Is being of Indian descent really that detrimental even if you are Americanized?

[normal person]

Are you approaching women out of your league? You might want to start dating chubby girls and girls who aren't physically attractive (but have nice personalities).

 

So in other words your advice is "go ahead and pursue people who you aren't necessarily attracted to. Disregard their emotions for your own personal benefit."

 

Try becoming friends with girls first, even if they are not romantically interested in you, they can give you advice on how to be a more attractive man. Girls love makeovers.

 

Having a vagina doesn't make someone a default personal stylist. In a lot of cases women are just as clueless about men's fashion as men are. If I let ex-girlfriends dress me I'd look like a wannabe indie rock star with ill-fitting pants and a bunch of unnecessary bracelets. A girl liking fashion doesn't necessarily mean she's the most viable source of advice. Have you ever seen streaky blonde highlights on a dark brunette? I'm a guy who they're supposedly trying to look good for and I think that looks awful. That's a bit telling that their judgment isn't always on point.

 

OP, get out there and make your own mistakes. You can take advice but don't rely too heavily on what people here tell you (I'm aware of the irony of this). Much like the girls and the makeovers, just because they/we give advice doesn't mean it's good advice.

 

There's no substitute for experience. Reading about it is one thing, living it is another.

[R3d]

Religion and spiritual beliefs are often not publicly spoken but more personally important. Just because someone doesn't attend church or is not a practicing Christian doesn't meant that same girl will be willing to convert to Hinduism for an Indian guy. Essentially, he's saying he wants to date a white girl and have her accept or convert to Hinduism.

Incorrect. I wouldn't expect her to convert to Hinduism and the only real Hindu principle I follow is that I personally refrain from eating beef, but I wouldn't expect her to do so as I explained above. I wouldn't mind if she was to cook/eat it in my presence or anything like that - just I wouldn't eat it myself. Other than that, I wouldn't follow any Hindu principles, at least none that would affect her.

 

But the OP is saying he is an introvert with no social skills, yet he seems obsessed with dating women who are completely different than him. That's a completely superficial view of dating. He wants a white woman because of skin color or beauty but doesn't want to get to know, accept, and understand the person inside.[/quote]

 

 

Incorrect. I don't know where I implied that, but if I did, I did not intend to. I actually care about the person inside. I would rather date a girl I was less sexually attracted to if I connected with her better on a personal level, given I was still reasonably sexually attracted to her.

 

 

I wouldn't say I have no social skills, but I think it's an area that needs work. I seem to have the most difficulty in high school though (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/481801-my-bmi-dating#post5759672)

 

Most couples survive because they communicate well, and they share the same interests, hobbies, and beliefs. It makes life easier. Otherwise, it takes a lot of social skills and charm to date women completely different from you.

 

 

I wouldn't say they are completely different from me. Like I said, I believe in American culture and ways and even my friend noted the other day, "Wow, you are really white."

 

Are you approaching women out of your league? You might want to start dating chubby girls and girls who aren't physically attractive (but have nice personalities). Try becoming friends with girls first, even if they are not romantically interested in you, they can give you advice on how to be a more attractive man. Girls love makeovers. Work on increasing your social circle and making more friends. Being an introvert will hurt you, unless you are only interested in introverted girls who share the same hobbies. Girls judge a guy on personality (is he a nice guy, is he charming) more than looks. Also, many girls don't start dating until college (when they can go wild and hookup with lots of guys). Most high school girls don't date much because they are worried about their reputations. You really have to put in a lot work and flirting with high school girls (if you aren't the QB). Also, never ask a girl out first, you want to make the girl want to date you (Play the long game, it can take weeks or months for a girl to start liking a guy).

