My girlfriend wants to experiment with another girl, but it's going too far.

[dan123]

So anyhow to make a long story short,

my girlfriend broke up with me, said i treated her like crap for 4 years ect...

the day she breaks up with me i find out that she has immediatly moved on with another female "yes, lezbian" from work.

me the one with the special heart, the most feelings ect.. hinestly beliving we are soul mates, and still do try everything to get her back, we have kids togeather and 2 days after the break up she is cold hearted as dry ice, basiclly went from "ok" relationship where nothing was off limits to overnight not being able to hug or hold hands ro anything, but anyways we had a trip to oregon planned to go see our kids's granmother so we drive from califo0rnia to oregon and the whole why im trying to get her back, letting her know all my feelings, that she is the person i want to grow old with and everything else, i cant picture a day of my life without this girl, i feel like we were meant to be.

So anyhow i spill the beans to the grandmother because i havent been able to talk to anyone, grandmother has a talk with both of us and tells her she needs to give me a chance, my girlfriend understands and agrees, calls up back home to work and quits herjob cause she knows we would never work out if she was working with this girl, she calls the lezbian girl and tells her we are going to try and work it out, except i over hear my girlfriend telling her that she better be there waiting for her if we dont work out in 6 months.

so they get off the phone, i feel like the girl is out of the picture now allthough my girlfriend tells me that she still wants to hear from her, im like no way and she sais she wont, so when my girlfriend is in the shower i call the chick and tell her is it clear they are over with and me and my girl are going to work it out and the girl is like why cant we just be friends and she told me she told my girlfriend that she wanted to hear from her at least once a day!!!!!! yea my girlfriend left that detail out.

so anyhow the week we are in oregon one day she wants it to work, the next day she doesnt, but regardless not a day went by they didnt talk, my girlfriend loves to go get a pop by herself and take the cell phone.

So anyways this whole time she's admitted she doesnt love me or have feelings for me even when she agrees to give it a try she tells me there is no feelings, well she says she loves me but she is not in love with me.

 

SOO....

we get back to california, by this time she has had time to think, she's admitted im the person she wants to be with for the rest of her life, but she wants to have "fun" and get this out of her system, so a couple nights ago in the car she tells me that we can be togeather and asked if i would let her have fun so she can get it out of her system, and that the lezbian girl would not know she was back with me, and i wouldnt tell anyone that she was seeing the lezbian, i agreed because i love my girlfriend mroe than anyhting, so when she goes and see's her and she comes home i ask for the details and she tells me, she tells me when they kiss touch ect... and i try to be ok with it but it hurts sooo bad, i feel like it's going to make me fall out of love with her and i dont want that, i dont know why she has to do this.

it's been about 4 days since we got back from oregon and everyday they talk, she has seen her like 3 times, i just dont know how much longer i can go and deal with this, i honestly belive my girlfriend loves me and wants to be with me forever, but she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

AND... this lezbian thinks that her and my girlfriend are a couple, and that they are in love, it just discusts me. me and my girlfriend are still sexually active now, so it's like old times, just she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

 

whats everyones opinion or advice? i cant just leave her, i love her too much, i want to grow old with her and i KNOW that we are soul mates, i/we just have to get past this.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Lots of 'straight-curious' people have this idea that sex doesn't "count" if its done with someone of the same sex because its "just sexual", and it sounds like your girlfriend falls into this category. You just have to make it clear that for you: cheating is cheating - regardless of gender. Have you told her this point blank?

[CurvyGurl]

Is your girlfriend bisexual? If so, this is another element to your relationship. It may be something she doesn't think she can do without. My feeling here, though, is that she's bored and fooling around, and the above poster is right, it's cheating.

 

Would you try to get her back if she was cheating with a man? Or would you feel betrayed, hurt, etc etc. Its no different because she's a woman. She wants to have fun and get some cheating out of her system?

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I am sorry but you are being made a fool of by her. She now tells the other

girl that she is her girlfriend and they have sex and tells you that you

are a couple. She is a cakewoman and she is cheating and walking all over you.

The sad part is that you said it was all right. How would your girlfriend feel if you

said you wanted to have a threesome with her and the girlfriend just to get it out of your system a couple of times each month? I bet she would tell you no.

Your girlfriend has no respect for you or your relationship. She is making a farce

out of your relationship. She is cheating in front of you and you give her your approval. It is clear that she does not respect you but it very sad that you have no respect for yourself. What a great role model you both are for your children. I suggest either she commits fully and solely to your relationship or move on. She is making a totally fool out of you and you allow it. Enough is enough!

