My gf admitted to cheating last year on the 4th of July

[Holdenfield]

I don't even know how to start this as all I'm feeling is more than devastated. Why would someone cheat on our Holiday? If there is something much worse than this is that the following day is my damn birthday. As you can see I'm not only pissed off but very depressed.

 

It came out of a regular phone conversation we had two weeks ago and as you can imagine this isn't something I would ever imagine her saying but I'm assuming her guilt got the best of her. We talk all the time as we always had a great communication, say our ''I love you's'' to each other, tell how things are going, our future plans, etc.

 

Though I'm 23 I had in mind a future with this woman because I though she was special until now. I'm still with her but this is very difficult to handle. This is how she admitted to cheating during our phone conversation:

 

Me: I love you. You know it might be too early but I've been thinking about one day forming a family with you. I would never change you for anyone, not even if you got older. If there is something I'm so glad of myself is I've never cheated. I would never cheat on you. I love you

 

This is where she starts crying and starts saying ''Oh no'' and ''Just that.. I'' and stutters if I can forgive her.

 

I get concerned at this and asked why she was crying about

 

This is when she admitted to getting drunk on the 4th of July as she was going with a couple of female friends, acquiantances and her guy friend Sean. She said that she had oral sex with him (basically she went down on him) and make out for a long ago, were kind of drunk (though not too much according to her) and as I recalled clearly, she was on her period during this time (I visited her the before day and she had started her period). I had my own family reunion on that day too and had admitted her but she said she couldn't make it but she was with me on my b-day.

 

So I don't know what to think of all this. The fact that it took her so long to admit to this really pisses me off. But she said that she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to ruin my the holiday nor my day and wanted to get rid of this guilt but realized she couldn't. I'm so hurt that I feel like now I'm have a sad reminder for a lifetime. Those 2 days mean so much to me. Plus it also kills me to think that they would have probably had sex if it weren't for her period.

 

Can this work out or not? I think I'm having a knee-jerk reaction since I can't really think straight right now. I just can't.

Edited May 2, 2014 by Holdenfield

[Holdenfield]

Why would you want too?

 

She committed the ultimate disrespect and betrayal. Don't buy into the I'm drunk crap either. I have been drunk plenty and had women throw themselves at me and never cheated. You have too.

 

You are only 23 and haven't had a chance to date around and really see what is out there. You now know you don't want to date or end up with a cheater. They disrespect and hurt you, hold onto that information for almost a year and then just expect you to be okay with it and stay with them. Hurts like a MFer and not worth it at all.

 

Have some self-respect (she has proven she does not respect you), dump her and go find someone who deserves you.

I know it's a deep betrayal and yet it's very easier saying it than having it done. It's just that since she told me suddenly and I didn't have to hear it elsewhere nor even search for clues, I'm assuming she's really feeling terrible and wanted to own up to it. I think if I would have found out elsewhere then it would have been easier to dump her but coming from herself, it's harder. We've been together for 5 years.

 

It just hurts me more than I'll probably have to asociate those two important events with her cheating for the longest and it was with Sean (it bothers me that she only stop contacting me only 1 month after the cheating and I was even once introduced to him; eww I can't believe I even shook his hand unaware of what had happened). I really wish there was a way I can overlook it at some point. I think I'm going to try but can't really guarantee at this point.

 

I know getting drunk is no excuse at all and she said it herself that she wasn't overly hammered, that Sean was more drunk and feels horrible for not stopping him when he first started kissing her.

 

As much as it hurts so much, I'm madly still in love. I can't get rid of this feeling. I never had a gf nor even a date (nothing, I was a virgin then) during my prior HS years and then she came along.

Edited May 2, 2014 by Holdenfield

[No Limit]

I know the "rosy glasses" have a large influence on peoples' judgment, but OP, you're only 23. A future with a cheater is rarely a good one.

Just look at the calendar for how long she's kept it a secret.

[harrybrown]

Run, run, run.

 

Let her go back to the other dude.

 

You do not have children with her. She was not drunk, it was not a mistake, she does not respect you.

 

You will remember the cheating the rest of your life and will think about it every blasted day.

 

Run far and run fast.

[jay1983]

Bang her again and then leave her ass for another chick.

[Holdenfield]

I know the "rosy glasses" have a large influence on peoples' judgment, but OP, you're only 23. A future with a cheater is rarely a good one.

Just look at the calendar for how long she's kept it a secret.

For 10 months and yes believe me I'm super pissed off but at the same time shattered into thousands of pieces. It feels like I don't even have a backbone anymore. I just want to crawl in the corner and simply do nothing. Like I said I can't think straight. I really wish it was easy but it's so hard. So hard to simply let go of someone you've shared your life with ever since halfway through your final year of HS. Let go of your first and only love. I wasn't her first but she to me. We shared so much.

[Holdenfield]

You will remember the cheating the rest of your life and will think about it every blasted day.

