Help!! Is my boyfriend cheating??

[LCoakley1]

Ok, here goes.

 

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year. Throughtout the first 6 months or so, the relationship was fantastic. We were always together, always having fun and always making love.

 

We moved in together after about 4 months (pretty quickly, I know) and just recently I've seen a remarkable change in him. We don't have sex at all anymore, (he tells me his sexual drive has just gone down), he resorts to jerking off (I've caught him doing this twice), and he refuses to introduce me to his certain friends.

 

He goes to his friend Mike's house all the time and refuses to let me go with him. He says it's his spot to just "be alone and hang with the guys." Problem is, whenever I call there there seem to be girls' voices in the background. When I question him, he tells me that they're the other guys' girlfriends.

 

I then tell him, if the other guys have their girlfriends there, why can't I ever come with you? His response, "These people aren't the kind of people you like. God, can't I have ONE friend that's my own that you don't NEED to know??"

 

It hurts my feelings that he refuses to let me meet them, and he goes over there to visit a lot.

 

The big ice-breaker was tonight. He told me about a week ago that him and "the guys" were having a get together Super Bowl Sunday to watch the game. I was okay with this, as I had an offer to babysit for my niece overnight anyway.

 

Today though, when I ask him who's going to be there tomorrow he says, "Oh, the regular guys and their 3 girlfriends," just like that! I, of course, got extremely upset and asked him why I couldn't come, especially if everyone else was having their girlfriends there. His excuse? "You told me you were babysitting."

 

The only reason I agreed to babysit was because I thought he was gonna be out with his male friends and I didn't want to interfere. When I hear it's a group get-together though I was shocked. I could have easily cancelled my babysitting plans to go to a Superbowl party with him.

 

This is just really bothering me. I love him, and we live together, but I feel something fishy is going on. He insists that he would never cheat on me, and that he loves me...but I'm so confused.

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Or can anyone offer advice??

[DinNJ]

If you 'feel it' ... the feeling is probably right. Sorry. But I've learned to follow my gut over the years and have found that my biggest fears (gut feeling) have ALWAYS came true. How cool would it be, if you had the opportunity to.... hmmmmm... show up at Half Time.... huh? You better keep your eyes and ears open.

[LCoakley1]

That's very true. I do have a gut instinct, but I'm not positive. And how could I be unless I caught him doing something? This feeling is just awful, and I don't know what to do...

[Barby]

Honestly I agree with the other poster, if you feel something is wrong, it usually is! It could be that he's seeing someone else that he brings to this "certain friend's" house and that's why he refuses to let you go with him or introduce you to them.

 

It seems fishy and I hope that you can get things worked out. Don't allow anyone to disrespect you or make you feel like you're worth less than you are!

[VirginiaBob]

Barby, what's with your new sig that says that if you don't like what i say don't respond, had a few fights with the confrontational types in here lately?

[DinNJ]

quick check.... you live together right??? so his bills are obviously mailed there???? It's sad and sneaky, but you gotta find out.... Cell phone bills are always a good start. The cell phone itself is even better. Email...??? Start diggin' or keep worrying.

[VirginiaBob]

I find that all the stuff in my life that goes wrong is always a self-fulfilling prophecy. What i mean is if you keep acting all jealous and accuse him of something that he is not doing, he will end up doing. I was always worried that my ex-fiance was going to leave me after we made all the wedding plans, and sure enough she did.

[immoralist]

Even if your bf is not cheating, your relationship is in deep doo doo. He's not having sex with you and he's excluding you from his friends. Something's rotten in Denmark.

 

It's almost as if he's trying to force an end to the relationship in that passive-aggressive way for which men are famed.

 

It's time for a heart-to-heart discussion between you and him. Otherwise there ain't going to be an "us" for much longer.

[LCoakley1]

I know that our relationship is in trouble either way.