[Pretty Kitty]

You're girlfriend and her girlfriend are both playing you like a damn fiddle...LOL!! You already know that so why do you continue to hold on? She says she is NOT in love with you and sneaks around with this chick and you sit there like a fool and condone all of this crap being smashed in your face. She's leading you around like a dog on a short chain!! How silly of you and unfortunate to allow this mess to happen (SMH)...LMAO!!

[dan123]

This is Jessica, Dans girlfriend.

 

Besides the fact that everyone thinks I'm playing him like a fiddle "which I am not" Does anybody have any advice on how to get past this, move on, brake up, stay together?

 

I can not get this girl out of my head but I I know what the right thing to do is "marry" my childrens father "Danny" We have been together almost 5 years and we are child hood friends.

 

One thing Danny did not tell everyone is that he really did treat me like **** for our entire relationship. Mentally and at times physically. He up until "now" has been a really mean mean person.

 

With out bashing me too bad please share your thoughts.

 

Jessica

[Grinning Maniac]

Actually he did say that he treated you badly in his first post. He didn't give details, but whatever.

 

I think what people are considering strange...is that you want to be his girlfriend and ALSO see the lesbian on the side. That doesnt make any sense at all. The reason why people are saying you're playing him like a fiddle is because he's ALLOWING this to happen. He has to know deep inside that it wont help matters at all, but he's letting you still shag her? Sounds like a pussy to me.

 

Danny mentioned a lot of suspect things in his post, then you suddenly show up and choose to address none of it? That's strange as well.

 

- Mentioning you want the girl to wait for you.

- Still seeing her.

- Still "seeing" her.

- Still calling her.

 

All that is just off the top of my head. Would you like to talk about any of that? I mean...this seems like a dead-end relationship to me. But speak your mind, really. By the way...how'd you end up on his screen name posting here? Not really important, just wondering.

[dan123]

she wanted to post "her side"

 

Anyhow ones heart hardens when he see's his girlfriend doing something like this, i've lately voiced my opinion how this is making me fall out of love with her, and she showed she didnt care when she made the choice to leave and go see her again when i said i would fall out of love with her if she did it.

she sat in the car as if deciding weather or not to leave as i stood there, she chose, about 30 seconds later the car is in drive and off she goes.

she then comes home and sais "i didnt want to belive you will fall out of love with me"

we have almost 5 years under our belt, her and the lezbian have about 3 weeks, yea i am a pussy fool, i can admit that. she used to be someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but not anymore i dont care what she does now.

[Grinning Maniac]

Ok then. That settles that. Walk away and don't ever look back...*especially* if she comes back later on saying that she made the wrong choice. Right or wrong, she made her choice clear when you were standing there that night, and ever expecting you to take her back after that would be a slap in the face. In my opinion, it was already a slap in the face when she came home and said that she didn't believe you meant what you had told her. That was pretty much saying that she thinks you have no balls, and she can do whatever she wants and you'll always be there like a homeless puppy. Just walk. She doesn't seem to be worth the trouble anyway.

 

Good luck.

[dan123]

It has been resolved.

 

I told her either the girl or me. She;s never alloud to see or talk to the girl again or its over for good.

 

It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because this time its sincere.

 

Thanks for everyone's advice. If you have anymore please post.

[Fritz]

You might check out <URL removed> for some advice.

 

 

Hope you guys work it out.

[HotCaliGirl]

I hope it really works out. You should remind her of how it would feel like if you wanted to have a male lover on the side - not different than what she's doing to your feelings. Also, it was mentioned that you used to be very mean. I hope you turn/stay nice.

[dan123]

Thanks everyone, this is Jessica. Danny and I are going to work out, last night reality set in about what I was doing and that Danny is sincere this time about this being a wake up call for him about he has treated me in the past, and that it will really never happen again. : )

 

This place is cool. Its nice to be able to get stuff off your chest.

 

Anyway still any feedback about our future would be cool. We will keep checking this post.

 

Jessica

 

he he I just thought of something, if anybody who's been following this and wants to go to my website and look at our family go to

 

http://www.jessicajackson.netfirms.com for pictures of danny and I follow this link, its on the page though under Mebefore

 

http://www.jessicajackson.netfirms.com/mebefore.htm they are all me except the second one is Danny : )

 

Thanks for the link to the marriage builders website!

