Is being of Indian descent really that detrimental even if you are Americanized?

[R3d]

This is a common thing among non-Caucasians. It's labeled as minority self-hatred. You are Americanized, you believe in Red, White, and Blue, and you want someone that represents this ideal. You've been conditioned properly by the American Dream. From my experience, a large amount of American white girls are stuck up. They know they are wanted, emulated, and desired. Culturally, and probably through media brainwashing, the white p*ssy is some holy grail for minorities. Honestly, you should keep an open mind toward non-Caucasian women, especially ones that have been raised with Old World-esque values (be it European, Asian, African, South American).

 

 

 

 

Are you looking to get married and have children on your first date or third? Is that your agenda? Since you are struggling with getting a girlfriend, you should modify that agenda to just getting a girlfriend and enjoying her company. Whatever happens afterwards, whether marriage or a breakup, happens. Don't worry about women with tall-man agendas. Let them fantasize.

 

Like I said, white skin is only a preference but I am open to other races. White is not be-all end-all for me.

 

As for the second paragraph, of course not. I am not worried about that at all. Dude I am 16. I am not worrying about that **** until I get married. For now, my only agenda IS getting a girlfriend and enjoying her company as I stated in my OP. I was just mentioning another reason why women not want to date short men.

[Kamila]

WHY would you not have a problem with that? If she isn't willing to have sex with you, move on.

 

Let me ask this: have you had sex before?

 

Lastly, women love sex too and yes, wait a little bit doesn't hurt. But months? A year? That's crazy talk unless she's a virgin and waiting until marriage.

 

Why is that ? Why wait a year for sex with a virgin and not for a woman who's had the sex experience and wants to wait with the next guy ? I never quite understood that logic.

 

For the OP, you're so young, you have your lifetime to date, experience sex. But getting a degree, working on your selfesteem, your goals... you must set that as a priority. Don't rush into sex/dating too soon. As soon as you are high confident and a woman notices that, they won't see the supposed short Indian in front of them. Quality women search quality men who are caring, intelligent and have lots of self worth.

 

I was dating a very tall white men for 2.5 years. He was selfish to the core, never cared about anyone but himself. Everytime he saw a mirror, or glass of a store he checked himself out. Gosh, I didn't like that. Who does he think he was ? No, no more superficial dudes for me anymore. That doesn't impress me much anymore.

[normal person]

 

Until I, you, or someone else can successfully answer, "Why would anyone want me over a 6'3 white dude?" I won't be appeased.

 

 

So a girl likes his height. What about you is there to like? I don't want to hear you instantly disqualify yourself for your height or race. I'm not trying to be rude, I really want you to think about this: What would make a girl like you? Are you funny? Charismatic? Charming? Exciting? What is it about you that you're banking on women to like?

 

People don't like other people for no reason. You need to give them a reason to go from indifferent to attracted. So, before you continue the complaints, what is it about you that you feel is being overlooked?

[preraph]

That she is going to be disgusted by my approach because I am short and Indian and put me back in my place, so to speak. That's what I am thinking subconsciously.

 

 

You will save yourself a lot of grief and humiliation if you decide right now to only ask out the girls who are friendly to you and not go after one who doesn't know you exist. Girls find a way to be around guys they are open to. They will smile or ask you a question or whatever. They will stand within hearing distance. If there is a girl at school or church or wherever who initiates anything, whether homework or lab partner or just smiles and talks to you more than she does other guys, that is who you just keep being friendly and flirty to.

 

It's not that petite women all want tall men. Some do, some don't and it's to do with what they find attractive. The ones I've known had average height men. It's mostly men who grab all the little ones and part of that is what they think is pretty and part is insecurity.

[R3d]

Well done for being a boss on the violin though...why not try to showcase your talents in a group or club where girls are gonna be? Girls love a winner dude, they really do.

Oh and yeah.

 

This is actually a good idea. I will look into it.

 

You will save yourself a lot of grief and humiliation if you decide right now to only ask out the girls who are friendly to you and not go after one who doesn't know you exist. Girls find a way to be around guys they are open to. They will smile or ask you a question or whatever. They will stand within hearing distance. If there is a girl at school or church or wherever who initiates anything, whether homework or lab partner or just smiles and talks to you more than she does other guys, that is who you just keep being friendly and flirty to.

