me answering is kind of silly, no?

 

Every adult that has children can very well be solely responsible for them financially at any point in their lives, or the lifetime of their kids, or grandkid's. Why would you not be hard at work preparing or be prepared for that reality? Raising kids doesn't keep parents at home from that.

 

Ummm...how was I attacking the Op exactly?? The question(s) was not in regards to how you or I thinks she should live her life. Matter of fact, let me quote for you:

 

At any rate, what I need to know is this.

1: Should I be angry with him for telling her these things about me?

2: Should I continue to allow their contact to continue.

 

I'm not sure how to feel about any of this. First I was beyond angry, then I was heart broken because I felt like he betrayed me. I just don't know how to feel or how to handle any of this.

 

YOU are off on a completely different tangent. Same as the ex girlfriend, which is what I was addressing, and the whole point of this thread. Try staying on task.