Author FredJones80 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Share Posted May 3, 2014 For all my quirks and insecurities.... I guess I just couldn't stay in a relationship with a lying, cheating whore. Guess I caught a bad case of moral standards. This is definitely fair enough Link to post Share on other sites
The Like Fairy Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 (edited) Narcissism (him), Co-Dependency (me), drugs and alcohol (him), fear of being alone (me), deep hatred of all humankind (him), dislike of myself and deep insecurity (me), gaslighting and lies (him), failure to launch myself out of a bad situation (me), verbal and emotional abuse (him), putting up with abuse due to fear of moving on (me), manipulation and using someone to put a roof over their head (him) paralyzed with fear regarding ticking biological time clock and wanting to have babies, and resorting to having kids with him for lack of backbone to move on to find someone worthy of my time and attention (me) ************************************* Spoiler Alert: Happy Endings Happen! He is out of my life, making another woman miserable now, and I have happiness, peace, security, true contentment, love my own company and being single and happy in my own skin and with my own company (lots of personal growth), and I have FANTASTIC kids that make my world go round! I got the kids, he got the child support . Edited May 3, 2014 by The Like Fairy 7 Link to post Share on other sites
RDawg Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 I was controlling and critical and that did not make her feel good about herself. She didn't communicate and became resentful instead of talking things through. I wish we had called each other out on our ****. Telling your partner these things is how we should teach each other how to love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 She was too good to me, I got far too relaxed and didn't think she'd ever leave. But she did. In some ways I still miss her in but we needed it to grow up (sort of). 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 His multitude of mental illnesses. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 She never really loved me and had one foot out the door the entire time. As much as I valued the relationship, it would never have worked for her. Devastatingly, there are better prospects out there than me. A woman will always go for the guy with the money. Kindness, empathy, and good treatment will always get trumped by money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 In the grand scheme of things, it was him. He wasn't happy so HE bailed, point blank. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FredJones80 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Share Posted May 3, 2014 In the grand scheme of things, it was him. He wasn't happy so HE bailed, point blank. I've been reading this : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/468693-when-you-fall-out-love#post5604529 with massive interest and feel it is pretty much accurate, what do you make of it? The sad thing is, if my ex had communicated her issues (which I'm still none the wiser) rather than bottling them up then perhaps I wouldn't be where I find myself now. Its so frustrating to lose something that was built up over so long 2 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 I've been reading this : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/468693-when-you-fall-out-love#post5604529 with massive interest and feel it is pretty much accurate, what do you make of it? The sad thing is, if my ex had communicated her issues (which I'm still none the wiser) rather than bottling them up then perhaps I wouldn't be where I find myself now. Its so frustrating to lose something that was built up over so long What a good read, and it's so true! I find it funny that a lot of people claim that the feeling of "love" goes away, but that couldn't be further from the truth - at least that's not how I felt. Even after 4 years, I found excitement in being able to cuddle up next to him at night, to see him in the morning before he went to work and all the in betweens. Did things calm down? Of course they did, they in my eyes became "comfortable". We had fallen in love and we were on our way to creating a future together as partners. I wonder the same thing too, had he fully expressed his feelings on the issues we were having - I might've never had to register on this forum. Oh the woulda coulda shouldas. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FredJones80 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Share Posted May 3, 2014 Did things calm down? Of course they did, they in my eyes became "comfortable". We had fallen in love and we were on our way to creating a future together as partners. Definitely. It makes me wonder if when you get to this "comfortable" stage or the stage where "in love" or "infatuation" wears off and long term "love" comes in to play that these people who disappear aren't "relationship hoppers" or "love addicts" Look up relationship hopper, its rather interesting, people who go from relationship to relationship without any meaningful break in between. I was reading they're hung up with the feeling of being in love rather than the person they're with. Its all pretty fascinating stuff really, but also pretty depressing, makes you start to question if your relationship was ever real or the person you were with was fulfilling their needs because of something more deep seated. One thing I have learnt from all this is I've delved a lot more in to the reasoning behind all these things, I'm still none the wiser, but feel I have a more broad view of certain topics now. What makes my situation even worse is she didn't even say she didn't not love me any more or fallen out of love... I got... "i love you, always have, always will" - what am I supposed to do with that kind of information??? So I love her, she loves me and yet we're not together. She wasn't happy, hope being without me is making her happy now then. I'll have that with me for the rest of my life. I