Partlys4int Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Hi everyone, I'm in love. I'm desperately in love. The sort of love that has the impact on me that I never thought I could have again. I'm not the one to be dependent on another person. But she...I crave her: my thoughts are completely consumed by her. And yet, she destroys me. She kills me from the inside by being there. I never wanted to look for someone to love. I just wanted to go anonymously through this year of specialization and get it over with. It's she who started to look at me the way many women look at me. But only she has that effect on me. Only she could make me look away instead of scaring her off with my stare. I never wanted her to do this to me. She's so friendly to me, I take care of her whenever she needs something. She shares her future aspirations with me, her resumes, her fears sometimes,... I can make her blush like a teenage girl, I make her pupils three times as big, she always mimicks my every behaviour... And yet, she has a boyfriend! A boyfriend who she has been with for over two years now. Sometimes she drops his name to me, sometimes she doesn't. It's never in a very flattering manner. But she does, and it hurts. I'm not the kind of guy to try something with a girl who is committed. So, I don't know what she wants from me. The thought of never be able to see her again when this year is over (in 1;5 month) is killing me. So I just want to let this go. Very often it seems like this thought is killing her as well. But I'm not in the position to make decisions here. I can only get to know her on a higher level, if she is not together with her boyfriend. I can't just be friends with her. (and I'm pretty sure her boyfriend wouldn't allow that. This is where my looks and personality are a burden. And I'm sorry if this looks like bragging) She destroys me. Yet, I want her too. What should I do, 'cause this is going nowhere. She is. Link to post Share on other sites
J2911 Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Let her end her relationship. My best advice will always be this : If one is in a relationship and allows oneself to stray and feel for another , then certainly they will be able to do so in the next relationship as well. Be careful and think that over first. If it's ones first time to stray it's the hardest , the next time is easier . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Partlys4int Posted April 30, 2014 Author Share Posted April 30, 2014 I've thought about that an enormous amount of times. Then I convince myself I'd be better off indeed, because this can only end like you said. But if I see the look in her eyes when she's close to me, the silly things she does to try to impress me (yes!). It just feels like the love most people don't ever come across in their lives. I never told her how I feel, it'd be immoral to her boyfriend. But I think she knows, we've made it way too obvious. I think some of the others of our class have suspicions as well. I'm the one who waits here, I don't know what she's trying to do. Maybe she still loves her boyfriend very much. But is it possible to love two people at the same time, I don't know. I'm at a loss and I'm still trying to figure out my own boundaries: what am I allowed to do and what not in order to try to make her mine? Obviously, not a lot. Unless I'd like to be that kind of ***hole. I'm halfway my twenties fyi. If that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 From what I see it seems one sided, all on your side, you're in a fantasy and she has no idea that you have this crush, no, I'm sorry, it's not love. You're enamored and she is soaking it up but wants nothing to do with you outside of 'class' is it? She drops her boyfriend's name to remind you that she has one and to keep you in your place. Seems odd to me, almost unhealthy this one sided obsession/ fantasy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Partlys4int Posted April 30, 2014 Author Share Posted April 30, 2014 Sorry Rickfox, I should have been more clear about this. It's she who started all the glancing, it's in a way that makes her seem so vulnerable. It's she who contacts me outside of school courses/events. It's she who gave me her number and sends me things that should 'help' me for my career and what not. It's she who copies more and more of my behaviour every single day (almost scary, but very flattering). And it's she who looks hurt/ jealous whenever I talk to one of the other women in my class in a manner that's not strictly formal. I'm not a dreamer. In fact, I'm a cynic of the highest order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Sorry Rickfox, I should have been more clear about this. It's she who started all the glancing, it's in a way that makes her seem so vulnerable. It's she who contacts me outside of school courses/events. It's she who gave me her number and sends me things that should 'help' me for my career and what not. It's she who copies more and more of my behaviour every single day (almost scary, but very flattering). And it's she who looks hurt/ jealous whenever I talk to one of the other women in my class in a manner that's not strictly formal. I'm not a dreamer. In fact, I'm a cynic of the highest order. Then you ought to see this for what it is. She enjoys the attention and if she's got a boyfriend, you need to focus elsewhere, unless she comes out and tells you she's falling for you or has feelings, I think you're looking for things that just aren't quite there. Focus on someone else, you're better off that way 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Maybe she's the kind of person who uses their guile to upgrade from one partner to another before letting go of the other one. That's a losing battle for you, my friend. Be cautious of people who mimic you. It can be a sign of poor boundaries and lack of self-esteem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Partlys4int Can you google the following and please read these articles CAREFULLY. I would post the links myself but LS doesn't like members postings links to other websites. Lovepanky How to have a perfectly platonic relationship Lovepanky 18 emotional affair signs After you read both articles a few times, which one do you think your situation is and why? Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 But I think she knows, we've made it way too obvious. I think some of the others of our class have suspicions as well. Sorry Rickfox, I should have been more clear about this. It's she who started all the glancing, it's in a way that makes her seem so vulnerable. It's she who contacts me outside of school courses/events. It's she who gave me her number and sends me things that should 'help' me for my career and what not. It's she who copies more and more of my behaviour every single day (almost scary, but very flattering). And it's she who looks hurt/ jealous whenever I talk to one of the other women in my class in a manner that's not strictly formal. I'm not a dreamer. In fact, I'm a cynic of the highest order. She knows what she's doing and she knows how you feel about her. And you not openly acknowledging it in any way to her makes you a "safe" haven for her to have a forbidden connection that gives her warm fuzzies when she's with you. I say "openly" because some people, and it seems this lady is one of them, are pretty intuitive and for all intents and purposes you may have acknowledged your feelings to her without realizing it. The two of you are "special" to each other. You've written of it here and she knows it, too. Wonder if this is good conditioning for either of you whether or not you were to go your separate ways or end up together? How about asking her if she thinks her boyfriend would be comfortable with the friendship the two of you have? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Decipleoflove Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 You bro, have been chosen, just like me! I bet you're a nice guy. She is a selfish person remember that. If she was really serious, she should have broken up with her BF already, before trying to get so close to you, or she will do that if she really have to choose. Don't give in. Don't end up being the other man. You need to be the First! If you find Love really important....then....Don't settle for any less.... You will end up more broken hearted!! Caution. I'm curious how you will deal with this, i'm on the same boat dealing with exact same issue myself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 You're cynical huh? Yet you write all this lovey dovey stuff like you got your head in the clouds. A girl that has a man and starts flirting making doe eyes at me? She might as well be riding a giraffe waving a massive ref flag. You let a girl seduce you and play games and you've lost your head already... have you gone past just eye contact and flirting because if you have she might as well be riding a steamroller waving two massive red flags. You essentially in love with someone who's willing to cheat on their boyfriend. Imagine you were with her and she went out and was doing that with someone else? How would that feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Why does she do this to me? Simple answer...because you let her...because she can. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Simple answer...because you let her...because she can. or it could be a platonic friendship and he mis read the signs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Partlys4int Posted April 30, 2014 Author Share Posted April 30, 2014 Partlys4int Can you google the following and please read these articles CAREFULLY. I would post the links myself but LS doesn't like members postings links to other websites. Lovepanky How to have a perfectly platonic relationship Lovepanky 18 emotional affair signs After you read both articles a few times, which one do you think your situation is and why? It's definitely more an emotional affair I guess. But not exactly either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Partlys4int Posted April 30, 2014 Author Share Posted April 30, 2014 (edited) You're cynical huh? Yet you write all this lovey dovey stuff like you got your head in the clouds. A girl that has a man and starts flirting making doe eyes at me? She might as well be riding a giraffe waving a massive ref flag. You let a girl seduce you and play games and you've lost your head already... have you gone past just eye contact and flirting because if you have she might as well be riding a steamroller waving two massive red flags. You essentially in love with someone who's willing to cheat on their boyfriend. Imagine you were with her and she went out and was doing that with someone else? How would that feel? I don't think she's willing to cheat on him. Sometimes I believe (but I have many theories) she's sort of testing me. In that she wants me but wants to see something that can guarantee her that I'd be loving partner and not just a crush of hers. I don't know, I feel it's her responsibility: totally happy with her boyfriend? Stay with him. Thinks of me everytime when she's with her boyfriend? Just break it off already, the relationship is not solid. And only then, will I try my utmost to make her mine. Boyfriend= no go. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Edited April 30, 2014 by Partlys4int Link to post Share on other sites
Author Partlys4int Posted April 30, 2014 Author Share Posted April 30, 2014 You bro, have been chosen, just like me! I bet you're a nice guy. She is a selfish person remember that. If she was really serious, she should have broken up with her BF already, before trying to get so close to you, or she will do that if she really have to choose. Don't give in. Don't end up being the other man. You need to be the First! If you find Love really important....then....Don't settle for any less.... You will end up more broken hearted!! Caution. I'm curious how you will deal with this, i'm on the same boat dealing with exact same issue myself I'm sorry to hear that. I don't believe her to be that selfish. Yes, she acts selfish, but I think she's very confused herself. She's in heart a good girl. She asks where I am when she doesn't see me (and then I stand right behind her lol). Motivates me to study harder, etc.... But you're definitely right about being first. I hope she realizes that in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 It's definitely more an emotional affair I guess. But not exactly either. If possible could you lists the reasons why you believe you could be involved in an emotioal affair? I don't want to put you down in anyway but I'm having a hard time being convinced you know what you are talking about and not jumping to conclusions. Anyway it doesn't matter if your platonic friendship had expired or she using you as an emotional affair. In either situations you need to move on and keep your distance from her. Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 How long have you known her? What's stopping you? if I'm not mistaken - maybe it was another poster though - you've known her since what? January? Are yu really worried that she's atttached? C'mon. Really? Just because she is dragging someone else into her mess - are you really that concerned? (Sarcasim) Good luck. Ha! Link to post Share on other sites
Decipleoflove Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) I'm sorry to hear that. I don't believe her to be that selfish. Yes, she acts selfish, but I think she's very confused herself. She's in heart a good girl. But you're definitely right about being first. I hope she realizes that in time. You said it more subtle, i agree, she acts selfish. I've the same thoughts as you, about her being very confused. "She's in heart a good girl...." You do know...that she is doing all of this EA, all behind the back of her lovely BF, right? So, she is on her way to cheating her BF of what, 3 years? Can you really trust her? I've these doubts in my mind. I you have them too, you should probably listen to them aswell. She asks where I am when she doesn't see me (and then I stand right behind her lol). Motivates me to study harder, etc.... You're not her boyfriend! A just platonic friend can do these things too. Unless you already have physical contact with her, like touching and kissing....it could be just a projection/illusion of a dream we made up in our own heads. Because the harsh Reality is....She still goes home to her BF, and he is the one she sleeps with. I don't see any other way than her breaking up with her BF first, if you want to have a real chance of a happy relationship with her. If there are other opinions, i'd like to hear. If she doesn't leave her bf, then she is only waisting your time and your feelings for her. And you're about to get hurt really really bad. Edited May 1, 2014 by Decipleoflove Link to post Share on other sites
Author Partlys4int Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 ...You do know...that she is doing all of this EA, all behind the back of her lovely BF, right? So, she is on her way to cheating her BF of what, 3 years? Can you really trust her? I've these doubts in my mind. I you have them too, you should probably listen to them aswell. ...You're not her boyfriend! A just platonic friend can do these things too. Unless you already have physical contact with her, like touching and kissing....it could be just a projection/illusion of a dream we made up in our own heads... She could have cheated on him already. Luckily I'm not that kind of guy who'd try something in a vulnerable moment. We've been drunk together a couple of times, she insists to walk home together these times. And I'm not just a platonic friend either. When we're all alone romantic tension is almost unbearable. She feels it too, I can tell by her eyes that get so soft. But in the end this is- and probably will stay- a situation that leads to nothing. Unless she has the courage to jump into the void, not knowing what awaits her. Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Well your situation is really really complex, let me say - NOT. Hey, I have an idea!!! Call her (you apparently have her number), ask her out for a coffee. AND TALK TO HER!!!! Stop playing guessing games about pseudo clues and wanting glances, and mysterious eyelashes. If you cannot have a conversation with a person who you say makes you feel this way then you shouldnt BE in a relationship. Learn to discuss what's going on with your feelings in an open honest way NOW, and it will become an important skill for you when you really get serious about someone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Partlys4int Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 ask her out for a coffee. AND TALK TO HER!!!! It's not a very moral thing to do... Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Wait, you are playing with fire with longing glances, doey eyes, drunken walks home, study sessions and "unbearable romantic tension" when you are alone. But coffee is immoral?? Maybe if you're LDS. Otherwise, a forthright chat over a cuppa joe is one of the smarter things you could do. Maybe forcing her to answer some form of "what's going on here?" will kill the buzz. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 And I'm not just a platonic friend either. When we're all alone romantic tension is almost unbearable. She feels it too, I can tell by her eyes that get so soft. Call her (you apparently have her number), ask her out for a coffee. AND TALK TO HER!!!! Stop playing guessing games about pseudo clues and wanting glances, and mysterious eyelashes. It's not a very moral thing to do... Partlys4int, Why do you think it's not moral to talk about what's happening and yet it's moral to get together and marinate in the actual romantic tension that oozes around the two of you bringing both of you pleasure? It's OK to experience it, just not OK to talk about it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 It's not a very moral thing to do... I didn't say invite her out for a coffee then jump her. If you want to know what is going on, then ASK. No one said you had to play footsie and hold hands over a coffee. You might be surprised to know that she may need this CHAT just as much as you do to clear the air about what is really going on between the two of you. But I understand it's more fun to live in a halo of romance than to find out there is nothing there but friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
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