Leaf Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 I was reading a post that got me thing about this topic. Do MM/MW stray and stay with the OW/OM when they are in a happy relationship at home or with GF/BF? I ask this because MM always has told me there is nothing wrong with his relationship with 'her'. I mean he has said this since the day we met. He has told me countless times that this is why its so hard for him. When we met he says his feelings/ our relationship hit him from left-field. He never saw them coming, then he realized that he was in love with me, wanting more and more. Just yesterday morning (before he did the **** in the other post I have) we sat together and picked out the 2 new cars we wanted when we moved to our new city for our new life. How does a happily MM have these feelings for someone else? I dont get these men. At all! Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Would a MM ever leave a happy relationship with his W for an OW??? Am I reading that question correctly? I'd say that's a big NO. Why would he? Security and family at home and piece of @ss on the side? He's my hero.... Ok, not really, cause I have morals and I would never do such a thing if I was happy at home. And if I wasn't happy at home, I wouldn't go out looking for happiness elsewhere without ending what I had at home first. Then again, everyone is different. Ask yourself this... You're having trouble leaving the relationship and you're NOT happy, right?. So why would he leave a relationship that made him happy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leaf Posted February 5, 2005 Author Share Posted February 5, 2005 No... I am asking would a MM who is in a happy relationship at home have an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 i doubt it ,unless there just looking for a piece of@ss,i think most are looking for what the don't get at home ,mine always said he could never even talk to her the way we would w/h out her starting a argument when i met my xmm he wasn't married she was pregnant ,he worked somewhere i used to work &i had such a crush well he didn't work there no more i mentioned to someone i liked him the said he had a gf but it wasn't working out i told the guy well if he ever breaks up w/h her give him my#, well i get a call a couple of weeks later him of course talk on the phone he tells me he's w/h his gf still i was like o well we went to the movies on the way home he tells me he's been w/h her 5yrs he's been unhappy been wanting to leave &now she's pregnant he felt he couldn't leave he'd look like a jerk we were friends for 2yrs before the affair he would call &come around and wed sit in his truck and talk ,he even came to me before he married her asking should he i regret not screaming NO ,well when he first got married i ran into him i was like call me &he said he couldn't he was married(at that time friends only nothing sexual)and i said fine,well he started calling coming around ,from what I've seen from him i believe alot of people stay when there not happy if (most)m/w had there needs met ,i doubt they would screw around he's still afraid to leave cause of the kid ,he thought shed changed she's always been the person he cant stand !people can be so stupid and from talking to guys at work so many people are married and unhappy ,xmm was always honest at first he said he'd never leave he made a mistake no one else to blame but himself ,then he came to realize he don't want to live like that forever ,but still afraid to leave cause of the kid which i think is just taking the easy way out by staying ,&i believe alot of people do this lazy f******!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Yes, its possible - because even though the wife may not fulfull all his needs (hence his straying), he's content more or less with the needs that she does fulfill for him. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Oh sorry.... lemme' think.... "Happy at home, but has an affair anyway".... if he did have an affair in this case, I'd have to say he's a complete f***kin' idiot and scumbag. How's that answer? Or I can say he's got some serious mental instabilities who shouldn't/doesn't have the right to be married. I don't believe ANY married men who were TRULY happy at home would have an affair. 99% of the time, there is something missing in the marriage/relationship that would make him look elsewhere for happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Yes, its possible - because even though the wife may not fulfull all his needs (hence his straying), he's happy more or less with the needs that she does fulfill for him. well then he ISN'T truly happy now is he??? I'm thinkin' her question means if he is 100% happy with his wife/girlfriend.... would he still stray? Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 i think if you have good communication ,respect &good lovin most people wont stray but if nothings going on in the bedroom &youve stoped talking your just going through the motions because your comfortable . Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Originally posted by DinNJ 1. well then he ISN'T truly happy now is he??? 2. I'm thinkin' her question means if he is 100% happy with his wife/girlfriend.... would he still stray? While the wife may not be able to fulfill all his needs, he may be happy with the ones that she does meet. He may be 100% happy with her meeting those particular needs, but that doesn't mean that she meets other needs he may have - hence going outside the marriage to have those needs met. The greater percentage of total needs the wife/girlfriend meets, the less likely he is to stray: why would he if he is getting his needs met at home? Not all needs are sexual either - I have read many stories where the husband just wants to be with someone who doesn't represent the 'everyday' sort of existence of being married: they want the excitement, the danger, the newness, the intimacy, the new identity they take on as someone else's man, and so on. Does this mean that he is unhappy with his wife? Not necessarily - it just means that he doesn't experience these things with his wife and finds someone outside the marriage who makes him feel differently than he does with his wife. Does this make the people involved mentally unstable lying reprehensible bastard or bitch jerks with no agenda but to crush the hearts of all involved? No! It just highlights the fact that they are human: with sometimes flawed human judgment, making very human mistakes in a moment when it came time to decide on the best way of seeing their needs met. Does that excuse it? Make it any less of a painful thing? No, but it is better in situations like this to try to understand it rather than just attack it outright as a moral outrage. Without understanding (not acceptance, mind you - just understanding), there can be no resolution. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Yes, its possible - because even though the wife may not fulfull all his needs (hence his straying), he's content more or less with the needs that she does fulfill for him. i disagree for some men the wife is meeting no needs ,but he has kids ,a house ,or fear of being alone some people do stay . Link to post Share on other sites
Sharmaine Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Everyone is different. While some 'happily married' people would stray in order to get certain 'needs' met that the wife wasn't fulfilling, some wouldn't! The 'happily married' guys who are only looking to get certain needs met, are the ones who are NEVER going to leave their wives. So if he tells you he is 'happily married', you may as well forget it, your on a 'loser'...... People who are 'unhappily married' most likely will stray IMO, however some still don't. I didn't stray and I was unhappy as hell in the last three years of my marriage. I'm one of those people who would've ended the marriage, before I considered even looking at another man. However everyone isn't like me. My H also was unhappy, he chose however to introduce a 'third party' into our marriage, rather than end our marriage firstly. He was looking for an 'exit' out of our marriage, he didn't have the balls to just leave..... MM will only leave their wives, if the marriage is already 'dead'....which mine was, hence he left for OW!! OW/OM is just the final nail in the coffin of the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
immoralist Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 There are really two questions, here. First, does marital happiness, satisfaction, contentment, etc., immunize the MM from the Affair virus? In my experience and readings, the answer is a resounding "no." Happily married men cheat. As I understand, the MW is different--she needs emotional reasons other than sex and excitement to stray. Although that may be changing, if that recent Newsweek cover story on infidelity is any guide. As usual, LucreziaBorgia hit the nail on the proverbial head when she writes: I have read many stories where the husband just wants to be with someone who doesn't represent the 'everyday' sort of existence of being married: they want the excitement, the danger, the newness, the intimacy, the new identity they take on as someone else's man, and so on. Does this mean that he is unhappy with his wife? Not necessarily - it just means that he doesn't experience these things with his wife and finds someone outside the marriage who makes him feel differently than he does with his wife. This sexual excitement, this pleasure of being, this feeling of being outside of one's everyday life, the anti-quotidian fantasy--all combine to drive even the model husband into the arms of another woman whom he likes and finds attractive. Spouses, even the best ones, don't stand a chance once the Affair hormones start flowing and the life fantasy begins. Next, happily married men cheat on their wives, but they don't often leave them. As boring as home life is, it's still home. A home and family anchor and legitimate the MM especially when he's walking the high wire, sans net, with his OW. Ironically, the very dangers of an affair make the wife and kids that much more important. They're safety net when the affair, along with the MM, come crashing down. The landing is very hard. And you always fall. The OW serves her purpose, too: She keeps the MM's life exciting, pleasurable and fun while he labors day after day. She makes his marriage bearable. It is only when the the Affair as leached all affection, intimacy and emotional connection from the marriage that the MM considers exiting. But affairs don't murder marriages, MM do. Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Men in general always want what they cannot have. So in the case of a married man, he is not supposed to be with OW only W. But he wants what he cannot have and hope that he gets away with it. Happy or not happy: MM will stray at some point in his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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