[dan123]

So guys, she's said they are over that was cool and all, exceot one thing, the other girl "doesnt" know they are over, she hasnt told her yet and it's been days, they have talked on the phone a couple times and my girlfriend didnt "have it in her" to tell her. and a text message my gf sent her also ended in xoxoxox.

So I tell her that im not comfertable with this and I want closure, i want the other chick to know it is over as well, BUUUUT what to I get?

"Give me some f'ing space, I will tell her when im ready, isnt anything good enough for you, isnt me telling you that we are over not good enough for you"

Am I being unreasonable here? because to me I feel like if she had any respect for me she would end it with the girl, even if she wanted to wait for the right time shouldnt my feelings be more important than that? I asked her if it was really that important for hthis other girl to be still causing issues between us and my girlfriend says it's not her it's ME! that if I just dealt with it there wouldnt be a problem.

 

Someone please tell me if im being unreasonable, or should I just keep my mouth shut, invert my feelings and smile and pretend this doesnt bug me.

[dan123]

Is asking for a simple"i understand how your feeling, i know this must be hard for you" too much to ask for?

 

and then she says she cant wait till i go to work. so what to i get to think while im at work, hmmm are they talking, are they seeing eachother, is she still looking for apartments in the city this girl lives in, are they text messaging eachother...

I just want this crap to be over with, if to people are seriouse enough about eachother should one person let another person come in between them, i try to put myself in her shoes and if i was and i was seriouse about this being over and getting on with my life, the first thing i would do would be break it off completely, not "ok i want to do this in steps, i want to buy her a valentines day gift and leave it on her doorstep and then 3 days after that like write her a letter or something" is this just BS or what. Thats another thing, you know what it's like to be in a store browsing at valentines day stuff and thinking what to get for your GF and then you relize she's looking at stuff to get her ex-lover.

Am i a good guy for sticking with this girl, does this show how much i care about her and love her, or does this show how retarded i am because i really dont know. i look at her and i know this si the girl i want to grow old with, i want to get on with my life with her and have this crap in the past, i just wish she would grow some balls and grow up......... and some communication skills would be nice, but i guess you cant have everything you want in life.

 

 

 

 

p.s im changing my pass, i'de like her to get her own nick.

[Bryanp]

Dan,

 

There is an old saying that deals with your situation. You judge a person

by their actions and not by their words. Her words do not match her actions.

If the roles were reversed, she would not accept this. The bottom line is that her actions show she is still making a fool out of you. The sad part is that you know this and so does she. I think your story is very sad. Your wife's refusal to break it off completely with her female lover is a clear message to you. Unfortunately it is a message you refuse to see. Your wife is a cakewoman and you accept it. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change.

The bottom line is that she knows that your bark is worse than you bite and you will accept your wife sharing her life at least emotionally with another woman. You both have decisions in your life and your wife has made a decision how she wishes to live her life. Maybe it is time for you to decide how you wish to live the rest of your life. I wish you luck.

[RowanRavyn]

First~ Nothing makes cheating OK.

 

Second~ He spent the biggest part of their relationship proving to her that he didn't respect her by his actions and deeds. Every time he emotionally or physically "mistreated" her, he proved to her that he was not trust worthy, and proved that he was not worthy of her respect.

 

There are a lot of issues going on here.

 

It appears that there is a recovering abuser, and a woman who is recovering from this abuse.

 

In the cycle of abuse there is always a honeymoon phase. After years of this it could be that she is not expecting this current honeymoon, loving "phase" to last. It could be very sincere, or it might be that it IS just another phase.

 

Jessica...if you are going to leave.. leave. If you are going to stay...stay. You can't be faulted for wanting to leave a relationship that has been unstable. However, your current behavior is dangerous. Make sure that you aren't just trading one relationship for another. You also need to consider how your behaviors (Yours as a couple..BOTH of you) have affected those beautiful girls.

 

You both want to make it work, get in counseling. Leave family out of it, don't go tattle tailing. Make a clean break with all distractions and focus on yourselves and your family.

 

Otherwise make a clean break with each other.

[Grinning Maniac]

HAHAHA...I KNEW this wasn't over. The minute his girl got on his nickname I knew we weren't done here. Good job on changing you password...but damn. How much of this crap are you going to take? She's being more considerate to the dyke than you. You certainly hold high priority. That would feel like someone robbed my sack of it's contents. I have no real advice right now, sorry. I just thought this was funny.

