Vamptress Posted February 6, 2001 Share Posted February 6, 2001 I have just found out that my mother is having an affair with my boyfreind. I walked in on them the other night and my Mom said it was a one night thing but my boyfreind says its been going on for weeks. My Mom and Dad have split up over this so not only is my family torn apart but also ended my relationship with a great guy. My Mom wants to make amends but I don't think I could trust her, ever again. Her and Mark have set up a home together so I think they plan to keep it going. I'm hurt and shocked by what my Mom has done to me. And how am I going to explain to mine and Mark son, when he's born, that his step mum is also his grndma and my Mom! What can I do? Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 6, 2001 Share Posted February 6, 2001 This is one of the most hurting things that could happen to anybody. I totally disagree that he was a great guy and, except in a biological sense, I totally disagree that this was your mother. It is impossible to advise you on such a matter which is almost incomprehensible. When I see this sort of thing on The Jerry Spring Show, I always strongly believe it's fantasy and the people have made these things up. Had you not written this post but I had rather seen you and these two others on this show, I would have absolutely believed it was fantansy and make-believe for entertainment purposes. It is not in my frame of reality to think people would behave this way. Given the fact you have painted this as a real event, I can only tell you what I would do. You have to decide for yourself what steps you would take. When you lose trust in a mother, you have lost a mother. The relationship between offspring and mother is one of total trust. While what she may have done for you in the past as a mother figure is in no way diminished by this behavior, her willingness to betray you in this way at this time clearly marks the end of the era and where she no longer cares deeply for your happiness and welfare. Her days of being your mother are over. Seek out new friends, a new mother figure, a new life. Get this ex boyfriend and your mother out of your life. See an attorney to be sure your ex is bound by order of the courts to pay monies for support of the child you are carrying. I see no reason why this child should carry such a heavy burden of knowing about this incident. That seems too much to impose on any human being...until he/she is perhaps 20 or 25 if ever at all. This child was not responsible for this behavior and should not be mentally burdened by it. But you are responsible to you and your child to get as absolutely far away from this as possible. It is tragic that such a thing would happen during your pregnancy, when you need support more than ever. But if you seek such support elsewhere you will get it. Staying in the proximity of these people and this event keeps you in an environment unfit for human habitation. Your ex and your mother have devolved to a primitive animal state and are not worthy of your concern or association. This should not happen to anyone. Your letter indicates you are being strong in this but if you should need therapy or counselling regarding this, please seek help where you can. Your father is going through his own pain now. He may even have some strange feelings for you, since this happened with someone you introduced into the household. However, now or in time, your father may be you best support and ally. But you need not obsess together about this animal behavior. Both of you need to get past it quickly. If I had a week to think of a hurtful event to happen in someone's life, what happened to you would never have entered my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Vamptress Posted February 7, 2001 Share Posted February 7, 2001 I understand what you are saying. This is the kind of thing that happens on chat shows, not in real life. But I need my mother, she is my Mom! How could she turn around and do this to me, knowing I am carrying her first grandchild? My father is helping me as much as he can and I don't even want to imagine what his pain is................ People think I am made of glass and that soon I will break. Somebody. Please stop me from breaking................... Link to post Share on other sites
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