 

Almost no girls are like that to me. There was one, but we only see each other as friends, well at least I do. And we hardly talk now. The problem is, most girls don't know I exist. This is in part, my fault for socially isolating myself in the past but also because I have had a bad reputation in school due to the behavioral issues I used to have in elementary school and from there it just snowballed and I have never really had a social reputation in this district. And still get made fun of occasionally for no reason. I don't really care but still. It goes to show my lack of reputation.

 

So my only choice is to approach random girls, which isn't exactly bad. I need to learn how to do it. I have to get over my approach anxiety, which is mostly due to my height and race insecurities.

 

So tell me, are my insecurities justified, or am I just being silly for thinking she will be disgusted by my approach due to being short and Indian (by the way, I have my eye on this cutie that I want to approach). I just need to find her when she's alone and go up to her.

[R3d]

So a girl likes his height. What about you is there to like? I don't want to hear you instantly disqualify yourself for your height or race. I'm not trying to be rude, I really want you to think about this: What would make a girl like you? Are you funny? Charismatic? Charming? Exciting? What is it about you that you're banking on women to like?

 

People don't like other people for no reason. You need to give them a reason to go from indifferent to attracted. So, before you continue the complaints, what is it about you that you feel is being overlooked?

 

LOL, dude don't worry. You're not being rude.

 

Well like I said in my OP, I am benign and I guess I can be funny depending on the girl's sense of humor. But I am not really over-the-top funny like some men are.

 

But here's the thing. A LOT of people are benign and somewhat funny. The vast majority of men are.

 

That doesn't separate me from anyone. Yet, everyone I talk to even in real life tells me I am worrying for no reason. There's this female friend I have on League of Legends and she tells me that anyone would be lucky to have me because I am very kind.

 

But girls don't like nice guys so that can actually be a detriment. And besides, a lot of other men are kind too.

Edited May 3, 2014 by R3d

[FitChick]

You are only sixteen and have a few years to grow yet. Start eating better and exercise to maximize this growth period.

[R3d]

You are only sixteen and have a few years to grow yet. Start eating better and exercise to maximize this growth period.

I already eat and exercise very well. Like I said, I have two short parents so I don't think I can make t past 5'7 and definitely not 5'8.

[R3d]

Lots of guys in your situation find love.

What do you mean by "in your situation"? You mean being an undesirable race and short?

[organizedchaos]

What do you mean by "in your situation"? You mean being an undesirable race and short?

 

No, being Indian and short. I never said that was an undesirable race, you did.

[IndianBabu]

Again, sounds too good to be true. And mixed race is not the same as being Indian. Indian is actually a race that is mocked and locked down on in America. We have awful stereotypes. Its not being Indian in and of itself that I am ashamed of. Its because it is so negatively perceived by Americans.

 

I am of Indian descent. I'm under 6 feet. I've never felt that I was treated differently because of my skin color, to be honest.

 

Yes, there are negative stereotypes of the Indian culture, but this is true of any other culture as well.

 

Being Indian only becomes a problem if you see it as being an issue. I've had plenty of opportunities to date women of my culture as well as those of others. However, I am perfectly happy in my relationship and have no desire or need to stray.

 

Be confident, focus on school and your career. You are still a spring chicken, there will be plenty of time for women later on.

 

Good luck.

[SYLLPalmer]

The point I was trying to make is I am not like other guys in that the only thing I am after is sex.

 

And yes, I need to date. But how am I supposed to get one? With this short height and undesirable (to girls in America) race...things are looking extremely shaky and rough. And physical appearance is very important. Without sexual attraction, there is no date or romantic relationship. And being short and Indian makes me sexually repulsive and undesirable and look dubious.

 

I am the white girl with blue eyes and straight hair and I like my men foreign. And I am not talking just Europeans. I have a thing for Asians. I find them to be beautiful. I am attracted to their demeanor as well. I am currently dating a Russian and I absolutely adore his accent. While you don't have an accent the point is that some people go after that which is different from themselves.

 

To cultivate some pride you need to check out the "best" examples of your race by which I mean the models. Check out this dude ..

Dino Morea in film Dus Kahaniyaan, National Wallpaper, Movie Wallpaper @ khabarexpress.com

oh and this one ..

