The predatory OW/OM? [update]

[NotOW35]

I just find it pathetic that MM find these OW who make them feel like men, feed their ego, love them, etc. And the second they are found out, it's all about how they are 'craaayyyzeee". Come on. We all know this is rare. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, because I know it does, but it doesn't happen EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

 

AND... your boy did bring it into your life. People who are nutbags are generally nutbags to begin with. Even Glen Close showed her colors early in the film... Jesus.

 

 

Amen to that. So true. They looooovvvee the attention. But when wifey starts to suspect something...those OW's are CRAZY to the bone.

[snappytomcat]

yes, right. And the BS's seem to think that a BS suffering a mental break down and harassing the OW (who may have NO clue she is even an OW thanks the the genius husband) is just A-OK. There have been plenty of threads about BS's extracting their revenge...but that is reasonable. Why do I think that many of the OW stalking stories are blown out of proportion just a tad? Perhaps a few too many people have watched Fatal Attraction? Again...bottom line is who put his penis where it didn't belong?

so your saying im blowing this all out of proportion?how dare you,im no drama queen,this is real,i know you are very defensive,cause of what happened in your relationship with mm,but don't you dare say im blowing this out of proportion,and I never watched fatal attraction by the way,and I wish I was blowing it out of proportion,and this xow knew he was married,maybe you didn't know yours was,but don't throw your bitterness to me,and that's it quaker im done responding to you,its like talking to a wall,

[snappytomcat]

Amen to that. So true. They looooovvvee the attention. But when wifey starts to suspect something...those OW's are CRAZY to the bone.

actually you are incorrect,ive even mentioned this in previous threads,my husband never threw xow under bus,he owned it all,it wasn't until she started acting crazy,he said she was crazy,it was because of her actions,and please don't condescend and call us wifey,thats really crappy

[Fluttershy]

For those hard of understanding. STC did not say her husband called his OW a predator the counsellor did. She just wanted to discuss t without constantly being reminded her H is to blame (like duh she has clearly states she knows that) or to be so obviously attacked by AP and ex AP. she is a compassionate person so maybe start reading her posts and get it theough your thick skulls that you can still hold your spouse 100% responsible AND see te destructive behaviour of the AP. her husband wasn't your AP.

 

I am sorry STC that people have startes twisting your words and attcking your post. They are completely misreading you. And yes, sometimes people don't know how crazy a person is until too late. I hope she stops and moves on.

 

And I hope those trolling get themselves a life.

[sweet_pea]

Why am I not surprised that people are trying to minimize the OW's actions, etc and try to blame everyone but the actual OW for what she's doing now, after the affair. Snappy, I'm sorry you're going through this. Were here for you!

[Red123]

yes, right. And the BS's seem to think that a BS suffering a mental break down and harassing the OW (who may have NO clue she is even an OW thanks the the genius husband) is just A-OK. There have been plenty of threads about BS's extracting their revenge...but that is reasonable. Why do I think that many of the OW stalking stories are blown out of proportion just a tad? Perhaps a few too many people have watched Fatal Attraction? Again...bottom line is who put his penis where it didn't belong?

 

I don't believe that anyone has stated that a BS doing the same thing to an OW is ok. Maybe there have been threads that depict that but not this one. Yes her H is the reason that this woman is an OW which sucks for everyone involved. If you have read any if this story the poster was originally compassionate to the OW but it didn't work and the woman has crossed the line. Again I will say that this thread is not a debate about whether OWs are crazy stalkers its about this posters family being harassed including her children threatened. I understand that you are defending the position that the H is the main cause, I agree he brought the woman in. I say that to my own H although his OW was nothing like this, but that doesn't excuse this harassment. OW or BS crazy is crazy and this one is crazy. Btw I was a little kid when fatal attraction came out, so I haven't seen it. So not all of us have seen it. Is it worth a peak?

