Candy_Pants Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Is it so the other person hears it and knows that's how you feel? Or do you say it hoping you'll hear it back, and feel loved?
Smilecharmer Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 It is what is in my heart...I feel like busting with it. 5
Quiet Storm Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I say it because I mean it. It's a verbal expression of my feelings. I also make an effort to do something "loving" for my husband, kids and even my pets every day. Today I took my oldest to rent his tux for prom, watched a dvrd I heart radio awards with my daughter and played FIFA with my youngest. I sent my mom an uplifting card, because she's been going through some stuff lately. I made my dogs hard boiled eggs. And my husband is next. It's also nice to hear it back. Nothing like a big hug and an "I love you, Mommy" or an "I love you, baby" from my husband. 4
Author Candy_Pants Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Thanks ladies . Would you be upset if your SO didn't say it back, especially after an unnecessary argument?
iiiii Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 My partner and I say I love you a lot. But we'll say it to each other at different times. Not on purpose, just the way it seems to have worked out. But I like it that way. Saying I love you is something that should come from the heart, not from obligation. I like knowing my SO never feels any obligation to just parrot the phrase back to me to keep me happy - so when he does say it, he means it. 2
MidwestUSA Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Oh boy. I did learn that there are certain times I'm supposed to say it. Like when I leave for work. And if I get distracted, or my thoughts are elsewhere, someone might pout all day then lay into me later for it. Is that where you're going with this? 2
RonaldS Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 I haven't uttered those words to another woman in years. I do tell my kids everyday that I love them, because they're young and I'm not there a lot, so it affirms that love to them. I grew up essentially without a father, so it's important to me that my kids know without doubt that I love them, even when I'm not there (they're all still young). When I was married, I told my wife that I loved her everyday. Just wanted her to know that I did and that she was in my thoughts. She would also tell me that she loved me, but it turns out that wasn't true. She said 'I love you', but what she meant was 'I'm so dependent on you that I don't know if I can handle living on my own'. 1
Smilecharmer Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Thanks ladies . Would you be upset if your SO didn't say it back, especially after an unnecessary argument? Of course, but I have explained this feeling to him so now he makes a point to say... I am angry but I still love you very deeply and we are going to be okay. 3
Author Candy_Pants Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Oh boy. I did learn that there are certain times I'm supposed to say it. Like when I leave for work. And if I get distracted, or my thoughts are elsewhere, someone might pout all day then lay into me later for it. Is that where you're going with this? DingDingDing!! We've got a winner!! Personally I wouldn't expect an "I love you" in response to one I said. Ever. Especially not if I said it a trillion times a day. For me, when I say "I love you" it's because of how I'm feeling at that moment (though it doesn't change second to second), NOT so I can hear it back in response. SmileCharmer has an interesting idea, to say "I love you but I'm not happy with _________ right now" 3
MidwestUSA Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 DingDingDing!! We've got a winner!! Personally I wouldn't expect an "I love you" in response to one I said. Ever. Especially not if I said it a trillion times a day. For me, when I say "I love you" it's because of how I'm feeling at that moment (though it doesn't change second to second), NOT so I can hear it back in response. SmileCharmer has an interesting idea, to say "I love you but I'm not happy with _________ right now" Hmm, yea, I really do like that. I love you, but you were an Ahole this morning. I love you, but I'm pissed off and will remain that way for the next 24 hours. Yea, I'm there, LOL! 2
Smilecharmer Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 DingDingDing!! We've got a winner!! Personally I wouldn't expect an "I love you" in response to one I said. Ever. Especially not if I said it a trillion times a day. For me, when I say "I love you" it's because of how I'm feeling at that moment (though it doesn't change second to second), NOT so I can hear it back in response. SmileCharmer has an interesting idea, to say "I love you but I'm not happy with _________ right now" As a child abuse survivor I kept thinking if he got angry he was going to leave me...much different now but it is so reassuring to know that we can have our feelings but still let the other know we love them. I am upset but that doesn't mean I love you any less. Is it him who is feeling insecure or you? 1
Author Candy_Pants Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 As a child abuse survivor I kept thinking if he got angry he was going to leave me...much different now but it is so reassuring to know that we can have our feelings but still let the other know we love them. I am upset but that doesn't mean I love you any less. Is it him who is feeling insecure or you? It's him. He was also abused and abandoned as a child. As was I but I understand he can be upset, and not think that means he hates me. I give him space, but space to him means I don't care/don't want to be in the relationship anymore. 1
Smilecharmer Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Is this because of the issues you were having and the fact you left? Are you doing a long distance trial?