Arjun Rampal: Why Should I Look Outside for Love? | Entertainment | iDiva.com

yum yum good! These are examples of hot Indian dudes and IMO they are on par with the hottest honkie. In two years you may be a knock out. If you are only 1/4 the hotness of the second dude you will be smokin. The rest is up to you though. Gotta be funny and stylish too. Study hard and pick a good career. You will be highly sought after.

 

My brother shot up from 5'2" to 6'3" over one year. His senior year in high school. My Dad wasn't notably tall, my mother is 5'8" and I am only 5'4". Genetics is more complicated than mom and dad and thank Oz for that lest I would have inherited my mother's DD. LOL:lmao:

Edited May 4, 2014 by SYLLPalmer
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[R3d]

Yeah, a bunch of my dad's friends came over today and said the same thing, that there was this Indian dude who grew enormously really quickly after 16 and his parents weren't even tall.

 

If only we could read genetics.

 

The other thing though, is I have always been on the 5th percentile curve for growth. I haven't grown more than 3 inches in any year. I grew 3 inches in my 13th year but aside from that 1-2 per year.

Edited May 4, 2014 by R3d

[ltjg45]

OP, if you think being Indian is bad, just be glad you are not black.

[hasaquestion]

I love Indian chicks. Once you go brown you'll never come back down

 

The problem with Caucasian American girls is when they are pretty, they tend to figure out early on that they don't really need to take care of themselves or focus on their education, since they can skate by on looks. It's much easier to find an indian girl who's smart and pretty since they have such a strong cultural emphasis on achievement.

[Eddie Edirol]

Of course I will continue to approach women. You're right, my trial-and-error research is not there.

 

And from a small fraction of my online research, I have read hundreds of threads and articles on how bad short or Indian men have it and why.

 

I really think, I have done more than enough online research. Now, it's just a matter of getting more hands-on experience which I am. But I still have approach anxiety, mostly due to my race and height. I think that she's going to be disgusted by my approach because I am short and Indian. Also, social awkwardness is somewhat of an issue, but I am not too worried about that because I think that I can get over it after a while.

 

Self-loathing though, is an issue that is not going away. And until it goes away, I can't do anything. That's my problem. Yet I continue to believe that I should self-loathe and keep convincing myself how detrimental being short and Indian is.

 

Really, that's the only thing I am fixated on like honey in hair. That the major problem. Which is why I am seriously considering therapy for this. The other stuff I am not too worried about and think I can overcome. I also don't have an issue with rejection in and of itself. What I do have a problem with is infinite rejection, meaning if it gets to the point where not even 1 out of 500 girls have said "yes"...while other guys only have to deal with about 5-10 rejections for every "yes". At that point it's more, "Will I ever get a girlfriend?" than the rejection. Rejection in and of itself doesn't sting me much.

 

BTW you have to stop glomming onto online things that tell you Indian guys have it bad, that will just feed your anxiety and self deprecation, you cant change bieng Indian and short, so theres no need to keep tossing that roadblock in front of you.

 

Right now, you should be in practice mode with women. You shouldnt be approaching them to get dates, you should be approaching them learning how they respond to you. And you can NEVER do enough research about learning dating psychoanalysis. If you think you did enough research, you will never learn about women and what they want, and you will continue to be in the dark. If you want to be left in the dark for the rest of your days, thats fine. You still have questions now and you still think being Indian and short is a roadblock, you havent yet read why that isnt the case.

 

Women would only be disgusted by your approach if youre disgusting. So if you dont shower, spit when you talk, have greasy unkempt hair, maybe have food in your teeth when you talk to them, or talk like a pig, then they will be disgusted.

 

If you had behavioral problems as a kid and built up a rep for it, you can only get over that with confidence, and you wont get the confidence until you figure out how to get smiles from approaching women. Now if you think youre obsessing over your height and weight and may need therapy, well maybe thats the way to go. Because you are completely discounting everything everyone is telling you for your own self fulfilling prophecy, and this advise is coming from people 3x your age. You seem to be smart, but you seem to think people are lying to you or something, and that nothing applies to you.

