amyO Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I know it must sound stupid,but I'm terrified of never finding love. What might make it sound worst is the fact that i'm only 21. However, at 21, I've been through hell and back in life and on top of that, haven't dated the right guys or have found, i guess, the "best" guy to have a long relationship or serious relationship with yet. I feel like everyone around me is finding people to be with and it isn't happening for me. This guy I've talked to for months basically led me on and then threw me to the side. I'm here now feeling confused, hurt and scared for the future. I'm already a very shy and insecure girl and having my heart broken many times by life and guys hasn't faired well with my fragile self. I find myself worrying a lot lately that love will never happen to me. I'm terrified i will never find someone I feel comfortable with or someone who will want me. I'm scared I'm not good enough and that I will utterly be alone for a long time. This all might sound cliche and stupid, but I feel all of this strongly. I'm not sure what to think anymore and feel as though I will never be lucky with love and relationships. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
J2911 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 That is normal for you to feel that way . Rest assure that you will find love one day. Probably many times before you hit 30 only it doesn't seem like it will happen . In your 20's especially early 20's don't focus on finding a forever live right now. You have plenty of time to do so . At your age range you are still going to need time to figure out what you want to do when you get older and ideal partners. Finding another 20's partner won't be hard but finding one who knows what they want and who they are and what they want to do in life is going to be rare . Enjoy your 20's and just go out and enjoy life . Don't look for potential partners in clubs or paces like such. Join a hobby like self defense class or something you may be interested in and just have fun meeting friends right now 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 (edited) I know the feeling OP. I'm quite young as well (22) and seeing it happen all around me. (Safe to say that I too have been through hell and back. ) All of my friends being in relationships, myself struggling to find someone, my cousin who got married 2 weeks ago, etc. It's ironic though, I know at this age who I am, and what I want from life, yet I don't manage to be in luck to find someone with a similar mindset. When I do manage to get in contact with someone it's always one of the following: Already has a bf, doesn't know what she's looking for, a commitmentphobe, I have to do ALL the effort, claims there's no 'spark', them pulling a Houdini and vanishing off the face of the earth, etc. Having been single for well over 2 years now (And tired of it , if I might add) it doesn't exactly get any easier. ^^ Edited May 1, 2014 by Teraskas Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 You will find love and many times too OP. Love is overrated in my opinion though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I don't think it sounds stupid, far from it. In fact, with all the things we are taught and what "society" expect from each of us, it would be anything but illogical to not question or fear things we see around us daily. We can find love and passion around us anywhere we look, and I'm certain you already know at least a few things that make you excited and happy. Ideally you want to surround yourself with friendship and people whom share or at least can enhance those core values. Love can blossom from anything and everywhere, naturally you also have to be willing to let it. Whatever you expect from others, yourself, love and what it means to you, is entirely up to you. People have incredibly different ideas of what is meaningful to their life, what they find necessary as well as what they are willing to put themselves through in order to achieve their goals. As with most things in life, the more experience you acquire, the easier it will be for you to deal with most events. Being shy can seem like an obstacle, but meeting the right person whom genuinely cares as well as makes you feel comfortable to break the shyness, will make all the difference. There's without a doubt a lot of people all around the world whom sit and think exactly the same, and "just" want to meet the right person. The comfort you should take in that, is that you are not alone, even if it can feel like it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Valen Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I'm the opposite. I get terrified when I find love. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I know it must sound stupid,but I'm terrified of never finding love. What might make it sound worst is the fact that i'm only 21. However, at 21, I've been through hell and back in life and on top of that, haven't dated the right guys or have found, i guess, the "best" guy to have a long relationship or serious relationship with yet. I feel like everyone around me is finding people to be with and it isn't happening for me. This guy I've talked to for months basically led me on and then threw me to the side. I'm here now feeling confused, hurt and scared for the future. I'm already a very shy and insecure girl and having my heart broken many times by life and guys hasn't faired well with my fragile self. I find myself worrying a lot lately that love will never happen to me. I'm terrified i will never find someone I feel comfortable with or someone who will want me. I'm scared I'm not good enough and that I will utterly be alone for a long time. This all might sound cliche and stupid, but I feel all of this strongly. I'm not sure what to think anymore and feel as though I will never be lucky with love and relationships. I'm 35, have not found true love yet, but I'm not terrified. There is nothing terrifying of being single. I understand at your age you want to be with someone, to share yourself. This is a good feeling to have, but don't obsess over it. Focus on school (if you attend school), get a job, hangout with friends, and just socialize. Get some experiences, so you have something to talk about. Overcoming shyness can be a daunting task, but if you make it a personal goal to talk a little bit each day with people, you will build your confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I didn't fall in love for the 1st time until I was about 23. You're young It will happen. Breathe. Link to post Share on other sites