Author Candy_Pants Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Is this because of the issues you were having and the fact you left? Are you doing a long distance trial? Is what because of our issues? Well in the beginning I simply left. I didn't explain myself to him,or even know myself if I was going home, or if this was headed for a divorce. After seeing true effort on his part I knew I was going home, it was just a matter of "when".
Silly_Girl Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Never ever so as to hear it back. Sometimes I've said it when he's asleep! It's because it rises from my heart, chest, in to my throat and then out in words. Walking yesterday with dog and pram and I stopped on a busy pavement and told him how very happy I am, thank to him, and that he's the greatest husband ever and I'm so glad we met. I didn't expect/need anything back, just needed him to know how I was feeling because he deserves to hear it. 1
Silly_Girl Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Thanks ladies . Would you be upset if your SO didn't say it back, especially after an unnecessary argument? If I wanted an 'I love you' I'd ask 'do you love me?'. 2
Smilecharmer Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 Is what because of our issues? Well in the beginning I simply left. I didn't explain myself to him,or even know myself if I was going home, or if this was headed for a divorce. After seeing true effort on his part I knew I was going home, it was just a matter of "when". Sorry, is him needing you to say I love you when he does because you are having issues? Is he feeling insecure because he knows he did wrong to you and is afraid he is losing you?
Author Candy_Pants Posted May 3, 2014 Author Posted May 3, 2014 Sorry, is him needing you to say I love you when he does because you are having issues? Is he feeling insecure because he knows he did wrong to you and is afraid he is losing you? I'm sure much of this stems from his fears of losing me, yes. Last night I implemented your suggestion and said, "I love you and am not happy with _______, but we'll be okay". He responded positively! 2
dichotomy Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 When we were in pre-marital classes I remember they brought in the wife of a long married couple. She was telling us her lessons and one phrase she said "I always love my husband, but there are times I don't like him very much" I have used a line like this when I was angry at my wife. It reaffirms I am really hurt or angry, but that my love remains - because love is not a feeling and it is not something that comes and goes. 3
Silly_Girl Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 When we were in pre-marital classes I remember they brought in the wife of a long married couple. She was telling us her lessons and one phrase she said "I always love my husband, but there are times I don't like him very much" I have used a line like this when I was angry at my wife. It reaffirms I am really hurt or angry, but that my love remains - because love is not a feeling and it is not something that comes and goes. Likewise with my son. And he knows it. 1
Babolat Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 DingDingDing!! We've got a winner!! Personally I wouldn't expect an "I love you" in response to one I said. Ever. Especially not if I said it a trillion times a day. For me, when I say "I love you" it's because of how I'm feeling at that moment (though it doesn't change second to second), NOT so I can hear it back in response. SmileCharmer has an interesting idea, to say "I love you but I'm not happy with _________ right now" Ex gf started the I love yous first, and last, as I could never say them back. I personally don't need to hear it, and only say it when I mean it.
Damaged217 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 My first boyfriend used to say it ALLLL of the time and would get pouty if I didn't say it back. He was very needy and insecure and I hated feeling pressured to say it all of the time. With my current boyfriend, we only say it when we are feeling overwhelmed with love, which is often, but not so excessive that it annoys me. I usually try to tell him that I love him when he leaves for work after staying the night at my place. Just because you never know what could happen. And I won't say ILY if I'm mad on my own. But if he says it while I'm angry, I will say it back. Because I do still love him even when I don't like him at times.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Thanks ladies . Would you be upset if your SO didn't say it back, especially after an unnecessary argument? Yes. My ex husband came from a family where they just didn't say "I love you". It was just understood. I never understood that. Always felt like a cop out to me. I don't get that at all especially being raised in a family that says it all the time! My mother endured a tremendous amount of tragedies and loss in her life and therefore she raised us to to believe that you can NEVER tell someone you love that you love them enough. Period. You just never know what will happen to them or you when you walk out that door. I say I love you because I genuinely mean it and want to them to know it but I also like to be told I'm loved as well. I don't think that's too much to ask.
Silly_Girl Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I tell my son and husband more than I think is average in other families, because my own family never did say that to one another, and still don't.
carhill Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Why Do You Say "I Love You"? Really simple way to express a lot of complex emotions quickly. I recall saying such words to a dear friend and then getting a call a few months later that she was gone. I'm glad I took the time and made the effort the last time I saw her to express the complex emotions of the long (nearly 15 year) interaction in those simple terms and words.
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