I didn't always go for girls out of my league. Quite a few times it has occurred that the girls that I thought were super hot, my friends thought were ugly or average at best. But I think the issue was, and I realized this at the end of the year, is that I had no social circle. I was trying to cold approach, which I recently found out is not effective and actually detrimental in high school (and even college) and that in those settings, you should stick to social circle game. That's why, also in the above post, I mention how I plan to get my social life handled a little bit first by joining clubs and stuff and maybe trying to get out of my comfort zone in general next school year, and then if I see a girl I am interested in through my social circle or clubs, I can maybe have sort of a better chance with her and try to chat her up. The issue is that until the middle of this past school year, I never bothered to socialize really with anyone and never really gave this attention, and even after I had those crushes, it wasn't until the end of the year when I realized that what I first need to do is get some friends and/or a social circle. But it was too late well because the year was coming to an end and after a couple months of school, cliques seem to solidify and a lot of clubs are already in session, so that's why I plan on getting into a couple clubs and in general, socializing with a lot more people rather than the same few friends all the time, especially during the beginning of the school year before everything solidifies and it's hard to do anything again.

 

However, the last sentence is new to me. Really, should I never ask a girl out first in high school?

 

Anyway. As far as religion goes, the OP has said repeatedly that he's not trying to get anybody to convert, and that he only lightly practices Hinduism and would be perfectly happy with a Christian (or, presumably, practitioner of other faith) girl. So I don't think religion an issue here. It's a big red herring.

Correct.

 

The primary issue I see, OP, is your self-loathing, which is tied up in your cultural background as much as in your anxiety about your height. And perhaps it is that self-loathing that has kept you from making friends? Others have suggested that you focus on widening your social circle, and I will, too. It's a long-range plan that will help bring you into contact with more potential dates, but also will bring you more joy and offer you more opportunity to get out of your head and become happier with who you are.

Well I certainly think my insecurities have also been a factor in me not being comfortable socializing with people, even though it wasn't the critical problem as it was with dating. I think it's more that I never really bothered to, which was a mistake on my part. And as I described above, the bolded is what I plan to do next school year.

 

 

One of the problems is that in my own class, my reputation has been quite poor, though a lot of the girls I went for last year weren't in my class.

 

I'm curious about something, on that point. You mentioned that it's this latest crush that brought you to this point, and that this happened only this year. But you also said you don't have many friends, which sounds like a longer-term issue - and that to some extent that's self-inflicted. What brought that about? Why haven't you wanted to have more of a social circle before? Is it personal preference or that same self-loathing?

Before it was personal preference, and now for the past few months, it just kind of felt impossible because I wasn't attending any clubs and high school is very clique-y and as I said, after the first few weeks of school, those cliques seem to solidify.

 

 

Also, see the end of this post: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/481801-my-bmi-dating#post5759672

 

 

I would also say that in general, high school for some reason makes me feel insecure. Seeing these really tall white dudes that already look like handsome men socializing, flirting, having a good ****ing time and then occasionally seeing those dudes with a crush of mine, makes me tear up on the inside and sort of sends the message to me that being social and flirting with girls is only "reserved" for them. And then the whole line of thinking of, "Yeah, there's no way in hell she's picking me over him," enters my head, and I do honestly feel like I don't stand a chance against them.

 

And I have always been like this, especially when it came to talking to a girl I like. Even in seventh grade, I remember that feeling when I saw a taller white dude with my crush and thought, "Yeah he's better suited for her." In some instances, that was enough to make me give up. Though, I never really started actually attacking this issue until a few months ago.

[jcrew11]

So in other words your advice is "go ahead and pursue people who you aren't necessarily attracted to. Disregard their emotions for your own personal benefit."

 

Having a vagina doesn't make someone a default personal stylist. In a lot of cases women are just as clueless about men's fashion as men are. If I let ex-girlfriends dress me I'd look like a wannabe indie rock star with ill-fitting pants and a bunch of unnecessary bracelets. A girl liking fashion doesn't necessarily mean she's the most viable source of advice. Have you ever seen streaky blonde highlights on a dark brunette? I'm a guy who they're supposedly trying to look good for and I think that looks awful. That's a bit telling that their judgment isn't always on point.

 

OP, get out there and make your own mistakes. You can take advice but don't rely too heavily on what people here tell you (I'm aware of the irony of this). Much like the girls and the makeovers, just because they/we give advice doesn't mean it's good advice.

