sportynut38 Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 My ex and I have been apart for seven weeks now. He feels that he is numb and empty inside with all he has going on in his life. This past week was my birthday and he had asked if he could take me out for dinner. It was nice, he even commented on how much fun it was and how it was the best time he has had since he said he needed time and space. We talked a lot that night, about things and what was going on. He said that if I wanted to be in a relationship he would do it, but that he wouldn't be in it "emotionally" and that I should just find someone to date and to be happy. Then we slept together and it was still "incredible". I don't want to be in a relationship with him, I know he is closed off emotionally from everyone. I also don't want to date anyone else as I have nothing inside left to give and any other guy would be just a "distraction". I have a terrible time dating because I hate getting to know someone all over again, just to find that for one reason or another ... we just don't work well. My question is this. Is it ok to propose to him that we can be FWB? We get along great, we do know each other's history, we know it is "good together". It would also be easier since we wouldn't be involving children, there would be no commitment (unless of course he wanted to sleep with someone else ... then it would end). It seems like you get the best of both worlds, at least that is how I am seeing it. Any ideas would be helpful. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Seems to me, if you just ended up having sex and never ask anything of him....he will quickly get acculimated to the situation. Men easily get comfortable. Unless you just want to ensure that you understand yourself, then go ahead and talk to him about the status you are looking for because very few men want commitments. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportynut38 Posted February 6, 2005 Author Share Posted February 6, 2005 Thanks for your reply. It definitely has it's strong points and it's downsides ... but for the most part, I think it might work out best for both. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Sounds like you may just be entering another phase of your relationship. It doesn't have to mean that because your relationshp has progressed along at such and such a pace that you must keep it up. Okay for it to be something different now. Sounds as though you both intend to be honest and respectful, so, why not? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
beachsocal Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Sorry, you're crazy if you think you can have an ex bf as a FWB. You've already been emotionally attached. LISTEN UP! HERE ARE THE RULES FOR FWB!!!! 1. Don't talk about personal issues 2. Don't meet each others friends 3. Don't see each other more than twice a month 4. Don't go shopping together 5. Don't meet family ...it is however, ok to have dinner, movie, etc. ONCE in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 well, whatever. It is all just definitions. What she wants may not be your definition of FWB, but nor is it her definition of a typical bf/gf. SOunds to me like it is slotting the relationship into a different category than it was when they were more serious / living together because that is where they are at this particular point in time. My dear try not to get too hung up on definitions or rules and do what is right for you and your friend right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Magus Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 LISTEN UP! HERE ARE THE RULES FOR FWB!!!! 1. Don't talk about personal issues 2. Don't meet each others friends 3. Don't see each other more than twice a month 4. Don't go shopping together 5. Don't meet family Dude, that doesn't even sound like "friends", much less "friends with benefits". That sounds more like a hooker n client w/o the money for the hooker. Here are some better guidelines for FWB situations 1. Talk about personal issues 2. Hang-out together, with or without others 3. See each other whenever the two of you two have the time 4. Date other people without "sleeping" with them 5. Cut them off when you start "sleeping" with someone else 6. Tell your FWB why your cutting them off Good luck hun, it looks like your gonna need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sportynut38 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Personally, I don't agree with the "rules". We know each other fairly well, and although we never lived together, I can tell you (as can he) about quirks we have. The definition of how serious it was doesn't equate to this as that was done and has finished the course (at least for the time being). I admit to still being in love with him, and I can honestly say that I will always be in love with him. It is always going to be there ... whether we ever get back together in couple status or not. The main reasons behind wanting a FWB "relationship" are: 1. I don't want to date anyone. He isn't looking for a relationship. 2. We know each other quite well so we don't have to go through the whole getting to know a person thing, we also know we click (in bed and out). 3. We can keep it to just us, no friends, no family, no kids ... just him and I spending time together when and if we want. No pressures. 4. Because when he gets himself all straightened out, I want to be there for him. The only "rule" I have about it is that there will be no sleeping with me and then sleeping with someone else. If he felt he wanted to sleep with another woman, the FWB would end. I haven't asked his opinion as of yet, he is out of town for the time. He comes back and then leaves on Thursday so this whole thing may just be for nothing anyways. But I do appreciate each and every response ... thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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