 

The sex thing is a major issue for me. I'm in a relationship, I want a fulfilling sex life! He tells me his sex drive is just low, and it's hard for him to orgasm recently, which it is. He can go forever and not have an orgasm. What gives?

[immoralist]

Four likely explanations: he's taking anti-depressants; he's compulsively masturbating; he's screwing another girl; he's just not that into you anymore.

 

I suspect he's jerking-off a fair amount and simply has little ammo left. On top of that, I suspect he's emotionally disengaging and the emotional separation is manifesting itself in sex. I hope I'm wrong.

[Barby]

Originally posted by VirginiaBob

Barby, what's with your new sig that says that if you don't like what i say don't respond, had a few fights with the confrontational types in here lately?

 

 

I PMed ya...

[Pretty Kitty]

Hell Yes He's "CHEATING" On You!! No way he's not girl. How come you aren't invited to the friends house but they always seem to have their girlfriends there? maybe he can't get it up for you is because he's too damned tried from boinking his other chick on the side. You need to face reality and leave him!!

[Mr Spock]

Even if he's not cheating, excluding you from inter gender gatherings is hurtful and rude, and is grounds for a serious ass kicking. How can you decide if they're not your people until you meet them?

[LCoakley1]

That's what I keep telling him. I wish he would let me decide for myself whether or not I want to hang out with them... it just really hurts my feelings that he excludes me from them.

 

Another reasoning of his he gave me this morning. There have been times when he's been at this friend's house and would stay there and hang out all night, and not get home until really late. Some of those nights I would call his cell phone and bug him, telling him to come home and that him staying all night was unnacceptable.

 

He told me this morning that I had embarrassed him too many times in front of his friends by arguing with him on the phone... and he didn't want me there because of that.

[Mr Spock]

He's a big jerk. I can't tell if he's cheating, but he's definetly pretending he doesn't have a girlfriend when he goes there to hang out.

 

If he won't budge, tell him to move out. You don't need a boyfriend that doesn't want to include you in everything. Doesn't mean you have to DO everything but you should at least feel wanted. The fact that there are other girls over there is also highly hurtful, since having a boys night is understandable but a couples night and you're not there?

[nextel]

You probably dont want to hear this again, but.........Yes he is cheating on you.

 

As a woman, you must learn to understand this about your instincts....if you are suspicious about things that are going on in your relationship, then you have every right to be. Never second guess your instincts.

 

 

What do you do now?????

 

Get lift your little damaged heart and be strong. Do not cry in his presence. Do not confide in anyone that knows him and you handle it like a woman. You will no longer complain about the fact that other men have their g/f there.

 

You will be the smarter person and hurt now and laugh later. Always remember: he who laughs first, does not laugh the longest. Start getting busy. Get involved in things that you like to do. Stop paying him any attention. Play naive. When he speaks be polite and courteous. Then I would start having some male friends who have some potential.

 

 

For as long as you are bothered by him going to be at his friends' house with the other women....he will continue to do it. ACT LIKE IT DOES NOT BOTHER YOU and have your own life. Get him a little nervous and you will get what you want.

 

 

 

ADVICE: If love is hurting you, then it isnt love. Sometimes we must decide what we want for ourselves. If happiness is what you want, then find it with someone worth giving your time to.

[SoleMate]

Yup...I'll rubber the stamp the consensus. He is pushing you out of his life. Whether or not he is actually currently getting horizontal with another female is not even the chief issue.

[LCoakley1]

Originally posted by nextel

You probably dont want to hear this again, but.........Yes he is cheating on you.

 

As a woman, you must learn to understand this about your instincts....if you are suspicious about things that are going on in your relationship, then you have every right to be. Never second guess your instincts.

 

 

What do you do now?????

 

Get lift your little damaged heart and be strong. Do not cry in his presence. Do not confide in anyone that knows him and you handle it like a woman. You will no longer complain about the fact that other men have their g/f there.

