pepsimax Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 two years ago i dated a guy, twice, but for whatever reason it fizzled out. between then and now we have stayed in touch, the odd email, or msn convo, until recently. we shall call him jay. about 3 months ago i split up with my man, and was extremely upset, jay became my strength, he was there when i needed to vent, cry or laugh. he listened, and he cared and i was grateful for that. but lately i feel that things are getting deeper between us, definitely on mine, hopefully on his. i have realised that everything i felt for him two years ago is still there, who was i kidding when i hoped we could be just friend. we talk almost every night on the phone, we text every single day, always say good morning, and often through the day one will text the other, with nothing much to say really. friday night we talked, as usual, and some of the things he said in general conversation made me stop and think...... he told me that he has some friends he wants me to meet. he told me that there are some mountains that he would love to show me. he joked that he would like to live with me. these things have been ongoing but i suppose because i have realised my feelings for him are still there that i am now looking for signs. he went away on a climbing weekend, and sent me a text message last night to say that he is missing me loads, and to say good night. i guess maybe im a little naive when it comes to guys. i dont know if these are signs that he is just being friendly, or if there seems to be more. i asked him out for a beer a couple of weeks ago, before things became this intense, and he skated around it, but then spent all of that night talking to me on the phone. i want more from him but i dont know how to go about getting this, he makes most of the moves at the moment, i dont look desperate, and i doubt he knows that i feel this way.....would i risk losing the friendship if i told him? how can i get him to take a step closer? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 PEPSIMAX, what happend 2 yrs ago when you two went out? who decided not to see the other anymore and become friends? we need details on this before we can make a determination here. Link to post Share on other sites
pepsimax Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 i dont believe that either of us made the decision, it just didnt pan out. we often talked about it, i would mention it or he would.....one of us would say, we really should go out, but never made any arrangements. then after a while, one or the other of us was involved with someone else and communication would die off a little bit. now we are both single and this is where we are. Link to post Share on other sites
Spirit Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Hi pepsimax, Jay's been there for you, and he's been very open with you (e.g.s. wanting to share with you, joking about living with you)... yet I feel that he knows not to cross this friendship boundary in fear of losing you. I believe that Jay will continue to honour your platonic friendship... that is, until you let him know somehow that you'd like to take this relationship further. i dont look desperate, and i doubt he knows that i feel this way Perhaps you can give him some (stronger?) signals to suggest that you'd be interested to see where this relationship can go? Jay's behaviour suggests to me that he wants to be a part of your life. So far, it has been as a friend... but I believe that Jay would be very open to "taking the next step" with you if he knows for sure that that's what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 beats me, who knows what goes on in THEIR heads Link to post Share on other sites
pepsimax Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 thank you spirit. alphamale does this help at all. anyone else? please help, i dont want to blow this. i just dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by pepsimax thank you spirit. alphamale does this help at all. anyone else? please help, i dont want to blow this. i just dont know what to do. seems as we have a mexican standoff here. neither one of you wants to take the first step for the risk of looking dumb. if you think that he is the shy type then you should make the first move and become a bit bolder. don't know how old you both are but if youare of drinking age i find that a bit of alcholol will help amourous feelings to surface if there are any. there is some reason that both of u have kept in touch and as long as you're both not close friends or one of you has said you don't want to pursue a relationship then you are good to go. Link to post Share on other sites
thatmusicdude Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 Ok Pepsi here is my theory. I'm 23 years old and I have spent all 23 single. I like to think that I have a similar relationship with my friends but just not the desire to date. A friend of mine once said that while most guys can be jerks there are a few that can be the best you can get. I think maybe Jay would date you again but he has fear. I mean you guys did break up before, and while he may not have admitted it, it probably really bothered him. The funny thing with guys like us, is that we can be easily hurt and worry that a relationship could wreck our personality. My suggestion is to talk with Jay, lay the cards out on the table. I know I am never good at discussing that part of my life with people. Even my best friends. In today's world the biggest problem in relationships is communication. Talk with him, you cannot live life hiding your true feelings. Otherwise you will keeping asking yourself "What if?". Take my advice, do what's in your heart. That's the best solution. ThatMusicDude Link to post Share on other sites
pepsimax Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 well, i talked with him about this. he isnt shy at all, he made all the moves the first time around and im sure he could do it again if thats where his heart was. anyway, we talked and basically he thinks im "wonderful, lovely, great" he "loves talking with me" and "misses me when he doesnt" BUT he made no attempt to tell me that he wants to take it further. he couldnt tell me that he doesnt want to either. and when i told him that i may just accept the date invitation i got a few days ago he told me that he doesnt want me to. what i dont understand is how he can be so flirty, talk about things to do with the future, friends he wants me to meet, places he wants to take me, tell me how wonderful he thinks i am etc etc but is unable to tell me how he feels. the only thing that he kept saying over and over was "i dont want to hurt you ever" and "i am not worth it" do i wait and see what happens or should i accept that this isnt going anywhere? Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 sounds like he has a bit of a self esteem problem. if you think he is worth it then i would hang on and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Spirit Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Hi pepsimax, the only thing that he kept saying over and over was "i dont want to hurt you ever" and "i am not worth it" Well I can guess that those words didn't make you feel much better either... Jay said those words while giving you signals of hope? This is my only opinion of course, but a guy who says "I am not worth it" in the context of your romantic interest is indeed not worth it. when i told him that i may just accept the date invitation i got a few days ago he told me that he doesnt want me to. Jay can not make up his mind. Jay is not shy, and he continues to keep you guessing for this long. This isn't fair to you, and it isn't right. I don't like it. pepsimax, I'm sure that you don't want to hear this, but I say that enough is enough... it's time for a change. Link to post Share on other sites
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