I know. Though she did confessed, it would have been different if the cheating took place on just a regular day, a day that isn't a celebration nor my b-day.

[Holdenfield]

Bang her again and then leave her ass for another chick.

Are you serious? I'm totally destroyed, I'm having one of the worst moment of my life and all you can think about is sex.

 

As a matter of fact, I think my sex drive has even gone down ever after she admitted that. Right now I can't even picture myself having sex after even running through my mind of her mouth in his privates on a very special day.

Edited May 3, 2014 by Holdenfield

[bubbaganoosh]

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddd another drunk girl who suddenly found a guy on top of her.

 

Do me a favor and ask if it was any good. here's your answer. No or I don't remember because it happened so fast.

 

Three threads in the past hour with a girl who gets drunk and suddenly find herself impaled with a strange penis.

 

Dude. Dump her. It took her almost a year to fess up and don't buy the drunk excuse because it's old and a crutch to justify her behavior.

 

Just once I wish the woman would just admit that the guy was hot, he had a big one and she wanted it and did the deed.

 

I'm sorry your hurting friend but IMO every 4th of July from now on your going to have fireworks going off in your head before the real fireworks start at night and if she's with you it will be a bad day.

 

Find a honest woman who doesn't drink.

[Smilecharmer]

You aren't married, you have your entire life ahead of you and she has shown she can't be trusted. Look, being drunk is no excuse. Many of us drink or have been blindingly drunk before but I know exactly what I'm doing. If you were an item and exclusive it means she's a cheater...the fact she was having her dot is the only reason she didn't diddle.

[lollipopspot]

It just hurts me more than I'll probably have to asociate those two important events with her cheating

 

Though she did confessed, it would have been different if the cheating took place on just a regular day, a day that isn't a celebration nor my b-day.

 

As you get older, your birthdays should probably begin to have less significance. Fourth of July is just another day really. You are putting far too much importance on special days, IMO. Let that part of it go. I mean, just generally. If someone you care about dies on say November 20, is that date going to be stuck in your mind forever and every November 20 you're going to get depressed? Each day has its own year. Let it be new every year.

[veggirl]

You guys are only 23 and have been together 5 yrs...there is no point in staying together tbh. You are way too young to sign up for this kind of bulls.hit. She has already cheated once (and lied for a YEAR about it!! Wow!) and honestly at this age she will likely do it again, read some of the GIGS threads on this forum, they will apply to your relationship as well.

[Ebman]

Were there fireworks?

[TylerDurdenn]

Why do you keep going on about the date? What if she sucked his dick on the 5th of July?

[cupic]

Sorry to hear this happened to you,

 

She said that she had oral sex with him (basically she went down on him) and make out for a long ago, were kind of drunk (though not too much according to her)

 

So, your wonderful GF of 4 years (at the time) willingly gave a one way sexual favour to another dude? (I.E. Putting this in persepective, it wasn't that she was drunk and horny and wanted to get off herself).

 

If you can kiss the same lips that had another guy's knob in betweeen them, sure you can work it out.

 

Time to move on.

[lolablue17]

What? Did she introduced him to you after the cheating?! You mean she didnt cut him? you mean since the cheating she is still seeing him?

 

Listen - She didn't want to tell you because she didn't want to ruin your R. But she if she kept seeing him and even introduced him to you, it's more like laughing at you in the face.

 

She should have cut him immediatly. She should have told him that what happened between them spoiled their friendship. instead she is still seeing him UGHHH.

 

Listen to a man with a lot of experience. Although she told you by her self, she didn't tell you everything. She felt she had to tell you after your loving words, But she minimized everything.

 

I heard hundreds of stories of Gf's confess only for kissing, oral, ect...and then it turns out that there was a lot more to happen. maybe she didnt sleep with him then, but probably some other time(s).

[Holdenfield]

Why do you keep going on about the date? What if she sucked his dick on the 5th of July?

It would be just as bad too.

[Holdenfield]

Wow haven't read all the replies yet but will now. But this really got me so I'm answering as I'm reading this.

What? Did she introduced him to you after the cheating?! You mean she didnt cut him? you mean since the cheating she is still seeing him?

Yes and it was because her now ex friend begged her not to end their friend and apologized for that night but she did went NC on him just a couple days shortly after the introduction because she was overwhelmed with too much guilt. Still, can't believe I shook his hands and we even talked a bit too, he seemed like a well spoken man that day. If I had known it at that moment, I would have lost control and punch the hell out of him.:mad:

 

Listen - She didn't want to tell you because she didn't want to ruin your R. But she if she kept seeing him and even introduced him to you, it's more like laughing at you in the face.

She should have cut him immediatly. She should have told him that what happened between them spoiled their friendship. instead she is still seeing him UGHHH.

Believe me that pisses me off as much as the cheating. She knows this and is remorsefull for even listening to him beggining for that same platonic friendship they had. I have told many things said to a girl in a dictionary but I don't know. I then felt bad and actually let her explained, we talked and she went along showing her all of her old messages, her two other accounts along with the passwords and basically being an open book ever since the confession, which I'm going to tell.

