Is being of Indian descent really that detrimental even if you are Americanized?

[R3d]

I am a 16-year old Indian guy who has been living in America since the age of one. I don't have an accent - I am like a white guy. My hygiene is excellent. I consider myself to be average-looking but some say I am handsome due to my strong jawline and good teeth. Overall, I am a very benign person but also have a sense of humor. I am fully Americanized and believe in American culture. My parents don't expect me to live with them after high school and I am not a momma's boy. My whole family had love marriages so I can date around and marry whoever I want for sure. Sex is not what I am after at all. I mean of course, I would love sex - we all do. But what's much more important to me is the actual relationship and how we connect with each other and the whole emotional aspect of it. I would actually be interested in building a strong, meaningful relationship with her. The sex would just be a bonus and I wouldn't mind waiting a few months or even a year in to have sex. Even after that, I probably wouldn't mind too much. And regarding sex, I am not the kind of dude that's just interested to stick it in there and be over with it. I actually love the idea of sexual teasing and foreplay.

 

The only Indian things I do is listen to Indian music and at home, eat Indian food, and am Hindu. And I am not hardcore at all on the Hinduism. The only thing I really follow is not eating beef and worshipping the Gods (sometimes) and that's pretty much it. And even that I just keep to myself and wouldn't expect any girl to submit to my religion if later down the road we were to get married.

 

The only problem is my retarded height which I am so ****ing pissed about. I am 5'3.5 and 16 and my parents are both 5'0 and 5'7 so my final height is not going to be more than 5'7 most likely. That's the only thing, but it's such a big deal and I hate it so much. Not just because it will be extremely detrimental to my dating potential but also in general, it looks so retarded. I am considering therapy for my height insecurity at this point. I even feel like I would feel guilty for having children with my future wife because the children will be short and I don't want them to have to go through my pain.

 

But anyway, aside from the height issue, if I am Americanized like I described, and a counterexample to almost all if not all stereotypes about Indian men, is it really still detrimental to my dating potential?

 

I feel like, just because of two traits, short and Indian, I am ****ed in the dating scene.

Edited May 2, 2014 by R3d

[El Brujo]

I hope not... I'm part Cherokee.

[normal person]

The only problem is my retarded height which I am so ****ing pissed about. I am 5'3.5 and 16 and my parents are both 5'0 and 5'7 so my final height is not going to be more than 5'7 most likely. That's the only thing, but it's such a big deal and I hate it so much. Not just because it will be extremely detrimental to my dating potential but also in general, it looks so retarded. I am considering therapy for my height insecurity at this point. I even feel like I would feel guilty for having children with my future wife because the children will be short and I don't want them to have to go through my pain.

 

...

 

I feel like, just because of two traits, short and Indian, I am ****ed in the dating scene.

 

To me it sounds like your biggest detriment is your insecurity rather than your height/race. Sure, there will be a lot of women who will disqualify you based on those things, but plenty won't. Being insecure will turn off almost everybody. So don't be vocal about it, find something to be confident about, and let that guide your self-esteem. It'll be much easier for you.

 

And regarding sex, I am not the kind of dude that's just interested to stick it in there and be over with it. I actually love the idea of sexual teasing and foreplay.

 

And thanks for letting me know this, it's totally relevant.

[R3d]

The only reason I mentioned the second part is because there also seems to be a stereotype that Indian men suck and are selfish in bed.

[MidwestUSA]

You write very well, sound wise beyond your years, and have a good attitude about relationships. Your height will only be a detriment if you allow it. If you think therapy would help you with that, go for it!

 

Good luck!

[Valen]

I hope not... I'm part Cherokee.

 

Are you a transformer?

[Valen]

The problem isn't your height. The problem is you have a low self image of being Indian. If you keep feeling that a way about who you are, you will give off an insecure vibe and that is a turn off for women. You have to be proud of who you are. So don't give a damn about your height, most girls are short anyways. Just continue to develop yourself into a strong individual who has a lot to offer.

[Eggplant]

Do not apologize for your heritage. I can't believe what I'm reading. Who told you being Indian was detrimental?

[organizedchaos]

Agree with others. Your insecurities and self loathing will hold you back more than anything. And willing to wait up to a year for sex??? Good luck with that.

[R3d]

Agree with others. Your insecurities and self loathing will hold you back more than anything. And willing to wait up to a year for sex??? Good luck with that.

 

Just masturbate to relieve the sexual tension when you're not with her, right?

[organizedchaos]

Just masturbate to relieve the sexual tension when you're not with her, right?

 

No. Have sex with her. Often.

[R3d]

No. Have sex with her. Often.

 

I am saying IF she isn't willing to do it. Of course, sex would be the first choice. What I meant was, I wouldn't have too much of an issue with my girl wanting yo wait a few months or even a year to do it.

[organizedchaos]

I am saying IF she isn't willing to do it. Of course, sex would be the first choice. What I meant was, I wouldn't have too much of an issue with my girl wanting yo wait a few months or even a year to do it.

 

WHY would you not have a problem with that? If she isn't willing to have sex with you, move on.

 

Let me ask this: have you had sex before?

