What's wrong with me?!?

[Taylor28]

So I'm 28 and my ex boyfriend is 33. We were together for 8 1/2 years and actually really happy. Before Christmas we were looking at houses to buy and it all seemed to be going in the right direction. Then the day before valentines day I found messages in his email from a co worker of his who is 22. They were sexual messages and ones saying she had feelings for him and cared about him. As you can imagine it felt like the air had been sucked out when I read them. I text him telling him not to come home and he called me asking what was wrong. I asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell me about her and he said no they were just friends and that was it so I told him I found the messages. He went on to say that he didn't know how to tell me. It got out of hand and it was just a bit of banter. Anyway I moved out but he begged me to forgive him which I did but said I didn't want to move home straight away as I needed a bit more time. 2 weeks later he calls me and says he wants a clean break from me. He tells me that nothing is going on but one of the people he works with is my friend and she's told me that all they do is flirt and talk all day and it's been happening for months. I just don't understand how he can throw 8 years away for a girl 10 years younger and when we were looking at buying a house. Am I mad for still loving him? Should I just move on and let him get on with it as he's obviously made up his mind even though I think about him all the time?

[crederer]

Nothing is wrong with you. These are all pretty typical feelings in a time like that. He's decided to move on, however, and that's all that matters at this point.

[pteromom]

Am I mad for still loving him?

 

Of course not. Your feelings aren't going to magically change overnight just because he's being stupid.

 

But decisions should be made not only on FEELINGS, but on what is in your best interests... which in this case is to move on.

 

Should I just move on and let him get on with it as he's obviously made up his mind even though I think about him all the time?

 

Yes.

 

Eventually, you won't think about him all the time. Post on the breaking up forum here and talk to others who are going or who have gone through the same thing.

 

I'm sorry.

[thysecret]

Female co-worker are always at the highest risk for "cheating". Hate it so much! but think again, it takes 2 hands to clap. Guys give in easily to temptations..

You're not dumb, you're just blinded by love. He is not worth it anymore...

You should try to move on. I know it's hard because my ex-bf is interested in his co-worker as well

[d0nnivain]

At this point the only explanation I can offer is a wild guess because I don't know you or your EX. But he might be scared. You two have been together for 8.5 years, that is practically half of your adult dating lives, more for you since you are younger. He either needs to marry you or move on. This seemed more carefree to him, like he is still holding on to his youth.

 

You said she sent him flirty messages. You didn't say he sent any back. I don't think he had physically cheated before you broke up if that is the smallest consolation.

 

But now it's done so you need to move forward & not look back.

[Taylor28]

Thanks for replying and advice. It's just hard knowing he probably checked out of the relationship a while ago while I was planning out future. I'm sure I will get over it in time.

[preraph]

Well, you found out that at the very least he's having a big flirtation and emotional affair. It doesn't sound like he really denied it. It's just that some men think they're innocent if they're not the one who made the first move -- as if all's fair as long as it was the other woman's idea and they're powerless to say no. Sigh.

 

You probably dodged a bullet, but I'm sorry for you. It is unfortunate that so many guys will trade in great quality women for ANY woman who is significantly younger and will believe all their BS. I know this is the wrong thing to say and that really, you need to just detach and move on not caring. But having had some issues with young ruthless suckups at work, I'd be tempted to report her and him to HR anonymously. Then I'd clam up and not say one more word to the ex.

 

Pretty much every office I've been in, most of the males flirted with the youngest women there on a daily basis, and usually the girls just grimaced and put up with it, but a few encouraged them because they liked being the center of attention. It's like they want that validation that they can still talk to young women. I guess it makes them feel like Peter Pan. They have no idea how pathetic it looks.

 

This one girl was an ex-cheerleader and she couldn't get past it and was still living off it. If a handful of people were standing up having a conference, she would come up uninvited and try to change the subject to herself. When she got really desperate for attention, she would do a cheerleader jump or a cartwheel. As sad as it seems, the men thought this was just fine and dandy -- in the office during work hours. Oh, and by the way, she was engaged.

[Taylor28]

So after trying to go nc and blocking his number I gave in and unblocked it. I was determined not to contact him but was curious if he would contact me cos I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore. He text me the next day! Then sent me a birthday card and birthday text. Then for the past week he has text me every day other than Tuesday. I have replied to his messages this week. They have just been general messages asking about the pets and Friday he text to say he got a new phone. Not a new number just a new phone! Even if you want to stay friends you shouldn't text your ex every day should you? I've read everything on here saying it's a way to make sure I'm still there but he isn't like that. He's very black and white on subjects and can hold a grudge though he has no reason to on this as he dumped me. I just can't work out if he wants to stay friends or misses sharing stuff with someone. We were together 8 years and lived together for 2. Though it was his choice not to be with me so if you don't want me in your life why still try to keep me in your life?! I'm so confused.

[ExpatInItaly]

So after trying to go nc and blocking his number I gave in and unblocked it. I was determined not to contact him but was curious if he would contact me cos I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore. He text me the next day! Then sent me a birthday card and birthday text. Then for the past week he has text me every day other than Tuesday. I have replied to his messages this week. They have just been general messages asking about the pets and Friday he text to say he got a new phone. Not a new number just a new phone! Even if you want to stay friends you shouldn't text your ex every day should you? I've read everything on here saying it's a way to make sure I'm still there but he isn't like that. He's very black and white on subjects and can hold a grudge though he has no reason to on this as he dumped me. I just can't work out if he wants to stay friends or misses sharing stuff with someone. We were together 8 years and lived together for 2. Though it was his choice not to be with me so if you don't want me in your life why still try to keep me in your life?! I'm so confused.

 

Girl, he is like that. You discovered he is also the type of guy who will be inappropriate with other girls. It's hard to accept when faced with the facts, but that's the reality. If he weren't that type of man, you wouldn't be in this situation.