[Fluttershy]

People being nasty towards the OP and her fWH

 

He is not your MM and she is not your MM's wife so stop attacking them and projecting things onto them that havent even been said. You are making yourselves look bad

[snappytomcat]

yes, right. And the BS's seem to think that a BS suffering a mental break down and harassing the OW (who may have NO clue she is even an OW thanks the the genius husband) is just A-OK. There have been plenty of threads about BS's extracting their revenge...but that is reasonable. Why do I think that many of the OW stalking stories are blown out of proportion just a tad? Perhaps a few too many people have watched Fatal Attraction? Again...bottom line is who put his penis where it didn't belong?

sorry your heart is so full of bitterness and anger,you cant see my side,ive always been compassionate towards you,and I will continue to do so,cause that's who iam,my heart isn't filled with anger,i don't even hate the xow,i pity her,i don't like her much but not hate,i don't have that in me,cause I refuse to live like that

[AmyBamy]

To address the original question, I've never heard of such a thing. I'd think the counselor would be serving the couple better by encouraging them to look at themselves instead of assigning blame outward. Really. Maybe she was a ho, maybe she had money to burn...who cares; the MM was married and she didn't accidentally sit on his penis. On a more serious not, why not focus on how the couple can please each other, take care of each other during this time of limited trust instead of pointing fingers at the "predator" OW. There will ALWAYS be OW out there...some quite aggressive. The point the counselor should focus on is you don't need to indulge temptation and hurt others, even if you are at your own "rock bottom." That would seem like money better spent in counseling than analyzing the H's ex lover who clearly has a few screws loose.

 

My thoughts too. This MC is going to put several kids through college on OPs payments if they waste time sitting around trying to figure out someone who isn't there. It's all guess work and no good counselor participates in that. I would think time and money would be better spent by addressing the problems in the marriage that had the WH participating in an outside relationship and if the couple wants working towards reconciliation. If someone is going to counseling to guess why another person is doing something, they are wasting their time and money and energy for nothing because all of the answers that they come up with are simply maybes. What good does that do anyone? Unless OP wants to believe this about the OW so that she can forgive her husband for consciously choosing to betray her?

[snappytomcat]

My thoughts too. This MC is going to put several kids through college on OPs payments if they waste time sitting around trying to figure out someone who isn't there. It's all guess work and no good counselor participates in that. I would think time and money would be better spent by addressing the problems in the marriage that had the WH participating in an outside relationship and if the couple wants working towards reconciliation. If someone is going to counseling to guess why another person is doing something, they are wasting their time and money and energy for nothing because all of the answers that they come up with are simply maybes. What good does that do anyone? Unless OP wants to believe this about the OW so that she can forgive her husband for consciously choosing to betray her?

amybamy,did you read the whole thread?we only talk about her in counseling cause my counselor also counsels many ow/om,and she wont leave me alone,and yes we have talked about our marriage in counseling,you don't know anything about me or my relationship,let me guess you must be an ow?and don't say shes not a good counselor,cause shes been great,your talking about something you know nothing about,and just so you know,if its any of your business,my insurance covers our sessions

[snappytomcat]

I would really like to thank the understanding xow/or current ow,that didn't have anything nasty to say,or who didn't keep reminding me,that it was my husbands fault,like im an idiot and didn't know this already,and who read the entire thing,instead of just assuming I was bashing ow

and thank you to everyone else for your support,in a time of needing support,and to the ones who pmd me,and gave me constructive criticism,even though it was hard to hear,i appreciate it all,only a couple of cold hearted people,i wish you nothing but the best,and happiness,even those few of you never showed me an ounce of compassion or decency,maybe your to much in pain,and it makes you feel better to bring someone else down.

[KaliLove]

And I'm guessing from the OP's very unflattering description of the OW that the H could have surmised BEFOREHAND that she wasn't operating with a full deck. But that didn't matter when he wanted to get laid. It only matters when she becomes a nuisance because he is "done" with her and wants to play house again.

