When does friendship begin in a long-term relationship?

[Spirit]

Hey Love Shack... I'd just like any thoughts on my questions.

 

Many people would advise one not to fall (too early?) into the "let's just be friends" zone with that person with whom one is seeking a romantic relationship. (e.g. if somebody says "let's just be friends", s/he should interpret that as meaning "I have no romantic interest in you.") So many people even end the friendship at this point.

 

But the individuals in the majority (60%+) of long-term successful marriages began their loving relationships as "friends first". (I can dig up the reference on this.)

 

So my questions are these: (1) if you're a person seeking a prospective long-term partner, let's say for marriage, wouldn't you want him/her to be your true friend first? Or what did I miss here?

 

(2) If you're in a successful long-term relationship, were you both initially friends or did the friendship mature afterwards, or can you become best friends?

 

Thanks!

[CurvyGurl]

Relationships that start where two people are friends start as 'we have a rockin' good time together and he's an awesome friend ! ' Somewhere down the road, attraction for each other grows from that friendship.

 

 

Conversely, "I want to be friends first" implies that someone tried to skip the whole friendship step and move right to romantic interest. In my case it has always meant "I have no romantic interest in you and I probably never will so get off my back about it so I can lust over that other girl guilt free. "

 

 

Sorry to tell ya but there is a difference.

[moimeme]

But the individuals in the majority (60%+) of long-term successful marriages began their loving relationships as "friends first". (I can dig up the reference on this.)

 

Could you please? I'll file it in a better place next time so I can grab it more easily when I need it.

 

"I want to be friends first" implies that someone tried to skip the whole friendship step and move right to romantic interest.

 

I don't agree. I'm with Spirit, who asked "if you're a person seeking a prospective long-term partner, let's say for marriage, wouldn't you want him/her to be your true friend first". Absolutely!

 

Once you twig to the realization that much of infatuation and 'romantic love' is a scam perpetuated on you by your reproductive system whose only interest is to procreate, you grow sufficiently distrustful of the way relationships are usually conducted to want no part of it. 'Friends first' is the only way I'll consent to relationships now. There's a distinction between 'friends first' and 'just friends', however. I haven't found men willing to be 'just friends' so you have to be clear when you utter the 'friend' word that you don't mean 'never anything more' but rather 'candidate for lifelong best-friendship'

 

If I run into someone that I think I could fall for, I do my best to become friends so if I fall and he doesn't, at least I won't lose him entirely.