know I sound like a broken record on these forums, but seriously, I would of preferred... "i just don't love you anymore, you smell" or... "you've let yourself go and I want a better model"... you know, something useful I can take away and use... I give up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 The fact he didn't really want a girlfriend, more an exclusive FWB (even though he was the one to pursue me, asked to "make it official" and gave me the keys to his house within a couple of weeks). Also his inability to accept who I was and that I wasn't exactly like him or how he wanted me to be. Almost all of our fights had something to do with something he thought I did the wrong way, even if it was staying in bed until 12pm, or watching TV all day, when he thought I should be out "doing things". On my own, mind. Only, if I don't have plans, I'm quite happy just sitting at home watching tv shows all day. Can do that for weeks at a time! He thought that was horrible, because it would turn me into his dad! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 His inability to communicate. He would go into his shell and give me the silent treatment for weeks (we lived 4 hours apart) all because there was some form of conflict. Usually nothing that a quick chat couldn't have solved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FredJones80 Posted May 3, 2014 Author Share Posted May 3, 2014 His inability to communicate. He would go into his shell and give me the silent treatment for weeks (we lived 4 hours apart) all because there was some form of conflict. Usually nothing that a quick chat couldn't have solved. Sounds like immaturity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mummyjonno Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 Sounds like immaturity. You'd think that but I struggle to see how one can be immature at 41 2 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 Definitely. It makes me wonder if when you get to this "comfortable" stage or the stage where "in love" or "infatuation" wears off and long term "love" comes in to play that these people who disappear aren't "relationship hoppers" or "love addicts" Look up relationship hopper, its rather interesting, people who go from relationship to relationship without any meaningful break in between. I was reading they're hung up with the feeling of being in love rather than the person they're with. Its all pretty fascinating stuff really, but also pretty depressing, makes you start to question if your relationship was ever real or the person you were with was fulfilling their needs because of something more deep seated. One thing I have learnt from all this is I've delved a lot more in to the reasoning behind all these things, I'm still none the wiser, but feel I have a more broad view of certain topics now. What makes my situation even worse is she didn't even say she didn't not love me any more or fallen out of love... I got... "i love you, always have, always will" - what am I supposed to do with that kind of information??? So I love her, she loves me and yet we're not together. She wasn't happy, hope being without me is making her happy now then. I'll have that with me for the rest of my life. I know I sound like a broken record on these forums, but seriously, I would of preferred... "i just don't love you anymore, you smell" or... "you've let yourself go and I want a better model"... you know, something useful I can take away and use... I give up. We are on the same page. I believe my ex had a lot playing against him when he broke up with me. I believe he was looking for that next high, the next phase of "butterflies and cotton candy". That's great at all, but what makes it even greater is to be 10 years down the road with someone while so many single people are pissed off about their status to look over and remember that you have something so great... A life partner with tons of memories, moments and connections. Perhaps that's how we are as humans though, we thrive off the excitement of "new things" that we forget the importance of what we've had all along. The hoppers, vine swingers and overlappers will probably never have anything of substance. It hurts my heart to think of my ex never finding true happiness in life because the way it all played out with me, I see happening to the next guy. Try and not overthink it, I think were trapped at the moment, and that's okay - but don't burn your brain out over this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 3, 2014 Share Posted May 3, 2014 Him being too judgemental, conservative, narrow minded, paranoid and having too high opinion of himself and his perceptions. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Hahahahaha... The answers to this question are many and diverse... There are so many possible answers. Best to leave this all behind... Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 (edited) I know I sound like a broken record on these forums, but seriously, I would of preferred... "i just don't love you anymore, you smell" or... "you've let yourself go and I want a better model"... you know, something useful I can take away and use... I dunno. My ex said some stupid sh*t at the end.... Like I snored (which I did, but c'mon... 3 years weren't enough to figure that one out??), I clicked my teeth together?? I had bad breath. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Funny thing is, none of this was a concern or bothered her before?? Its like they just find issues to justify there decision... I dunno... I mean I could have laid into her as well. Body odor. Sn*tch odor. Hairy stomach. Hairy nipples. Big, hairy vajay jay. etc... But, NO. I never said sh*t, but I could have... Edited May 4, 2014 by mtnbiker3000 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Virgin26 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 His depression, immaturity, and narcissism. My low self-esteem, fear of being alone, and thinking I can never do better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Virgin26 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 She never really loved me and had one foot out the door the entire time. As much as I valued the relationship, it would never have worked for her. Devastatingly, there are better prospects out there than me. A woman will always go for the guy with the money. Kindness, empathy, and good treatment will always get trumped by money. I don't like this generalization. My ex was broke as f*ck and I was the breadwinner. He lost his job and all he did was stay home and chill (trying to become an artist in his late thirties), and I was totally supportive of his dreams. I could have been with other men who were more stable financially, but I stuck around for too long and end up getting dumped!! There are good and bad people in this world and people have different priorities. I think it is wrong to generalize that all women will go for money. Some of us are stupid enough to believe in true love haha 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 she stated that she had many problems with me, some were valid and some were not. I was working through them with her and I was doing everything in my power to work through them, and then one week I was going through a bad spot and feeling stressed out about some things and I needed her support but she wouldnt give it to me, she wanted me to list all the things I was doing in bullet point form for her. I told her I couldnt deal with that right now, could she just support me, and then she dumped me, saying the problems were too big and she was giving up on me. oh, and then she texted me a day later saying that if I ever felt I could be 'just friends' with her she would be there for me! right!!! like I could be friends with her after that! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Virgin26 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 What makes my situation even worse is she didn't even say she didn't not love me any more or fallen out of love... I got... "i love you, always have, always will" - what am I supposed to do with that kind of information??? So I love her, she loves me and yet we're not together. She wasn't happy, hope being without me is making her happy now then. I'll have that with me for the rest of my life. I know I sound like a broken record on these forums, but seriously, I would of preferred... "i just don't love you anymore, you smell" or... "you've let yourself go and I want a better model"... you know, something useful I can take away and use... Og god, I got the same line when he broke up with me. I would have preferred the truth because I would have worked on whatever was the issue and improved myself for my next relationship. I'd rather have the truth than "you're the best girlfriend I have ever had, but I just need to be alone right now. I love you and always will". Seriously, wtf!! I always read about exes leaving for someone else, and honestly I would rather have that. My ex isn't dating anyone and is still alone months after the breakup. What he's telling me is this: "I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life, than be with you any additional second". Damn!! Well, I hope he "found himself" like he wanted. I kinda hate myself for loving him so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 Og god, I got the same line when he broke up with me. I would have preferred the truth because I would have worked on whatever was the issue and improved myself for my next relationship. I'd rather have the truth than "you're the best girlfriend I have ever had, but I just need to be alone right now. I love you and always will". Seriously, wtf!! I always read about exes leaving for someone else, and honestly I would rather have that. My ex isn't dating anyone and is still alone months after the breakup. What he's telling me is this: "I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life, than be with you any additional second". Damn!! Well, I hope he "found himself" like he wanted. I kinda hate myself for loving him so much! you need to learn to recognise a line when you hear one. cut through all the crap and it is just a variation of "I love you, but Im not in love with you" which is just a variation of "I see you as a friend" which is just a variation of "I am not sexually attracted to you". learn to read the lines for what they are! Link to post Share on other sites
Virgin26 Posted May 4, 2014 Share Posted May 4, 2014 you need to learn to recognise a line when you hear one. cut through all the crap and it is just a variation of "I love you, but Im not in love with you" which is just a variation of "I see you as a friend" which is just a variation of "I am not sexually attracted to you". learn to read the lines for what they are! Of course I know it's just a line. That's why I prefer to hear the truth than hear the cliche breakup lines. The truth hurts, but it helps you become a better person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FredJones80 Posted May 4, 2014 Author Share Posted May 4, 2014 Og god, I got the same line when he broke up with me. I would have preferred the truth because I would have worked on whatever was the issue and improved myself for my next relationship. I'd rather have the truth than "you're the best girlfriend I have ever had, but I just need to be alone right now. I love you and always will". Seriously, wtf!! Well, I hope he "found himself" like he wanted. I kinda hate myself for loving him so much! Yeah, it really doesn't help matters. Just makes me question if it was true or just something to soften the blow. Telling someone you love them, always have, always will and will miss you always is such a bad way to do things. It just leaves me thinking, I love you and I miss you too, why aren't we together then? I certainly wouldn't rid someone out of my life that I loved and knew I'd miss forever. Someone wrote something the other day that really hit home with me though, something like, when they dump you they've made the decision that their life will be better without you in it.. I guess that's what I have to keep reminding myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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