 

There's no substitute for experience. Reading about it is one thing, living it is another.

 

The problem is that for clueless virgins, he seems to be trying to hit on the beautiful blonde cheerleaders that are out of his league, and he has no sense of style or a boring (nice guy) personality.

 

At the most basic level, he is completely uncomfortable around ANY women. First off, he needs to start getting comfortable around women, even the ugly ones. Next, he has to build some confidence and rapport with women. Then, he has to be realistic about his dating standards. Beautiful women won't go out with ugly mute nerds. If he wants to attract beautiful women, he needs to do a lot of work on himself including combing his hair, having a nice face without acne, wearing nice clothes, and having a charming personality.

 

The problem with most inexperienced men is that they blame superficial things for their failures like height and race - maybe its because they only like superficial (beautiful) women.

 

These men fail because they have terrible personalities. They claim to be nice guys, but that is a code word for bland asexuals. A "real nice guy" is someone who is active in the community, holds doors open for women, and actively helps to improve others lives and make people feel better.

 

Just because someone is an introvert does not automatically make them a nice guy. There are just as many angry introverts that are mean jerks to people.

[jcrew11]

I am honestly laughing out loud at the bits in bold. It's nice that you want to help this poster, but this really isn't the place for this soapbox. I wonder if you actually know very many athiest and agnostic people (or any at all)? The vast majority of them are not hippies, punks, emo, goth, pierced tattoo girls, or circus performers. :lmao: I mean, really. And lots of them have practicing Christian (and other religious) friends.

 

Anyway. As far as religion goes, the OP has said repeatedly that he's not trying to get anybody to convert, and that he only lightly practices Hinduism and would be perfectly happy with a Christian (or, presumably, practitioner of other faith) girl. So I don't think religion an issue here. It's a big red herring.

 

The primary issue I see, OP, is your self-loathing, which is tied up in your cultural background as much as in your anxiety about your height. And perhaps it is that self-loathing that has kept you from making friends? Others have suggested that you focus on widening your social circle, and I will, too. It's a long-range plan that will help bring you into contact with more potential dates, but also will bring you more joy and offer you more opportunity to get out of your head and become happier with who you are.

 

I'm curious about something, on that point. You mentioned that it's this latest crush that brought you to this point, and that this happened only this year. But you also said you don't have many friends, which sounds like a longer-term issue - and that to some extent that's self-inflicted. What brought that about? Why haven't you wanted to have more of a social circle before? Is it personal preference or that same self-loathing?

 

Non-christian foreigners and non-white foreigners are often very uncomfortable and do not culturally understand white people and white christians. Often times, these non-christian foreigners segregate themselves from white christians.

 

As a Indian Hindu, his real problem is that he is not socially mixing with white people or white christian people and does not understand how to interact with white people beyond a superficial level. There is more to white people than blonde hair and blue eyes, but I don't think he comprehends that dating is more "cultural" than superficial (looks and race).

[jcrew11]

However, the last sentence is new to me. Really, should I never ask a girl out first in high school?

 

 

well, if you see a girl every day, just start talking to her and hanging out with her as friends first. Then after a couple of weeks or months, you can figure out if she likes you romantically and then you ask her out. Or don't ask anyone out and just kiss and makeout with random women. Nobody really likes the "formal going steady" because it becomes a reptutation and status game. Its much easier to just date under the radar without labels, and just hookup up on the side and become freinds with benefits.

 

You wouldn't ask a girl to marry you, if you weren't sure she liked you. So there is no reason to cold approach a girl and ask her for a date (besides at a bar or some other random place) if you see the girl everyday and can "build groundwork for a relationship" before being sure she likes you romantically. Don't ask a girl out, unless you are sure she likes you.

[serial muse]

Non-christian foreigners and non-white foreigners are often very uncomfortable and do not culturally understand white people and white christians. Often times, these non-christian foreigners segregate themselves from white christians.

 

As a Indian Hindu, his real problem is that he is not socially mixing with white people or white christian people and does not understand how to interact with white people beyond a superficial level. There is more to white people than blonde hair and blue eyes, but I don't think he comprehends that dating is more "cultural" than superficial (looks and race).