 

I dont think you need therapy, just confidence. But you cant approach women for dates, you do it to learn how to start conversations, thats it. Once you learn how that works, then you can move onto the next level. If you continue to approach women for dates when you dont know what youre doing, you will become obvious to these women who have guys approaching them often. Women can sense your desperation from a mile away. If you approach them just to talk and not date, you wont look or act desperate. Just try it.

[R3d]

I already have that mindset. I understand that I have to first just talk to them and can't go in with a "goal" of asking her out or anything. But that has its own problems, which I have expressed in-depth in this thread: Social Anxiety Forum

[MrRightNow]

Well it's important because that's basically more than half of my approach anxiety. That she is going to be disgusted by my approach because I am short and Indian and put me back in my place, so to speak. That's what I am thinking subconsciously. I feel like she's going to think, "Why date hum when I can just have some tall white dude instead? I can do better." Maybe even make fun of me on the spot if I try to flirt in anyway - which is why I am afraid to flirt.

 

I am fixated on 6'3 white dudes because I also read how the perfect height for girls is between 6'2 and 6'4 and there are these two 6'3 white dudes in my school and they look so cool and mature and like real men. One of them is a serious stud while the other has a lot of potential to be one. They all have that chill personality that tall people have. And then...there is me...

 

Frankly I feel intimidated by them and feel like I am obligated to submit to them.

 

6'3 White guys account for maybe 5 percent of the male population, dude Do you really think all the girls out there are holding out for one of them? Besides, women have different taste when it comes to men. If it make you feel any better, I see Indian dudes with decent looking women of various races pretty often here in NY. I'm a 5'9 South Asian and I've only been with White and Hispanic women. Believe it or not, some girls are really into exotic looking guys.

[Noproblem]

You seems incredibly smart .......

 

You are still young, but the people who surrounds you are much more younger..Because you are into a real relationship while most of the people at your age are looking for fun.

 

 

Of course being of certain race and certain height have to do with the kind of people you attract, but in the end, you will love and be loved if you let go of this circle that is is putting you in certain category and rather embrace it..

 

I mean what is so special about American, Indians or any other people?

 

If you watch Hollywood or Bollywood. They both seem so sure of themselves and think they are the best ..

 

Think you are deserving and people will see you that way

 

Think you are lacking, and people will see you that way?

 

Really, so what they are blond with green eyes, and tall

 

You are special too with you brown eye, brown hair and extremely tanned skin..

 

You know why stocks in the market goes up?

Not because they are special, because people believe that?

 

Make people believe you are special and you will have no problem finding the right girl

 

Best of luck with that..

 

Needless to say ..Work on you studying to get into a good college ..that is really important at this stage of your life

 

without a good college or a good job

it will not matter what race you belong to

because chances are you won't get anywhere without them

 

I also must say ...Being in Big cities will enhance your chances with people from other races

[R3d]

Ugh, now I am 0/8. It's not the rejection aspect I am pissed about. The last two girls that turned me down did it in such a cold manner. I walk up to them, try to smile, be friendly, and say, "Hey," and the second to last one said "hi" with no substance or anything without looking away from her phone, but the last one was even worse. I approached her at her locker and she said "hi" so quietly with no expression at all. And then I was going to tell her how I think I have seen her on my bus or whatever ask her if she does? When I started saying how I think I saw her on my bus, she just walked away. WTF?

 

I don't have a problem with rejection, but this is like...they don't even give me a chance. Like I said, I have excellent hygiene. I try to make the best of my looks. I am friendly and benign.

 

I don't know why this is happening now. Like I said, I don't care too much about rejection but it's kind of frustrating when they don't even give you a chance or at least be polite. This has happened countless numbers of times, even when I am not trying to do anything but make casual conversation. Is this normal? Because Jad T Jones said that this kind of harsh rejection should be very rare.

Edited May 6, 2014 by R3d

[TouchedByViolet]

There are attractive and unattractive people of all races. Most people's desire in race is subjectived and I don't think any one race has a huge advantage overall.

 

Being 5'4" is going to destroy your chances though. Most women will reject you immediately for your height more than anything else.

 

You will need to get thick skin fast to help yourself mentally.

[preraph]

You just need to expand your social activities and not directly at girls but just in general. Join clubs and activities so you get to know people. Through them you'll come in contact with other people. If your behavior has changed, then you'll attract new friends and things will improve. You have to put yourself out there. Going up cold to girls you don't know wouldn't be the best way. You have to let them see you around being friendly, having friends, and meet them more naturally.