 

Lastly, women love sex too and yes, wait a little bit doesn't hurt. But months? A year? That's crazy talk unless she's a virgin and waiting until marriage.

[Eddie Edirol]

Learn to talk to women, dress decently, learn what turns them off and what turns them on. Thats all you need. People will have their preferences, but if youre perceived as a winner, you could get past cultural preferences, and after a while you will know how to get the woman you really want. Date short women, theres plenty of them. A strong fun personality trumps your height. Just learn what that means. I predict 10 years down the line after you have dated many different types of woman, you will want to settle for an Hindu woman that has the height preferences as you.

[R3d]

No, I am a virgin. Then again, I am only 16 so I still have a few years before I am considered pathetic.

 

I have never had a girlfriend or a date or anything. Otherwise I wouldn't be posting about this (the whole Indian and short being detrimental discussion), which I have more to say about but don't have the time to post about at this moment.

[Imported]

WHY would you not have a problem with that? If she isn't willing to have sex with you, move on.

 

Let me ask this: have you had sex before?

 

Lastly, women love sex too and yes, wait a little bit doesn't hurt. But months? A year? That's crazy talk unless she's a virgin and waiting until marriage.

 

 

16 years old.

[organizedchaos]

16 years old.

 

And that's fine. But until he's older, and actually has sex, he shouldn't form these bizarre opinions like a willingness to wait a year in to a relationship to have sex. First, he just needs to date.

[Frank2thepoint]

Who told you being Indian was detrimental?

 

America. Where men have to be tall and successful, and women have to look the same by straightening their hair and having blue eyes.

[R3d]

And that's fine. But until he's older, and actually has sex, he shouldn't form these bizarre opinions like a willingness to wait a year in to a relationship to have sex. First, he just needs to date.

 

The point I was trying to make is I am not like other guys in that the only thing I am after is sex.

 

And yes, I need to date. But how am I supposed to get one? With this short height and undesirable (to girls in America) race...things are looking extremely shaky and rough. And physical appearance is very important. Without sexual attraction, there is no date or romantic relationship. And being short and Indian makes me sexually repulsive and undesirable and look dubious.

Edited May 2, 2014 by R3d

[KathyM]

Make the most of what you've got, control your fear of rejection, and learn to be friendly and flirty with girls that you come in contact with. Some will likely be interested, and some won't. It's a numbers game. Don't let your fear of rejection to limit your opportunities.

[organizedchaos]

The point I was trying to make is I am not like other guys in that the only thing I am after is sex.

 

And yes, I need to date. But how am I supposed to get one? With this short height and undesirable (to girls in America) race...things are looking extremely shaky and rough. And physical appearance is very important. Without sexual attraction, there is no date or romantic relationship. And being short and Indian makes me sexually repulsive and undesirable and look dubious.

 

Get in the gym, get yourself in shape. Get busy in various activities. Hang out with friends.

 

What kinds of girls are you going after? Are you focusing on one particular race?

 

And again, get rid of the self-loathing. Girls will pick up on that immediately.

[Frank2thepoint]

The point I was trying to make is I am not like other guys in that the only thing I am after is sex.

 

And yes, I need to date. But how am I supposed to get one? With this short height and undesirable (to girls in America) race...things are looking extremely shaky and rough. And physical appearance is very important. Without sexual attraction, there is no date or romantic relationship. And being short and Indian makes me sexually repulsive and undesirable and look dubious.

 

I understand your frustration, but do not give in to negativity, do not denigrate yourself.

 

What type of girls are you going after? Maybe you can market yourself to another type of girls, such as short girls.

[normal person]

But how am I supposed to get one? With this short height and undesirable (to girls in America) race...things are looking extremely shaky and rough.

 

Stop thinking that your height and race is undesirable. It'll make you insecure and that will make you undesirable. This is a trap I see a lot of guys fall into. For the most part, it's not the biggest problem if you're short, Indian, or Westernized/not Westernized. If you're insecure and full of self-loathing, it doesn't matter what color and height you are because you won't be attractive to anyone.

 

Instead of thinking about what you perceive as hindrances, why not highlight what's attractive about you? What do you bring to the table? Look at Aziz Ansari, a short Indian guy. He's hilarious, and that's all I think about when I see him do his act or on TV or whatever. The other stuff doesn't even register. You need positive traits to lean on so you won't dwell on the stuff that you think others will overlook you for.

[Eggplant]

America. Where men have to be tall and successful, and women have to look the same by straightening their hair and having blue eyes.

So, my subjective and equally shallow opinion is that Indian men and women tend to be extremely attractive, much more so than Americans. I'd trade places with an Indian woman any day with beautiful curly hair, and I definitely think Indian men are far more attractive than white men. But that's my shallow, subjective opinion.

[Eddie Edirol]

The point I was trying to make is I am not like other guys in that the only thing I am after is sex.

 

And yes, I need to date. But how am I supposed to get one? .

 

If you want to know the answer to this, see my last post, again. And stop ASKING how youre supposed to do it. Take charge of your life, stop looking to be held by the hand, and do the research yourself. Start LOOKING at the ways to get the dates. You have the internet at your hands, dont sit there looking at the screen looking to ask people how to do it, look up how to do it.