Not as close to sibling since he got into serious relationship

[henderson14]

I have a brother who I have always been very close with, but since he got serious with a girl we have drifted a bit, and it concerns me. We used to always bond when it was just us hanging out, but that rarely happens anymore. I only see him when he is with her, so our conversations aren't as deep as they used to be. I don't share as much with him anymore. Can anyone relate? Is this normal?

[Lani]

Unfortunately yeah, it is normal.

The best course here is to just be honest with him before it starts to really piss you off and you say something stupid. Ask him out for a beer, just you two, like old times. Tell him you feel the distance and understand he's got the new girlfriend, and that you're happy for him, but don't want to lose th closeness.

Chances are that he hasn't even realised.. Honesty and understanding are your keys here.

[Standard-Fare]

It's normal. With both siblings and close friends.

 

They can cease to be that independent person you once knew.

 

But I thin you have the right to ask your brother for some alone time sometimes, without the GF. Don't expect that to happen often, but hopefully he can squeeze it in sometimes. It would be good for BOTH of you.

[henderson14]

Its good to know it is normal. I honestly think it would be a lot better if I was also dating someone. We would go out as coupes and the girls could chat while we chatted. I think we would just hang out more and I would also be happier. And he does occasionally ask to hang out, but its not often. Maybe once a month. We aren't girls, so we don't chat on the phone or anything.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Yes, I completely understand this as it has happened to me. My brother and I are about 2 years apart with me being the older. Although we fought like brother and sister we also loved each other very much and were very close at one point in our lives. Many of our friends were envious of our relationship and prided ourselves on being as close as we were.

 

Like you, the moment he started getting serious about girls, it was like he realized he no longer needed. Then when he married his wife, he married a woman that was very possessive which only fueled our estrangement. It's hard to continue a close relationship when you have a demanding and insecure woman in the way. Obviously he chose her over me (which isn't that unusual) but it still hurts that HE allowed HER to force his hand without any kind of fight for OUR family bond. It's never been the same since.

 

We are now in our forties and although we get along fine when we are visiting my parents, we don't or rarely connect outside of those family dinners and we certainly don't have deep meaningful conversations about anything anymore.

 

It saddens me greatly but as I've said countless times about romantic relationships, it's a two way street and both people have to want the relationship otherwise it just doesn't work.

 

These days, I have resigned myself to the fact that those days are gone and that I need to enjoy the time I get to share with him and his family when we have them but that's as far as it goes. I'm forever hopeful despite how things turned out but at the same time, I'm not letting it consume my life either.

[henderson14]

Yes, I completely understand this as it has happened to me. My brother and I are about 2 years apart with me being the older. Although we fought like brother and sister we also loved each other very much and were very close at one point in our lives. Many of our friends were envious of our relationship and prided ourselves on being as close as we were.

 

Like you, the moment he started getting serious about girls, it was like he realized he no longer needed. Then when he married his wife, he married a woman that was very possessive which only fueled our estrangement. It's hard to continue a close relationship when you have a demanding and insecure woman in the way. Obviously he chose her over me (which isn't that unusual) but it still hurts that HE allowed HER to force his hand without any kind of fight for OUR family bond. It's never been the same since.

 

We are now in our forties and although we get along fine when we are visiting my parents, we don't or rarely connect outside of those family dinners and we certainly don't have deep meaningful conversations about anything anymore.

 

It saddens me greatly but as I've said countless times about romantic relationships, it's a two way street and both people have to want the relationship otherwise it just doesn't work.

 

These days, I have resigned myself to the fact that those days are gone and that I need to enjoy the time I get to share with him and his family when we have them but that's as far as it goes. I'm forever hopeful despite how things turned out but at the same time, I'm not letting it consume my life either.

 

THis is the reason I make a effort to also have a decent relationship with his now fiance. That can cause a wedge between families, and I don't want that.

[Michelle ma Belle]

THis is the reason I make a effort to also have a decent relationship with his now fiance. That can cause a wedge between families, and I don't want that.

 

I never said I didn't make an effort with my sister-in-law because I certainly did. And we do get along fine it's just she wants her husband (my brother) to lean on her and not on me or others in our family. It stems from her own childhood and dysfunction coming from a broken family etc.

 

My brother and his wife are VERY co-dependent which doesn't help. Although I wish things were different I understand that that this is the way it has to be and I respect it if only to ensure having a relationship at all with my brother and his wife.

 

I am nothing if not open minded and accommodating and see the value and importance of family.