[R3d]

You just need to expand your social activities and not directly at girls but just in general. Join clubs and activities so you get to know people. Through them you'll come in contact with other people. If your behavior has changed, then you'll attract new friends and things will improve. You have to put yourself out there. Going up cold to girls you don't know wouldn't be the best way. You have to let them see you around being friendly, having friends, and meet them more naturally.

Sorry, but while joining clubs is a possibility for me, it isn't at the moment (until next fall).

 

I am in activities, but a lot of them involve little to no social interaction. Like Tennis, TaeKwonDo, and a lot of violin stuff, which okay I can meet girls there I guess (one of my prior crushes was in my school orchestra), but the point is, it would still be practically the equivalent of being a random if I went up to a girl that's in my orchestra.

 

My point here is basically that I have no other way than to do cold approaches, at least for the moment. Next year, I will try to get into a club or two that might make it a bit better than me and lunch periods will be different so there's some hope there. Then again, lunch isn't exactly a good time to do it either because girls are with their friends, which is why even though a lot of girls I have tried with are in my lunch, I had no other way then to cold approach them in the hall because during lunch they were with their friends and that's too risky. I don't have enough confidence to pull something like that off yet. And I think part of the problem with my cold approaches were that I was doing it at the wrong time. Say if a girl was chilling before school starts, that would be better than trying to approaching a girl that is running late to class. I think that was part of my problem. So I will also consider the condition in which I am approaching a girl and whether she actually has the time to talk to me for at least a couple minutes and isn't in a rush to get somewhere. That was my bad and I think that was also a significant factor in why girls were walking away.

 

There's this naturopathic doctor that we have started going to to make sure I am getting all the correct nutrients and stuff and resolve any deficiencies so I can grow to my full potential. This guy also tries to help with mood, anxiety, and part of his job is to make people feel happier by resolving those deficiencies. So he's also the go-to guy for talking about any problems you have. So I told him about how I am having a hard time with girls and insecurities and how I don't know what to say after "hi", etc. He gave me some good tips. Also, at the beginning he did say how a lot of people are feeling just like you and going through what I am going and understands how it's tough. He added that this is also a good time for me to start and get some experience talking to girls and approaching/asking them out.

 

One thing he said was try thinking about how you would want to be approached by a random girl and then approach a girl that way. Another thing he said was asking questions about herself is good because girls love to talk about themselves and you don't have to say anything really, and it's also a good way to ease into asking her out. Third thing he said is getting rejected a lot isn't bad because all you need is one. So I guess even if I have it harder, as long as I can get one, it's all that matters really. Fourth he said how the anticipation of the rejection is worse than when you actually get rejected, so basically it's not as bad as you think.

 

I told him about how I have had girls literally walk away after I said "hi" and he told me to not worry about it and think about it this way: "Would you want to go out with a girl who walks away from people? I mean that's just rude."

 

Now the first tip I did consider trying once (the whole approach a girl the way you want to be approached) but didn't really think it was viable because guys are less picky than girls in the dating scene and I personally wouldn't mind a lot of approaches that I feel girls would mind. But I'll actually give it a try since it seemed to work for him and what I will do is instead of thinking about how I would want a cute girl to approach me, I will think about how I would want a girl who I am not physically attracted to at all to approach me. That way I am preparing for the worst (basically if a girl finds me totally unattractive, how do I not creep her out too much). But at the same time, I don't want to play it too safe because some girls are going to be creeped out regardless. Anyway, I will give some thought to this and try it out and let you guys know how it's going.

Edited May 7, 2014 by R3d

[preraph]

Sounds like you're attacking it on all fronts, anyway. I was pretty unapproachable when younger, and I found my best way to make friends/meet guys was to do things where I saw the same ones over and over. In my case, it was working retail. A retail or a restaurant job, you will meet people because people at work have to make some effort to not turn their nose up at you!

[Eddie Edirol]

Youre just walking up to girls and saying "hi" with nothing interesting to talk about?

And what does benign mean anyway?

Have you tried doing a search on this board about approaching women?

Edited May 7, 2014 by Eddie Edirol