 

You're not angry at Snappy, you're angry at your MM. Snappy is talking about the specific OW in HER situation, who happens to be acting like a complete psycho, not about you. There is no need to take your anger out on her. Show a little compassion.

[gettingstronger]

Snappy- hang in there girl- your purpose in opening this thread came from a good place- please take care of yourself and your family and maybe take a little break from this thread-you came for support and discussion on harassment and ended up being harassed-ironic and unfortunate-bottom line, yes, people will prey upon others and its too bad-the best we can do is survive it and come out stronger, better and maybe a little more compassionate-take care-

[Popsicle]

So, she's a bunny boiler?

 

Yeah, it depends on the OM/OW. Most are not like that.

[KaliLove]

Snappy, I went through the same thing with my exH's OW. I have no specific advice per se, but if you ever want to chat or vent, feel free to PM me.

[Ailsa1983]

I think everyone needs to calm down this post is becoming another OW vs the BS and the blame is on both throughout this thread. OW are becoming defensive and BS and OW are having digs at each other.

 

Snappy I truly am sorry for what you are going through I guess for most OW on here they cannot comprehend what this woman is doing to you and your family therefor may not believe your story. I do. My xMM wife went abit crazy after our affair was discovered and started to stalk me she even pushed over one of my children in a fit of rage so yes I know how crazy people can become. I do however take full responsibility for this.

 

You are very strong and I admire that you are sticking by your husband because if it was me I would throw him to kerb and tell him he couldn't come back unless our children were no longer in danger and yes I would have done the same if the roles were reversed in my situation the kiddies would have went with their dad until the danger was gone.

Edited May 6, 2014 by Ailsa1983

[Hope Shimmers]

I would really like to thank the understanding xow/or current ow,that didn't have anything nasty to say,or who didn't keep reminding me,that it was my husbands fault,like im an idiot and didn't know this already,and who read the entire thing,instead of just assuming I was bashing ow

and thank you to everyone else for your support,in a time of needing support,and to the ones who pmd me,and gave me constructive criticism,even though it was hard to hear,i appreciate it all,only a couple of cold hearted people,i wish you nothing but the best,and happiness,even those few of you never showed me an ounce of compassion or decency,maybe your to much in pain,and it makes you feel better to bring someone else down.

 

I haven't posted in this thread yet but I'm sorry snappytomcat for what you are going through. I think it's nuts (meaning, this OW is nuts).

 

I think from what you said she was just SOOOO needy and insecure that when she managed to get attention from him, she could not let it go. It was her lifeline, so she reacted like a crazy person, not a normal person.

 

As for the past conversations, I do think there are some people here who are advocating for 'compassion' who don't do the same thing in threads started by OW. Not you snappy. So that is part of the reason why I think things can get inflamed.

 

You were not responsible for your H's decision to have an A with such a woman. But... and I say this gently... as I know you know he is responsible... I am not sure you can call her a 'predator' and blame her at any greater level than any other OW who was involved, because he had to see what kind of person this was. I may be wrong, but that's what I think people are trying to express. He put you in a terrible position and from your back posts, I cannot imagine why he would have even become involved with such a woman. Not a predator... just very unbalanced, to put it nicely.

 

I wish you only the best snappy... you have always been very respectful of OW in your posts in my opinion.

[goodyblue]

Why? It seems like it's because her xOW doesn't have very good coping skills and is acting completely out of line because the affair ended and she didn't get her way. Sorry, whether he promised her this or that, she has no right to harrass and stalk Snappy & her family. Absolutely ridiculous.

 

Yes, this is probably true. My point was, WHY did her guy choose someone like this. Why did he have an affair in the first place? Worry about these things.

[KaliLove]

Yes, this is probably true. My point was, WHY did her guy choose someone like this. Why did he have an affair in the first place? Worry about these things.

 

Crazy is not always immediately obvious.

[William]

Saw a slew of reports on this in the overnights so closed it for review. Looks like the thread starter has received plenty of feedback and, if they have further updates to add, notify us privately and we'll review. Thanks!