 

Well, he's not socially mixing with anybody.

 

Look, I don't get the vibe at all that the OP doesn't culturally understand white people (Christians or not. In fact, could we get off the Christianity thing? It's unnecessary and irrelevant here) or that he's particularly superficial about them. He's 16 and quite clearly sexually inexperienced, but what he's saying about women isn't much different than what I've read countless times on LS - in fact, the OP is rather more thoughtful and introspective about it than many of the guys with similar complaints. Race, religion - those things don't really seem to me to be factors here. Bottom line, he happens to have a crush on a white girl. C'est la vie.

[R3d]

Actually, I had several crushes (who were white), but none of them were interested. Other than that, the other girls I went for I wouldn't call "crushes", difference being those weren't really on my mind for an extended period of time. I don't currently have a crush. I mean it's summer vacation now so...

 

And no, they weren't all cheerleaders with blonde hair and blue eyes. None of my crushes this year had blonde hair, and none of them had blue eyes (I think out of all the girls I went for this year which includes girls I didn't actually "crush" on, one did). I am actually not that into blonde hair and I don't really care about eye color. And I have noticed that a lot of times the girls I crush on are not thought to be hot. One of them I remember, two of my friends saying or implying that she's ugly and the other saying, "She's not ugly, but she's not hot."

 

And serial muse, what am I saying about women?

[serial muse]

And serial muse, what am I saying about women?

 

Oh, I meant that in your fears of rejection, of how they will look down upon you, you have basically depersonalized them and decided for them what they will/won't like. It's a way of avoiding taking action and avoiding rejection, which is understandable but ultimately unproductive and in fact a bit unfair. You don't really know what "white women" as a whole would think of you or what their families will think of you dating their daughters; but it's easier to anticipate rejection and therefore become paralyzed than it is to gird your loins and go for it anyway.

 

In the process a lot of guys who take this stance tend to also express a great deal of pre-emptive anger at women for expressing views they haven't actually expressed.

 

This is a pretty common thing here. But that's the part (the unwarranted anger) that I haven't seen in your posts, so thanks for that.

[jcrew11]

Well, he's not socially mixing with anybody.

 

Look, I don't get the vibe at all that the OP doesn't culturally understand white people (Christians or not. In fact, could we get off the Christianity thing? It's unnecessary and irrelevant here) or that he's particularly superficial about them. He's 16 and quite clearly sexually inexperienced, but what he's saying about women isn't much different than what I've read countless times on LS - in fact, the OP is rather more thoughtful and introspective about it than many of the guys with similar complaints. Race, religion - those things don't really seem to me to be factors here. Bottom line, he happens to have a crush on a white girl. C'est la vie.

 

Well, in the northeast there are a lot of Jewish people, and its a very common discussion issue with my Jewish friends regarding Jews dating Christians. Most of the time, Jewish guys just end up dating other Jewish girls. So religion is a big issue for many people. And to ignore it and say it doesn't matter is just setting yourself up for conflict later on as a couple. Most people don't want to change their religion or convert, and would prefer to raise their children in their own religion. They don't want to date or marry someone with antagonistic attitudes towards her religion.

 

Its not just religion, but the culture of many families usually involves a religious aspect. So if someone is close to her mom and family, they may feel more pressure to date someone of the same religion, rather than "rebelling" and marrying someone of a different race, religion, and culture.

 

Now, of course there are guys who are atheist/agnostic and are seeking women who are also atheist/agnostic.

[serial muse]

Well, in the northeast there are a lot of Jewish people, and its a very common discussion issue with my Jewish friends regarding Jews dating Christians. Most of the time, Jewish guys just end up dating other Jewish girls. So religion is a big issue for many people. And to ignore it and say it doesn't matter is just setting yourself up for conflict later on as a couple. Most people don't want to change their religion or convert, and would prefer to raise their children in their own religion. They don't want to date or marry someone with antagonistic attitudes towards her religion.

