Anyone meet on [an affair dating site]?

[123beachgirl]

New here, not sure if this has been posted before, so forgive me if it has.

Did any of you meet your AP on Ashley Madison?

I am 6 months in. Not sure how unique my situation is, I was in a dead end marriage and tried everything to make it work. I thought maybe if I met someone else, I could survive. I know....not the best way to handle things.

Well, I met someone and as I'm sure you can guess, fell in love.

Hubby and I are now separated. Does that make the affair an exit affair? New to all this and don't know all the lingo.

So my MM was in the same position. We were in the EXACT same position. Just trying to originally spice up a dead end marriage, make it easier to live with on a daily basis. And he fell in love too.

So d-day came for both of us. I guess we weren't very careful. His wife wanted to work it out for awhile, but has since changed her mind.

So here we are, 6 months into the relationship, both leaving our spouses. We very much want to make it work.

I am looking for advice on what we need to do to make it our best effort.

We already communicate way more than either of us ever did with our spouses.

I know everyone says their AP is their soulmate - how can that be? It really feels like that. Is it really some brain chemistry that has taken over? Or is is just years of neglect in a marriage that when you finally have someone treat you well and the way you deserve, you think it is a soulmate? Or is it that the years of marriage helped you grow as a person and now you know how a relationship should be and are more ready to be in one?

I am all over the place, just new at this and looking for support.

Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories.

[thinkingofhim]

All I can say is don't believe he's getting divorced until you see the papers...

[cozycottagelg]

What happened at D-day?

 

I think communication is key and making things smooth for the children (if there are any). I know that if my husband and I split due to an affair, that's what I'd want.

[Summer Breeze]

Counseling, counseling, and more counseling. DMM left his M on his own when we had been NC for almost 4 years. He immediately went into IC and worked with his kids and to some degree with his W. He was knee deep in counseling before we even spoke. By the time I had hooked up with him again he was well on his way to resolving issues with the end of his M and how to deal with it. When I came along we kept going and learned about the A and how to move past that R, even though we'd been apart for a long time.

 

And it was still hard. We had a few times I thought only one of us would come out of it alive! We're in a good place now but it was through a lot of hard work.

 

I believe love is very important but I don't believe it can make all things possible.

 

There's a huge amount of pressure on Rs post A. Good luck.

[sunburned]

New here, not sure if this has been posted before, so forgive me if it has.

Did any of you meet your AP on Ashley Madison?

I am 6 months in. Not sure how unique my situation is, I was in a dead end marriage and tried everything to make it work. I thought maybe if I met someone else, I could survive. I know....not the best way to handle things.

Well, I met someone and as I'm sure you can guess, fell in love.

Hubby and I are now separated. Does that make the affair an exit affair? New to all this and don't know all the lingo.

So my MM was in the same position. We were in the EXACT same position. Just trying to originally spice up a dead end marriage, make it easier to live with on a daily basis. And he fell in love too.

So d-day came for both of us. I guess we weren't very careful. His wife wanted to work it out for awhile, but has since changed her mind.

So here we are, 6 months into the relationship, both leaving our spouses. We very much want to make it work.

I am looking for advice on what we need to do to make it our best effort.

We already communicate way more than either of us ever did with our spouses.

I know everyone says their AP is their soulmate - how can that be? It really feels like that. Is it really some brain chemistry that has taken over? Or is is just years of neglect in a marriage that when you finally have someone treat you well and the way you deserve, you think it is a soulmate? Or is it that the years of marriage helped you grow as a person and now you know how a relationship should be and are more ready to be in one?

I am all over the place, just new at this and looking for support.

Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories.

 

 

 

Those are good questions you ask near the end of your post and since you "tried everything" to make your marriage work, I'm kind of surprised you don't have some answers. But, moving along, they are good questions to ask in IC AND MC. I'm sure you already did since you "tried everything," but maybe you need a new therapist.

 

 

Look I am an xWS myself so I'm in no place to judge degrees of affairs. My own was the "it just happened" variety. Yes, pathetic. BUT I can't help but think that two people who went looking for an affair -- actually joining a web site just for this very purpose -- probably shouldn't be planning a long-term future together. The word "trust" comes to mind. I also want to ask you to think about all this communication you're enjoying with your MM that you have not enjoyed with your H. Most As are fueled by communication -- constant texting, emailing, calling during stolen moments. It doesn't mean your relationship with him is better than the one with your H.

 

 

Finally, you mention your MM's wife wanting to work on it then changing her mind. It's a bit curious your don't mention your H's reaction. Is he history? Does he want counseling? Reconciliation? Are there children involved on either side of the fence?

[yogachic]

I met my xMM & current MM on Ashley Madison. When I went on the site - I wasn't sure what I was going to find/get out of the site - maybe some flirtation between emails... Anyways - my current MM and I have been together for over 6 months now. Neither of us is looking to leave our spouses at this time because of a variety of reasons. Our feelings for one another are very strong which scares me (and I am sure him to).

 

 

I think you can make it work - as you both know the reasons why you went on the site and what brought the 2 of you together. It is kind of funny to find someone that you can connect with in so many ways on a cheating site!? Lol.

 

 

I wish you all the luck in the world!!!

[Hope Shimmers]

New here, not sure if this has been posted before, so forgive me if it has.

Did any of you meet your AP on Ashley Madison?

I am 6 months in. Not sure how unique my situation is, I was in a dead end marriage and tried everything to make it work. I thought maybe if I met someone else, I could survive. I know....not the best way to handle things.

Well, I met someone and as I'm sure you can guess, fell in love.

Hubby and I are now separated. Does that make the affair an exit affair? New to all this and don't know all the lingo.

So my MM was in the same position. We were in the EXACT same position. Just trying to originally spice up a dead end marriage, make it easier to live with on a daily basis. And he fell in love too.

So d-day came for both of us. I guess we weren't very careful. His wife wanted to work it out for awhile, but has since changed her mind.

So here we are, 6 months into the relationship, both leaving our spouses. We very much want to make it work.

I am looking for advice on what we need to do to make it our best effort.

We already communicate way more than either of us ever did with our spouses.

I know everyone says their AP is their soulmate - how can that be? It really feels like that. Is it really some brain chemistry that has taken over? Or is is just years of neglect in a marriage that when you finally have someone treat you well and the way you deserve, you think it is a soulmate? Or is it that the years of marriage helped you grow as a person and now you know how a relationship should be and are more ready to be in one?

I am all over the place, just new at this and looking for support.

Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories.

 

I am an ex-OW but I am very much against these web sites because I can't even imagine making the effort to LOOK for an affair when you are married and he is married. Just horrible in my book.

 

To answer your last set of questions, there is no 'brain chemistry' that has taken over. What is different is that you have not lived together for years on end like this guy has with his wife. But now it seems you will have the opportunity to do that, so it will be interesting to see how you feel about five years down the road. Good luck!

[gettingstronger]

It appears from your post that your AP initially stayed with his wife until she decided she did not want to work it out-how does that make you feel about your relationship and standing with him-for me that would be the first thing I would work on-

[Pastypop]

Have you googled his AM userid to see he has accounts on other sex sites such as Craig's list. Adult friend finder or Grinder? Most of the guys on AM have accounts on these sites and have for years. May want to go look at these sites to make sure he doesn't before pursuing a real relationship with this guy. The men on AM are definitely not the lonely, abused men they are trying to get you to believe. They are mostly sexual predators, deviants or all out crazies. Won't go anywhere near those sites unless I'm working on a case study.

[William]

As this new member apparently logged out shortly after posting this and hasn't returned, we'll close this up pending their return. Thanks for your responses!