 

You will be the smarter person and hurt now and laugh later. Always remember: he who laughs first, does not laugh the longest. Start getting busy. Get involved in things that you like to do. Stop paying him any attention. Play naive. When he speaks be polite and courteous. Then I would start having some male friends who have some potential.

 

 

For as long as you are bothered by him going to be at his friends' house with the other women....he will continue to do it. ACT LIKE IT DOES NOT BOTHER YOU and have your own life. Get him a little nervous and you will get what you want.

 

 

 

ADVICE: If love is hurting you, then it isnt love. Sometimes we must decide what we want for ourselves. If happiness is what you want, then find it with someone worth giving your time to.

 

 

Thank you so much for that post. You make a lot of sense...that post made me smile for the first time all day. I guess I do act too suspicious and he KNOWS that I'l be waiting home for him when he decides to come in. I think I'm goign to take your advice and just act like it doesn't bother me and see how he likes that. Thank you.

[Hund1976]

If I had to bet money on this I would say he's cheating. You can confront him now but you don't have any real evidence so he can just deny it. I would do some sleuthing and see what you can come up with, cell phone bills, emails, show up at mike's house to see what's really going on.

[nicole25]

I would say he is defintely cheating on you. I have been in the same exact position you are and in fact he was cheating on me for a month with 2 other girls. These girls might not be his friends girlfriends. They might be just some random girls that were invited. Honestly, I would dump him and get the hell out of there becuase no man is worth having to worry about him cheating on you 24/7. And his excuses are for s***!!! Dump his stupid a** and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea that will treat you a hell of alot better girl!! Don't put yourself through that and wait it out and see becuase the longer you are with him and worry about what he is doing, the harder it will be if you find out he actually is... believe me. Go with your gut instict, its always right!!!

[nextel]

Like many on here, I would also like for you to dump him. But then, its easier said than done. I have been there and I know. It takes a tremendous amout of strength to walk away from a situation.

 

Weight your pros and cons. If you decide to walk...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE....never ever go back to him unless he comes to you with the world.

[LCoakley1]

Over the past few days things have simmered down recently with me and him. He hasn't been out as much, and he's been acting a lot nicer to me.

 

However, i'm still in a bind. I just don't know what to do. If I were listening to my story on the other end I'd definitly be advising anyone to break up with that person. But it's sooo hard for me. I mean, we live together and I just love him so much - but my instincts are telling me something is wrong. We've had a heart-to-heart talk, and he insists that I am his world and that he would never cheat, but I just don't know for sure.

 

I've always been jealous with other girls, because I've been cheated on in the past and it isn't a good feeling. But still it is so hard to just walk away. Moving out, and packing up everything and moving back into my mom's house...oh god. I just don't know. I feel like I"m stuck in a rut.

[nugirl]

[color=indigo]Well, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. i am going through the same thing. My boyfriend is always with his friends and their girlfriends and he never asks me to go. He wants to come over anymore and he doesnt seem to see a problem with this. One girl just told me to slowly began to do my own thing and that he would start to miss me. He comes over to my house once a week and then for the rest of the week, he is with his friends. He doesnt see anything wrong with this. Im scared to complain because I dont want him to think that I am ungrateful. I would at least like if he would equally divide time between me and his friends, But I guess that is asking too much...Am I asking too much?[/color]

[Hund1976]

I would just play it cool for a while and act like nothing is wrong. Then if he is really up to something you'll be able to find out. Wait a couple weeks and then check up on him when he goes out with his friends, then you'll get your answer. It would be a lot easier to break up with someone if you KNOW they're cheating as opposed to thinking they might be cheating.

[emopunk]

Don't jump to conclusions. Don't snoop. Sit down and try to talk it out with him. If he doesn't, and you still have your feeling, go with it. If he does, maybe you'll find something all together different than what you were expecting.

 

I will admit its odd behavior though. My fiance' knows all my friends, and I know all hers. We like to include each other in everything. To not do so seems hurtful and secretive... Just my personal opinion there.