Listen to a man with a lot of experience. Although she told you by her self, she didn't tell you everything. She felt she had to tell you after your loving words, But she minimized everything.

 

I heard hundreds of stories of Gf's confess only for kissing, oral, ect...and then it turns out that there was a lot more to happen. maybe she didnt sleep with him then, but probably some other time(s).

According to all the old messages dating from last year, this leads me to believe she only blew him and that was the only time she cheated. Right on my b-day, they had a bunch of messages and it was him apologizing (her too) for what happened and how he doesn't want their former friendship to really be ruin and with his own words on the message begged her to ''Please don't tell Holdenfield. Didn't mean to mess up your relationship. Don't tell anyone please. Can we just be friends like before as in no kissing, no nothing. Just friends...blah

I didn't wanted to read anymore of what he had to say so I started going faster. She agreed to that and then wrote him that she won't tell what happened but feels so guilty and ''I really love Holdenfield, I don't want to lose him but I feel I have to tell him at one point'' and then he replies saying Please no. Please don't do it.

 

The other few very short messages were about topics unrelated to the drunken cheating nor about relationship. It was about the family, college majors and a bunch of other stuff. My name isn't mentioned.

 

Then I read the last message send out on August 18 of last year by her about how she'll take him off facebook because she can't handle the guilty anymore and just wants to deal with that on her own. She stated ''I have to unfriend you. Sorry. We can't be friends.

Edited May 3, 2014 by Holdenfield

[lolablue17]

It could be just once. And maybe it will never happen again. Who knows?

According to what you given us here she handled it OK.

 

But the question now is if you can live with this one time cheating. Can you?

[tlegend]

It could be just once. And maybe it will never happen again. Who knows?

According to what you given us here she handled it OK.

 

But the question now is if you can live with this one time cheating. Can you?

 

I think she's well on her way of earning it. Truly, after many of the stories I've read... she really has done a lot to show she loves him.

 

Personally, I think you should move on, as you are very young. But we don't dictate how you feel about her.

[ThatMan]

It could be just once. And maybe it will never happen again. Who knows?

According to what you given us here she handled it OK.

 

But the question now is if you can live with this one time cheating. Can you?

Sucking a man's penis followed by introducing him to your boyfriend and letting them shake hands is not a good way to handle the situation. For all we know she came forward under the belief that the affair would eventually be discovered anyways. The affair partner and her spouse knew each other!

 

 

But there's nothing we can do about her antics. The affair might be a one time deal. There could also be more to this story and we shouldn't encourage the OP to take everything he's heard at face value. We aren't in a position to understand what sort of information she's withholding and her behavior is far from trustworthy.

 

He should broaden his horizons, get out there, stay involved in the world around him, and maintain a separate circle of friends of his own. The bottom line is that there are people out there who would treat him far better than this. He needs to learn in no uncertain terms that other women would never behave this way. Is this your first long-term relationship, Holdenfield? Sometimes it's difficult to see that there's anything better when these experiences are all that you have. Not everybody is a shank and you don't need to date one.

Edited May 3, 2014 by ThatMan

[veggirl]

It could be just once. And maybe it will never happen again. Who knows?

According to what you given us here she handled it OK.

 

But the question now is if you can live with this one time cheating. Can you?

 

The only thing this chick handled okay was another guys dick.

 

She lied to her bf for a YEAR after cheating on him. Yeah great job!

[jay1983]

Are you serious? I'm totally destroyed, I'm having one of the worst moment of my life and all you can think about is sex.

 

As a matter of fact, I think my sex drive has even gone down ever after she admitted that. Right now I can't even picture myself having sex after even running through my mind of her mouth in his privates on a very special day.

 

My comment wasn't fixated on sex. What I meant was, do her wrong, like she did you. You know everybody's gonna tell you HELL NO don't get back with her.

[aliveagain]

If they do it before your married they can do it after your married. Should you decide to continue the relationship just remember who your in a relationship with, someone who will cheat on you if she thinks she can get away with it, and someone you will never feel safe with on a ladies night out. You will want a post nuptial agreement giving you everything if you divorce because of a new infidelity should you decide to marry her. Not everyone can cheat, she's proven she can and will take it to her grave.

[Space Ritual]

Yes and it was because her now ex friend begged her not to end their friend and apologized for that night but she did went NC on him just a couple days shortly after the introduction because she was overwhelmed with too much guilt. Still, can't believe I shook his hands and we even talked a bit too, he seemed like a well spoken man that day. If I had known it at that moment, I would have lost control and punch the hell out of him.:mad:

 

Sorry Holdenfield but that right there is a pretty good example of what she really thinks of you.....how could you be madly in love with a woman who would knowingly do that to you.

 

I hate to say this but you need to nut up and dump her this very night. End Of Story.