Silver93 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 I know it must sound stupid,but I'm terrified of never finding love. What might make it sound worst is the fact that i'm only 21. However, at 21, I've been through hell and back in life and on top of that, haven't dated the right guys or have found, i guess, the "best" guy to have a long relationship or serious relationship with yet. I feel like everyone around me is finding people to be with and it isn't happening for me. This guy I've talked to for months basically led me on and then threw me to the side. I'm here now feeling confused, hurt and scared for the future. I'm already a very shy and insecure girl and having my heart broken many times by life and guys hasn't faired well with my fragile self. I find myself worrying a lot lately that love will never happen to me. I'm terrified i will never find someone I feel comfortable with or someone who will want me. I'm scared I'm not good enough and that I will utterly be alone for a long time. This all might sound cliche and stupid, but I feel all of this strongly. I'm not sure what to think anymore and feel as though I will never be lucky with love and relationships. Hi OP. I think you should try your best to relax about your situation. You are still very young. Keep trying to meet new people and you will find love don't doubt it for a second. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
MrRightNow Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Don't look for fulfillment in romantic love, which is mostly an illusion. Relationships hardly ever last, especially nowadays. Focus on other aspects of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Don't look for fulfillment in romantic love, which is mostly an illusion. Relationships hardly ever last, especially nowadays. Focus on other aspects of your life. ooh you're that cute guy from that other forum Yeah I agree. I think this so much that I struggle to feel infatuation or get into a guy too soon. Makes me think there's something wrong with me because cynicism has set in already . Some guys lose interest in me because they don't think I chase them/act infatuated enough. I'm definitely getting too rational. Maybe some guy will change my mind and surprise me. OP, in a way I wish I felt like you because I wish I hadn't lost some romantic idealism due to negative experiences. Honestly, keep your idealism - it's an attractive quality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bene Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 It is not stupid to feel how you feel. But at 21 you literally have your whole adult life ahead. Like a therapist once told me - you are not a fortune teller and if you were, you would be a lousy one You will change as a person and a lot of things will happen to you, both good and bad. You have been a grown-up merely 3 years and this is a very small part of your whole life. You have time for everything. If you are shy and insecure, work on that but not to find a man but for yourself because building confidence benefits you in other areas of life. As for heartbreak, it's OK to feel sad but everything passes. It might be hard to believe but I have found myself being over and barely remembering guys I was devastated about at your age. Link to post Share on other sites
Valen Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 ooh you're that cute guy from that other forum lol you are always hitting on cute guys I see. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I wouldn't worry about it. Once China wakes up to the fact that it's missing 30 million women---that's enough to fill 3 Los Angeleses!---they're going to invent lovebots for all their single guys and then start exporting lovebots here to the US, for guys who are tired of waiting and getting dumped. OTOH if you get dumped by a robot, you have a problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrRightNow Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 ooh you're that cute guy from that other forum Yeah I agree. I think this so much that I struggle to feel infatuation or get into a guy too soon. Makes me think there's something wrong with me because cynicism has set in already . Some guys lose interest in me because they don't think I chase them/act infatuated enough. I'm definitely getting too rational. Maybe some guy will change my mind and surprise me. OP, in a way I wish I felt like you because I wish I hadn't lost some romantic idealism due to negative experiences. Honestly, keep your idealism - it's an attractive quality. Her idealism is definitely attractive and endearing, but she's likely to end up disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 If love (the fairytale in the movies) is your main focus you will most likely always be disappointed. Life has to happen too. Relationships can be great but also need work. Never make love your focus. Make your life your focus always. Love comes and goes. Your life doesn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Esoteric Elf Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 You will find love and many times too OP. Love is overrated in my opinion though. In my opinion, sex is overrated. Link to post Share on other sites
Beast_117 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 I'm 22. I've learned to just accept being alone...you get used to it. Link to post Share on other sites
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