 

By the way, Bryan's dead-on. This girl knows you're bluffing. That's a shame.

[Emily_heart]

First of all I would like to comment on the pictures on your webspace jessica, your family is beautifull.

That said what is a beautifull family like yours having these kind of problems???? I can't speak for anyone else but to me that does not look like a family that is worth loosing. I could only wish for beautifull children such as yours and well a man that loved me as much as Danny sounds like he loves you.

Jessica there is nothing worse than abuse no matter what form that is is delivered, nobody can live with abuse "not even solemates Danny" but if there is an ounce of trust that it won't happen again, your family is worth hanging onto Jessica. I wish you to the best of luck and the things you have going on Jessica with the female I can assure you is a [temporary plesure] and at any moment it will click in your head just how important it is for your family and how important it is that you raise your children without this kind of pandemonium. If only I was in your place I would forget the past and move on.

 

Danny you are a lucky person as well to have such beautifull children and a girlfriend who loves you enough to stick it out with you, all I can suggest to you is to keep being strong and have faith that she will come to her senses and love you mutually as you love her, you are doing the right thing by [sticking with it] you have faith, most people on this board would cut there losess and run, you guys are a special breed that stick with it no matter how hard it gets, BUT very importantly from my experiance it is always those types that end up being happy, you should look at it as getting all the kinks out in the first few years of your relationship, most people out there would never know how happy they would have ended up if they didnt give it 110% and stick through the ruff times.

It pays off in the long run.

 

Good luck to you both, may god bless you and your family. Both of you do the right thing, your children are looking up to you, someday they will each have familys, both of you straighten up and show them how a family is supposed to be. May your home soon be filled with love that you deserve.

 

Thats just my 2¢ E.H

[dan123]

thanks for all the input, all i can say is i love this girl with every ounce of my soul, she is at the lezbians house right now but i guess they did break it off and now they are just friends, i just hope that my GF who i would like to marry and get on with my life and my family will soon care enough about my feelings to where it wouldnt bug her if i didnt want her to see her ex lover.

I just want to same kind of care and effection that i offer in return. giving up on family though is not an option, i know she will come through. family is family, we have a family, whats life without a family, it's not like you can trade family in for another one.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by dan123

1. she is at the lezbians house right now but i guess they did break it off and now they are just friends,

 

2. i just hope that my GF ... will soon care enough about my feelings to where it wouldnt bug her if i didnt want her to see her ex lover.

 

1. All I have to say about that is:

 

2. She doesn't now, and I seriously doubt she ever will. As long as you let her continue being this way with you, she will. Because she can. This situation works for her: she gets you AND she gets her girlfriend (or other boyfriends, for all you know) too. What possible motivation would she have to suddenly drop all of that, if you are allowing her to have her cake and eat it too? Out of the goodness of her heart?

 

Its pretty simple. You just say "drop the others, or I drop you." End of story. Either she wants to be with only you, or she doesn't. The question is: is your heart strong enough to actually follow through with it?

[johan]

Prepare for a breakup. She's doing things that are irreversible. One foot out the door. She isn't testing you, she's on her way out. The best approach for you is to do what you would have done if you'd only been dating her for a month.

 

Get your own place and go, and make arrangements to visit and share responsibility for the kids.

[dan123]

This is Jessica

 

Emily_heart Thanks for your feedback : ) You sound like you know what your talking about and your also a sweetheart. Thanks for the complements about my family : )

 

Grinning Maniac, you wrote, “good job changing your password” The reason I have his password is because he gave it to me. I offered to make my own screen name and he said no just use mine. I get the feeling though when you said that its like a ha ha I cant come in under his name cause I don’t know his password. If you want to talk about snoops Danny is the master of that, Mr. Danny has had a key logger on my computer forever now so he can read what I type and get this… His key logger is like some FBI ****, it takes screen shots every 20 seconds. So when I’m checking my e-mails he gets to not only read what I write but look at what people write me. He has been key logging me way before the lesbian and I have never cheated on him.

 

RowanRavyn Thank you for your post, I really put a lot of thought into what you wrote. Thanks I appreciate it greatly.

 

I have moved on, the lesbian and I are no longer together I am concentrating 100% on my family now.

 

LucreziaBorgia make no mistake I will “NEVER” be w/ another man again so there is no question there.

 

Alright I am done writing for now I’m tired. Thanks for replying everyone. Its neat getting everyone’s opinions Thanks again : )

 

: ) Jess