 

Its not just religion, but the culture of many families usually involves a religious aspect. So if someone is close to her mom and family, they may feel more pressure to date someone of the same religion, rather than "rebelling" and marrying someone of a different race, religion, and culture.

 

Now, of course there are guys who are atheist/agnostic and are seeking women who are also atheist/agnostic.

 

I'll be sure to mention this to my Jewish husband. (I was raised Catholic.) Nobody's changing religion or converting.

 

I don't think these kinds of generalizations, based more on ignorance than on direct knowledge, are helping anybody. And as I said, they are irrelevant to the OP's situation. You are still mischaracterizing that.

Edited June 23, 2014 by serial muse

[jcrew11]

I'll be sure to mention this to my Jewish husband. (I was raised Catholic.) Nobody's changing religion or converting.

 

I don't think these kinds of generalizations, based more on ignorance than on direct knowledge, are helping anybody. And as I said, they are irrelevant to the OP's situation. You are still mischaracterizing that.

 

Well, I doubt that you married your husband just because he was Jewish. You probably married him because you liked his personality and looks. But you accept his religion, his lifestyle/holidays, and his extended family. You may have also decided to raise your children Jewish to appease his mother. Or maybe you are both atheists and don't want to follow any religion. But these are issues that some couples face and that people face in dating. Of course, if your husband is rich, then many women don't care what religion the guy is and there are many examples of white women converting to islam for a rich saudi prince! But these are issues of culture and lifestyle that every non-christian non-white person deals with.

[serial muse]

Well, I doubt that you married your husband just because he was Jewish. You probably married him because you liked his personality and looks. But you accept his religion, his lifestyle/holidays, and his extended family. You may have also decided to raise your children Jewish to appease his mother. Or maybe you are both atheists and don't want to follow any religion. But these are issues that some couples face and that people face in dating. Of course, if your husband is rich, then many women don't care what religion the guy is and there are many examples of white women converting to islam for a rich saudi prince! But these are issues of culture and lifestyle that every non-christian non-white person deals with.

 

There's just a whole lot of assuming and even veiled insults in this post. (if your husband is rich? seriously?)

 

I'm done with this discussion about religion. The OP has made it clear that this isn't the issue, and the guy is only 16 after all. End of, as far as I'm concerned.

[jcrew11]

There's just a whole lot of assuming and even veiled insults in this post. (if your husband is rich? seriously?)

 

I'm done with this discussion about religion. The OP has made it clear that this isn't the issue, and the guy is only 16 after all. End of, as far as I'm concerned.

 

I think we'll have to agree to disagree.

 

A good friend of mine is christian and he dated a jewish girl for 4 years, and she refused to marry him and dumped him because he wasn't jewish. He's a good guy and was totally in love with her, so I don't know if it was a convenient excuse or something else. I also know many jewish guys from college who were set on dating and marrying jewish girls and going on jdate. For many people, keeping their religion, their traditions, and their customs is a big deal and for their family.

 

So it would be naive for anyone dating from a different religion or culture to not understand the lifestyles and customs of the white women he desires. Its not the only thing if you've got a good personality going for you, but its important to acknowledge that some girls don't want anything to do with a different religion or customs.

 

That being said, the OP should focus on girls he knows are open-minded to dating non-christians, and researching details about the girls before he asks them out. Catholic girls can be more open-minded because there are a lot of immigrants and non-whites who are catholic. There are many types of white women out there, find out which types you like and try to appeal to whatever they find attractive in a guy.

[R3d]

<Moderation note: merged similar threads to bump thread up>

 

Now the main question I have is from where do I learn how to get dates? Or if you want, how about you guys tell me: how do I as a 16-year-old guy in a high school setting get dates? I know it's not the end of the world if I don't in high school, but I still want to try and maximize my chances and I just don't know how to go about it.

 

Things to consider:

 

I am only 5'3.5, 115 pounds, Indian descent, baby-face and currently have little status. How do I overcome these obstacles? I might get professional help and definitely maybe look into some school counseling over my self-hatred issues but the problem is that first of all, it's going to be months until I can really start getting help for that since I need referrals and **** and school is out right now. Second, they are still shortcomings that will hinder my dating life to a degree.

