karam15 Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Hello! I lost my father when I was 9 years old to a 3 year long battle with cancer. Him and my mother were happily married and it was a devastating situation for our family. Three years after his passing, she met her current partner. They have now been together for almost 9 years and we recently all moved into a new house together (5 months ago). Ever since they moved in together, my mom has noticed a lot of things that she considers to be red flags. She has also has a few realizations about her past that have caused her to have quite the epiphany. For these reasons, she has decided that our family will be moving out and buying a new home, leaving her boyfriend in this big new house all alone. I am absolutely devastated because he has become a father figure for me. I know that I can still stay in contact with him, but I think the boundaries are a bit different because he is not my biological father (ie: i can't live with him). It's difficult because if he were my biological father, I probably would choose to live with him. Another thing that makes this situation extremely hard is that he still loves my mom very much. He is devastated by her actions and actually cried in front of me today (which NEVER happens). He is so heartbroken and scared to die alone, but my mom can't wait to move out. She has a huge support system, but unfortunately he has very few family members and friends that would actually take the time to make sure that he is doing alright. I am now in a situation where I am trying to find a happy balance where I can have both of these people in my life and make sure that I am doing whatever I can to make them both happy. Any experiences, advice, etc is welcomed and appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 How old are you and how old is your mom ? What kind of red flags ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author karam15 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Share Posted April 29, 2014 Hi, I am 20 and my mom is 48. The biggest red flags were that they had different opinions on what was expected of my brother- my mom is very laid back and her boyfriend wanted him to help out more around the house. Her boyfriend was really only trying to help raise my brother (who is 16) to become a responsible person, but my mom really babies him and felt threatened like her boyfriend was insulting her parenting skills. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Hi, I am 20 and my mom is 48. The biggest red flags were that they had different opinions on what was expected of my brother- my mom is very laid back and her boyfriend wanted him to help out more around the house. Her boyfriend was really only trying to help raise my brother (who is 16) to become a responsible person, but my mom really babies him and felt threatened like her boyfriend was insulting her parenting skills. Grrrr!!! Being a step parent is the hardest and most thankless job in the world. I bet your brother plays on mom's laid back attitude too, and does he make out like the bf is an Ogre?? So sad that she's going to ditch a 9yr relationship over the laziness of a stroppy teen. What can you do? Be vocal about how much you appriceiate having had the bf as a father figure. Tell your mom she did a good job in finding such a fine man to help raise you, tell her you're sad that he has to go. Tell her she's a great mom otherwise you wouldn't have turned out so good. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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