 

However, the few times I failed last semester I believe was more because of my lack of confidence, not being myself, getting awkward in front of said girl, and playing things way too safe. I honestly think those things are what held me back more than lacking in the looks and status department.

Edited July 7, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[KaliLove]

<Moderation note: merged similar threads to bump thread up>

 

Now the main question I have is from where do I learn how to get dates? Or if you want, how about you guys tell me: how do I as a 16-year-old guy in a high school setting get dates? I know it's not the end of the world if I don't in high school, but I still want to try and maximize my chances and I just don't know how to go about it.

 

Things to consider:

 

I am only 5'3.5, 115 pounds, Indian descent, baby-face and currently have little status. How do I overcome these obstacles? I might get professional help and definitely maybe look into some school counseling over my self-hatred issues but the problem is that first of all, it's going to be months until I can really start getting help for that since I need referrals and **** and school is out right now. Second, they are still shortcomings that will hinder my dating life to a degree.

 

However, the few times I failed last semester I believe was more because of my lack of confidence, not being myself, getting awkward in front of said girl, and playing things way too safe. I honestly think those things are what held me back more than lacking in the looks and status department.

 

In regards to getting over your self hatred...if you hate yourself, how can you expect anyone else to like you? That is step number one in making more friends and meeting women.

[normal person]

<Moderation note: merged similar threads to bump thread up>

 

Now the main question I have is from where do I learn how to get dates? Or if you want, how about you guys tell me: how do I as a 16-year-old guy in a high school setting get dates? I know it's not the end of the world if I don't in high school, but I still want to try and maximize my chances and I just don't know how to go about it.

 

Do people really "date" in high school or college? It seems me groups of friends just hang out until two people like each other and start hanging out exclusively. If you're in high school it's not likely that you have a ton of money to throw around, taking a girl this place and that. Granted, I'm a decade removed from high school so maybe this is a bit dated (pardon the pun).

 

People learn this stuff by trial and error. They've been doing this since before the internet and before PUA. This is a thing you actually have to experience and put into practice and not just read about. Try something, make some mistakes, and learn from them.

[R3d]

Actually that's the problem. I am afraid to make mistakes when it comes to dating (nothing else, just dating). Why else do you think I desperately seek advice online for this stuff (not just here by the way)? I don't want to miss any opportunities because I did this and I should have done that. You know how they tell people that you should talk to your crush and at least try because you not want to be thinking one day "what if". Well I also have that fear when it comes to making mistakes with girls because I Also get that "what if" feeling if I screw up with a girl because then I will think, "What if I hadn't made that mistake? She could have said 'yes' and potentially went on a date with me if I just didn't **** that up?"

 

Basically, now I am failing to come to terms with the fact that I am going to make mistakes when it comes to dating. I don't want to **** up. This is the one thing where I am actually afraid to fail. In other things, I don't mind failure, but for this, I do.

Edited July 9, 2014 by R3d

[jay1983]

Actually that's the problem. I am afraid to make mistakes when it comes to dating (nothing else, just dating). Why else do you think I desperately seek advice online for this stuff (not just here by the way)? I don't want to miss any opportunities because I did this and I should have done that. You know how they tell people that you should talk to your crush and at least try because you not want to be thinking one day "what if". Well I also have that fear when it comes to making mistakes with girls because I Also get that "what if" feeling if I screw up with a girl because then I will think, "What if I hadn't made that mistake? She could have said 'yes' and potentially went on a date with me if I just didn't **** that up?"

 

Basically, now I am failing to come to terms with the fact that I am going to make mistakes when it comes to dating. I don't want to **** up. This is the one thing where I am actually afraid to fail. In other things, I don't mind failure, but for this, I do.

 

Dude you gotta relax a little. Your gonna make mistakes, everybody does. No little mistake is gonna make that much of a difference. If a girl likes you she won't be turned off by something so little.

Edited July 9, 2014 by jay1983

[R3d]

Dude you gotta relax a little. Your gonna make mistakes, everybody does. No little mistake is gonna make that much of a difference. If a girl likes you she likes she won't be turned off by something so little.

 

The thing is you have to make mistakes if you want to get good. Jad T Jones says that if you want to be successful, make a lot of mistakes. He says that a successful person makes a lot more mistakes than an average person.

 

But I am too afraid to. How do I cure my mistake phobia?

 

So many people (here, on other forums, my online friends, countless places) keep telling me to relax about this, but I can't. I want something in life and am very concerned about how I will ever get it. Just look here. There are people in their mid-twenties and up who have never kissed a girl. I don't want to end up like them. To people who say that it isn't a race: the reason I (and others) treat it as such is because I want something and I don't want to be waiting until 10 years from now to get it if possible. I want to get what I want as soon as possible, or at least develop the skills now so I don't have much trouble in college. It is human nature to want to fulfill our desires as quickly as possible or have the assurance that in reasonable time, they will be fulfilled.

 

Until I get what I want, I will always have that anxiety of if and when I will.

[R3d]

Telling me to relax actually does the opposite. I stress and wonder even more. Simply telling me to "relax" won't do ****, as obvious at this point after how many times people have told me to do so on various places and I haven't. I just can't. Deep down, I have wanted this for almost 4 years, even though it's only been a few months since it has actively been on my mind. I have had this dream deep down for almost 4 years. It might not seem a lot like to you middle-aged folks, but when you're young, time moves very slowly, so almost 4 years between 12 and 16, is actually quite long.

 

So now I am stressed over how I will ever make my dream come true.

 

THAT is why I refuse to relax over this. In fact, it actually pisses me off when people tell me tor relax because I am 16 because it's getting old. I am tired of getting the "16" line over and over again. To people who keep giving me the "you're only 16" line, read this post and my post above for my explanation as to why I am so stressed over this. And I have a question for you people who continue to abuse the 16 line: what difference does it make? Why do you continue to point this out?

Edited July 9, 2014 by R3d

[Moonborn]

Telling me to relax actually does the opposite. I stress and wonder even more. Simply telling me to "relax" won't do ****, as obvious at this point after how many times people have told me to do so on various places and I haven't. I just can't. Deep down, I have wanted this for almost 4 years, even though it's only been a few months since it has actively been on my mind. I have had this dream deep down for almost 4 years. It might not seem a lot like to you middle-aged folks, but when you're young, time moves very slowly, so almost 4 years between 12 and 16, is actually quite long.

 

So now I am stressed over how I will ever make my dream come true.

 

THAT is why I refuse to relax over this. In fact, it actually pisses me off when people tell me tor relax because I am 16 because it's getting old. I am tired of getting the "16" line over and over again. To people who keep giving me the "you're only 16" line, read this post and my post above for my explanation as to why I am so stressed over this. And I have a question for you people who continue to abuse the 16 line: what difference does it make? Why do you continue to point this out?

 

1) You WILL fail. Even the hottest, most charismatic and charming man on Earth will fail sometimes when he tries to approach women. That is because you can't possibly please everybody in the world. Some girls will just not like you, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. So you really need to learn how to handle rejection. It's not even a matter of "making mistakes", it's simply that you can't be liked by everybody in the world. This is in my opinion a very important thing to realize both in dating and in general social interactions.

 

2) Relax. Seriously. Yeah I know you want to punch me in the face now, but if you can't do this be prepared to be single for the rest of your life. The more worked up and stressed you get over this, the more needy and desperate you will act with girls, the less they will like you. There's a whole bunch of other things that it would be good for you to experience now. Girls are not the only thing worth experiencing in life, stop obsessing over them.

 

3) Being 16 makes a *huge* difference, like it or not. People have a completely different level of maturity when they are 16, 20, 25 or 30 years old. This means that the average 16 years old is going to take dating much differently from the average 25 years old. It's definitely not a bad thing that you want to learn now, but stuff will be different when you are older anyway. So don't think that you will have no problems at all dealing with women later in your life if you get experience now.

 

4) You talk about the people 10 years older than you who never kissed a girl. A major part of them ended in that situation because they spent a lot of time stressing and worrying over the fact that they couldn't get dates. And you know what? It's not the end of the world either. I never heard of anybody who died or had a bad life because he never kissed a girl before 26. If they have problems in their life it's because of other issues, not because they kissed girls late (if anything that may be a symptom of other problems).

 

So please, please, please! Stop obsessing over it and just live your life. Ask girls out if you like them, if they say yes great, if they say no no biggie, you just go like NEXT! There is a reason if everybody is telling you to relax. If you ask people for advice, please do listen to it.

 

Final tip: as long as you feel empty inside, finding a girl will not give you any sense of fulfillment. It will feel good for a while, then you will feel empty again and start acting needy, and she will get tired of you and dump your ass. So find other ways to fulfill yourself. Get involved in a hobby you like, build computers, whatever floats your boat, but don't rely on girls (or on other people in general really) for your own fulfillment.

 

This is my honest advice as a person who is 10 years your elder, young enough to remember how it feels having your age, but old enough to have learned a couple of things (even if there's a lot of people here who know way more than me about this stuff, and you'd better listen to what they have to say). I took almost 30 minutes to write all this so you better take it into consideration! Lol

[R3d]

A major part of them ended in that situation because they spent a lot of time stressing and worrying over the fact that they couldn't get dates.

 

That's horrible. So you're telling me that if I keep actively worrying about this like I have been for the past few months, I am very well on my way to being a 25-year-old virgin who has never dated?

 

Part of the reason I can't stop obsessing over it now is because like I said, ever since I was attracted to girls, even though a lot of that time wasn't actually spent me wallowing over this, it has always been very important to me deep down. I remember, whenever I would read a novel, whenever there was a section where a guy was making moves on his crush, talking to her, going on a date with her, kissing her, whatever, whenever there was a part in the book about the main character's romantic life, I would start reading much faster and much more attentively. In fact, I would skip through other parts of the book just to read those parts.

 

So this **** matters to me, a ton. It always has deep down, even though it's only been a few months since I have been actively wallowing over it, and I can't stop because as I said, this was always really important to me.

 

And it's not like I don't have a life outside of this. I do. There are other things I like to do and have hobbies. I also do fairly well in school. But this **** is still important to me and just because I have a life outside of this, doesn't mean that my strong desire to be in a relationship will simply vanish or even weaken.

Edited July 9, 2014 by R3d

[Moonborn]

That's horrible. So you're telling me that if I keep actively worrying about this like I have been for the past few months, I am very well on my way to being a 25-year-old virgin who has never dated?

 

It is entirely possible. I understand where you are coming from, I have been borderline obsessed with dating myself until recently. That's why I am being so passionate with giving you advice. It wasn't *that* bad for me, but the fact that I was wishing for a romantic relationship so desperately got me in a lot of troubles.

 

A big problem with wanting a relationship at all costs is that you will be ok with anything the world throws at you. As soon as you meet a cute girl who seems to be into you and with whom you get along, you will idealize her and fall head over feet for her after a short time. Which is not really a good thing.

 

Really, make your experiences, but try not to lose sleep over it. You will have plenty of time to experience interactions with the ladies.

[R3d]

As soon as you meet a cute girl who seems to be into you and with whom you get along[...]

 

Well I would agree that I simply shouldn't fall for a girl because she's cute, but if I get along with her as well, I don't see the problem.

 

I mean dude, how often will that happen? That will probably almost never happen, that I meet a cute girl who's into me with whom I get along. Keyword: almost. So I am not saying it's impossible, but I don't think that will happen more than once every few years.

Edited July 9, 2014 by R3d

[R3d]

People learn this stuff by trial and error. [/b] They've been doing this since before the internet and before PUA. This is a thing you actually have to experience and put into practice and not just read about. Try something, make some mistakes, and learn from them.

The problem is that I can't really try and err. The way to try and err would be to approach a lot of girls, and you don't want to do that more than sparingly in high school or you risk getting a reputation for it. Or am I mistaken?